


The Haint Blues

by DinoDNA



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Horror, Human Castiel, Humor, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Night Terrors, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prank Wars, Psychological Horror, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Star Trek References, mental violation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 127,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinoDNA/pseuds/DinoDNA
Summary: Dean, Sam, and a newly human Cas meet up with a psychic in Louisiana to hunt a werewolf.  After a successful hunt, the boys head back to the bunker, only to realize that something is wrong with Dean.  They can't seem to place just what it is though.  While Dean's dreams start to dissolve into waking nightmares, Sam and Cas have to search for a way to help him.  Dean's having trouble deciding what's reality and what's hallucination as the monsters he's hunted his whole life start to creep into his nightmares.  Cas is attempting to come to terms with his lack of grace and is desperate to help Dean any way he can.  But, maybe a little humor and some psychological horror is just what these two need to come together.  No one ever said that a hunter's life was easy.  Featuring: Southern folklore, night terrors, Star Trek loving cajuns, and an exasperated Sam.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What up nerds, it's ya girl, DinoDNA! I've been toying with this story for a while and I think I'm finally happy with the beginning. I have the whole thing mapped out but not a lot of it written yet. So, updates will be inconsistent. I'm a big lover of Southern US folklore and a particular fan of Louisiana. There's just something about the atmosphere down there that SCREAMS supernatural so that's where some of this takes place. This fic takes place around season 9, with a human Cas in the bunker. Sam didn't go through the trials however, and I've played with a few other things. This fic will have a little less humor than my previous one and a lot more psychological horror. I'm a scary movie fan, what can I say?

“Hey Dean! I think I have a case.” Sam called conversationally. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and glanced towards where his brother stood at the kitchen counter.

Dean had himself wrapped in one of the robes he’d found hanging in the closet at the Bunker and had a firm clasp on a cup of coffee. He raised his eyebrows at his brother and waited for him to continue.

Sam frowned at him and looked back at his computer screen. “Werewolf in Louisiana.” He said simply. “A psychic in the area contacted me about it a couple days ago and I’ve been looking into it. Seems pretty legit if you’re up for the drive.” He gave Dean a once-over as if doubting Dean’s stamina.

Dean grumbled something unintelligible into his cup before taking a long gulp of the scalding liquid. “Psychic, hmm?” He said once the heat in his mouth had calmed somewhat. “They can’t handle it themselves?” 

Sam’s frown deepened. “She’s a psychic, Dean, not a hunter.” 

“She, huh?” Dean waggled his eyebrows at his brother. “She a PYT there, little brother? Psychic young thing?” Dean chuckled at his own joke. A quick look at Sam had him laughing harder as his brother had hunched his shoulders over his computer and continued typing angrily on the keyboard.

“Alright, alright. Sack up, Sammy. Lemme see what you got.” Dean padded over to the seat across from Sam’s and took another pull from his cup. He rubbed sleepily at an eye with a fist and yawned loudly while Sam turned the computer towards him. 

Dean skimmed over the newspaper excerpts and the corresponding lunar calendar Sam had opened. Sure enough, it looked like a pretty cut and dry werewolf case. “Yeah alright, when do you wanna leave?”

“I was thinking tomorrow morning. The next full moon is in two days. That would give us a chance to get down there and get our bearings before heading out. If we’re lucky, we can catch it on the first night and avoid another body.” Sam turned the computer back towards himself and looked over the calendar once again.

Dean shrugged at his brother. “Sounds good. You see Cas yet?” Dean stretched his arms over his head and heard a satisfying crack near his shoulders. He scratched absently at his chest and blinked sleepily a few times.

“Not yet.” Sam said without looking up from his computer. “I didn’t want to wake him, since ya know… he’s been having trouble sleeping.”

“I thought I heard him wandering around last night, was kinda hopin’ you were just up for a midnight snack.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck in thought.

Sam made a noncommittal sound and continued clacking away on his keyboard. It was no secret that Cas had been having a rough go of it since he’d gotten back to the Bunker, newly human and much worse for wear. It had taken Dean and Sam a while to get him healed up physically, but they’d both been worried about his mental state for some time. He’d been quiet, more quiet than usual anyway, and withdrawn. He’d had trouble sleeping and would often wander the halls of the Bunker at odd hours in the middle of the night. When he sat with them in the evenings for dinner or TV he would rarely engage and Dean caught him more than once staring off into space. He wondered what he was thinking about during those times, but he doubted it was something he’d want to hear. Still, he was worried for his friend. He and Sam sat in silence for another fifteen minutes before Dean decided it was time to get up and shower.

He took his time in the shower since they weren’t rushing off anywhere until tomorrow. Living in the Bunker had made him just a tad high maintenance, he knew that, but he was loathe to care. He reveled in the heat and the water pressure in the shower, wore a robe in the mornings and slippers in the evenings. But, he’d lived a hard life, he deserved a few creature comforts, dammit!

He soaped his hair and let the water wash it from his scalp and down his shoulders. He rubbed the tips of his fingers into the knots at the base of his neck that he never could seem to get rid of. He needed a live-in masseuse. Someone to work on the muscles every night and then kiss him to sleep. Mmmm, ok… so maybe not a masseuse, maybe more like a girlfriend. Fat chance of that happening with this life, but it was nice to dream.

He applied firmer pressure and rolled his neck in a few small circles. They’d been at the Bunker for about a week since their last case. That one had been a little hairy, and not in the furry monster kinda way. Dean had all but pleaded with Cas to stay behind, but he hadn’t been having any of it and had tagged along despite Dean’s grumblings. Cas had only been human for a few months and Dean had wanted him to get used to working with completely human reflexes before he got back into hunting. Cas had persisted though and since the guy was like Stonewall Jackson, he’d won the argument. They’d managed to slaughter the nest of vamps they’d run into in Missouri, but Sam had been knocked unconscious and Cas had taken a pretty severe cut to the arm that had bled so incessantly that Dean had almost taken him to the hospital. Sam had been lucky to avoid a concussion, but Cas had needed a few stitches. 

He blew the air out of his lungs in a whush and scrubbed a hand over his hair under the spray. He’d been absolutely terrified when he’d seen Sam go down, and though Cas fought through the gash in his arm, Dean had been out of his mind with worry. He’d berated himself the entire ride back to the motel. He should have been more adamant about Cas not going, he should have been paying more attention, he should have this, he should have that. It was a song and dance he’d done on every case he’d ever been on with either Sam or Cas. The guilt and the shame burned through him like they always did and he’d slept fitfully for the next few days worrying about what MIGHT have happened.

He hung his head and let the water beat against his shoulders. If he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the water as it came out of the faucet, he could almost forget all of this. Forget his worries about Cas, his concern for Sam, forget his own name if he really tried. The water beat a staccato against his skin, the warmth of it flowing over his body and enveloping him in it’s embrace. He stood there silently for what felt like an eternity trying to let his mind drift, let some sort of peace come over him. He was moderately successful before his hand slipped on the slick tiles of the shower and he stumbled forward. He blinked rapidly as he came back to himself. 

_Pull it together, Winchester._ He scrubbed his hands through his hair again. _Time to get the fuck out of here._

He shut the water off and the cold of the Bunker’s walls immediately creeped over the shower stall door. The Bunker was generally pretty comfortable, but sometimes it had some trouble regulating the temperature. He should really figure out where the furnace was and give it a once over. They’d lived here long enough that he should really have made more of an effort to explore it better. Maybe he could ask Cas, he’d spent the last few weeks wandering the halls, he probably had a pretty good layout of the place.

Dean rubbed himself down quickly before wrapping the towel around his waist. He yawned again and shook his head. He needed another cup of coffee apparently. He was getting too comfortable here, it was taking him too long to wake up. He slapped a hand over his cheeks smartly before exiting the bathroom.

He padded silently down the hall towards his room but paused as he passed Cas’s door. Cas’s room was just two down from his own, they’d cleaned it the minute he’d shown up at the Bunker’s door and Cas had moved right in. Though, that may be a generous term. Cas was certainly sleeping in there, but Dean had yet to see anything in there that made the room HIS. He had clothes hanging up in the closet and his angel blade was usually resting on the bedside table. But other than that, the room could belong to anyone. Maybe they should take him shopping? Did knickknacks make a place a home? Dean certainly didn’t know.

Cas’s door was closed and Dean didn’t want to snoop but he stopped and leaned closer to the frame. No sound made its way through the wood and he frowned. Surely Cas wasn’t still sleeping? What time even was it? He wasn’t in much of a position to judge a person’s sleep schedule but… he was getting worried. He hated to admit it, and wouldn’t relay his concerns to Sam unless absolutely necessary but… Cas wasn’t adjusting as quickly as they’d hoped and Dean was starting to feel a pull in his gut whenever he looked at his friend that felt suspiciously like guilt and worry. He just didn’t know what to do to help.

Dean had never been accused of being overly sensitive, or for having emotions beyond Anger, Intense Anger, and Smartass. Though that last one maybe wasn’t so much an emotion as a state of being. Cas was probably fine. Dean was just worrying for lack of anything better to do. Maybe it would be good to get out of the Bunker and go and kill something. He needed a distraction, they all did.

He huffed out an irritated breath and meandered his way down the rest of the hallway and into his bedroom. Now, he just needed an excuse to sideline Cas for this upcoming hunt. Cas’s skills weren’t quite up to par yet and Dean knew it would be a delicate balance between convincing him to stay and not hurting his feelings. He’d have to use some cunning and more than a little tact. He had lost the discussion last time but he could pull it out this time, he knew it. Tact and cunning, he could do that, no problem! Dean Winchester was nothing if not tactful, right?

xxx

“You’re not going.” Dean said quickly. “It isn’t up for discussion.” 

He’d managed to throw on an outfit and wander his way back into the kitchen where Sam was still posted and looking through something on his computer. Cas had made his way into the room at some point and was nursing a cup of coffee. _With sugar…_ Dean had almost rolled his eyes when he’d seen it. Dean believed in coffee purity and Cas and Sam always doctored theirs when they could.

“Dean…” Sam started. He already had that kicked puppy look on his face and Dean steeled himself for the coming confrontation. Sam was adamant about treating Cas as normal as possible, and that included taking him on hunts with them. Dean had the opposite opinion, and while he told Sam it was because he was worried that Cas was going to get them killed because he wasn’t used to working with human reflexes, it was really because he was terrified that Cas was going to get hurt because Dean couldn’t keep an eye on him.

“No. It ain’t happenin’.” He said sharply. Maybe if he started strong they would fold early.

“Dean, that isn’t fair!” Sam’s voice raised in anger. “You can’t keep babying him!”

“I ain’t babying him! He isn’t ready!” Dean’s voice matched Sam’s in tone and timber. He took an intimidating step towards the table, though that did little to concern Sam. Dean wasn’t going to be cowed on this subject. Cas and Sam might be pissed at him for benching Cas, but they’d both be safer for it.

Sam stood from his seat and his chair clattered loudly against the floor behind him. “You don’t know that! He still has all of his angel knowledge and yeah, his reflexes might be slower but Cas is a soldier. He can compensate for his slower response times.” 

“You don’t know that! He could get himself killed with a slip up!”

“We could all get killed with a slip up!”

“All the more reason to keep him here! He’s a liability like this!”

“You’re being an asshole!”

“I’d rather be an asshole then dead because we threw a newborn into a melee!”

Sam was seething and Dean could see a vein start to work in his temple. This was an old argument, one they’d been having for weeks. Though, Cas was rarely in the room with them when they’d gone over it. They had, in fact, seemed to forget that Cas was in the room with them at the current moment until a loud crack splintered into their ears and startled them both. They looked around wildly for the source of the noise, only for their eyes to land on a very quiet and a VERY angry former angel.

Cas’s shoulders were hunched up around his ears and his head was hung low towards his chest. His breaths were deep and sharp and Dean winced at the obvious fury rolling off of him. 

_Oh yeah… tact…_ He thought despairingly. _Fuck._

Cas looked up at the brothers and the rage hidden behind his eyes felt like a whip crack against Dean’s nerves. If Dean didn’t KNOW that Cas was human now, he would likely be concerned for his safety. Even still, the look on the man’s face was enough to make him forget for a moment.

He stood slowly and looked each of them in the eye steadily until both lowered their eyes in shame. “I am not a child.” He said quietly, almost on a whisper.

Dean cringed again at the sound of that whisper. It was a knife wrapped in velvet and the sound of it raised goosebumps on his arms. 

“I understand that I am not as useful to you anymore.” He stopped here to challenge them to question the statement. Dean didn’t have words at the moment to deny it, though it was obviously untrue. “I have come to terms with that. I’m not, however, completely useless. I don’t need your coddling. I’m older than this entire solar system and I’ve earned a little more respect from the BOTH of you.” Cas paused here and Dean chanced a glance up at him.

His cheeks were flaming red and his eyes looked like chips of ice. The lines of fury on his face could have been carved from marble and Dean gulped against a dry throat. He was terrifying. Even in his oversized sleep shirt that he’d borrowed from Sam, even with his hair sleep mussed, even standing in socks and without his pants, he was absolutely terrifying. Dean felt the goosebumps chase themselves up his arms again.

 _Holy shit…_ Dean felt a strange flutter in his stomach at the sight of Cas looking so furious and so powerful again.

Dean frowned at himself. _The fuck?_

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Cas… buddy…” He started plaintively.

Cas turned his face towards Dean with an expression that Dean imagined more than one demon had seen before a smiting. 

“Look… I’m-” Dean’s apology was cut short however, as Cas grabbed his mug and stormed from the kitchen. “...sorry…” Dean said quietly to his back.

He looked in the direction that Cas had swept towards, most likely his bedroom, for a long time. Sam must have been standing similarly because the kitchen was silent for a long time. Finally, movement behind him drew his attention and Dean turned. Sam was settling himself back in his chair and typing quietly at his keyboard.

“Nice going.” Sam said without looking up from his computer.

Dean made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “Don’t fucking start.” He said angrily before making his way towards the garage. He needed to get his hands in the Impala. He was filled with a restless energy now that that little confrontation was over. Giving the Impala an unnecessary tune-up might help. He needed to get out of here for a minute anyway and DO something. 

He would have to apologize to Cas eventually, but make it clear that he wasn’t coming. They needed some time cool off first though. 

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face angrily. That was NOT how that whole thing was supposed to go down. But, holy shit had Cas looked incredible, all furious and smite-y. Incredible in a “wow my best friend is a total badass” kind of way. In like a completely heterosexual “angels are remarkable creatures, and had a certain beauty when they looked like they were going to smite something” kind of way. Yeah... definitely, those kinds of ways.

Dean growled lowly at himself and pushed open the door to the garage angrily. _Not at ALL how that was supposed to go. Fuck._

xxx

The drive to Louisiana was tense. Incredibly and uncomfortably so. Before they’d left, Dean had tried to apologize to Cas, in his own way. Cas wasn’t having any of it however and had simply glared Dean down with his Ice Queen stare until Dean had folded and given in. What was another few months of self loathing added to what he was already carrying after all? He’d just have to make extra careful that he kept Cas within his eyeline at all times. Sam was obviously still angry with him as well, because as soon as they’d gotten in the car and Dean had directions, Sam popped in a set of earbuds and looked out the window like a moody teenager.

Dean sighed heavily. He felt like some kind of Clark Griswold trying to take his family on a road trip only to piss them all off on the way. At least he had Baby, she was never angry with him, she always supported his decisions!

He glanced in the rear view mirror at Cas’s profile. The other man was turned away and looking out of the window to his right, watching as the scenery scrolled past. His heart ached as he looked at him. Dean hadn’t handled himself well, he knew that. His heart had been in the right place though, he just wanted everyone safe! He’d have to find some way to smooth all this over, preferably BEFORE they got in over their heads on this whole werewolf thing. He just needed the right time to bring it up… God, he was absolute shit at all of this. Luckily for him, he had the next 13 hours to obsess over it. Great. 

Sam finally decided to man up and pull those damn headphones out of his ears just as they crossed over into Louisiana. Dean frowned around him as the landscape changed outside the windows. The trees grew denser and their limbs more crooked. He couldn’t feel the air yet but he knew that it was sticky outside, balmy and uncomfortable. He hated the South.

Beside him, Sam pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through a couple of screens before landing on one that he perused for a few minutes. He glanced up a couple of times, presumably to check the mile markers before ducking back down. Dean waited with thinly veiled impatience. Sam had the nitty-gritty on how to locate this damn psychic and Dean would just have to wait on him to give the directions. It was getting dark now, they were creeping towards 8pm and Dean didn’t really want to be driving through the damn swamp looking for imaginary landmarks made up by locals without the sun for assistance.

“You’re going to turn right on exit 16A in 6 miles.” Sam said suddenly. His voice broke the silence in the car like a gunshot and Dean wrinkled his nose against the sound. Behind him, he heard the leather of the seat squeak as Cas readjusted his position. It took everything in him not to look in the mirror again. He and Cas were fighting right now, he didn’t need to show his hand too early if he was going to swoop in with an apology. It would likely only piss Cas off more at this point.

Dean followed Sam’s directions as he called them out for another forty five minutes. The psychic, Nnenna apparently, lived outside of Shreveport and he looked at the increasingly LESS populated scenery as they drove on. There were still buildings here and there, but the majority of the landscape was taken up by… swamp, his favorite.

He did his best to keep silent as he followed Sam’s directions, though he was feeling an increasing sense of unease as they continued on. He couldn’t place it but something felt… wrong. Maybe it was just being down here, it always gave him the creeps. Something about the moss, or the above ground cemeteries or maybe it was the Deliverance vibe he got from some of the people. He’d never felt good about being down here, whatever it was.

They pulled up in front of a very old and very… colorful, single story home just as the clock was rolling towards 9pm. Dean gave it a once over with a shrewd eye as he pulled into the driveway. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, truth be told. It was a generational type house, one that a family held onto for years and years. It was raised off of the ground, like most places down here and sprawled outwards to the left and the right like additions had been added over the years without out a lot of planning. The sky above it twinkled in the star light and the trees on either side swayed gently in the night breeze. It had a certain charm to it he supposed, if he could get over the location anyway.

“This the place?” He asked gruffly. That had come out a little more rough than he’d intended and he cleared his throat a little. Apparently, he hadn’t spoken more than a few words the entire drive down here. He hadn’t even noticed.

“Guess so.” Sam said as the porchlight clicked on. He glanced towards Dean and then back towards Cas. He shrugged his broad shoulders and unfolded himself as best he could from his seat as he lifted himself from the car.

Dean watched him as he slowly approached the front steps before grumbling lowly to himself and exiting the car himself. At least if Sam was walking into a trap, Dean wouldn’t be too far behind. At this point they couldn’t ever be too careful.

Sam had apparently snagged a small revolver as he had gotten out of the Impala and was in the process of tucking it in the back of his pants when the front door opened. Warm light spilled towards Sam, who halted his forward movement immediately. A short dark-skinned woman stepped onto the porch with an expectant look on her face. She gave Sam the “elevator-eyes” and crossed her arms over her chest with a smile. 

“Da gun might be overkeel. I can keep my hands to myself.” She said with a twist to her lips. Her voice was a charming mix of Southern drawl and Cajun twang and it flowed over them like a warm whiskey. Dean liked it instantly. 

Sam straightened his posture and gave her a wide grin. “Oh uh… well, you never know. Can’t be too careful.” He said while running a hand through his hair.

Dean pursed his lips at his brother. _Oh, so it’s gonna be like that is it, Sammy?_ “You must be Nnenna?” Dean said roughly as he stepped forwards and up the porch steps. Behind him he could hear Sam following and somewhere behind that were Cas’s footsteps coming across the rough driveway.

“And you muss be Dean.” She responded while turning sharp eyes onto him. She gave him the same up-down treatment that she’d given Sam and Dean felt a shiver work it’s way down his spine. She had a sweet face and dark almond shaped eyes. She was damn fine looking if Dean said so himself. But, something about those eyes made him uncomfortable. It was the same look Missouri always had in her eye, like she’d seen all of him and he hadn’t quite measured up somehow.

She extended a small hand that he took firmly. “It’s nice to meet da infamous Sam and Dean Winchester in person.” She said after she’d dropped his hand. “And da infamous Castiel, of course.” She nodded behind Dean, presumably to where Cas was standing quietly.

“Likewise.” Sam said quickly. He shuffled on his feet awkwardly and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

 _Oh brother, tone it down…_ Dean thought fondly.

Nnenna smiled at them broadly, as if reading their thoughts. _Shit, she might have!_ Dean narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. She responded by glancing towards him and giving him a quick wink. _Son of a bitch. Fucking psychics…_

“Why don’ we go inside, it’s more comfortable.” She said politely as she turned back towards her door. She was wearing a loose cotton dress that flowed behind her with a gentle wisp. Dean’s eyes were drawn to the movement and then naturally to her very pert bottom. _Not bad…_ He thought appreciatively. As he made to follow her he caught her giving him a flat look over her shoulder and he grimaced. _Shit. Sorry! It’s not bad, it’s definitely good! Or… I mean, not like good in a sexual way, like good in a… well, unless you’re interested, but like… oh fuck it, nevermind. Sorry._

She let out a low chuckle as she led them through the sitting room and towards her dining room. Dean stomped after her grumpily. This was NOT shaping up to be his most successful hunt. He hated dealing with psychics. It wasn’t right getting into a person’s head like that! It was like constantly having a Deanna Troi around, and while she’d been smokin’, it would just be weird to have someone constantly in your head, or you feelings or whatever.

Nnenna paused in her kitchen and ran a hand through her close-cropped hair. “Go ahead and take a seat in da dining room. I’m gonna get drinks for you boys. Castiel is thirsty.”

Dean shot a look over at where Cas had halted guiltily in the living room. His cheeks colored slightly and Dean smirked at him. Well, at least it wasn’t just him that was uncomfortable here.

The three of them crowded around the small round table in the dining room and waited for their host to make her way back in. Dean pulled his chair out and attempted to sit when his boot came into contact with a soft object under the table. He leaned back and found himself looking into the face of a very sleepy and very disgruntled dog. 

“Das juss Reg!” Nnenna said as she made her way back into the dining room. She had a few glasses held carefully between her hands and set them down in the center of the table. “Reg Barclay, to be precise. Broccoli when I’m mad at ‘im.” She laughed a little at the surprised looks on the faces around her.

“What, us country folk can’t like Star Trek?” She patted Sam on the shoulder with a smile. “I always had a soft spot for dat poor guy. And Barclay fit perfect for a dog.” She bent under the table and gave the dog a rub on the top of his head. 

“How was da drive?” She asked politely as she seated herself next to Sam at the table. 

“Not bad!” Sam said quickly. “I love the South, the change in the climate is always so interesting to watch happen in real time.” He ran a nervous hand through his hair and tucked some loose strands behind his ears. “We figured since the full moon’s tomorrow we could go over some case details with you and find somewhere to sleep and get ready ‘til then?”

“O’ course, o’ course. You boys are more dan welcome to stay here tonight. It isn’t much, but it’s safe. I got dis place warded against basically any creep-crawly you can imagine would be roamin’ around out here.” Nnenna said easily. You juss gotta deal with ol’ Reg here and my pops in the mornin’.”

“That would be wonderful!” Sam said quickly. “Thank you!” He grinned goofily at Nnenna and leaned forwards onto the table.

Dean thought he was going to pull a muscle in his head from rolling his eyes so hard. Sam was about as transparent as a person could be when he had a crush and it was PAINFULLY obvious that he was into this girl. Dean wondered briefly how much they’d spoken before Sam had agreed to come down here. In fact, he was actually starting to worry that Sam had fabricated the case to get them down here. Guess they’d find out tomorrow. 

He tuned out the rest of the conversation. Cas would give him highlights if he needed them. Speaking of… he glanced sideways at the former angel. He wondered if he was still angry with him. Cas was listening attentively to Nnenna and Sam’s poorly concealed flirting and wasn’t paying Dean any mind. His profile was cast in warm tones from the overhead light above them and Dean took a moment to admire his features. He’d always been fond of Cas’s nose for some reason, the straight line of it always seemed to cut through space and give him an air of authority. Seeing it now, in profile, reminded him of how in awe of Cas he’d always been. In awe of his power and of his compassion. Cas had the best qualities of a Winchester within him, and some of the worst, but that wasn’t always his fault. Cas’s mouth was set in a grim line, as if Sam and Nnenna were discussing something dire. In some of his more private moments, Dean had wondered what Cas’s lips would feel like. Not like… ON HIM, but just like… in the general sense. Would they be chapped and rough? Or soft and plush? A combination of the four? It was a purely academic interest, really, no really! Dean shook his head to clear it. Actually, Sam and Nnenna might have moved on to discussing the case now, he should really be paying attention... 

It was true that he’d been worried about Cas’s mental health recently, but he actually looked a lot better now that he was really paying attention. He still had the insomnia obviously, but he must be getting sleep sometime. The bags that had existed under his eyes for the past few months had mostly disappeared and his skin had a much healthier glow to it than before. Maybe Dean HAD been coddling him unnecessarily recently? He should really make more of an effort to just… TALK to him. He always ended up tongue-tied when he tried to have any kind of real conversation with the guy so he’d eventually just given up. Now, all of their talking was done through Sam or in reference to a TV they were watching. He felt guilty about it, but he wasn’t really a feelings guy. Cas knew that. Right?

Cas shifted in his seat and shot Dean a look from the corner of his eye. Oh! He’d been staring. He turned his eyes back towards Nnenna and Sam quickly. He rubbed a hand over his face wearily. He felt tired all of a sudden. He hated fighting with Cas, it always completely drained him. He chanced another look at the man out of the corner of his eye. He should apologize. Maybe once they got out of this house and went to grab their gear from the car? He could find an excuse to get Cas alone surely. He definitely didn’t need Sam laughing at him while he fumbled through an apology. He’d be dealing with the fall back from that for a year, at least.

xxx

“Oh, dats nothin’! Last year we had a necromancer runnin’ ‘round down here tryin’ to raise up a army of dead Hoodoo priests. Lemme juss tell you dat was a nightmare to try and wrangle!” Nnenna laughed prettily and Dean inclined an ear towards it. It had been a long time since he’d heard a pretty woman laugh easily like that and it soothed something in him.

Sam laughed loudly an held a hand over his stomach. “What was he going to do with an army of priests?!”

“Lawd knows. He was a tough son of a bitch too. Took me and 3 hunters to track him down and get rid o’ him. Lucky I grabbed the hunters too because he HAD managed to raise 2 of dem damn Hoodoo bastards by da time we got to ‘im.” Nnenna gave them a half-smile and leaned into the table conspiratorially. “Dat wasn’t even da best part. Dat damn loon decided to practice his necromancin’ on his cat before he moved into da big leagues!”

Sam howled with laughter at this remark. “His cat!? He brought his cat back?”

Nnenna nodded sagely and took a long swallow from the beer in her hand. “Named him Mr. Whiskers if I recall. Sent the thing after us when we had him cornered too. Lemme tell you it wasn’t as funny then to have a madman screaming, “Protect me, Mr. Whiskers! Protect your Master!” as it is now retellin’ it. That nasty damn cat looked like sometin’ out of Pet Semetary tearin’ ass across the swamp at us. I ‘bout shit myself when it jumped at me outta a tree!”

Dean felt himself smile at the image. He always did like rehashing old hunting stories and that one was a doozy. Beside him Sam had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard, and even Cas was chuckling lowly at the story. Something in Dean’s chest eased at the sight of it. Things hadn’t felt this easy in a long time. It was comfortable here in Nnenna’s warm dining room with everyone laughing and smiling. So maybe he could forgive Sam his little crush right now. Nnenna was charming and inviting and very easy company. She got Dean’s seal of approval so far.

Sam jumped in on a story about a shapeshifter they’d hunted a few years back and he smile at the recollection of it. It had been one of their more ridiculous hunts and while they’d ultimately killed the damn thing, they’d had a hell of a time doing it. He glanced over at Cas quickly. The other man was smiling benignly as he listened to Sam’s story and Dean felt the tension in his chest ease a little more. It felt nice to see him smile. Really nice. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed seeing it. Maybe now would be a good time to drag him outside for the gear? If he was in a good mood he might be more willing to hear Dean out… It would give Sam and Nnenna a minute alone, so Sam wouldn’t fault him for that. 

“Hey, I’m gonna head out to the Impala and grab our stuff real quick. Cas, you mind giving me a hand?” He added the last as if it was an afterthought and then congratulated himself on how nonchalant he sounded.

Cas looked at him deeply for a moment, as if gauging the request for its legitimacy. “Of course, Dean.” He said finally as he stood slowly.

Dean turned to go and blatantly ignored the knowing looks on both Sam and Nnenna’s faces. They didn’t know what he was doing, they could look all judgy as long as they wanted, he could play this cool. He didn’t wait for Cas to follow before he trooped out of the dining room, through the living room and out the front door. He could hear Cas’s footsteps behind him so he knew that he was coming at the very least. He drew a deep breath and steeled himself for the coming conversation. He was a grown ass man, he could do this!

They were silent as they walked towards the car. Cas drew level with him and they walked shoulder to shoulder the few feet from the porch to the Impala’s trunk. Dean did his level best not to sneak glances over at the other man. He felt nervous and he was furious at himself for it. He and Cas had been friends for over 5 years! And that included their nightmarish stint in Purgatory together. He could sack up, apologize, and they could move on, no problem. Sure.

He lifted the lid to the trunk and reached in to grab his duffel when he felt a warm hand touch his shoulder. The suddenness of it caused him to jump, which naturally caused him to bump his head loudly against the lifted trunk of the Impala. He gave a short yelp of pain and clapped both hands over the top of his head. He hissed out a breath at the pain and shot an angry look over at Cas who was standing guiltily with his hand hanging in the air between them. 

“I’m sorry…” Cas said quietly. “I only meant to get your attention.” He lowered his hand and his eyes while Dean straightened up.

“It uh, it’s alright, man.” Dean rubbed a hand roughly against his scalp before dropping it to his side. “Just surprised me, is all.” He scuffed a boot against the dirt underfoot and cleared his throat for lack of something better to do. “Actually… I uh, I wanted to, ya know… apologize.”

Cas turned startled eyes towards him before frowning. “You wanted to apologize?” He asked incredulously.

Dean felt himself blush. “Fuck off, man. I can apologize.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and jut his jaw forwards stubbornly.

Cas arched an eyebrow and thinned his mouth at that. It was his “Dom” eyebrow as Dean had termed it. It was something he’d gotten into the habit of back when he’d first come to Earth and had still been under Heaven’s thumb. It was a “I’m the boss and you’re going to do what I say” look and it always caused a shiver to run down Dean’s back.

“I can!” Dean said hotly. He was blushing now and he cursed himself for it. This was NOT how this was supposed to go. He seemed to be thinking that a lot recently.

“Then let’s hear it.” Cas said while crossing his arms over his chest. That damn eyebrow was still locked firmly in place and Dean had to look away from it. The expression on Cas’s face was boiling his blood and his poor confused brain was sending the blood South instead of North where he needed it. There was a churning in his gut and a twitch in his pants that would be confusing him if he wasn’t so heated right now.

“Ok fine! Look… uh, I-I...” He huffed in irritation and ran a hand over his face. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have tried to bench you.” He waved a hand towards Cas’s body offhandedly. “You can handle yourself, I just… I-I don’t want you to get hurt.” He finished lamely. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t really what he’d wanted to say, but he hadn’t really had time to prepare, Cas had forced it out of him.

He had hung his head at some point and hunched his shoulders up towards his ears. He glanced at Cas from this position to gauge his reaction and was surprised to see shock on his face. _Was the apology THAT bad? Jesus…_

“You think I’m angry because you were worried about me?” Cas asked skeptically.

Dean lifted his head quickly. “I didn’t say I was WORRIED about you!”

Cas rolled his eyes at him. “Yes, you just did. Though not in so many words. In fact, that stilted little speech and those odd grunts were reminiscent of a Neanderthal dialect that I heard once during the Pleistocene era.” He smirked at Dean’s gobsmacked expression. 

“That- you… I wasn’t…” Dean started.

“See, just like that. Homo neanderthalensis. They had lovely poetry if you can believe that.” Cas’s smirk had grown to a grin at this point.

“You’re a homo whatever.” Dean grumbled and hunched his shoulders again. 

Cas continued to smile and rolled his eyes. “I’m not not angry because you were worried, Dean.” He reached into the trunk of the Impala to grab his and Sam’s duffels out. In doing so, he brushed past Dean and Dean felt those damn goosebumps race up his arms again. What was WITH him tonight?

“Then uh, why are you mad?” He asked stupidly. He might as well go all in on this now, he’d already stuffed his foot in his mouth, he could probably fit the other one in there too.

Cas set the duffels on the ground at his feet and looked at them sadly for a moment. He was silent so long that Dean almost repeated himself, thinking that Cas hadn’t heard him. Cas shifted suddenly and looked upwards at the twinkling stars overhead. Dean followed his gaze, but other than seeing a few more stars than he was used too, he wasn’t sure what they were looking at.

“I know that I’ve become a burden to you and Sam recently.” He started quietly, almost quietly enough that Dean couldn’t hear him. “I realize that I’m a liability to your hunts and a drain on your… social lives. Without my powers I’m just a… a baby in a trenchcoat. That assessment had hurt my feelings before, but I realize now that it was accurate. I know that you think the two of you are better off without me here. But…” He shifted his weight and stuffed his hands in his pockets uncomfortably. 

Dean’s throat felt tight and he wanted to open his mouth and deny everything that Cas was saying. He WASN’T a drain on them, he WASN’T a baby, they WEREN’T better off without him. How could he even think that! Just as he reached out a hand towards Cas to start in on how completely wrong he was, Cas looked at him sadly.

“You called me family once. I know it was a while ago and you haven’t mentioned it since. But… that had meant something to me. It made me feel… wanted, special. I understand that I’m not as useful anymore, but I suppose I just hoped that you still considered me special, your family. If that isn’t the case, I’d like you to let me know. But, I think I can still make myself useful to you and Sam, if you’d let me. Family or not.” Cas had looked back up at the stars and was standing so still that he looked like a marble statue.

“Cas…” Dean began. Where did he even begin with this? What in the hell could he even say to make Cas feel better? This clearly went MUCH deeper than he’d realized. Cas thought they didn’t want him around anymore because he wasn’t useful. He thought that Dean didn’t want him around because he couldn’t fight. How had he fucked up this badly?

He looked into the trunk of the Impala and his eyes glanced off of the guns, salt, crowbars, holy oil, every weapon a hunter could ever need. It held the answers to any problem you could encounter on a hunt. But this… he didn’t have a good answer for this. 

Dean frowned. He had to say something, he had to make this right. He cleared his throat and looked towards Cas’s profile. _Just go, Winchester. Just say something!_ “You were a terrible angel.” Dean blurted out, more loudly than he’d intended. _Fuck, what the fuck! I didn’t mean to start with that, Jesus fuck!_ Cas had turned to him sharply with a scowl. Dean could read the hurt displayed plainly in the other man’s eyes and he hurried to continue. “That came out more blunt than I meant. Look, Cas… you were a terrible angel. You disobeyed Heaven, ignored direct orders, killed those other winged dicks when necessary. By their rules, you were awful.” He paused here to gauge the effect his words were having on the other man.

Cas looked like Dean had just kicked him in the gut and Dean felt a pang of guilt hit him squarely in the chest. “I’m sorry… I just meant… well, I think you were a terrible angel because you weren’t meant to be one.”

The hurt in Cas’s eyes amplified and was now accompanied by a confused scowl. “Dean-”

Dean held up a hand to halt his speech. “Let me finish.” He gently settled his hand on the other man’s shoulder and searched his eyes for a moment. “You weren’t meant to be an angel Cas, because you were meant to be a Winchester.” He squeezed Cas’s shoulder gently and dropped his hand. “You’ll always be family, Cas. No matter what happens, powers or not, useful or not. You’ll always be a Winchester, you’ll always belong with us.” _Belong with me..._ He thought absently. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel differently.” He finished quietly.

He could hear Cas gulp and resisted the urge to look upwards at the man’s face. He wasn’t sure how the evening had come down to this, but he surprisingly wasn’t upset about it. If this small conversation could help ease Cas’s mind, then Dean’s embarrassment at having to speak so plainly could be forgotten. 

He chanced a look at Cas and turned his eyes away quickly when he noticed the moisture pooling at the corners of his eyes. He grabbed his and Sam’s duffels and waited for Cas to grab his own. 

Cas cleared his throat briefly before reaching down to grab his own bag. “Thank you, Dean.” He said quietly. 

Dean felt a flush creep up his neck at the barely concealed emotion in Cas’s voice. This had delved into chick flick territory faster than he’d realized and he sighed inwardly. At least he and Cas weren’t fighting anymore. And hopefully Cas was feeling better about the whole human situation now. _We’ll never give you up, Cas. You’re a Winchester, always will be._

He turned a wry smile towards the dark-haired man next to him. “Come on, buddy. Let’s get inside and made sure that Sam and Nnenna aren’t macking on the couch.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what! Since I'm not sticking to an update scheduler per se, you get this one now! I don't know if I mentioned this but we're looking at over 100,000 on this one. I'm a sucker for a slow burn so this should be fairly long.

“Sam!” Dean yelled hoarsely. “Sammy!”

His voice sounded muffled to his ears and he frowned against it. He HATED the South. Everything was cloying heat and bugs and swamp and ugh!

He lifted his arm and stuffed his nose into the crook of his elbow in an attempt to block out some of the dust around him. How could a place so wet be so dusty! He squinted his eyes and peered into the gloom around him. 

“Son of a bitch…” Dean muttered angrily. This was NOT the way this hunt was supposed to go. Easy-peasy Sam had said. Easy fucking peasy like some overgrown PTA mom. Dean should have known this would happen! 

“Cas!” He hollered. To hell with the plan now. He’d lost sight of Sam and Cas within minutes of wandering into this god forsaken swamp and he hadn't been able to locate them since.

Dean scratched the side of his nose with the butt of the pistol clutched tightly in his hand. A soft creak sounded to his left and he halted his stumbling steps immediately. He hunched his shoulders and listened intently. Another creak drifted towards him in the darkness.

He frowned and looked to his right quickly. There was no way this wasn't a fucking trap. But… if he could get this taken care of then he wouldn't have to worry about it taking out Sam and Cas while they were unawares.

“Sam's gonna kill me…” Dean said quietly to himself even as he made his way slowly towards the ominous sounds drifting towards him.

He had to be much more mindful of his steps as he weaved his way through the swamp land around him. The damn knobs from the damn cypress trees were going to sprain his ankle.

Dry spines brushed down against his cheek and he swatted at them angrily. The Spanish moss here was like a damn plague in the trees and he hated all of it. Sam had been positively delighted to see it as they'd driven around this morning. He'd droned on and on about the “atmosphere” and the “ambience” of everything in the South. “There's so much history, Dean!” He'd said. “It's all so beautiful, Dean!” And Cas, that traitor, had been quick to agree with Sam’s assessment. “You know that everything in this area of the States developed much differently than intended, Dean.” “Humans have been surprising and way-laying all of God's best laid plans since they'd lit their first fire, Dean.”

Dean had done his best to simply grip the steering wheel tighter and ignore them. It annoyed him to no end that the two always seemed to gang up on him with their stupid bullshit and this was no different.

Dean huffed in agitation as he batted more moss from his face. This was just ridiculous! How was he supposed to see anything in thi-

He was interrupted mid-bitch however when his thick work boot was sucked unceremoniously into a deep hole. He sunk down to the knee and nearly fired off a shot from his gun in his surprise. At this rate he’d be lucky if he didn't blow his own damn head off. Who would ever choose to live here!

The creak startled him again, it was much louder and much sharper all of a sudden and he stilled his movements. He didn't want to be stuck fending off this damn thing while caught in a hole but he’d made it out of worse situations before. He stopped trying to worm himself free and simply focused on his surroundings. The air around him had stilled and if he hadn't been so preoccupied with bemoaning his fortune he might would have noticed it sooner.

Now, Dean had been hunting a long time. Hell, he’d sawed off the end his first shotgun over 20 years ago under John’s watchful (and critical) eye. So, it didn't take him more than a few seconds of standing half in and half out of this hole to realize that he was being watched. And no, that wasn't quite right was it? He was being hunted…

Dean took a moment to inhale deeply and close his eyes. He couldn't turn from his spot to look behind him so he’d need to focus his attention on listening and trusting his instincts. This thing wasn't sneaking up on him, no matter what it might think. 

His ears perked up to every little noise that he’d ignored before. The gnats that buzzed obnoxiously near his ear, the gurgle of the wet ground as it shifted across the earth, the gentle swaying of the leaves above him. He catalogued every one swiftly and efficiently. They weren't what he was after, those sounds were right, they BELONGED. He was looking for something else, something wrong. Something that itched at the back of your mind and raised the hairs on your neck. It was here, he could feel it. He just needed to pinpoint it.

He listened, motionless for a few seconds longer until… there. That soft rustle, the creak, that feeling in his gut, it was right there, less than 20 feet behind him.

_Alright Big D… Here we go… One, two,thr-_

“Hupff!” The air left Dean's lungs in a rush as a booted foot collided with his stomach. The owner of the booted foot then proceeded to trip over Dean's torso and come crashing down on top of him. Dean's trapped foot popped free from its damp prison with a loud “squelch!”

Dean was thrown backwards under the weight of his attacker and pinned immediately beneath him. His arms had pinwheeled in his attempt to right himself, futilely it would seem. His nose ended up pressed quite firmly against a worn cotton shirt and a soft belly. The person above him gave a grunt of pain and curled inwards slightly in an attempt to shield and protect said soft belly. 

Dean waved his arms frantically in an attempt to dislodge his assailant and regain the upper hand. The butt of his pistol came into contact with something hard and the person above him inhaled sharply at the sudden impact.

 _Take that you son of a bitch!_ Dean thought triumphantly.

A loud crash and the sound of a gun firing to his right brought Dean up short however. He whipped his head towards the sound, or in this case turned it slowly and uncomfortably with the weight of a full grown person on top of him. Even if it wasn't dark he still wouldn't have been able to see passed the soft and worn fabric draped across his eyes.

_Now wait a minute… gun shot over there… shirt and boots here… oh god dammit!_

“Cas!?” Dean's voice was muffled against shirt and skin as he fought against it.

The figure on top of him stilled it's squirming and Dean could feel him hold his breath for a moment.

“...Dean?” Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean heaved with all his might to try to pitch Cas off of him and to the left. It worked for the most part, though Cas’s legs were still worked between Dean's somehow. When Dean realized Cas had an ankle pressed against his crotch he was surprised to discover that heat was rising up his neck. He was embarrassed, obviously!

“Next time you get me on my back Cas, do me a favor and buy me a drink first… er… I-I uh, well I mean-” Dean's sentence trailed off into nonsense after that. Where had THAT come from? What the hell…

Dean was saved from further humiliation, or from having to listen to Cas’s response, by a shout to his right.

“Dean!” Sam's voice hollered loudly.

“Here!” He managed to yell back and he was thankful his voice sounded so normal. Jesus, what had that comment even been…

“Is Cas with you?” Sam called next, closer this time.

“I'm here, Sam.” Cas’s throaty voice called out beside him.

The sound of some crunching sticks and squishing leaves proceeded Sam's arrival in their field of vision. He looked a little worse for wear, but not too bad considering he must have single handedly dealt with this hunt. He had a large cut across one cheek and the flannel over his shoulders was missing 3/4ths of one sleeve. 

“Are you guys ok?” He asked quickly once he noticed the two of them sprawled across the wet ground.

“Peachy.” Dean responded dryly as he picked himself up slowly. There was a sharp pain his leg and he almost rolled his eyes at himself. It would seem that his earlier assessment of the situation had been correct and he had in fact sprained his ankle. Perfect.

Cas was getting to his feet as well, though he somehow managed to do it more gracefully than Dean. “We're fine, Sam.” He looked hesitantly around Sam as if he could see through the darkness around them. “The werewolf?” He asked delicately.

“Dead. No thanks to either of you I might add.” Sam raised a haughty eyebrow at the two of them. “Was the hunt boring you? Needed a nap?”

“Can it, Sasquatch. Or I guess they'd call you Skunk Ape in these parts, hm? You've certainly got the smell for it.” Dean shot back at him grumpily. Now that he was standing his ankle hurt like a bitch and it wasn't doing anything to improve his mood.

“Bite me.” Sam snapped back. “Regardless, we're done. And I would suggest disposing of the body but… out here I don't think it'll last long to be perfectly honest.” He looked a little pensive about the statement and Dean couldn't blame him. 

Now that the threat of a rampaging werewolf was passed they could deal with all the other potential threats the swamp had to offer, alligators, water moccasins, and getting lost being chief among those.

“Sam’s right, even if the indigenous fauna wasn't to dispose of the body, and they most certainly will, the heat and humidity of a Louisiana swamp would certainly render any evidence on the body negligible at best. The rate of decomposition in this climate is almost twice what it is in Kansas at this time of year.” Cas offered in his typical dry fashion. After he'd spoken his peace he bent forwards and went to work attempting to brush off the muck that had accumulated on his clothes from his tumble with Dean. 

Dean tightened his lips and looked at Cas appraisingly for a moment. “Well, happy to have Ted Bundy on the team, I guess. Let's get the hell out of here.”

Sam gave him a curt nod and took a moment to assess their location. Dean let him, kid always was better at orienteering than he was. Once Sam seemed satisfied with their direction he strode out purposefully with Cas close behind him.

Dean decided to take up the rear, mostly out of necessity since he was hobbling pretty pathetically at this point and he’d be damned if he admitted it to these two knuckleheads.

They were only about 5 minutes into their walk though when Dean managed to stumble AGAIN on a short, and much less forgiving piece of the scenery.

“Son of a-god damn-fuck!” Dean shouted angrily.

Sam and Cas both stopped and whipped around, Sam with his gun at the ready and Cas with an angel blade poised to strike. They both relaxed however, upon seeing Dean hopping up and down and gripping his booted foot in anguish.

“Dude, seriously?” Sam asked and Dean could just HEAR him rolling his eyes as he asked.

“How about… a little… compassion!” Dean whined in between hops. “This swamp is trying to kill me!”

“You are so dramatic. Cut it out and let's get out of here.” Sam huffed in irritation.

Dean grumbled out a reply too low for Sam to hear. He gingerly put his foot back down and bent to inspect what he'd tripped over. It was hard to make out in the gloom of the swamp at night but it looked like bricks. He reached out tentatively and ran his fingers over the rough edges. Bricks, huh… 

“Hey guys! Check this out…” Dean called over to them.

Dean could picture Sam's most favorite bitch face even if he couldn't see it. Cas, ever the good sport, turned and picked his way carefully back to Dean.

“What is it?” He asked solemnly, like Dean was about to announce that it was a guinea pig graveyard or some shit.

“I dunno. Bricks…” He eyed along where they lay and noticed that they stacked higher further to the right. “A building, maybe?”

“What used to be anyway… I'm not surprised. Many people lived further into the swamp lands before the recent climate changes brought the water levels further inland.” Cas ran a delicate finger over the tops of the bricks and followed their trail into the darkness. “This has been in ruins longer than that though, it would seem.”

“Who cares?” Sam said suddenly. “Not to be a dick, but it's just an abandoned building. We see those all the time, come on I wanna get back to Nnenna’s.”

Dean latched immediately onto the change in subject. “Oh ho! Back to Nnenna’s, eh?” Dean straightened and waved a hand at Cas to encourage him onwards.

“Now let's see.. we left after sundown around 8-ish… been trailing that damn thing for oh.. I'd say about 20 miles give or take in and out of a swamp… now let's see here…” Dean let out an exaggerated “Hmmm.”

“I'd say it's probably close to midnight by now. Now Sammy, what could you possibly need to see that sweet young woman for at this time of night?” Dean's voice had turned overly innocent and sickeningly sweet towards the end of his question.

Even in the dark of the night Dean could tell that Sam was blushing furiously. “Don't be an ass! You know she wanted us to report back after we’d taken care of the werewolf.”

“I suppose a text just wouldn't do?” Dean said sweetly, digging the barb in just a little deeper.

“Sam is right, Dean. Nnenna explicitly stated that we were to report back to her immediately after we’d finished. She also extended her offer to allow us use of her rooms again, and I for one, am very tired.”

That took the wind out Dean's sails. He grumbled obstinately under his breath but turned to hobble away from the dilapidated structure.

He felt a chill run down his back as he turned and he tensed immediately at the sensation. But, nothing else happened, and after a few seconds of waiting he brushed it off as nerves. He was still pretty wired from all the adrenaline he'd used in the last couple hours. Hunter paranoia.

He rushed to catch back up to Sam and Cas, already thinking about a warm bed and a cool shower.

xxx

They reached the car without further incident and for that Dean was grateful. Once they got there however, Sam seemed to realize that Dean's ankle was the size of a grapefruit and that Cas had a very bloody forehead. 

“Christ you two, what happened?” He asked in exasperation.

Dean was unwilling to admit that he’d injured himself less than heroically so he settled for a noncommittal shrug. Cas though, traitor, offered a simple explanation. 

“Dean got stuck in a hole. I tripped over him while looking for the werewolf and he proceeded to hit me in the head with his gun.” He stated it so matter of factly that it took a moment for the words to sink in.

Dean looked at him askance in irritation. “swas an accident…” he mumbled under his breath.

Sam, to his credit, kept it together for approximately 3 nanoseconds before breaking down into uproarious laughter. Dean's irritation mounted as he watched his brother bend forward to rest his hands on his knees to steady himself as his chest heaved in mirth.

“Oh-oh my God! Be still my heart! What brave knights are these!” Sam positively howled in glee. 

“Oh fuck you, dude!” Dean snapped. “I'm lucky I didn't break my damn neck wandering through all that shit!” He hobbled quickly towards Baby's driver side door and fished the keys from his pocket.

Cas was looking at Sam with some confusion as the tallest among them attempted to get himself under control. 

“That terrain was dangerous, especially to be hunting such a powerful creature. We were lucky we didn't incur greater injuries, Sam.” Cas stated, again with that deadpan delivery.

Sam's laughter finally tapered into giggles here, which wasn't very becoming for a man of his size if you asked Dean.

“I know, I know. Heh-hmmm, yes of course. Very dangerous.” Sam tried to stifle a snort, unconvincingly. “Yes, you're right. Dangerous.” Sam's eyes were alight with mischief and Dean wasn't buying for a minute that he’d heard the last of this.

Cas took that moment to suck in a sharp breath and rub furiously at his face. Dean's attention was immediately diverted from his own shame, to his recently human friend.

“What is it?” Dean asked sharply as he hobbled around the side of the car towards the other two.

“It uh… it would appear I've gotten blood in my eye.” Cas said while scrubbing fiercely at the area with his sleeve. “Which is apparently quite painful.”

He added with what Dean thought might be an attempt at humor. Or maybe not, he never could tell with Cas.

“Oh shit! I'm sorry, Cas! Come around to the trunk and I'll patch it real quick.” Sam had gone into nurse mode and Dean felt himself relax. If Sammy was gonna play doctor then Dean didn’t have too. 

The image of himself in scrubs and cowboy boots floated to his mind's eye and he smiled. He’d make that look damn good, and Cas would make a suitably sympathetic patient with that dark tousled hair and those piercing eyes. One of those patients that the writers would tease a potential relationship with… yeah… wait, what? 

Dean lost his footing as he slingshotted himself out of that daydream. That had gone off the rails fast, Jesus. Must be all the adrenaline making him fuzzy. He stepped down hard on his swollen foot and gave a very girly yelp at the discomfort. That fucking stung!

“Come on back here Cinderella!” Sam hollered from behind the lifted trunk. “We need to get that shoe off before midnight!” 

Dean could hear him snickering at his own joke and he frowned in annoyance. What a wonderful end to a wonderful weekend!

He limped his way to the back of the car but came up short once he’d rounded the end. Sam was wiping the excess blood from Cas’s forehead, but was being careful to work around the makeshift bandage he'd put in place there. A bandage comprised of a thick gauze pad… and held together with Cas’s tie.

Cas looked nonplussed with the situation and simply kept his eye, closest to the injury, closed while Sam worked.

“Dude…” Dean said slowly.

Sam turned to look at him, eyebrows raised at his brother. Dean gestured towards Cas in exasperation and Sam turned the Bitch Face up to 11.

“There isn't anything else to hold it in place.” He said curtly.

“He… he looks like he's going to a stag party, Sammy!” Dean spluttered.

“You didn't let me finish. There isn't anything else to hold it in place, because YOU didn't restock the first aid kit like I TOLD you to last week!” Sam bit back at him angrily.

“You didn't…” Dean frowned in thought. Actually, now that Sam brought it up he did have a faint memory of a conversation…

“That doesn't change the fact that he looks like he got his ass kicked by a $2 stripper at The Hairy Beaver!” 

“Grow up, Dean.” Sam sniped as he finished dabbing at Cas’s face.

“I had never considered this possible utility for a tie before.” Cas said suddenly. “This was rather ingenious of you, Sam.” He touched delicately along the edges of the gauze bandage.

“Thank you.” Sam said pointedly with a sharp look to Dean. “Your turn, twinkle toes.”

Dean griped and grumbled while he allowed Sam to help him remove his boot and to wrap his ankle and foot in an an Ace bandage to try and help the swelling. He also managed to find a half empty bottle of ibuprofen and swallowed 3 of them, dry.

Now that the two injured of the party were tended to, the matter of driving needed to be discussed. Because while Dean loathed the thought of Sam driving while Dean was awake and capable, the fact remained that his right leg was mostly useless at the moment. After some half-hearted arguing Dean finally conceded and tossed Baby's keys angrily at his brother. Sam snatched them mid-air and promptly slid into the driver's seat, looking much more smug than he had any right too.

_Laugh it up, you son of a bitch. I'll get you back for this…_

The beginnings of a prank war were already forming in Dean's mind as Sam put the car in drive and took them carefully out of the low, wet terrain and back towards civilization.

Dean glanced in the rearview mirror at Cas as he sat in the backseat. The gauze pad was starting to pink in the center and Dean felt a stab of guilt that he’d been the one to cause the injury, accident or not. His grubby tie was twisted around sloppily and knotted on the side of his head and Dean was again reminded of a Bachelor party gone wrong. It was such a ridiculous notion that he felt the edges of his mouth turn upwards. The gauze, the dirty suit, the ruined tie and Cas’s own sour expression were just too bizarre and too perfect sitting in the backseat of the Impala and Dean took care to memorize the image.

That would be a treasured memory for sure. So, he'd embarrassed himself and sprained his ankle? They'd still gotten the bad guy and he could feel good about that, right? Dean forcibly pushed down the feelings of guilt that always came with killing werewolves. They couldn't help this one… not really. Best he was out of his misery and not hurting anyone anymore. Right? 

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked out the window to his right. The dark trees whipped by and were gobbled up by the night sky overhead. Everything seemed to fade together out in the country. _Right…_

xxx

They pulled up in front of Nnenna’s eclectic and sprawling home just before one in the morning. The porch light clicked on as the Impala pulled into the driveway and Dean rolled his eyes. _Psychics!_ he thought grumpily.

They all sleepily stumbled out of the car and drug their feet up the front steps. Though Dean was loathe to be here or in anyone's debt, it was true that Nnenna’s help had been invaluable on this case. 

He held a hand up against a jaw cracking yawn as Sam knocked politely on the door. She was obviously expecting them so Dean wasn't sure why he bothered but that was just Sam he supposed.

Nnenna’s warm smile and dark eyes peeked around the edge of the weather beaten door as she pulled it open.

“Bout time, I was worried I'd hafta come get you tree!” She laughed brightly. Her accent was a strange combination of Cajun conjugation and southern drawl, Dean still hadn't really been able to put a finger on it.

Dean gave her a lopsided smile. “Naw sweetheart, we ain't met a hunt we couldn't handle yet.” He topped it off by giving her a roguish wink.

Nnenna rolled her eyes dramatically at Dean’s over the top flirting. “Maybe you haven't been huntin' anything wurtwhile enough to handle YOU then.” She shot back at him with a quick glance over his shoulder.

Dean frowned at her and lifted a brow in confusion. She waved him off with a delicate hand. _What the hell was that supposed to mean?_

“Castiel!” Nnenna gasped as she nudged past Dean. “Oh you poor ting, what happened?”

Cas shuffled awkwardly behind Dean and scrunched his nose in response. “Hazards of the job…” he muttered mysteriously. 

Nnenna braced a tiny hand against his shoulder and peered carefully at his forehead. “You're so brave!”

Dean gaped at him. _That smooth motherfu-_ “He tripped! He's really clumsy.” Dean heard himself say, as he felt his face redden.

Nnenna shot him a dirty look from the corner of her eye. “He was still brave! And if I'm not mistaken, he tripped ‘cause YOU had gotten stuck in a HOLE!” 

_Damn psychics…_ Dean thought angrily.

Beside him, Sam coughed loudly, successfully drawing everyone's attention. Dean just now noticed that Sam had gotten rather pink himself, hmmm.

“Maybe we can talk about the case inside?” He asked diplomatically as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Nnenna gave him a small smile before turning back to pat Cas’s shoulder comfortingly. And if Dean wasn't mistaken she shot the former angel a sly wink before turning around. _Now, what the hell was THAT about!_

“Shure ting, cutie!” She said cheekily to Sam, who pinkened further.

She stepped past them and through the door, gesturing for them to follow as she did so. Sam was quick to enter first, probably to take a peek at that pert bottom of hers if Dean had to guess. He huffed in exasperation but moved to follow.

Nnenna led them through through her spacious living room towards her dining room. Dean had noticed all of the strange decorations earlier that morning but for some reason their features stood out more to him now.

Hand drawn tarot cards were tacked above the couch and glinted as if they'd been freshly lacquered. The couch was old and squashed and a bizarre shade of fuchsia that Dean couldn't image was ever bought in a store. Knick knacks and odds and ends dotted the side tables, all three bookshelves and the window sills. He couldn't imagine anyone living with this much STUFF, but he supposed it might be different if you had grown up in one place your whole life versus in a car. She did have a collection of rare occult books that would have impressed Bobby though. 

He nearly tripped over a lump in the middle of the floor that turned out to be “Reg” Nnenna’s incredibly lazy bull terrier. The dog gave a disgruntled huff at Dean before settling down again to sleep. 

“Good to see you too, buddy.” Dean said offhandedly to the tired pup.

Sam was already perched in a seat at the well-worn wooden table in the dining room, conspicuously close to Nnenna’s s chair, but Dean kept quiet about it.

Cas slid past him to sit next to Sam and Dean took the final seat between Nnenna and Cas. Cas’s forehead looked worse under the warm light from overhead and Dean winced in sympathy. He hated for his friend to be hurting and he knew from first hand experience that head wounds hurt like a bitch.

“Give me da short version of what happened.” Nnenna asked simply. 

Sam sighed heavily but jumped to go over from start to finish what happened during the hunt. Cas gave the occasional comment and Dean listened with half an ear. He wasn't feeling his best right now, whether it be the ankle or the guilt over killing something mostly human he didn't know.

Heavy steps met their ears as Sam neared the end of his recollection and they all turned as one to see Nnenna’s father walk down the hall into the dining room.

“Hello dare boys!” the lines around his dark face split wide into a smile. “I hear you was out huntin' dat loup garou.” He shook his head in sympathy. “Notin' worse den dem damn tings, you ask me.”

Dean looked at the others in concern. The man's accent was about 10x thicker than Nnenna’s and Dean couldn't for the life of him make out what he was saying clearly.

“Is.. is there a rugaru here too?” He asked Nnenna tentatively.

She raised a black eyebrow at him in question and pursed her lips. “Loup garou. He means werewolf you Neanderthal.”

Dean exhaled a deep breath. “Oh thank Christ.” He said wearily.

Sam huffed a laugh at him and Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling suddenly exhausted.

“Why don't you take Castiel and get ‘im cleant up, Dean?” Nnenna asked with a twinkle in her eye. “You know where da bathroom is, feel free to head to bed after. You boys earned some rest. We'll talk in da mornin’.”

She gave them a wide smile that seemed to ease some of the tension from Dean's shoulders. She was a tough bitch but she had a big heart and a gentle nature under all the barbs. They'd been lucky to hook up with her when they'd come down here.

“Thanks” Sam said while Cas said “thank you” at the same time. Dean gave her an appreciative nod and walked towards the hall that held the bathroom. He uttered a polite, “Sir.” as he walked past Nnenna’s father and heard Sam and Cas offer similar acknowledgements.

Sam ducked into the bedroom he’d slept in last night quickly, Dean figured he would be sacked out in about 15 seconds. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was before, but now that he was back in a warm and comfortable home he felt fatigue wash over him like a wave. 

Dean and Cas piled into the small bathroom at the end of the hall. It was cramped with two full grown men in such close quarters but they could manage.

“Here, bud, sit on the toilet and I'll get some bandages.” Dean said around a yawn.

Cas shuffled around him and Dean felt a hand graze his lower back gently. He shivered at the sensation but ignored it in favor of rummaging around in the medicine cabinet for supplies. Lucky for Cas, Nnenna kept a better stocked first aid kit than he did. He took a glance at Cas who was sitting uneasily on the toilet while he waited on Dean. He felt bad that he'd forgotten to restock the kit, and resolved to start paying more attention to the “minor” details of hunting.

Cas shifted a little and Dean raised a brow at his his expression. “You oka- Cas… you didn't put the lid down…” 

“Was I supposed to?” Cas asked in confusion. 

Dean shook his head and smiled fondly at his friend. “Yeah man, here stand up and close that. It'll be easier to sit on, promise.”

Cas moved to follow those directions and once settled he turned a surprised expression on Dean. “This is much better, thank you, Dean.”

Dean hummed an acknowledgement as he set out a couple butterfly bandages and some antiseptic. He washed his hands vigorously, mentally going through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice to make sure they were properly cleaned. He glanced at Cas who was watching him curiously but quietly.

“How's it feel?” Dean asked conversationally as he began loosening the knot of Cas’s tie.

Cas scrunched his nose in thought, or perhaps in pain, Dean didn't know. “It's much better now.” He said simply. “I will admit the pain didn't really start until we got back to the car.”

“Prob’ly the adrenaline. We had an eventful night.” Dean discarded the tie in the basin of the sink and gently peeled away the gauze from Cas’s forehead. 

Luckily, the cut wasn't very deep. It was, however, much longer than Dean had anticipated. He'd must have hit Cas with the barrel of the pistol instead of the butt. He winced in sympathy.

“I gotta clean this, buddy. It's probably gonna sting.” Dean cautioned as he wet a sterile cotton pad with antiseptic.

“I understand, Dean. Though, I will remind you that even though I no longer have my grace I am sti-” Cas’s words were bitten off sharply by a hiss and a quick inhale.

“Told ya.” Dean chuckled at the other man.

Cas spluttered for a moment before screwing up his eyes and waiting patiently for Dean to finish. Dean worked as quickly as he could to clean the wound and remove the excess blood from Cas’s forehead.

“Alright, all done. I just need to put a couple bandages on it and you'll be good as new!” Dean told him with an attempt at levity.

Cas opened his eyes hesitantly and looked upwards as if he could see the wound himself. Dean felt a smile quirk his lips at the sight. 

“I had not anticipated the… sting, of that liquid.” Cas muttered darkly. He lifted a tentative hand towards his forehead to feel around the wound.

“Hey hey hey!” Dean said sharply and knocked Cas’s hand down. “I JUST cleaned it, no touchy.”

Cas frowned and looked down at his feet. If Dean didn't know better he'd say the dark haired man was pouting.

Dean grabbed the first butterfly bandage and peeled off it's backing. He knelt down in front of Cas, no easy feet in the small bathroom, and lifted his hands gently towards the man's forehead.

Cas closed his eyes again and waited silently. Dean marvelled for a moment at the fact that this warrior of God, an ancient and timeless being, one who'd seen the birth of mankind could be sitting here, on a toilet in rural Louisiana, and letting Dean Winchester tend to his wounds. Couple that with the fact that said angel was human now and feeling more vulnerable than a day old kitten, and Dean was in awe. That Cas trusted him enough to sit with his eyes closed and at Deans mercy while Dean helped him. It was humbling to say the least.

He must have been sitting motionless for too long because Cas’s eyes, those blue, blue eyes opened tentatively onto him. He looked confused. “Dean?” He asked cautiously.

Dean snapped himself out of his little reverie and shot Cas a lopsided grin. “Just lining it up.” He lied. 

Cas accepted the answer however and nodded at Dean in acknowledgement. 

“You know…” Dean started awkwardly. “You did good tonight.”

He watched Cas stiffen under his eyes and wrinkled his nose at himself. “That wasn’t meant to be sarcastic. You uh… I know things haven’t been easy for you since the whole… you know, human thing. And I just wanted to let you know, aside from the tripping thing, that you did a good job.”

Cas’s eyes searched his for a moment, obviously trying to seek out a lie in Dean’s words. Dean willed himself to look back steadily. It should have felt awkward, being this close to Cas’s face while the man looked deeply into his eyes, but somehow, it wasn’t. Maybe because this prolonged eye contact was something of a habit for the both of them? He didn’t know. But, he willed himself to be open about what he was saying. He knew that Cas had had a hard time since falling, harder than he’d let on, and Dean was… proud of him. Proud that he’d stuck it out and was trying. 

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas said finally. He must have decided that Dean wasn’t pulling his leg. “That… that means a great deal.” Cas said with a swallow and a blink.

The sincerity in Cas’s words took him by surprise for some reason and Dean felt his cheeks heat suddenly. Why had it taken him so long to notice how CLOSE he was to Cas. Cas’s eyes blinked once, slowly and Dean gulped at a suddenly dry throat. Was he sitting TOO close? Well yeah, the bathroom was small. But like, unnecessarily close to Cas? He could probably count Cas’s eyelashes if he wanted to, not that he did! Was that weird? Cas would think he was too close, right? Was he making this weird?

He applied the butterfly quickly, with maybe too much force in his haste, and stood. He quickly unwrapped the second one and placed it next to the first, and definitely a little crooked, but it was done and he wasn’t breathing in Cas’s air anymore!

“All good!” Dean said quickly. “All good to go!” He slapped his hands against the side of jeans nervously.

Cas looked at him curiously before rising slowly. He peeked at himself in the mirror and inspected the cut with sharp eyes. “Thank you, Dean.” He said gravelly.

“No problem, pal!” _Pal?!_ “Well, I'm beat, I'm gonna hit the hay.” Dean felt flushed suddenly. He needed to get out this damn bathroom. 

“Of course, we had an eventful day, as you said.” Cas took a step towards him and Dean felt his heart seize in his chest. _Why is he so close? Is he making a move? Why would he be doing that? Relax! Chill out, Winchester._

Cas looked at him curiously as he sidled past him and out of the bathroom. Dean exhaled sharply and rubbed a hand over his face. What had gotten into him today? He was acting like a teen girl around her first crush. Dean groaned loudly at the thought. What was WRONG with him! Thankfully, Sam wasn’t around to see that little display or its aftermath. He needed sleep, desperately. That would put all of this nonsense to rest, surely. 

He ambled down the hall and towards the open bedroom. Cas must have decided to take the couch again, for which Dean was secretly grateful. Nnenna only had the two spare rooms and though Dean would have taken the couch silently, he was happy to have some extra privacy tonight. His mind was in shambles tonight and he couldn’t seem to piece his thoughts together into a cohesive shape. Even though he knew that Cas couldn’t hear him, he sent him a silent prayer anyway, _Thanks, buddy. Sleep well and I owe you one._

Praying to Cas like that had become a habit since Purgatory, one that Dean hadn’t been able to break. Even now, with a human Cas wandering around, Dean still prayed to him. Who knew? Maybe Cas could pick up on it on a subconscious level? It offered Dean a small level of comfort if nothing else, and maybe that was enough.

He plopped down on the bed and inhaled deeply of the smell of lavender and something spicy that he couldn’t place. It was comforting in a way even if it was totally different from what he was used too. He managed to kick off his boots before sleep gripped him tightly in its embrace and he was out for the rest of the night.

xxx

He flitted in and out of consciousness that night, though he wasn’t quite aware of it. A cold draft drifted over Dean’s skin that night, washing his skin in goosebumps. A buzzing flitted into his ears shortly after, the sound grew louder until he was on the verge of waking, and then receded into silence. It happened more than once, and while it didn’t rouse him completely, it did prevent him from sleeping soundly. This wasn’t anything new for the hunter though, so upon waking the next morning after getting his standard 4 hours, he didn’t think much of it.

That morning was spent with pleasant goodbyes and wide yawns. Sam seemed disheartened by the fact that they were leaving so soon and Dean felt bad for the kid. He was obviously crushing pretty hard on the dark-skinned psychic that they’d worked with down here and he hated to take him away so soon. But, monsters never slept, and they didn’t really have the luxury of taking a vacation right now.

Cas’s hair was an absolute wreck that morning and Dean had to hide a smile as he ruffled the hair on his head. Cas shot him a dirty look before patting his dark strands back into place, though what place that was Dean didn’t know. He gave him a crooked grin and snagged his bag from the floor before trooping out to the Impala. Cas followed him at a sedate pace and they both waited patiently, in Cas’s case, and impatiently, in Dean’s, for Sam to make him way out to them. 

Dean finally leaned into the Impala to honk the horn of couple of times to hurry things along. At this rate, they’d get back to the Bunker sometime in the fall and Dean rolled his eyes as Sam trotted out of the house with Nnenna on his heels. Sam shot him a dirty look and Dean looked back at him innocently. Nnenna’s fat dog Reg, wobbled down the front steps and waited patiently at Nnenna’s feet while she said goodbye to everyone.

“Real smooth dere, Winchester.” Nnenna drawled lazily. She padded over on barefeet and hugged Cas warmly. Cas had gotten better at hugging at some point, because he wrapped his arms around her trim waist with only a slight hesitation. She whispered something in his ear, and Dean watched curiously as Cas blushed slightly at whatever it was.

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. She patted Cas on the shoulder and turned to hug Dean. Dean wrapped his arms around her and squeezed slightly. She smelled like the lavender and spice from the bedroom last night and he covertly inhaled the smell a little deeper. It was relaxing, calming, he liked it. She hesitated as he pulled away and gave him a strange look that he couldn’t decipher. She narrowed her eyes slightly and placed a hand over his chest quietly. Near her feet, he watched as Reg flattened his ears against his head and lifted his lips into a half-growl. _The fuck is that about?_

She pursed her lips as he opened his mouth to ask what was wrong. She stopped him though with a small smile. “You look after yurself, Dean.” She jerked her head towards where Sam and Cas were standing. “And dose two, as well. I wouldn’ mind seein’ you tree again, so stay alive.” She winked at him and patted his cheek.

He wasn’t sure what to make of all that, but she’d stepped away to say goodbye to Sam, AGAIN. Reg’s eyes followed his mistress, but he stayed firmly planted in front of Dean. Dean narrowed his eyes at the bull terrier and the dog tilted his head at him curiously. Dean rolled his eyes at the dog and turned to finish loading the gear into the back of the Impala. The sun was finally cresting the horizon and that meant it was about fucking time get out of the damn swamp. 

They pulled away from Nnenna’s house ten minutes later and Dean wasn’t sorry to see the back-side of Louisiana. Nnenna and her father had been wonderful, but they had the misfortune to live in one of Dean’s least favorite states. In fact, only Florida ranked lower on the list. _Alligators…_ Dean shivered at the thought.

He glanced over at Sam sitting in the driver’s seat. He had his hair tucked behind his ears and was looking glumly at of the windshield as the Impala ate up the miles ahead of them. Dean had been furious and thrown a not quite so manly tantrum when Sam had insisted that he drive them home, but he had eventually had to concede the point. He couldn’t even roll his ankle at the moment and he didn’t want to get them killed because of his slow response time.

“Don’t pout, Sammy. I’m sorry we had to leave your girlfriend behind.” Dean said in an attempt to get a rise out of his brother. Maybe dealing with Dean’s teasing would help him get over the melancholy.

“Fuck off, Dean.” Sam said grumpily and squinted angrily out the window. 

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. _Damn, struck a nerve there. He must really like her…_

They drove the rest of the way out of Louisiana and through Mississippi in silence. Dean’s tape deck played an assortment of songs, but everyone seemed too busy with their own thoughts to really pay much attention to it. Dean’s mind kept travelling back to the way Cas had looked sitting in the bathroom at Nnenna’s house and how warm his skin had felt pressed against Dean’s face in that swamp. He did his best to put it from his mind, he thought about his bed at the Bunker, about Busty Asian Beauties, ran through the routine to clean his shotgun, traced the lines of a Devil’s Trap, but everything seemed to circle back around to Cas. He was getting more than a little annoyed with himself. He even glanced in the rearview mirror against his better judgement at one point. Cas sat primly in the center of the backseat, looking out of the window to his right with a passive expression on his face.

Dean smirked a little to himself at the sight of Cas sitting back there, as if nothing had really changed. Though, Dean may never get used to seeing Cas in “street clothes”, it was still good to see him sitting in the Impala. They’d had to go buy Cas some of his own clothes after he’d shown up at the Bunker, newly human, and very ill. It had had to wait while they healed the poor guy up a little though, so he’d ended up in Sam and Dean’s hand-me-downs for a while. Even though he now owned a fairly decent hunter’s wardrobe, Dean still caught him wearing something of his or Sam’s from time to time. He refused to admit that it gave him a thrill every time he did. 

Right now, Cas was wearing a pair of jeans that were still new enough to not be worn thin anywhere and one of Dean’s old AC/DC shirts. The collar was a little loose and there was a hole near the bottom hem, but it was soft and Cas had refused to part with it when Dean had tried to throw it away. It had been balmy in Louisiana so he hadn’t put on an overshirt like Dean and Sam had. Cas seemed more susceptible to temperature change than Sam or Dean and they had speculated that it might be his body learning to regulate its own temperature but they weren’t sure. Everything about Cas being human was new territory for all of them and they were just playing it by ear. Dean looked away quickly as Cas started to turn his head towards him. He didn’t need to be caught staring. 

Halfway through Mississippi, Dean caught movement out of the passenger side window and turned his head towards it curiously. When he looked though, there was only trees lining the highway, just like they had been for the last few hundred miles. He frowned at himself. He could have sworn there was movement there… Maybe he was just tired.

He stretched his shoulders restlessly and felt the muscles there pull taut against the material of his shirt. The pull of it felt good, and he craned his neck to the left and the right, enjoying the pop on each side. As much as he loved sitting in Baby, driving down the highway with his brother and his… Cas. He was getting a little old for it. Sitting for long hours in the seat gave him a pain in his lower back that he’d never had before. Keeping his knees bent at odd angles while they tore across the highway made them ache more than he remembered. He’d gotten old at some point and hadn’t even realized it. He supposed he was lucky to have made it to… 33? 34? How old was he? There were plenty of hunters that never made it this long. Hell, he really hadn’t MADE IT that long either, but he was still breathing and his heart was still beating so that was good enough. Even if he was really cheating the Fates by plugging away top-side still.

The miles continued to drone on seemingly endlessly and Dean was surprised to discover they were pulling into the long drive of the Bunker some time later. He hadn’t even remembered the last few hours… He must have just been in the zone or something. He yawned loudly and rubbed his knuckles against his eyes in an attempt to rouse his brain. Nnenna’s house had been nice, but he was REALLY looking forward to sleeping in his own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nnenna is one of my OC's that use here and there wherever I can put her because I just love her so much. And if you read my last fic you probably know that I'm a HUGE Star Trek fan, so be prepared for more references there. I don't have a beta, so please let me know if you have see any errors or anything. Lemme know what ya think!


	3. Chapter 3

“You wanna watch a movie?” Sam asked offhandedly after they’d all tumbled out of the Impala and back into the Bunker. 

Dean shrugged noncommittally. He was exhausted all of a sudden and he wasn’t sure why. “What’d you have in mind?”

Sam chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip for a minute as he mulled it over. “Mindless action? I’m not sure I’m up for following a complicated plot at the moment.” 

Dean nodded in agreement. He didn’t think he could follow anything at the moment. 

Sam trotted towards their makeshift living room and started rummaging around. He’d pick something appropriate, Dean didn’t really care at this point. Cas had all but disappeared the minute they’d walked in the door and Dean wondered where he’d gone off too.

He yawned widely and made his way into the Bunker’s kitchen. They had had a quick lunch on the road but he was hungry again. He figured Sam and Cas probably would be as well, might as well whip up something for all of them to eat. He opened cabinets mindlessly for a minute or two, trying to decide what to put together before opening the large freezer and spying a couple packages of pizza rolls. Perfect!

He turned to pre-heat the oven when he nearly collided with Cas, who had apparently snuck up behind him like some kind of creep.

“Jesus!” Dean yelped sharply as he clasped a hand tightly over his heart.

Cas tilted his head a little in confusion and frowned. “Castiel…” He said slowly.

Dean rolled his eyes and huffed in agitation. “Yeah, thanks. Don’t know how I managed to get the two of you confused.” Dean knew his voice was dripping sarcasm but it was always a coin toss on whether or not Cas would pick up on it.

Cas must have disappeared to change when they'd gotten here. He'd swapped out the jeans and t shirt from earlier for a loose green Henley (formerly Dean’s) and a pair of tighter than necessary sweats (formerly Sam's). The pants were the kind with the skinny legs meant for running and Dean had too quickly look away from the way they hugged Cas’s thighs. 

_What is the WRONG with me!?_

Cas pursed his lips but kept silent. He looked around Dean towards the oven and raised his eyebrows.

“I’m making pizza rolls!” Dean proclaimed while taking a step away from Cas. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “They're uh… pizza in like, little roll form.” He elaborated unnecessarily.

Cas cocked his head quizzically to the side but shrugged after a moment. “That sounds acceptable. Are you going to watch the movie with Sam and I?”

Cas moved to the other side of the kitchen island and grabbed a banana from a bowl on the counter. _God help me, why a banana?!_

“Sure thing, buddy!” He said a little too forcefully.

Cas gave him another confused look before giving him a half smile and stepping out of the kitchen. 

Dean felt all the air leave his lungs in a whoosh! He looked upwards and closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer upwards for strength. He must just be exhausted. The car ride had been long, and although the swelling in his foot had gone down, it was still sore to walk on it. His nerves were just overwrought from all the excitement and he was coming down from the adrenaline high he'd gotten when he sprained his ankle. Right.

The oven pinged loudly behind him and he startled at the noise. The oven had pre-heated… what was he making again? Oh, right! 

He shook his head angrily at himself and pulled a tray out from a lower cabinet. _Come on, Big D. Focus, focus…_

xxx

He wandered into the living room a few minutes later, balancing a large plate laden with food and a beer. Hed elected to stay in the kitchen and wait on the food to cook to give himself some time to get his head on right. He’d caught movement again out of the corner of his eye but he was so relieved after turning to discover that Cas hadn't crept back in that he'd immediately forgotten about it. 

He had heard the intro music from the DVD back in the kitchen so he knew what Sam had picked. He was immensely grateful that he'd seen Predator about a million times, because he didn't think he could follow a plot right now if someone had a gun to his head. 

He just needed some food and a good night's sleep, that was all. He plopped down heavily on the end of the couch and shifted his hips back and forth to get comfortable. Sam was in the armchair next to him and Cas was perched primly on the opposite end of the couch. 

He settled the food on the coffee table in front of him and took a long pull from his beer. He exhaled loudly and smacked his lips in satisfaction. This was exactly what he needed. 

He turned a grin towards Sam, who was looking at him with expectant eyebrows. “Alright, Arnie! Good choice!” 

Sam gave him a smirk and hit play on the remote before grabbing a couple of the pizza rolls. “Cas has never seen it. I figured it was a good one to introduce him to all that is Arnold.”

Sam leaned over towards where Cas was sitting and cupped a hand over his mouth to stage whisper dramatically at him, “Dean has a HUGE crush on him!” 

Dean felt his face flame immediately and nearly dropped his beer in indignation. “I do not!” He shouted.

Sam nodded sagely at Cas. “Huge, gay crush. Like, super huge and super gay.” 

Dean was redder now if that was even possible. “I don't! I just... really respect him! Do you know how many times he won Mr. Universe? He's like… the pinnacle of the American dream! He immigrated here, became an international sensation, became a film star, became a Governor! Dude’s a legend. And if that makes me gay for him, so be it!” Dean finished heatedly. He hadn't meant to add that last part but he was all in now.

Sam was nodding again. “You see what I mean? Crush.” 

Dean flipped him off with both hands and Sam chuckled loudly. He grabbed a couple more of the pizza rolls before settling back into his chair.

“Fuck you, Sammy.” Dean muttered under his breath. He glanced sideways at Cas to gauge his reaction. Cas was turned towards him with a serene expression on his face.

“This Arnold sounds like a very accomplished individual. He sounds like he is certainly worthy of your affections.” Cas turned resolutely back towards the television and his expression stayed frozen in the serene mask he'd just been wearing.

_Hmmmm, wonder what that's about._

“Thanks Cas...:” He mumbled before turning back to the TV himself.

He might be a mess tonight and Sam might be a dick, but dammit if Schwarzenegger didn't look incredible in that vest. He DID have maybe a small crush on the guy, but so what! According to Cas, he was worthy of Dean's affections. Dean smiled to himself before taking another pull from his beer.

xxx

Dean found himself shaken awake rather abruptly shortly after. It took a minute for his eyes to focus and for his head to come back to the land of the living and he smacked his lips in confusion. 

“Mmm, wha?” He mumbled sleepily.

“Dude, the fuck?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow. He was standing in front of Dean with a hand on his shoulder.

“The fuck what?” Dean snapped and pulled away from him. His eyes felt gritty and there was a low pain at the base of his skull.

Sam straightened up and frowned. “Oh, I don't know! Maybe the fuck you fell asleep 5 minutes into the movie and started snoring. Maybe the fuck that thirty minutes after THAT you started moaning and thrashing around. You kicked the coffee table, scattered food everywhere, spilled 2 beers and broke the leg on the table. That's what the fuck.”

Dean rubbed a fist against his eye and sat upright. He had been slumped against the arm of the couch, which would explain the neck pain, and apparently drooling on himself. He wiped his mouth hastily and looked around in confusion. 

Cas had a pinched look to his face and was half standing, half leaning on the couch facing him. He looked worried. He glanced up at Sam. Sam looked pissed.

“Sorry?” He ventured and rubbed at his eyes again. 

Sam made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before he picked up the rest of the food from the floor and stomped towards the kitchen.

“You're fixing the table!” Sam shouted from the other room.

Dean ignored him. His headache had magnified in the last minute and he was having a hard time focusing. 

“Dean…” Cas’s voice drifted towards from his left.

Dean turned towards his friend and squinted at him. Jesus, what had happened to his head?

“Are you alright?” Cas asked cautiously. He still hadn't decided whether he was going to stand or sit back down on the couch. He would have looked funny if Dean's head wasn't being split in half right now.

“M good, bud. Juss need some sleep.” He slurred out. He made to stand but stumbled slightly. He kept forgetting about that damn ankle.

Cas stood immediately and stepped to his side. He rested a hand against Dean's lower back and one of his elbow to help guide him. That felt nice. His hands were broad and firm and Dean could feel their heat and their strength through his shirt.

“Allow me to assist you.” Cas said simply before he led Dean towards his bedroom. 

_I'm being put to bed like a toddler, this sucks…_ Dean thought dully.

Cas opened his door for him and Dean stumbled inside, thankfully landing on the edge of his bed. Cas bent in front of him and untied his shoelaces before pulling at the heavy boots and setting them aside.

“You should remove your jeans. You'll sleep better without them.” Cas said from somewhere to his right.

“What kinda girl do you think I am?” Dean asked in a poor attempt at humor. 

There was silence for a moment and Dean wondered if he'd scared Cas away before a gentle hand touched his shoulder. 

“Lie down, Dean. Get some rest. I can watch over you if you'd like?” Cas had whispered the last and Dean wasn't sure he'd even heard him correctly.

“m good. Juss… juss tired. Thanks Cas.” Dean mumbled before flopping over onto his pillow. 

He felt someone, Cas, lift his feet and place them on the bed. He felt a cool material settle over his shoulders and realized Cas must have tossed a spare sheet over him. This was nice, it was nice to be taken care of. He meant to say thanks, meant to say goodnight, but he was asleep before his mouth could form the words.

xxx 

Dean slept fitfully that night, but he DID sleep. Hell, he was in bed for at least 6 hours. His dreams had been hazy and confusing but he forgot them quickly upon waking. He thought he heard Cas wandering around outside his door at some point in the night. But, he couldn't be sure.

He yawned loudly and scratched lazily at the skin on his chest. What time was it? He glanced at his cell, the numbers stared back at him boldly, **9:08am**. 

Hmmm… he was usually up and around before 7. Guess he'd needed the sleep. He yawned again and ran a hand through his sleep tousled hair. He was surprised Sam's sasquatch ass hadn't banged on his door yet. Speaking of… he had a prank war to set in motion. 

He grinned wickedly to himself and stretched happily. Oh, this would be good. He rose unsteadily and winced almost immediately. He rubbed absently at his back and frowned. Guess he had slept funky last night. Whatever. Nothing some Advil and a shower wouldn't fix!

He whistled an old Bon Jovi song to himself tunelessly and trotted towards the bathroom. He was halfway through undressing though when he realized he'd forgotten his towel. 

“Son of a- damn…” he grumbled quietly. He rolled his eyes at himself and slipped quickly down the hall towards his room. 

He reached behind his door to grab the towel off it's hook, but his hands only met empty air. _Huh?_ He thought in confusion. He poked his head around the door, maybe it had fallen on the floor? But, the area was bare except for his boots, which were placed neatly against the wall.

“Come on…” He muttered and pursed his lips. Maybe the dirty clothes? No, not there. The chair? No. Mixed in with his blankets? No again. What the fuck!

_Wait a minute..._ He thought suspiciously. Cas had been in here last night. Maybe he'd taken it? Or moved it at least! That should explain it.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, Cas walked casually down the hall and past Dean's room. He gave Dean a brief nod and a “good morning” by way of greeting.

“Cas! Hold up!” Dean called quickly. 

He heard Cas's footsteps halt before turning back towards him. “Yes, Dean?” He asked calmly. A little TOO calmly maybe?

Den narrowed his eyes at him. “Did you move my towel last night?” He asked without preamble.

Cas’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I beg your pardon?” 

“My towel. Brown, fuzzy, usually draped elegantly around my hips? Ring a bell?” Dean asked with a slight edge to his voice.

Cas’s cheeks pinkened slightly at the description but he continued to look confused. “I did not move it, no. Though I believe I saw it in the bathroom a few minutes ago. Did you check in there?”

Dean huffed an irritated breath. “Of course I did, Cas. What am I stupid?” 

Cas raised an eyebrow and smirked slyly at him.

“Don't answer that.” He bit out in irritation.

Cas shrugged at him. “That's where I saw it. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to check again?” 

“Fine, fine…” Dean muttered as he followed Cas out the door. 

_Where in the hell did I put that damn thing? I checked the laundry… maybe the dryer? I didn't wash cloth-_ Dean's inner ramblings were cut off however as he entered the bathroom. 

There was his towel, resting benignly on the hook next to the shower, like it had been there the whole time. Had it? Maybe he'd overlooked it? No… no he'd definitely not come in here with it, right?

“See,” Cas said beside him. “Right where I told you.”

Dean mouth twisted in irritation and he narrowed his eyes again. Then again, maybe Cas HAD moved it and was now messing with him. 

“Guess so…” Dean said lightly, attempting to play it cool. Maybe he'd be planning a prank war for Sam AND Cas.

Cas said nothing more as he stepped out of the bathroom and back into the hall. _Sneaky little bastard…_ Dean thought suspiciously.

The rest of his shower was uneventful. He did manage to get some soap in his eyes because he was busy pantomiming singing into his bar of soap, but that was quickly remedied. 

He toweled off and made his way back down the hall to change. He needed a cup of coffee, stat, and he could smell delicate wafts from the machine coming down the hall.

He stepped into the kitchen, doing his best to muffle a yawn and failing miserably. Sam glanced up at him from his seat at the table and gave him an appraising look.

“Nice of you to join us, Aurora.” Sam said with a twinkle in his eye.

Dean's forehead scrunched in confusion. Aurora?

“Like those lights?” He asked in confusion.

Sam rolled his eyes dramatically. “Like Sleeping Beauty. Dude, what the hell?” 

Dean shrugged but didn't answer. He'd known that, he loved Disney. He was just still waking up, he hadn't even had his coffee!

“You look like shit, what's wrong?” Sam asked, his words lacked bite but Dean still felt his shoulders stiffen. 

“Nothing's wrong, ass. I'm just waking up. We can't all have woodland creatures helping us get ready in the morning.” May as well stick with the princess theme this morning.

“Whatever. Eggs are on the stove.” Sam said before he dipped his head back down to the book in front of him. 

Dean's eyes lit up. Eggs! He was starving. 

Dean was 2/3rds of the way through his breakfast when Cas swanned in, presumably for another cup of coffee. Dean looked up with a mouthful of scrambled eggs and offered Cas a large grin. He knew some of the food dribbled out of his mouth, which would only add to the effect.

Cas wrinkled his nose in distaste at Deans table manners and Dean chuckled around his food.

“Good morning, Sam, Dean.” Cas said on his way to the coffee pot. 

Dean would admit to some slight concern that Cas's blood seemed to have been replaced with caffeine when he'd been turned mortal, but he kept the thought to himself.

Dean continued working his way through his eggs while Cas added the sugar to his coffee and joined them at the table.

“How's your ankle this morning, Dean?” He asked politely before taking a slow slurp from his mug. Dean pointedly ignored the way Cas’s eyes closed in rapture at drinking the scalding liquid. He DEFINITELY ignored the way Cas’s pink tongue chased a stray drop of the coffee from the edge of the mug after, as well.

_This guy's going to give me heart failure, fuck._ Dean choked a little before managing to swallow the overly large bite he'd taken.

“S’good. Healin' fine.” He tested said ankle experimentally and frowned at the twinge of pain that elicited. 

“I was going to mention that actually, Dean…” Sam said next to him. He cleared his throat and looked up anxiously. “Cas’s head wound should heal fine here pretty soon. But, I’m afraid that your ankle is going to put you out of commission for a few weeks at least…”

Dean’s brows dropped heavily over his eyes as he took in Sam’s meaning. He was right, of course, Dean’s ankle was going to bench him for AT LEAST another 4 weeks, longer if he was going to be on the safe side. He still didn’t like the thought of lounging around the bunker for a month without anything to do.

“I know this isn’t what you wanna hear right now, but I thi-” Sam was cut off by a loud clattering from Dean’s fork as it smacked loudly onto his plate.

“Yeah, I got it. I’m second string for the next month. Whatever.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in irritation. “I’m sure you and Cas will have a great time as Butch and Sundance.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant, jerk. I was just thinking that maybe we could all… I dunno, use this time as a little break. We’ve been going pretty nonstop for a while. It might be a good idea to just take it easy for a little bit? I mean, we’re sort of between Apocalypses at the moment, and how often does that happen?” Sam chuckled lightly and Dean felt the tension between his shoulder blades ease. Kid had a point.

Dean weighed the thought for a moment. It was actually a great idea. But, he didn’t want to give Sam the satisfaction of knowing that. “Sure thing, bitch. If you’ve been feeling bogged down recently you could have just said so.”

Sam gave an exaggerated eye roll but lowered his head and went back to his book. A month to just lounge around the Bunker? That sounded fantastic actually. He glanced over at Cas to judge how he was taking the information. He looked nonplussed as usual. He always had a hell of a time getting a read on the guy. He’d gotten better recently, but… 

“What do ya say, bud? Wanna get eat junk food and sleep in for a month?” Dean asked Cas conversationally.

Cas turned a bland eye towards him. His mug was held loosely in one hand and he regarded Dean with a raised eyebrow. “That sounds acceptable. It will give me some more time to… adjust.” Cas said simply.

Dean knew that Cas was being deliberately vague, but it was easy enough to guess his meaning. Maybe they could run some training exercises while they were taking some time off. It would alleviate a lot of Dean’s anxieties if he could help Cas practice, get a feel for how Cas was adjusting. 

“Acceptable it is then, Sammy.” Dean burped loudly and patted his stomach happily. “Thanks for breakfast!”

Sam gave him a disgusted look promptly followed by his favorite bitch face. “Glad it met your exceedingly high standards. Now, if you’ll recall, there’s a broken coffee table in the other room with your name on it.” Sam raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Sure, I’ll get right on it.”

A sharp hiss from Cas drew their attention to the other side of the table. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was touching gingerly along the edges of the bandages on his forehead. “I forgot…” He said through a tight throat. 

“Mmm yeah, I should probably look at that. Come on, dude.” Dean gestured with his head towards the hallway. He dropped his plate in the sink on the way out. He was limping, but only just, and for that he was thankful. He heard Cas following behind him sedately and tried to ignore the rush of heat across his cheeks.

xxx

When asked later, Dean wouldn’t be able to give a reasonable answer as to how he’d gotten into this position. In fact, he wasn’t sure himself how he’d gotten into this position. It had started innocently enough, Dean wanted to check on Cas’s dressing, make sure it was healing, no infection, change the bandage etc. Cas had agreed and followed him serenely into the bathroom. And then from there to here, it was a blur. 

Which was how, Dean found himself lying spread eagle on the floor of the bathroom, ankle throbbing, head spinning, with Cas’s stupid, beautiful face leaning over him in concern. Beautiful? No, no, that was the head spinning. Focus on the ankle throbbing. Because man, that hurt like a bitch!

“Dean? Dean!” Cas was saying quickly. “Can you hear me, Dean?”

“Huh... wha… yeah, yeah! Cas, get off, I’m fine.” Dean waved him away in irritation. He frowned and closed his eyes tightly before running a hand down his face. He was getting way to old for this shit.

He hefted himself up heavily into a sitting position and leaned his head against the wall next to him. It was those damn shittin’ ass eyes of Cas’s that had done it. He’d been perfectly fine, dabbing some antiseptic on the cut, he’d turned to grab a bandage and then bam! When he’d turned back around, Cas had been looking at him with those stupid eyes, the color of stupid sapphires and full of some kind of stupid trust. It had taken him by surprise, though he wasn’t sure why. He knew what color Cas’s eye were, knew that Cas trusted him, despite all the reasons he shouldn’t. He KNEW all of that, dammit. So, why had it felt like he had gotten sucker punched when faced with it.

Cas had pinched his brows and looked at Dean in confusion, he’d even done that head tilt that reminded Dean of a labrador. Cas had opened his mouth to speak but all of a sudden it was like Dean couldn’t breathe. He’d taken a step backwards, forgetting about his sprained ankle and had applied too much weight to the joint. The pain had shocked him, he’d lost his footing, and had slipped. Yes, that seemed like a likely sequence of events. It mostly made sense anyway.

_Fucking stupid, stupid stupid, Dean._ He squeezed his eyes shut and silently berated himself. _That was a rookie mistake. It’s just been too long… I haven’t been laid in forever._ His eyes snapped open immediately at that. He HADN’T been laid in forever, but that was no reason for his brain to bring that up quite so closely to his thoughts on Cas. Shit.

“Dean… How many fingers am I holding up?” Cas had crowded into his field of vision again and he frowned at the former angel. He was holding up 3 of those distractingly handsome fingers in front of Dean’s face. Dean smacked his hand away quickly and rubbed his own hand against his face.

“I’m fine, Cas. Just slipped.” How embarrassing. Thankfully, Sam wasn’t in here to witness it.

“What year is it? Who’s the President? What’s 8 times 8?” Cas persisted. He looked worried and Dean would feel flattered if he wasn’t so annoyed. 

Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a sneer on his lips. “Jesus, I said I was fine. Who’s teaching you this shit anyways?”

Cas looked mildly affronted and his lips thinned into a sharp line. “Sam has been teaching me some rudimentary first aid.” He paused here to gauge Dean’s reaction to his words before continuing. “You’ll recall that I asked YOU first, but you’ve proved too busy.” Cas stood angrily and stepped back from Dean without offering to help him up.

Dean felt a pang of guilt at that. Cas HAD asked him to help, but Dean kept finding an excuse to put it off. For the life of him though, he couldn’t think of why he’d been doing that. He’d likely have to apologize to Cas again. Christ, he was having a rough few days. He decided to continue leaning against the wall for another few moments, outwardly it was to get his bearings, but inwardly it was to wallow a little in some self-pity.

He saw Cas out of the corner of his eye as he nimbly applied the butterfly bandages to his forehead and then a larger bandage on top of that. He’d done a hell of a lot better job than Dean had done last time. Which begged the question, why had he let Dean tend to his forehead anyway when he was better at applying bandages and knew “rudimentary first aid” from Sam. _Huh…_ He thought dumbly.

Cas quickly stepped out of the bathroom without a backward glance at Dean. Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was living with a bunch of drama mama’s. He grabbed the edge of the sink next to him and used it to leverage himself upright. Mindful of his swollen ankle he leaned a hip against the porcelain and turned on the tap. He leaned his head over and splashed his face a few times with the cool water, hoping it would help him get his head on straight.

He looked up at himself in the mirror from under his eyelashes and huffed a deep breath. Water beaded off of his nose and stuck his eyelashes together. _What am I doing?_ He thought despondently. A shadow shifted behind him and to the left and he narrowed his eyes. What was that… He continued to stare at the place that he’d seen the movement and waited patiently. 

After a couple of minutes however, nothing else happened. Fuck, maybe he DID have a concussion. He shouldn’t have been so short with Cas. He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat and snagged a hand towel next to the sink. He scrubbed the water from his face roughly and tossed the fabric into the basin of the sink. 

He looked at himself in the mirror again, looking for something, though he wasn’t sure what. Something felt… off. He couldn’t quite place it though. Maybe those eggs had gone bad? He narrowed his eyes at himself for a moment as if asking his reflection for answers.

“DEAN!” Sam’s voice screeched from down the hall. “COFFEE TABLE!”

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there's spoopy-ness next chapter so get ready for that!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I couldn't decide where to end it or if the nightmare was scary enough. Hold on to your poopy everyone, it's about to get spoopy.

Dean was in the middle of wrestling the damn leg back onto the table when Cas wandered in and plopped himself down on the couch next to him. Dean glanced at him with wary eyes before turning his attention back to the task at hand. He should probably keep his mouth shut, if Cas wanted to talk to him, he would.

Sure enough, a couple minutes later, Cas shifted restlessly on the sofa and said in a hesitant voice. “I may have overreacted.”

Dean angled his head towards the other man but didn’t look up. 

Cas was silent for another few seconds before adding, “I hope your head is ok.”

Dean finally turned to regard him with an appraising eye. Cas HAD overreacted, but Dean had been a dick about it. Dean shrugged his shoulders and fumbled with a screwdriver absently. “Doubt a bump on the head could make me dumber than I am already. Who knows, maybe it knocked some sense into me?” Dean chuckled lightly at his joke. “Though, fat chance of that.”

He turned a half smile towards Cas and felt it freeze on his face. Cas’s expression had gone from awkwardly apologetic to avenging angel of the Lord in approximately .02 seconds. Dean wasn’t sure what he’d done this time but maybe it was time for an apology of his own.

“Look, man. I’m sorry. I know I-” Dean started but was quickly cut off.

“Why do you always do that?” Cas asked sharply.

“Uh… do what?” Dean replied lamely.

“You always put yourself down. I’ve been observing you and Sam’s behavior for a while now and it’s a habit I’ve noticed that you always fall back on. Sam too, to a certain extent. Is it a defense mechanism?” Cas’s expression was still stony but he’d tilted his head towards Dean at the question.

_Uhh…._ “Uhh…” Dean floundered for an answer. “I uh… don’t know? Just makin’ a joke, Cas.” He felt his cheeks pinken and he rubbed at the back of his neck absently.

“I believe the purpose of a joke is to elicit a laugh from the listening party. Those jokes don’t make me want to laugh, Dean. They give my vesse- they upset MY stomach. There’s a strange twisting sensation here…” He touched a hand lightly over his abdomen and looked at it like it had offended him. “It happens every time you make one of those jokes. It doesn’t feel good, Dean.”

“Jeez, Cas, come on. I’m just messin’ around.” Dean tried to explain it away but found that he didn’t really have the words to justify it. Cas always was good at cutting through his bullshit. 

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean and they stared at one another in silence for an inappropriately long time before Dean finally felt heat flame up his neck and he turned away. He’d had a flash of that damn Brian Wilson commercial from a few years ago while they’d been contemplating one another. What had he said? Eyes like the ocean, but don’t stare to long or you’ll fall in? God, that guy was an ass. So, why had he been slapped with the memory of it while he looked at Cas? Ugh, whatever.

He turned his attention back to the table and purposefully ignored the feeling of Cas watching him while he worked. He could feel the weight of the other man’s stare on the back of his neck and he suppressed the urge to shiver. Why wasn’t this damn… blush, going away? No, he didn’t blush, chick’s blushed. He uh… reddened! Yeah, why wasn’t this redden-ing-ing… going away? Maybe that fall HAD knocked something loose upstairs.

“What are you doing?” Cas asked behind him. Closer behind him than he’d started. Dean yelped and whipped around accusingly. The guy was like a fucking ninja, shit! 

“Dude, the hell?” Dean clutched a hand over his heart and inhaled deeply to try to calm down.

Cas’s eyes widened and he looked down quickly. Was he embarrassed? “I apologize. I was just trying to see what you were doing.”

What? Oh. Right, the damn coffee table. “Oh uh, I’m just screwing this leg back on. It looks like it just popped off, so hopefully it’s an easy fix.” He felt his pulse slow as he bent over the wooden leg in his hands.

Cas scooted off the couch to sit beside him on the floor. He crossed his legs and rested his hands lightly on his knees. _Cute._ Dean though and then promptly ignored that he’d thought it.

“What are you using the…” Cas squinted in concentration at the screwdriver in Dean’s hands. “Phillips for?” He asked proudly.

Dean offered him a smirk by way of acknowledgement. “Most screws fit a Phillip’s, so it’s usually a safe bet to have one ready. See?” He said and tilted the small bowl of screws on the floor towards Cas. Cas picked one up interestedly and eyed the screwdriver.

“Yes, I could see how the X-shape would allow for a better grip. It must also assist with the... torque.” Cas looked at Dean for approval. Dean was fairly certain that Cas was just throwing out buzzwords at this point, but he appreciated the attempt. 

“Sure thing, buddy. Grip and torque, name of the game.” Dean said, and then immediately regretted it when Sam walked through and laughed loudly.

“Grip and torque, huh? I’ve never heard it called that before, Dean. Don’t you normally just call that “relaxing” or “going to bed early”? Sam asked and even freakin’ air-quoted around the phrases. _Jesus, Sam!_ What, like Dean was supposed to tell his asshole brother that he was going to his room to masturbate at night? Like Sam would ever let him live down that mortification. No, nice code word phrases worked just fine.  
Cas looked confused, which was typical. Dean was thankful for that. He didn’t want to the little guy to know what they were discussing.

Dean flipped Sam off and went back to what he was doing. Though, he had to admit… grip and torque WERE good masturbation buzzwords. In fact, that would be a good skin mag name… 

Dean was so laser focused on lining up screws and picturing hot bodies in dirty magazines that he didn’t notice Cas slowly slumping downwards until he was mostly on the floor. In fact, Dean had been so intent on his task that he’d replaced the screws on all the remaining legs and tightened them all for good measure before he even looked up. 

He turned to say, “ta-da!” only to find Cas as a puddle slumped against the couch and mostly across the floor. Hm.

_Hmmm… what was that about?_ He reached out a hand and shook Cas’s shoulder gently, “Wake up, man. Cas, buddy, wake up!”

Cas snorted inelegantly and blinked rapidly before righting himself. “My apologies. We uh.. We were discussing… torque?” He asked while rubbing a knuckle against his eye. 

“Sure were.” He said simply. Should he mention the sleeping thing? Was that a sensitive topic? “Hey uh, how… how’ve you been sleeping?” He asked with an air of casualness.

It fell flat however and Cas looked at him sharply. “Fine, thank you.” Cas responded stiffly. He rolled his neck in a couple of small circles that Dean watched anxiously. It didn’t feel right to leave it at that.

“Be straight with me, Cas. Sam and I… we can hear you wandering around at night. We’re worried, man.” Dean pressed a little more firmly. “Please.” He added as an afterthought.

Cas looked at him searchingly for a few moments, but neither spoke. Cas ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath that made his cheeks puff out exaggeratedly. _That was… very human._ Dean thought wryly.

Cas shrugged then and looked at Dean with pain in his eyes. “Angels don’t dream.” He started. “We don’t sleep, so I suppose that should stand to reason. I’ve found dreaming to be… disorienting. I’m still learning to distinguish between what’s reality and what’s… not, after I’ve woken. There’s a bit of a learning curve I’m afraid. And I’ve found some dreams are… rather disturbing.” He shuddered here and closed his eyes as if remembering something unpleasant. He took a few steady inhales and exhales before saying, “I’m adjusting.” Dean noticed that he wouldn’t meet his eyes after speaking.

What did he say to that? How do you comfort an angel? How do you give the, “cheer up, things will get better” speech to a disgraced member of Heaven? Dean opened his mouth to offer Cas some false platitudes: “It’ll get better!” “You’ll learn!” “Wait for the wet dreams!” Nothing sounded right.

Dean may not know what it’s like to start having dreams at the age of several millenia old, but he’d had his fair share of bad dreams. Hell, his entire life had been one nightmare after another. He knew where Cas was coming from on this. Knew what it was like to wake suddenly in the middle of the night and not know if you were still in Hell, still in Purgatory, being torn apart by Hellhounds, watching Sam die, watching Cas beat you to death. He KNEW the heart stopping terror that came with those types of nightmares. So, why couldn’t he think of any comforting words?

He watched his friend with sad eyes. He wished that he could make this better for him. He wanted to take all the hurt from Cas’s heart and all the weight from his shoulders. Dean would shoulder any burden for this man in front of him. That was a startling realization, though, there was no reason for it to be. He’d called Cas a brother before, and while the words hadn’t fit perfectly, the sentiment had been true. Cas was his family, he would do anything for him. He would die for Cas, so maybe he should make more of an effort to make living easier for him?

He reached out a tentative hand and placed it on one of Cas’s shoulders. Cas didn’t look up, but he leaned into the pressure. Dean took that as quiet encouragement. He squeezed Cas’s shoulder once and smiled tightly at him. _I’m here, Cas. I’ll always be here._

xxx

After Dean and Cas had moved past their awkward tete-a-tete they managed to wrangle the table upright and back into position. _Not bad!_ Dean had thought. _It’s not even wobbly!_ Sam made them all a relatively healthy dinner of black bean burgers, which confused Dean but he had thrown a tantrum and smothered his in ketchup. He refused to admit that it actually, maybe, wasn’t completely terrible. Cas at least looked happy when he’d found out the patties hadn’t contained any meat. 

After dinner, they meandered back into the living room for another movie night. He and Sam had squabbled for a few minutes over what they were going to watch until they both settled on watching a few episodes of Next Gen. Dean had made the argument that Cas deserved to know who Barclay was, and the mention of Nnenna’s dog quickly shut Sam up.

They settled into their seats, Dean and Cas on the couch and Sam in his chair as per usual. It didn’t take long before Cas had questions though. “Why is that crew member frightened of travel?” Cas asked quietly next to Dean’s ear. He’d been shushed on more than one occasion in the past and they’d attempted to get him to be silent during TV time, all they’d managed however, was to get him to ask his questions more quietly.

“He’s got a phobia.” Dean had responded in a whisper.

Cas was silent for a few minutes before he leaned back over to Dean. “This manner of travel is similar to how angels teleport through the dimensions.”

“That’s neat, buddy.” Dean had responded.

Cas was silent again until the end of the episode where O’Brien was discussing the nature of fear with Barclay. Dean had forgotten about their discussion earlier until Cas breathed into his ear again. “Were you frightened to travel with me?”

Dean turned towards him with a scrunched eyebrow.

“Whenever I used to teleport you and Sam anywhere, you always seemed… disoriented after. Were you… frightened?” Cas looked worried and Dean felt a pang in his chest. _Aww, hell... Poor Cas._

“No, man. It didn’t scare us. Just felt funny, ya know?” Dean turned back towards the television, ready to start the next episode. Cas’s voice drifted to him quietly though and he strained his ears to hear him better.

“What does scares you, Dean?” Cas’s voice was a whisper carried towards him on a breath. He sounded sad and uncomfortable.

Dean felt a chill run down his back at the words. What DID scare him? He’d seen every horrific monstrosity there was in Creation. He’d seen and done just about every vile act the mind could conjure during his time in Hell, even his time in Purgatory had been full of nightmares. What was he afraid of? He glanced at Sam to see if he’d heard Cas’s question. His eyes were fixed to the TV and he was used to Dean and Cas’s bullshit, so he probably hadn’t heard a word they’d spoken to one another. That was just as well, he didn’t really need an extra listener right now. What was he afraid of? He couldn’t mention flying in planes, Cas would just assume he meant all flying, and that included with the angel.

He turned and offered Cas a roguish grin. “Those people from the Jersey Shore. Those tans ain’t natural.”

Cas seemed surprised at the answer and graced Dean with a head tilt and a squint. Dean just winked at him and relaxed more fully into the couch. It had been a silly answer, just something to mess with Cas. He didn’t really want to examine the true response too closely. No, he wanted to watch Star Trek with his brother and his Cas and relax. 

xxx

Dean lay awake in his bed for what felt like hours that night. He was exhausted for some reason, but he just couldn’t seem to make himself sleep. He’d counted sheep, tried some of Sam’s hippie-dippie breathing exercises, tried that thing where you blink a bunch to tire out your eyes. Nothing seemed to work. He’d even gotten dressed for bed properly that night, loose shirt and his boxer briefs. You couldn’t get any more comfortable. 

He sighed loudly and punched his pillow a couple of times. They’d finished a couple more episodes of Star Trek that night before retiring to bed. Dean had had the prickling feeling on the back of his neck that he was being watched during the last episode. He glanced quickly at Cas from the corner of his eye though and saw the other man looking at him with a frown. That would explain it, though he’d never really gotten that… shiver, that warning in your gut, that feeling something bad was watching you with Cas before. It was probably his almost concussion from this morning.

He had yawned loudly, said goodnight, and picked his way lazily to his room. He felt fatigued out of nowhere and finding his room had been a bigger struggle than it should have. He’d stumbled into the door and fallen gratefully onto his bed. He’d snuggled into his pillows and sighed contentedly but that had been it. He’d only gotten more and more awake the longer he’d laid there. It was pissing him off to be honest.

Several hours passed, or maybe it was minutes, he didn’t know. A quiet buzzing soon broke into his ears and he became aware of the sound slowly. It crept around the corners of his mind, rousing his attention almost gently. The soft sliding of wood against wood brought him fully to alertness. A cold breeze drifted towards his face from nowhere and he shivered against it. The hairs on the back of his neck and along his arms raised then and he felt an unease settle over his stomach. Something wasn’t right… His eyes opened into slits and he took in the room around him. It was dark in his room, the soft light from the hallway that crept under that door was just enough to make out shapes and give impressions of objects though. The unease in his stomach seemed to multiply as he looked cautiously around the room but he wasn’t sure why. 

His vision settled on a corner of the room across from him that was shrouded in shadow. Slow movement drew his attention and he focused more sharply on the darkness. The shadows there seemed to be moving. The twisted and turned, reshaped themselves into… something. They lengthened here and widened there until he thought he knew what they were shaping into. A cold sweat broke across his forehead and down his neck. How was this happening? How was this HERE? 

He felt a tightness settle over his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe. Across from him the movements ceased as a form solidified and took a half-step away from its accompanying shadows. It was human, or, looked human to his panicked eyes. But the proportions were grotesquely distorted and the figure stood much taller than any human possibly could. It’s edges were hazy, as if it still wasn’t quite ready to commit to its new form. It’s head brushed the ceiling and it’s arms touched almost to the floor. It was thin, frighteningly, horribly thin. It seemed to loom outwards towards him, its shape curling across the divide between them. No, no, it couldn’t be here. _It CAN’T be here!_

He struggled then, finally coming to his senses. He needed to turn on the light, now! Right now! That’s all he had to do, get the light on, shadows couldn’t exist with a light shining on them. To his utter devastation he found that while his brain was firing rapidly, it wasn’t communicating with his limbs. He couldn’t move. His body may have been made of cement for all it was responding to him. He felt terror then, true horror that this creature was coming towards him and he couldn’t move to defend himself. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t how it had been. 

It’s black head was still moving slowly towards him, it’s neck craning and elongating the closer it came. It’s arms were twisting and rising, following in the wake of the terrible skull. His heart was beating faster than he’d felt in a long time. If this creature didn’t kill him then his heart surely would. He felt a drop of sweat fall down his neck to pool near his collarbone. He was crying now, hot tears mixing with the cold sweat on his cheeks. His mouth opened to plead, to call for help, to do anything. But no sound escaped him, no noise to alert anyone as to the fate that would soon befall him. 

His stomach felt heavy and painful. Like he’d swallowed a bag of lemons and they were all working there way back up his throat. This wasn’t RIGHT! Why couldn’t he move!? His eyes widened in terror and he felt hot tears streaming down his cold, clammy face. The tracks burned his cheeks like fire and he felt a small tremor work its way through his body.

The creature’s head was only a foot from him now and still it pressed on. From this distance he thought he would be able to make out features on its face, but nothing seemed to mar the surface of the shadow. The black of it darker than anything he’d ever seen, as it neared it seemed to pull the very air from the room into itself like some kind of vacuum. Perhaps this was why he could make no sound, this creature was stealing the very breath from his lungs. His cheeks felt itchy from the mixture of cold sweat and salty tears. He was going to die, he realized suddenly. He was going to die and he couldn’t do anything about it. How quickly would his absence be noted? How long would he lay in this bed, body torn apart from this shadowed horror? How quickly would Sam come in to check on him in the morning? Or Cas? He slammed his eyes closed against the inevitable. _Cas…_ When it was mere inches from his face he opened his jaw to let out a silent scream that he knew no one would hear. The muscles in his jaw seemed to lock against the movement and his mouth hung open in a parody of a scream. 

He wasn’t sure how long he laid in that position. His jaw began to ache after a time but he didn’t seem able to close it or open his eyes now that they were closed. He didn’t want to open them, truthfully, and see that black shadowed skull staring into him as he stared into it. He could picture the scene in front of him clearly enough in his mind’s eyes, he didn’t need to see it with his eyes. The creature would be over his body, pinning him to the mattress with its dark face staring sightlessly at his own, inches away. It was waiting for him to gaze upon it’s visage before it struck. He knew it with a certainty he felt in his bones. 

After what may have been hours, or perhaps only seconds, he felt the muscles in his jaw relax. His limbs eased themselves slowly into the bed, he’d been unaware that he had tensed them. He waited still, waited for that creature to tear into him, to feel a hand cold as the night itself touch him. But, nothing came. Still, he waited. 

xxx

The next morning he was awoken abruptly by a rough knocking against his door. “Dean!” Sam called harshly. “Dude, get up! You’ve been in bed all morning!”

Dean’s brain was sluggish to come online, as if he had molasses running between his ears. Finally, his brain seemed to connect the fact that it was morning and he was still, blessedly, remarkably, alive. His eyes whipped towards the corner of the room where… that creature had been last night. 

In the light of day, there was nothing there though. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. His throat felt sore like he’d been screaming all night, hmm… He lifted a hand and rubbed it against his eyes wearily. His limbs seemed slow to cooperate this morning and he cursed himself internally. That was a hell of a nightmare.

“Dean…” Sam’s voice floated through the wood again. His annoyed tone from earlier replaced with something softer, something worried. “Hey, are you okay? Can I come in?”

Sam turned the knob of his door slowly, giving him time to tell him to stop. He didn’t.

Sam peeked around the edge of the door once he’d gotten it mostly open and his eyes held concern for his big brother. He shuffled in slowly and scrutinized Dean with a frown. “What happened?” He asked quietly.

Dean slowly hefted himself up onto one arm and frowned over at Sam. “Dunno.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and sighed. “Bad dream I guess…” He said, his voice was a harsh rasp and he rubbed his throat and smacked his lips to try and ease the discomfort. He was certainly NOT going to tell Sam about… that monster.

Sam squinted his eyes at him and opened his mouth to respond when Cas appeared in the doorway. Cas looked anxious and though Sam was a head taller than he was, Cas did his best to peer over Sam’s shoulder and into the room.

Dean suddenly realized that he was essentially on display for the two of them and felt a wave of embarrassment. They were looking at him like a zoo animal or something! “Look,” He said roughly and made an attempt to clear his throat. “I’m fine. We’re on vacation, so I slept in, so sue me!” He was lying, but they didn’t need to know that.

Sam looked at him skeptically but after a moment of consideration he decided to let it drop. “Alright… I’m making a casserole for lunch.” He turned to exit the room and had to side step Cas, as the other man hadn’t made a move to get out of his way.

Cas looked at him sadly for a moment after Sam had left. There seemed to be an understanding that went between them that neither of them seemed willing to voice. Cas nodded to him once with a twist to his mouth before he quietly left Dean’s room and gently closed the door behind him. 

Dean slumped back against his mattress and stared morosely at his ceiling. He hadn’t dreamt about that damn thing in a long time. And it had never, NEVER, felt like that before. In the dreams he’d had before he was always running and that fucking… whatever it was, was chasing him. It was some kind of horror that existed in Purgatory. He shuddered against the memory of it and closed his eyes.

He’d felt so absolutely helpless. He’d been trapped by his own body, held captive by his inability to move. He placed both hands over his eyes and sighed heavily. So much for getting a good night’s sleep. Maybe he could start pacing the hallways at night with Cas. Jesus.

xxx

True to his word, Sam had made a casserole for lunch. It smelled amazing and Dean felt his mouth water and his stomach growl as he walked towards the kitchen. Had he eaten last night? What had they had? 

He yawned loudly and scratched absently at his chest as he ambled into the kitchen. His ankle was hurting like a bitch today but he couldn’t take any painkillers on an empty stomach. So, casserole first, then the hydros! 

Sam glanced up at him from where he was pulling the large tray out of the oven and raised an eyebrow in question. He had oven mitts on that looked like large trout. Where had he even gotten those? He had a hard time believing the Men of Letters had bought those for everyday use.

Dean waved his brother off as he poured a cup of coffee for himself from the mostly empty decanter. “M fine, seriously. Just had a hell of a bad dream.”

Sam nodded in sympathy and settled the casserole on top of the oven for it to cool. “Sorry man, I hate those. You wanna uh… talk about it?” Sam had on his most understanding and gentle puppy dog expression and Dean almost rolled his eyes at him.

“No.” He said simply before taking a sip from his mug. The coffee tasted burnt, which it probably was. Who knew when Sam had started it, but since it was already after 11, it had to have been hours ago.

Sam frowned at him for a moment but eventually shrugged and made his way around the kitchen gathering plates and utensils for them all. Dean yawned again and sipped eagerly at his coffee mug. He knew that he’d had horrible dreams last night… what had they been about again? He shivered at the memory. He couldn’t quite place what had happened but Jesus had it fucked him up.

Cas wandered in just as Sam was cutting the casserole and dividing it onto plates. Dean thought that that was suspiciously generous of him but he didn’t comment. He yawned again as a large white plate was placed loudly in front of him. 

He grinned excitedly down at the steaming pile of… rice? Pasta? What the fuck was this?

“Uh… Sam?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow and a curled lip. “What uh… what the hell is this?” He prodded it suspiciously with his fork while he asked.

“It’s quinoa.” Sam replied simply. He set a plate down in front of Cas and then sat primly with his own plate across from Dean.

“Keen what?” Dean raised his eyebrows sharply as he asked.

“It’s quinoa. KEEN-WAH.” Sam scooped a large forkful of it and placed it it promptly into his mouth.

“O-kay… but like… what IS it?”

“Think if like… rice and paste had a baby. And it was delicious.” Sam grinned around another forkful.

Dean looked at his plate in distaste and then over to Cas. Cas hadn’t commented on their exchange. In fact, he’d begun eating almost as soon the food had been placed in front of him. He looked perfectly content, chewing happily around large forkfuls.

“Where uh… where’s the meat, Sam?” Dean needed a new angle.

Sam cleared his throat and set his fork down gently on his plate. He linked his fingers together in front of himself and gave Dean a level look. “Dean, there isn’t any meat.”

Dean pursed his lips angrily at Sam and let his fork clatter down loudly. “What do you mean, there isn’t any meat?”

Sam rolled his eyes dramatically. “Will you stop being so dramatic? You don’t need meat in every meal! Your liver may be a lost cause Dean, but there still might be time to save your heart.” Sam added the last with biting sarcasm before picking his fork up again.

“I’m sorry, did you happen to grow a vagina and a pair of tits when I wasn’t looking?” Dean asked angrily. “Sam, I’m a red blooded American male! I need meat with my meals!”

“Would you knock it off!” Sam said angrily. “Jesus, Dean! Just eat your fucking food and be fucking grateful.” Sam slapped his hand down loudly against the table causing all the plates and silverware to clatter around sharply.

Dean felt a slow burning anger run through his veins. Actually, now that Dean thought about it, Sam had been cooking strictly vegetarian meals for the last week. Was he fucking with him? Seemed likely, well Dean could play the waiting game. 

“Fine.” He huffed in irritation. “But I want bacon for breakfast.”

“You know how to cook.” Sam bit back out at him. 

Dean curled his lip but kept his peace. He’d eat Sam’s bullshit health crap… for now. He shoveled a large helping of the little pasta pearls into his mouth and chewed angrily. Actually, it was fucking delicious, but no one needed to know he was enjoying it. He’d cook bacon in the morning for his damn self!

He glanced across at Cas again and frowned in confusion. Cas had gone still. Before, he was eating quietly, chewing his food thoughtfully, but now… He looked… agitated. A muscle twitched steadily in his jaw and he looked at the plate in front of him in poorly concealed anger. God, what was wrong now? 

He sighed around his mouthful of food. Probably something he’d done. Again. He glanced at Sam. Yep, he was pissed too. This was going to be a long day.

xxx

Dean excused himself after another tense 10 minutes at the table. He made a discreet stop to a small cabinet drawer where he grabbed a package of plastic wrap before slipping out of the kitchen. Sam and Cas both looked pissed and so neither of them made any comment when he left. That was probably for the better. He had a prank war to start! It didn’t matter if they were pissed now, because they were going to be REALLY pissed once this started going. His plan was to start small, but it was inevitable that things would escalate once they got going.

Dean casually made his way into the bathroom where he carefully unscrewed all of the lids on Sam’s bathroom liquids. Shampoo, conditioner, a fruity body wash (what the hell) and a bathroom lotion (what the HELL) all lost their caps. Dean applied a small piece of plastic wrap to the opening of the containers before replacing their caps. It was simple, harmless, and perfect to start with.

He left the bathroom feeling more chipper than he had when he’d woken up that morning. And wasn’t that a miracle? He whistled tunelessly to himself as he meandered back towards his room. 

xxx

It was some time later when a faint hum of a melody drifted towards him for down the hall and he paused.

_Please tell me I’m not hearing things… please…._ The sound drifted towards him again and he angled an ear towards it. He couldn’t make out the song but there was definitely music playing somewhere. Hmmm…

He kept an ear turned towards the music and used it to guide his way. He took a turn down a corridor that he wasn’t familiar with and he paused uncertainly. He really hadn’t explored all of the Bunker, like he SHOULD have months ago. Who knew what was down here… Surely nothing dangerous… right?

He frowned and clenched his hands into fists. Dean Winchester hadn’t ever been no bitch, he wasn’t going to start today. He stepped cautiously into the hall and followed it down the the last door on the left. There was a faint glow creeping around the edges of the door and Dean peered slowly through the crack. The music was loud enough here that he could make out the melody clearly. It was an old song, one that he hadn’t heard in a long time… who was it that sang it, again? It was the more upbeat version with the trumpet… Ella Fitzgerald maybe?

**Say nighty-night and kiss me  
** **Just hold me tight and tell me you miss me,  
** **While I’m alone and blue as can be,  
** **Dream a little dream of me….  
**

********** **

****

It was a nice song. A little old timey for his tastes, but Ella had some pipes on her. And ol’ Louie was a good accompaniment for it. Who was down here listening to this?

He edged closer to the door and peeked cautiously inside. He had to restrain a surprised huff once his eyes made sense of what was happening. 

Cas was sitting in the small room beyond the door. He had his legs curled towards his chest on a lumpy looking couch that had seen better days. There was a record player propped up on a cardboard box next to him that looked like it had been dug out from one of the OTHER cardboard boxes around the room. A tall floor light stood next to him and emitted a soft glow. The warm light touched Cas’s features delicately and ringed his dark hair with a golden glow. _He’s still got his halo…_ Dean though wistfully. 

Cas’s eyes were closed and he had his chin propped up on his knees while he listened. The sleeves from a ratty brown sweater were wrapped around his fingers where they clutched his knees. His hair was in disarray and he was leaning heavily against one of the arms of the couch. Everything about the atmosphere screamed comfort. 

Dean felt a tightening in his chest. He looked… cute, content. There was a… longing in his heart at the sight. Cas looked at ease here… Not quite happy but… peaceful. Like, all this things that bothered him during the day were just old memories. Was this where he was disappearing too at night? If so, Dean had to admit to a small amount of jealousy. 

Dean wanted to step into the room, say something. In fact, the urge was almost overwhelming. But, he held himself back. Cas deserved a space of his own, somewhere he felt safe and could relax. It looked like he’d found that here. He was likely still angry at Dean, and wouldn’t it be just like Dean’s stupid ass to blunder in and ruin something else for the angel. Dean smiled at the soft smile playing on Cas’s lips. No, he’d leave Cas here. If he wanted them to know about this space he would tell them. Dean stepped back quietly and eased away from the door. 

At least Cas was getting some rest. Poor guy needed it, after all. Dean ambled slowly back down the hall, the sultry tones of Ella Fitzgerald wafting over him as he went.

**You gotta make me a promise,  
** **Promise to me  
**You’ll dream, dream a little dream of me…****

********** **

********** **

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing my best to balance horror with humor and with fluff. That will come into play more later on as things get scarier. Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

Things settled into a routine, more or less, after that. Sam continued to cook his vegetarian dishes and Dean pointedly didn’t comment on it. Though he did start preparing his own side dishes with meat, which Sam also didn’t comment on. Cas seemed to be opening up a little more and both brothers were happy to see that. Sam hadn’t mentioned the plastic wrap on the shampoo bottles and Dean was starting to get worried. Sam was planning something… he had to be! Dean just had to be on his guard for a while.

Dean had been happy to discover that he hadn’t had another nightmare in a few days. That first night after he’d been anxious to fall asleep, but it had been uneventful. True, he hadn’t had really RESTFUL sleep in a few days, but no mind jarring nightmares, so that was a win in his book. It was a little less than a week after that first nightmare that Dean finally started to feel himself relaxing. He was overworked, that’s all it had been. The stuff in Louisiana had made him uncomfortable and his brain had a mild flip out about it, no big deal. 

The weather was still blisteringly hot out and Dean was immensely thankful for the air conditioning inside the Bunker that seemed to be pulling double duty recently. Dean yawned loudly and stretched his arms over his head. The pop in his spine that followed was satisfying and he shivered and shook his shoulders out after. He smacked his lips together a couple of times and looked around the Bunker’s “living room” passively. 

He had been worried that he’d get bored sitting around here while not going on hunts, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that civilian life suited him just fine, for now anyway. He was lounging on the couch in his boxers and his sleep shirt and was trying to come up with the motivation to go and make himself breakfast. It was still pretty early, most likely still dark outside. Maybe he could cook breakfast for everyone? Sam had been doubling down on cooking duty and while it was nice, Dean figured he should start returning the favor. It was only fair after all. 

Sam trotted into the room then with an anxious Cas in tow. Sam flipped his hair out of his eyes and pulled a hair band off of his wrist as he wandered towards the couch. His hair wasn’t quite long enough to tie back, but it could definitely benefit from being pulled back with an elastic headband. Sam wrapped the hair band over his forehead and used it to push back his obnoxiously long hair.

“Got a date?” Dean asked slyly. “I gotta say, I never took you for a spandex on the first date kinda gal, Sammy.”

Sam shot him a nasty look and folded himself forward suddenly. He placed his palms flat on the floor and shifted his hips back and forth to stretch out his legs. “I’m surprised you’re even up, Gimpy. You could probably benefit from another few hours of beauty sleep if I’m being honest.”

Dean huffed an irritated breath and rolled his eyes. He watched as Sam rolled through a series of stretches with a frown. He glanced over towards Cas and watched the other man attempt to mimic Sam’s movements. Now that he was really looking, Sam AND Cas were both in spandex, though Cas was in one of Dean’s old tees and Sam had on a tank. 

Dean felt a blush race across his cheeks as he took in the sights of Cas’s almost naked legs. Who knew that the guy was hiding such powerful muscles under all those slacks and jeans. Sam shot Dean a raised eyebrow and a smirk as he watched Dean watch Cas. Sam had had suspicions about the two of them for a while, but he had wisely kept quiet on the subject. 

It wasn’t until Cas looked over at Dean nervously that Dean realized that he was staring, with his mouth open. He snapped his jaws shut with a click of teeth and coughed a little uncomfortably. “So! What er, uh, what are you guys doing?” Dean asked quickly.

“We’re gonna go for a short run.” Sam said simply as he moved into some bizarre yoga pose. Dean thought it might be called warrior or something equally as ridiculous.

His eyes widened and he glanced over at Cas. Cas was doing a remarkably good job at copying Sam’s stance and Dean had to quickly avert his eyes from the flex of Cas’s thighs. _Jesus Lord Almighty…_

“Run? Sam’s it’s like the surface of the sun outside!” Dean said.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother and moved smoothly into another pose. A sun salutation? Why did he know all these names…? “It’s still dark out, the temperature should be fine for a while yet.”

“It ain’t natural, Sammy. And you’re dragging Cas into it now?”

“Cas ASKED to go, you couch potato. And you might consider some cardio yourself, you’re getting a little soft around the middle.” Sam quirked a brow at him and smiled widely.

Dean spluttered indignantly for a few seconds before angrily crossing his arms over his chest. He was NOT getting soft in the middle. Those were just extra muscles. Like those strong men who threw pianos through windows or whatever, they had thick cores. That’s what Dean had, a thick trunk, ‘cause he was so strong.

Sam chuckled lightly and sent a wink over to Cas. They continued to stretch for another few minutes before Sam clapped his hands in front of him excitedly. “Alright! Ready to go, dude?”

Cas nodded solemnly. He looked like he was on his way to be a pallbearer at a funeral. Though, if Dean were about to go for a run in the middle of summer he might look like he was attending a funeral as well. The funeral would be for him though.

“Be safe, make smart choices, you two!” Dean hollered at them as they made their way towards the stairs.

Sam waved over his shoulder and Cas shot him a small quizzical smile before they turned the corner. 

Dean looked around the room expectantly. _Ok! Now what…_

xxx

Thirty minutes later and Dean was glancing nervously towards the door to the Bunker. Sam had said a short run… how long was a short run? When Sam went out by himself he was usually gone at least an hour and half. Cas surely wouldn’t be up for that kind of strain yet, right? Plus, there was the heat to take into account. Sam had said that it was still early, sure, but once the sun crested the horizon it would start baking their little corner of Kansas pretty quickly.

He tapped a rhythm against his thighs while he considered his options. They could be cooling down? Walking back to the Bunker or something. Maybe they were just outside the door and stretching? OR, Cas could have pushed himself too hard and he was suffering heat exhaustion out in the woods? OR, Sam had tried to jump a branch and caught his foot? God, maybe he’d fallen and smacked his head on a rock or something? Cas couldn’t carry him back on his own! Sam weighed a ton even when he wasn’t just dead weight. Could Sam carry Cas back if he’d passed out? Jesus, what if they were outside screaming for Dean’s help and he couldn’t hear them?!

Maybe he could just peek outside and check? If they were out there stretching he could make some snide comment about being able to smell them from downstairs. He could play it off like he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t really, right? He just might as well make sure they were ok. He wasn’t doing anything right now. Ok, yeah, he’d just check real quick. Just a quick glance around.

He nodded to himself resolutely and stood unsteadily. He felt a stab of pain shoot up his leg from his ankle. _Stupid fucking worthless foot._ He should probably have gotten a boot or something, but Sam would never have let him live down the humiliation.

He was still in his boxers and shirt but that was fine. He was just peeking out the door after all. He threw on his work boots just in case he needed to take a step out the door though. He made his way carefully towards the stairs and ascended them slowly. His ankle hurt like a bitch today for some reason. He spent the entire time going up the stairs thinking of increasingly gruesome scenarios that he’d find his brother and his… Cas had gotten into. 

_Are there wolves in the woods out back? Surely not. No, no, definitely not. But there could be bears… Black bears lived in this part of country, don’t they? Oh Jesus, what about snakes! A water moccasin could easily have gotten one of them! Or if they’d fallen and hit their heads on a rock? The trails aren’t prepped for outdoor activities, I should have SAID something!_ This went on and on until Dean was standing in front of the front door in a cold sweat. _No, no, get a fucking grip, Winchester. Come on, they’re fine. It’s only been like 45 minutes. They’re fine, they’re fine, YOU’RE fine!_

He inhaled a deep breath and pushed the door open slowly. He was almost surprised that he didn’t immediately see Sam and Cas’s dead bodies lying on the stoop. He exhaled loudly and rubbed a hand across his face. _I’m losing my mind._

He poked his head out of the door and looked around the area with narrowed eyes. Everything looked… normal. Perfectly normal. The sun hadn’t quite made it’s way over the horizon yet so everything was that strange grey/purple of the pre-dawn. Dean had always liked this time of day, it felt like new beginnings and fresh starts. It didn’t look very fresh this morning though… Something felt… strange, wrong even, outside. He turned his ear outwards and listened closely.

The gentle sound of the wind in the trees drifted back to him. It should have been pleasant, warm summer mornings usually felt wonderful. He strained his ears harder and closed his eyes. The wind sounded like whispers, like there were voices in the trees. He shivered and felt goosebumps run along his arms.

“...dean…”

“...De…”

“Dean!”

Dean’s head snapped forwards and he leaned further out the door. The trees may be whispering but that was DEFINITELY Sam’s voice calling for him. He sounded panicked and Dean shivered again. Fuck! Where had that come from! He knew it, he KNEW something was wrong!

Dean hurried out the door and looked quickly to his left and right. _Come on, come on, Sammy… give me a clue, where are you!_

“Deeeean…”

Dean’s head snapped to the right. That had been Cas. Jesus, what had happened! 

He hustled towards the direction the sound had come from. He was limping slightly. He was trying his best to get moving quickly but to not exacerbate his injury if he could help it. Cas’s voice had come from around the back of the Bunker and he made his way there.

“Sam!” Dean bellowed. No response.

“Cas!” Dean tried again. Nothing.

_Shit, shit shit, shit!_

“...Dea…”

Sam again, it sounded louder this time. He was getting closer!

“Sam! Where are you!” He cupped his hands over his mouth to try and make his voice carry. He had circled around to the back of the Bunker and was looking around himself frantically. “Sam! Cas!” He yelled loudly.

A loud groan caught his ears and he spun in a tight circle, looking for the source of the noise. “Sam... ?” Dean asked quietly. There was silence around him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to calm down so he could track those two idiots.

The trees around him creaked against the wind in the branches and he shivered at the sound. Next to him there was a small pond with a creek that gurgled quietly into it. The sound of the water running over the rocks in the creekbed caught his attention. It sounded like static to his over exerted senses and he frowned. 

The gentle lapping of the water met the wind creaking through the trees around him and he shuddered involuntarily. The sound should have been pleasant. He’d always liked being outside, had enjoyed the novelty of it since they spent so much time in the Impala and hotels growing up. He had even been eager to move in to the Bunker when he’d gotten a good look at the woods outside of it. He’d never been a hiker, but being surrounded by Nature, having the option of going outside had been appealing. Now, the sounds of the creek sent a chill up his spine and the trees raised goosebumps on his arms. He did his best to ignore it. He NEEDED to find Sam and Cas. Their voices hadn’t come out of the gloom around him in a few minutes and he was terrified that they wouldn’t again. 

A particularly loud groan to his left jolted him out of the concentration he was trying to cultivate. He swung his head around quickly to look beside him. Naturally, only the empty woods and the trees greeted him. He knew, logically, that it was only the trees blowing in the wind but the sound had been so loud and so… near, that it had startled him. _Come on, Dean, focus, focus, you gotta find Cas, you gotta find Sam. They need you right now._

On his other side the lapping of the creek water seemed to pick up its speed. The quiet murmur of the water was replaced with a dull roar. Alarmed, he swiveled his head back around. The forest looked the same, the purples of the night beginning to fade as the sun slowly made its way upwards. The area around him was washed of color and was a mass of greys and blacks. It reminded him… oh no… it looked like… like… 

Purgatory.

Dean tightened her lips at the thought. He’d been spooked and now that would be the only thing he could think about. The creaks and groans from the trees and the lapping and roaring of the water seemed to grow louder under his scrutiny. His distress was mounting and he could feel his heart pick up it’s rhythm. The sounds chased one another into his ears, their cadence growing faster and their timbre growing louder. Soon, everything else was drowned out and all he could hear was the roaring and the crashing and creaking and the groaning of the noises into his ears. 

He clapped her hands over the sides of his head in an attempt to dull the sounds. This seemed to have no effect and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing the sounds to stop. He couldn’t be doing this right now! He needed to focus, Sam and Cas NEEDED him right now! He had to pull it together! Please God, please, he needed to pull it together! 

He attempted to find his voice against the roiling of his mind. “SAM! CAS!” He screamed. His voice was lost to the noises rushing towards him and he couldn’t be sure if he’d said anything at all. “CAAS! SAMMY!” He tried again. He might as well have been holding a candle to compete with the sun. His voice was lost again to the air around him. 

He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes as his head began to ache. The pressure inside his ears grew larger and he felt as if his head would burst if he didn’t relieve the pressure soon. Dean grit his teeth against the pain, feeling the muscles in his jaw work and his molars press together tightly. A tear escaped each eye and he shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it of the sounds that were crushing him. 

Dean finally let out a strangled scream, the sound catching in his throat in his attempt to keep it in. As the sound escaped his lips the pressure inside his ears ceased almost at once. The roaring and crashing sounds receded from his ears until only the quiet lapping of the creek and the gentle breeze through the trees remained. It was as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and he slowly lowered his hands from his head. 

He took longer to open his eyes, waiting to make sure that this wasn’t some trick of the wind. When the tranquil trill of a bird caught his attention he eased his eyes open. He kept them half-closed and peered around him suspiciously. The scene was the same as when he had closed his eyes initially. The sounds were quiet, almost muted, and the sun had risen higher over the horizon. He opened his eyes fully and looked around in disbelief. Everything was calm, just like any normal summer morning. The colors were warm and cheerful and he couldn’t for the life of him remember why it had all looked so menacing a minute ago.

“DEAN!” Sam’s screaming voice caught his attention to his left and he turned slowly. His limbs felt like molasses and his eyelids felt gummy.

“Sam?” He asked quietly in confusion. Where… oh! “Sam!” He called a little louder. Sam and Cas needed him, he needed to pull his head out of his ass. 

Sam’s panicked face came sprinting through the trees towards him, closely followed by an equally panicked Cas, and Dean felt relief pierce through him like an arrow. 

“Dean! What happened? Are you ok? What’s going on?” Sam asked rapid fire as he approached.

Dean frowned in confusion. Is he ok? He’d come out here to help THEM. Dean opened his mouth to speak but his throat felt like he’d just swallowed jagged rocks. The hell? 

“Dean? Hey… what’s going on? Cas and I heard you screaming your head off like a half mile away. We got here as fast as we could.” Sam placed a tentative hand on his shoulder and leaned down to look at his face.

Dean realized belatedly that he was a mess. He wiped at the tear tracks on his face with a shaking hand. The salt was making his skin itch and he scrubbed absently at the spot. He glanced down and saw that his legs were covered in small scratches like he’d been stumbling around the woods aimlessly. Had he? He had thin lines of blood covering his calves and lower thighs. He resisted the urge to lean over and touch them. 

Dean looked at Sam in confusion. “You’re ok?” He asked quietly.

Sam leaned back in bewilderment. “Wha-yeah! Dude, we were just wrapping up when we heard you yelling. We thought you were being murdered!”

Dean felt a blush rise up in his cheeks at that. He didn’t even remember screaming. 

“Were you sleep walking or something?” Sam asked in concern. The edge had left his voice and now he just sounded worried and confused.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to explain this? I thought you and Cas had died tragically in the woods and I was looking for your mutilated bodies? I heard you calling for me but hey maybe it was just my imagination! What was Sam’s limit before Dean got a one way ticket to a padded room?

“Yeah… maybe.” He mumbled.

Sam frowned and shook his head. “What’s been with you recently? You’ve been sleeping like shit and acting weird. Weirder than normal.”

“M fine. Just sleep walking or something.” Dean attempted to clear his throat around his discomfort. He’d likely need a better excuse later, but maybe he could redirect them towards heading back inside for the moment. It would buy him some time at least.

Cas, bless him, must have read Dean’s mind for he spoke up for the first time since they’d found Dean. “I’m feeling thirsty Sam, perhaps we should head back to the Bunker? We can talk more inside.”

Relief swept through Dean and he sighed minutely. Sam studied Dean’s face for a few tense seconds before he nodded tightly once and gestured for Cas to lead them. Dean fell in line behind him and Sam took up the rear. It felt like they were protecting him like some injured member of the pack. He wished that he could muster up more anger at the thought. He FELT like the injured member of the pack. What was wrong with him…

It was only then that Dean realized his limp was more pronounced. His ankle was screaming at him and the sudden shock of it caused him to stagger slightly. Sam was quick to grab his elbow to steady him but Dean was just as quick to shake him off. 

He made an attempt to straighten his stance after that. He knew that Sam would be watching him like a hawk now. Fuck. He’d really stepped in it now. A worried Sam was like a momma bear on steroids. Dean focused intensely in front of him, he just needed to get inside the Bunker and sit down for a minute. His head felt like it was full of pudding right now.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Cas’s pert spandexed ass was right in front of him and was the absolute PERFECT thing to focus on to keep him moving for some reason. His thoughts were too addled for him to really pay too much attention to the fact that he was now laser focused on the other man’s strong thighs and incredibly muscled backside. God, had Jimmy Novak been a runner? His wife had been a lucky woman.

xxx

Almost without Dean realizing it they made to the door and into the living room for the Bunker. Sam and Cas started a slow cool down stretch while Dean slumped against the couch in exhaustion. Dean could see them out of the corner of his eye shooting him worried looks but they left him in peace for the time being. That was just as well, because he didn’t think he had the brain power to make up a reason for why he was stumbling around the woods screaming for them right now.

Dean had somehow managed to place himself cockeyed on the couch. This position just so happened to be directly across from where Cas was following Sam through a series of post run stretches. Sitting like that had been an accident, in fact, Dean had sat down BEFORE they started stretching. It wasn’t his fault he had a completely unobstructed of view of the other man right now. And Cas was new to this exercise stuff. Dean should keep an eye on him just in case he did something wrong, that way Cas wouldn’t hurt himself.

Dean cleared his throat quietly and adjusted himself minutely on the couch. His legs hurt, the cuts from the forest underbrush were starting to sting, that coupled with his ankle and he was feeling pretty miserable. He’d need to clean up here pretty soon, once he got his bearings again.

He let his eyes wander over whatever pretzel position Cas had gotten himself into. He was flexible, holy shit he was flexible. Dean wished some of his hookups had been that flexible. They could have gotten up to some… woah, ok, woah, redirect from there.

Cas let out a long exhale and Dean craned his neck a little to see him better. He felt a little warm under the collar but it was probably from his forest romp. Cas was beautiful in a completely heterosexual way. Dean could admit that. He’d seen men before that he’d thought were good looking, not in like… a sexual way. But like, in a, I wonder what he looks like naked for comparison's sake kinda way. He often wondered what Cas looked like naked. Again, for comparison.

He watched the gentle pull and strain of Cas’s muscles under the thin material of Dean’s old shirt and he felt a thrill run through him. His hair was tousled from wind and sweat and Dean smiled fondly. Cas’s hair had become more tame in recent years and Dean often missed the bird’s nest it had been when he’d first come into their lives. Cas had a faint flush to his cheeks and Dean thought that it looked good on him. He looked alive, healthy, happy even. It was refreshing to see him like that. He’d been so withdrawn recently. Maybe running wasn’t so awful after all, if it could put that shine back into Cas’s eyes that he’d been missing.

Dean watched silently as Cas smoothly lowered himself into downward dog. The fabric of Dean’s old shirt pulled tightly across Cas’s shoulder and rucked up slightly at the hem. A sliver of Cas’s lower back came into view and Dean shifted again in his seat. Had he ever seen Cas’s lower back? He didn’t think so. The dimples above his ass were visible and Dean had a suddenly intrusive thought that he’d like to know what those tasted like. 

The thin sheen of sweat on the back of Cas’s neck grabbed his attention then, he wondered what that would taste like too. He imagined it would taste like salt, heat and something strongly masculine. Cas often smelled like ozone, but that was before he became human. Maybe that ozone smell would have lingered on his skin?

He was broken from his silent contemplation of Cas’s skin by the sound of someone clearing their throat. He turned his head to the right and met Sam’s raised eyebrows with a guilty look. _Fuck, was I just thinking about licking Cas? What is WRONG with me?_

“I’m gonna take a shower. You should clean your legs up, and then we’re going to have a talk, alright?” Sam’s eyebrows rose higher on his head in question.

Dean swallowed nervously and nodded in agreement. Shit, he was in trouble now.

He heard Sam pull Cas aside and speak to him quietly but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He needed an excuse, he needed some kind of REASON. He couldn’t tell Sam that he’d imagined that they’d been dying in the woods and that he’d heard them calling to him for help. He’d be committed! 

He heard Sam and Cas walk quietly out of the room and he rubbed a hand roughly against his face. He needed a shower himself. He was covered in sweat, and not the fun kind. His boots had mud on the bottom and his legs were covered in small cuts and dried blood. He was a fucking mess. How had he not noticed it before?

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice when Cas walked quietly back into the room. He DID notice however when the cushion depressed next to him. He startled and looked to his left in surprise. Cas was giving him a sheepish smile and holding the first aid kit in his lap. 

“I should probably clean your legs for you. I won’t bandage them yet, in case you want to shower first.” He said simply.

Dean nodded dumbly at him. There was a spark of fire in Cas’s eyes and Dean felt drawn into it like a moth to a flame. He looked incredible. Dean could feel the heat coming off of the other man and only then realized that their thighs were almost touching. Dean was still in his boxers, why hadn’t he changed? And Cas was still wearing those sinfully tight black spandex shorts. Dean swallowed against a suddenly dry throat.

Cas opened the tabs on the first aid kit and rummaged through the items inside for a moment. He seemed oblivious to Dean’s discomfort, which was for the best really. Dean couldn’t answer any awkward questions about that along with everything else right now.

Dean watched as Cas carefully selected some clean cotton balls and a bottle of antiseptic from inside the case and set it gently on the coffee table.

He poured some of the antiseptic on the first cotton ball and looked at Dean from under his lashes. He seemed to notice Dean’s dumbstruck look but he misinterpreted it’s meaning. “Don’t worry, I cleaned my hands in the bathroom very thoroughly. I sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice to make sure that I had washed them long enough.”

And that was it. That was the moment that broke the tension. The thought of Cas singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star while he carefully washed his hands in the Bunker’s bathroom proved too much for Dean’s shocked brain and he felt a bubble of laughter work it’s way up his throat. He laughed loudly for a moment, reveling in the feeling, and the slight hysteria, of it, before he was able to dial it down. The look of surprised confusion on Cas’s face set him off again though. Eventually, he had a hand over his stomach and was wiping tears out of his eyes as the hysterics again slowed down.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I’m sorry, I’m not feeling like myself right now.” He cleared his throat quickly and wiped his eyes a final time. “Please uh, please continue.” He nodded to Cas with a tight smile in encouragement.

Cas eyed him for a moment longer before he seemed to accept Dean’s explanation. Cas leaned forward with the cotton ball and began dabbing it gently against a cut on the shin closest to him. Dean sighed in relief and willed his body to relax. The antiseptic stung, but it was a faint sensation.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch cushion. He needed to get a grip. He was feeling hysterical if the manic laughter was anything to go by. He’d been telling the truth when he told Cas that he wasn’t feeling like himself. Maybe civilian life WASN’T working for him, maybe his brain was conjuring things to keep him occupied while he lived this life of leisure?

He felt a tickle against his leg and he looked back down. Cas was leaning against his lap in order to reach a scratch on his opposite leg and wouldn’t ya know it, it was high up on his thigh. Cas’s forearm brushed against Dean’s crotch and Dean felt his spine stiffen immediately. WHY WAS HE STILL IN BOXERS?! Why hadn’t he put his fucking pants on?!

Jesus, fuck, this was bad. His wires had gotten crossed somewhere because he could definitely feel himself start to stiffen downstairs. He was not attracted to Cas, Cas was his best friend, he was not gay, he was not into this, dammit!

Cas continued on, oblivious to Dean’s mental tirade. In fact, he bent closer to Dean’s lap as he inspected a particularly deep gash on his thigh. And from Dean’s position above him he almost looked like he could be… NO! No blowjob thoughts, no, no, no. It didn’t matter that Cas was in the perfect position, it didn’t matter that Dean was half hard and if Cas leaned even a micrometer closer to Dean’s crotch he would know, it didn’t matter! He could NOT be doing this right now.

“This one looks especially painful.” Cas said quietly and Dean could feel his breath ghost against his skin. The sound of Cas’s voice thundered against Dean’s leg where it was pressed against Cas’s chest.

_I’m so fucking fucked right now._

“...y-yea….” Dean choked out. He needed to get control of this situation back, immediately. He was about to tell Cas that he was fine, that he’d done a good job but he’d finish himself later, after a shower. Really, he was really about to say something when he felt the delicate touch of a finger trace the outside of the cut softly. The words died in his throat before they’d even been formed.

Cas’s finger felt like fire as he touched him gently. _I’m going to burn to death from the inside out…_ Dean thought frantically. The heat from the touch traveled up his nerve endings and directly to his freakin’ crotch. 

“Does this hurt?” Cas asked on a whisper. Dean could feel his body trembling. 

Cas’s warm breath puffed against his thigh and Dean closed his eyes against the sensation. He couldn’t watch Cas laying over his lap. The image coupled with the feelings of Cas touching him, the feeling of that soft finger, that warm breath, he’d be blowing his load inside his boxers like a teenager. Closing his eyes seemed to have little effect in calming the fire in his blood however. The picture of Cas practically laying over his dick was seared into the back of his eyeballs. He’d likely be seeing that image for the rest of his life whenever he closed his eyes. 

He felt a moist pressure around the skin of the cut and his eyes flew open. He was sure that he looked crazed but he couldn’t seem to calm himself. What the FUCK had that been?! He looked down in terror to find Cas pressing a delicate kiss to the skin of his thigh. _Mary Mother of God!_

“C-C-Ca-Cas…” He stuttered out. He couldn’t seem to get more words than that out though.

Cas lifted his head slightly and looked at Dean, the picture of wide-eyed innocence. His blue eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted from where he’d placed that scorching kiss against Dean’s bare skin.

“Did that feel good, Dean?” He asked huskily.

What in the literal, actual, ever loving fuck? When had Cas turned into a freaking porn star!

“Wha-what-t?” Dean couldn’t seem to get his mouth under control and felt himself shivering.

“I asked, if that felt good? Did having my lips on your skin feel nice?” Cas said quietly. 

This couldn’t possibly be happening to him. He was dreaming. He was having a nightmare. There was no way this moment existed in reality. He’d finally lost the marbles he had left. 

Cas sat up a little straighter and looked at Dean in the eye intently. He tilted his head to the side in curiosity before continuing. “I’ve been supplementing my first aid knowledge by reading on the internet. I’ve come across a number of sites that suggest that one of the best ways to treat those in your care is to place a kiss on their injuries. I believe they referred to such injuries as “boo-boos”.”

Cas lifted his eyebrows and looked over Dean’s legs closely. “I don’t see that it’s had any magical healing properties, but I did wonder if you at least felt better?” He turned his calm blue eyes back towards Dean and waited patiently.

Dean was completely gobsmacked. He brain kept stuttering over the word “what” on repeat and couldn’t seem to get past it. He blinked dumbly at Cas a few times. Cas simply waited. In fact, he looked like he could easily wait for a river to erode a mountain for the next several millenia and be perfectly content to continue sitting quietly.

Thankfully, the knowledge that Cas had been worried about his boo-boos and that he was NOT about to reenact some pornographic scenes where Dean was the babysitter and Cas was the pizza man helped his erection to slowly deflate. Dean ignored the fact that he imagined himself as the babysitter in said scenario.

Mercifully, Sam came trotting in at that moment. He paused noticeably as he entered the living room, likely because Cas was still very much almost completely in Dean’s lap. He kept his mouth closed though and simply raised an eyebrow at the two of them. Cas continued to look in Dean’s eyes and seemed to be waiting for an answer. Oh, right, he was.

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “Y-yeah, Cas. I feel better.”

The smile Cas gave him was radiant and Dean felt it lighten the bands that seemed to have wrapped themselves around his heart. How could he have even suspected that Cas was being sexual? He was a baby in a trenchcoat, even more so now that he was human. Dean was projecting his own fucked up sexual frustrations on the poor guy. Cas didn’t deserve that. Fuck, Dean was pathetic and disgusting to have even been imagining that! And then for Cas to just casually ask about boo-boo kisses. Fuck.

He would need to intercede before Cas could mention what had happened to Sam. That was the LAST thing he needed, Sam would grab onto it like a terrier and never let go.

“What’s going on…?” Sam asked in confusion as he sat in the armchair next to the couch.

Dean opened his mouth to respond but Cas, the bastard, was quicker.

“I kissed one of Dean’s scratches, or “boo-boo” in this case, to make it feel better. Dean said it worked!” He sounded so proud.

Sam turned a disbelieving frown towards him. As he watched Sam’s eyes sparkled with mirth and his lips thinned as he attempted to hold back his laughter. 

Fuck.

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was sort of an in-between chapter. The next one is a little more exciting. The nightmares are going to start getting more intense soon, you've been warned!


	6. Chapter 6

Sam interrogated Dean for what felt like the next 6 hours. In reality it had been about 30 minutes of Sam expressing his concern and his worries that something was wrong with Dean. Dean had played it off, claiming that he just hadn’t been sleeping well and had had a Purgatory flashback. Sam had bought it, and it wasn’t TOO far from the truth. Sam had made Dean promise he’d start trying to sleep using melatonin and Dean had grudgingly agreed. 

After that, Cas had excused himself to shower and Dean had made sure he was nowhere near the bathroom while the other man was in there. Eventually, and after he was absolutely sure Cas was out, Dean wandered in himself to clean off the sweat and finish the job of cleaning his legs. Cas had done a good job where he’d been able to reach and before Dean had had his meltdown. But, the rest needed to be tended too.

Dean felt the tension leave his shoulders as he soaked in the warm water. Maybe they could get a bathtub for the Bunker. That’s what he really needed. A nice, long, hot bath. He could probably install one, he hadn’t done a lot of plumbing before, but it couldn’t be too difficult, right?

He rubbed at the knots in his shoulders and moaned lightly. He was slipping, he knew it. He needed to pull himself together because he’d get them all killed on their next hunt if he was distracted like this. He rubbed his bar of soap between his hands to get a lather worked up. He ran the bar down his leg but felt his hands halt as he touched his right thigh. Had it really only been an hour or two since Cas had…

No. No, he couldn’t get thinking about that, not here. He shivered under the spray of the shower. He couldn’t get a hard-on right now, he’d be miserable for the rest of the night because he’d have to ignore it. He needed to think of less sexy things. What was not sexy? He was drawing a blank.

He frowned at himself and forced himself to scrub his legs forcefully. He was not going to have sexy thoughts about his best friend. He was NOT. Maybe he ended up scrubbing his legs a little TOO forcefully since they were stinging rather sharply now that he’d finished. He was leaning most of his weight on his uninjured foot, his damn ankle had swollen up again. Maybe he should get an early night? He’d certainly had enough excitement today. 

The rest of his shower was uneventful. He willed away any erections that threatened to pop up and attempted to clean himself as perfunctorily as possible. It wasn’t as enjoyable as his showers were normally, but this one came without any guilt and he’d settle for that right now.

He ran a towel through his hair roughly and made his way for the door. He paused just as he was passing the mirror above the sink however. He narrowed his eyes at his expression and felt his brows pull together in a frown. His reflection copied the motion. He tilted his head to the left and to the right, the reflection mimicked him exactly. Something seemed wrong though… He frowned at himself. He KNEW this was his reflection, knew that was his face looking back at him, and yet… It didn’t look like him for some reason. Logically, he knew that there was no way that someone else’s reflection was looking at him with green eyes and freckles across it’s nose in the bathroom mirror at the Bunker. 

He shivered unconsciously. _Is that me…?_ Dean leaned closer to the mirror. He raised his eyebrows and looked at the reflection with wide eyes. He moved his face through a series of increasingly ridiculous expressions. The reflection moved through all of them just as he did. _Is that my face?_ Why couldn’t he recognize himself? Maybe this wasn’t… maybe this wasn’t him?

“How did you get into my house?” Dean whispered to the mirror. He waited quietly and the reflection waited with him.

He leaned back and straightened his shoulders. He huffed loudly at himself and stared for another minute at the mirror. He frowned and was about to shake his head at how ridiculous he was being when he noticed that his reflection wasn’t frowning. He stilled his movements and watched in silence. The mirror man looked at him placidly before a small smile touched the corners of its mouth. Dean watched in horror as the smile stretched slowly and widely across its face. He felt his breath freeze in his lungs as the smile stretched further than physically possible across the other man’s jaw. Back and back it went until it curled up towards his ears and bisected his face like a terrible, yawning fissure.

Dean felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes while he watched. He was rooted to spot, unable to move, unable to breathe. _H-how…_ How was this happening? WHAT was happening? He felt terror ripple through his bones. He opened his mouth to scream for Sam or Cas but his lips stayed firmly sealed. _Help me, please, please, help._

He blinked. When he opened his eyes again, so did his reflection. It’s horrible smile was gone from its face. Now, it simply looked like Dean. Like a pale, terrified, Dean with tears in its eyes. Just the way it should, actually. 

Dean felt chills work their way through his body. A shiver ran down his spine and flowed out through his arms and his legs. Now, that the frightening vision had passed Dean was crashing from his spike of adrenaline, and he couldn't seem to stop shaking.

He reached forward and made an attempt to grasp the edge of the porcelain sink. His damp, twitching fingers merely glanced off the surface though and he stumbled. He tried again and was able to cling desperately to the side of the basin. He took a large gulp of air and kept his head turned from the mirror. 

_Ok Dean, breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Ok good, you're fine. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Everything is fine. In. Hold. Out. You're fine. In. Hold. Out. You're fine. You're fine! Please God, let me be fine._

Dean ran a shaking hand through his hair and let it come back to rest over his eyes. “I'm fine. Everything is ok. I'm ok, I'm ok, come on Dean. Come on.” 

“Dean?”

Dean's head snapped upright. Cas was hovering cautiously in the doorway, peeking in as if unsure if he was welcome or not. He looked nervous and pulled anxiously at the hem of the t shirt he was wearing. 

“I'm sorry to intrude… were you, were you speaking with someone?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean felt a manic laugh bubble up from his chest. “Oh geez, yep! Just to myself, Cas! Because apparently I'm losing my fucking mind!” Dean ran the hand over his eyes through his hair again.

Cas looked taken aback by that and swallowed nervously. “Oh well… I've always found that you have good advice. So perhaps consulting with yourself is a sound decision?” 

Dean laughed again. Though this time it was less hysterical and more genuine. “You're unreal sometimes, ya know that?” He laughed and shook his head. 

He gestured towards the door and Cas took a step back, allowing Dean to exit. “I just gotta get changed. Does Sam have something appropriately bland and green for us to eat for lunch?” He asked conversationally.

“I believe he mentioned grilled portobellos?” Cas said hesitantly.

Dean barked a laugh. “Fungus! Great!” He rolled his eyes as he limped his way towards his room. _Just fucking great._

xxx

Sam was indeed working on grilled portbellos when Dean finally emerged from his room after changing and talking himself out of a panic attack for 15 minutes. 

Dean followed his nose into the garage and out of the large doors towards what counted as their driveway. Sam waved a spatula at him happily before turning back to the small grill in front of him. It was a surprisingly charming sight. Very Midwest at the Fourth of July. Dean gave his brother a lopsided grin as he ambled his way down the drive. Cas was sitting near Sam on a cooler and nursing a beer. He smiled happily at Dean and gave him a small wave. The sight caused a swell of warmth to surge through his chest. Even with all of Dean’s hiatus bullshit, they HAD needed a vacation. Cas looked better than ever, this was perfect.

“What's cookin' Samsquatch?” Dean asked while he peered at the grill.

“Portobellos! And don't even pretend to make a face, I'm not interested. You'll try one and you'll like it!” Sam shot at him quickly.

Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled something unintelligible before limping over to Cas. “Beer me, buddy!”

Cas looked at him in confusion. Dean stretched a hand out for said beer and Cas’s eyes widened in understanding. Cas stood quickly from where he was sitting on the cooler and pulled out one of the icy drinks for him.

Dean gave him a wink and plopped himself down in the chair that Sam had presumably vacated. “What kind of classic American fun are you two boys getting up to?” He asked before taking a pull from his beer.

Sam waved the spatula around in the air as if to indicate the weather. Dean smiled but let it pass. Sammy apparently wasn't feeling too chatty, that was ok.

“Plans today, Cas?” He turned and asked in a more conversational tone.

Cas picked at the label on his beer absently while he considered his answer. “No plans, per se. I was just 3considering looking through some of the rooms here during our “vacation” and seeing what the Men of Letters had left behind. I believe there are more rooms than we've opened so far.” 

Dean nodded thoughtfully. “You're probably right. I've been meaning to do that myself actually. I just never seem to have the time.”

“You're more than welcome to join me, Dean. This is after all your home.” Cas said quickly.

Dean smiled at him fondly. “It's your home too, bud.”

He saw Cas flush out of the corner of his eye and smiled to himself. He took a long pull from his beer and looked upwards to the bright blue sky. A single puffy cloud drifted lazily by as he watched and he felt his eyes crinkle as he smiled at it. Maybe today wouldn't be a total wash.

xxx

Several hours later found Team Free Will huddled around the living room television and arguing loudly about what they were going to watch on Netflix. Dean was of the firm opinion that they needed to watch something badass and action packed and had selected Death Sentence. Sam was strongly in favor of watching Amelie. Which, absolutely fucking not. And Cas had been loudly in favor of watching at least one episode of Planet Earth.

Dean had adamantly fucking refused to watch a foreign language film about some weird ass French broad trying to fall in love. Sam had then retaliated by adamantly fucking refusing to watch Kevin Bacon absolutely ground pound the shit out of some thugs. Which left them here. With a smiling Cas as they waited for the first episode of Planet Earth to load.

They likely would have let Cas pick anyway since he so rarely had opinions on what they watched, but it was tradition to fight over movie picks and they weren't about to quit now.

Dean slid down the couch minimally to get more comfortable. They'd all eaten their portobellos, which had been delicious and so Dean had only thrown up a token complaint, relaxed outside in the sun and then come inside to put on comfy clothes and get settled in front of the tv. 

Dean was wearing a baggy pair of sweats, he wasn't going to be making the boxers only error again for a long time, and a ratty t shirt. He thought it may have had a Bob Seger logo on it at some point but it was so old and faded he couldn't tell anymore.

Sam had on a loose pair of basketball shorts and a black tee. He looked incredibly comfortable and when had Dean last seen Sam in basketball shorts? Was it during that genital herpes commercial Gabe had stuck him in? He grinned at the memory. 

Cas shifted next to him and Dean did his best to avert his eyes. For some ungodly horrific reason, Cas had shown up in the living room in a long sleeved shirt of Sams and a pair of running shorts that were so ridiculously short that Dean wasn't sure why he'd even bothered putting anything on at all. He had promptly choked on his own spit at the thought of Cas naked from the waist down and had to have Sam thump him on the back to get him breathing again. 

It was taking more willpower than Dean seemed to possess to ignore the sight of Cas’s beautifully bare thighs next to him on the couch. He kept sneaking glances and then feeling like an absolute degenerate for doing it. Cas deserved better than to be objectified without his knowledge. Dean was definitely going to Hell… again.

Thankfully, Planet Earth was both beautiful and engaging and within minutes all 3 of them were watching enraptured as the wonder of their planet was laid out before them in high definition. 

Without meaning too they ended up watching 4 hours worth of the program and when Dean had yawned for the second time in under a minute, Sam finally deemed it bedtime and sent them all to their rooms.

Dean hadn't even kicked up a fuss, he was completely exhausted. He clapped Cas on the shoulder as they parted ways at their doors and trudged gratefully into his room.

Dean stripped off his sweats and settled gratefully under the covers. He reached over to turn off his bedside light when he saw a small glass of water and a bottle of melatonin sitting cheerfully underneath it. He rolled his eyes but dutifully propped himself on an elbow and took a single pill with a gulp of water.

That done, he switched off his light and settled himself comfortably on his pillow. Hopefully, the damn pills would help.

xxx

Gentle music floated towards him and he turned in a slow circle. He was in a dim room with tables and chairs set to one side and a large stage set against the other. He frowned. What the hell…

The music floated back to him and he strained his ears to focus on it.

**I've been loving you oh, too long  
** **I don't wanna stop now, oh, oh, oh**  


_Otis Redding? Where the hell am I?_

He glanced down. He was dressed in an perfectly pressed officers uniform straight out of the 40s. _These timelines aren't matching up…_ He lifted a hand to his head and yep, his hair was parted on the side and slicked down. He probably cut quite the dashing figure actually. But, why was he cutting it?

Movement to his right caught his attention. _I must be dreaming… maybe this is my dance partner?_ He turned on his most charming smile and waited patiently. He hoped she was wearing a red dress, God he loved long legs in a red dress.

Except, when the figure finally stepped into the light from overhead it wasn't a beautiful woman in a slinky gown. Dean cocked his head quizzically as a nervous looking Cas stepped towards him. 

“Cas?” He asked in surprise.

“Hello, Dean.” The other man responded simply. 

“Are you my date?” Dean asked.

Cas looked around cautiously. “Date?” He asked with a frown.

Dean gestured around them at the empty dance floor. “Yeah buddy, my date.” He extended a hand outwards for Cas to take. If it's a dream he was at least going to make the most of it. 

Cas gently placed his hand in Dean's and was pulled forward slowly. Dean smiled at him as he pressed his other hand against Cas’s waist and lifted their joined hands higher.

Cas flushed at the contact and Dean smiled widely at him. “It's just a dream, bud. No need to look so nervous. Guess my subconscious is convinced you wouldn't be all that interested in slow dancing with me.” 

Cas looked up at him quickly at that. “Of course I'm interested Dean. I'm just… surprised.”

Dean hummed an agreement and spun them slowly towards the exterior of the dance floor. “I'll admit that you weren't what I was expecting when I saw the setup here.” Dean nodded towards the stage and Cas followed his eyes.

“I find that you've surprised me as well. This isn't what I was expecting but… You've always kept me guessing. I find that I… I’m in awe of you, Dean. I sometimes feel like I'm a tree next to an erupting volcano, being burned through and consumed by you.”

Dean felt a blush climb his cheeks and he turned a sparkling smile towards Cas. He was silent for a while as he contemplated Cas's words. Finally, he managed to work up the courage to say, “You look incredible.” 

Cas returned the smile and looked down at Deans chest in embarrassment. “Thank you, you picked a flattering color for me.” 

Cas was dressed in a tan dress uniform himself, much like Dean’s, the thick material felt warm under Dean's fingers and the color brought out Cas’s eyes. Dean rubbed a gentle circle against Cas’s waist with his thumb. 

“I'm glad you're here, Cas.”

“Me too, Dean.”

They danced in silence for what felt like hours. They continued to stay an appropriate distance apart but the heat between them was unmistakable. They caught each other's eye now and again and would blush at one another with shy smiles. Dean felt happy and safe here and he reveled in it. 

He knew he'd have to wake up eventually, but hopefully he could hold onto to this contentment even during his waking hours. For at least a little bit. He took Cas on another turn around the floor and smiled happily at the dark haired man.

_At least a little bit longer._

xxx

Dean woke slowly the next morning. His eyes were gritty from sleep and he rubbed his knuckles against them languidly. He felt… incredible. He rubbed his head against his pillow like a cat and smiled to himself. He felt so freakin’ incredible. Holy shit, he had slept amazing last night! That melatonin was a godsend! How had he lived his whole life without it? 

He glanced at his phone where it sat on his nightstand. It was just a little after seven in the morning. He’d gotten a full, uninterrupted 8 hours. He sighed happily. They should celebrate! He’d make breakfast for everyone!

He sat up and tossed his legs over the side of the bed, he was mindful of his injured ankle, but he was feeling to good to let that hinder him much. He tossed on a plain tee shirt and his sweats from last night. No more boxer mistakes, that’s for sure. He ambled slowly out of his room, listening to see if anyone else was awake. 

Silence greeted him and he grinned to himself. Perfect, he’d get coffee going, cook some eggs, some bacon, maybe he could even whip up some omelets with that leftover deli ham he had in the fridge. He’d make something hearty for everyone and then maybe they could go out for a drive or something?

He whistled tunelessly to himself as he gathered ingredients from the fridge and the cabinets. He chopped, mixed, cut, diced, and whistled for the next 20 minutes. Dean always liked to have all of his ingredients prepped before he began cooking, he was of the opinion that it saved time and anxiety later. 

He propped his hands on his hips and surveyed what he had before him. He’d managed to scrounge up onions, green peppers, tomatoes, garlic, ham, and even a couple of serviceable mushrooms. He grinned again and pulled out a large skillet form under a cabinet. He grabbed a couple of spices from a nearby shelf and decided he was ready!

30 minutes later, Dean was plating his completed omelets and feeling very proud of himself. He’d always been a pretty good cook, he just hadn’t had a lot of occasion to do so recently. They were usually out on hunts, and more recently, Sam had been taking over all the kitchen duties. 

His timing couldn’t have been better as both Sam and Cas, both sleep rumpled, were making their way towards the kitchen from down the hall. He grinned at them happily as they paused when they saw him standing near the stove.

“Hey there boys! Don’t you just love the smell of napalm in the morning?” Dean asked as he gave Cas an exaggerated wink. 

Sam chuckled as he stretched his gargantuan arms. “Sure thing, Kilgore. They teach you to cook in Vietnam?”

“How dare you!” Dean pretended to be offended. “I’ll have you know that I’m a homegrown gourmet chef. Need I remind you of the various Mac & Cheese’s I’m capable of creating?” 

“Jesus, no. I remember. These look great, Dean, thank you!” Sam grabbed a plate eagerly and made his way towards the table.

Cas smiled sheepishly at him and Dean had a flashback to the nervous smile Cas had given him in his dream last night. “Thank you, Dean.” He said sincerely before grabbing a plate and sneaking out after Sam.

It took Dean a moment to realize that he was blushing. _Cas is going to be the death of me, I swear._ He grinned shyly to himself before schooling his expression.

Dean snatched his own plate and followed the other two to the table. They sat in their customary spots and Dean gave them both a thumbs up once he’d sat down. “Dig in, chumps!”

He promptly set into his food with gusto and heard Sam start on his as well. It was a few minutes before he realized that Cas hadn’t started eating though. He glanced up with a mouth full of food to see Cas looking at his plate in concern. He swallowed and raised an eyebrow at the other man.

“Somethin’ wrong, Cas?” He asked.

Cas looked up at him guiltily before he set his face in a more neutral expression. “No, I’m perfectly fine. I’m just not very hungry at the moment is all.” 

Dean swallowed his overly large bite of food before leveling Cas with a neutral stare. He waved his fork towards him in contemplation. “You’re not hungry? Did you eat anything last night?”

Cas frowned in consideration for a moment. “I believe that I had some almonds before bed.”

Dean chewed on his lip for a moment. He was going to keep his temper. He was. “Almonds aren’t a meal, Cas. You need to eat something. Especially if you and Sam are going to keep up with this… running around bullshit in the mornings.”

Cas squirmed a little uncomfortably in his seat and looked down at his plate with a frown. “I will eat, I’m just not hungry right now.” He looked up at Dean from under his lashes. “It was very kind of you to cook breakfast for everyone though, Dean.”

Dean ran his tongue around the front of his teeth. He was DEFINITELY going to keep his temper. “No shit it was. Why don’t you wanna eat what I made?”

Beside him, Sam cleared his throat to try and get his attention. “Dean…” He started calmly.

“What, Sam?” Dean whipped his head towards his brother in anger. He gestured towards Sam’s plate and raised his eyebrows incredulously. “Does it taste awful? Did I fucking poison you?”

“Dean, come on. You’re being ridiculous. He’s not hungry, let it go.” Sam set his fork down and looked at Dean with his imploring puppy-dog eyes. 

Dean was going to lose his temper.

He looked between Cas and Sam with mounting fury. Sam’s expression was pleading and sad and Cas’s was… contrite? Weary? Dean couldn’t decide, but he didn’t fucking care. He’d made a special breakfast for everyone and Cas couldn’t even have the decency to TRY it?! 

“Fine!” Dean tossed his fork onto his plate where it clattered loudly. “That’s fine! You want me to pull an Elsa, fine! I don’t know why I even fucking BOTHER! Apparently, Sam’s the only one who’s cooking is palatable. Whatever!” Dean quickly grabbed his and Cas’s plates and threw them loudly into the sink in the Bunker. There was a sharp clattering and Dean had almost certainly broken one if not both of them with the rough treatment. 

“Have a nice fucking run!” Dean hollered at the two of them as he stormed angrily out of the kitchen and back towards his room. He was being a little dramatic, and he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but his feelings were hurt. He’d really been hoping that Cas would like the omelete… He wanted to thank him for Dream-Cas’s comfort last night. It didn’t make any sense, but he didn’t care. It just felt right to do it that way. 

He slammed the door to his room for good measure once he got there. Now what! He’d thrown his hissy fit, but now he’d locked himself in his room without anyway to vent his anger. Shit. Maybe he’d run off too soon?

He paced angrily for a few moments, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “What was the big deal anyway! I’m a damn good cook! I just don’t cook as often as Sam… and I’m NOT going to if that’s the reception I’m going to get. What the hell is his problem anyway? That omelette was delicious! Not that he would know that, SINCE HE DIDN’T EVEN TRY IT!” He yelled the last towards his door, hoping the other two would hear him from the kitchen.

_I’m being sensitive, I know that. But, that was so fucking rude! He acted like I’d poisoned the damn thing. I was just trying to be nice! Asshole. I should let him know how pissed I am. I just stormed out without telling him personally that he’d been a jerk. I should say something._

“I should say something. He needs to know!” Dean muttered angrily to himself.

He clenched his fists tighter to his sides for a moment before nodding resolutely to no one in particular. He flung his door open angrily and walked in a hot fury towards the kitchen. This was not a good idea, he was too heated to say what he needed to say nicely. He was going to regret these words later, almost definitely. He was so overcome with a white hot rage however, that he couldn’t seem to stop his feet from moving forward.

He was propelled forward by the force of his anger and only halted when he heard quiet murmuring coming from the kitchen. He peeked around the corner and caught Sam and Cas talking quietly to one another. He shouldn’t eavesdrop, but maybe they’d be talking about him. If they were talking shit then he wanted to hear what they were saying!

“You should just tell him, Cas…” Sam said as he pouted towards Cas.

“I’m not going to say anything, Sam. He wouldn’t understand.” Cas responded with a little more heat.

“He would understand!” Sam shot back.

“He would make fun of me! I’m not going to give him more ammunition to mock and humiliate me…” Cas’s voice had started strong but had petered out towards the end of his sentence.

Dean felt his shoulders hunch defensively and his stomach clench uncomfortably.

Sam ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But, Cas, you gotta know that he isn’t… he isn’t trying to be mean about it. Dean, just… he, he’s not good at expressing himself. He never has been, not aft-”

“I’m aware, Sam. I’m very aware of Dean’s emotional range.” He paused to pull nervously at the hem of his shirt. “But, I just… I just can’t deal with it right now. Not with everything else. Being a vegetarian is such a small thing really, and Dean hasn’t figured it out yet, so maybe I can keep it to myself a little longer. I need some more time to… get used to this skin, before I open myself up to Dean’s brand of cruel humor.”

_Oh… oh no._

“I know, I know. And I totally get your reasons. I’m just… Dean’s opinion is so important to me, and it’s just so… cutting, to hear him mock me so frequently. I know it’s in jest, but sometimes it gives my vess- gives ME such a funny feeling, here.” Cas placed a hand lightly over his chest to indicate where here was. 

“I know what you mean, Cas. I’m so sorry.” Sam laid a gentle hand on his Cas’s and gave it a light squeeze.

Cas turned his sad eyes upwards and gave Sam a tight smile before turning away and starting to work on sorting out the broken dishes in the sink.

Dean turned in a daze and crept as silently back to his room as he could. _I am SUCH a fucking ASSHOLE! What’s wrong with ME!? Why am I like this? Poor Cas, goddammit Dean, you fucking idiot jerk asshole. You’re best friend can’t even trust you enough to tell you a fucking secret you dirtbag piece of shit! You’ve made him feel bad for just being himself. He’s got enough problems as it is without you adding to them. Fuck Dean!_

He closed his door quietly and sat heavily on his bed. He hung his head towards his knees and clasped his hands between his spread legs. How did he even go about correcting this? What was wrong with his brain to make him think that that kind of overreaction was appropriate? Cas hadn’t even done anything except politely tell Dean that he wasn’t hungry. But, that wasn’t enough for him! OH NO! He had to make a big deal and make it all about him. It didn’t even have anything to DO with him.

He was such a fucking piece of shit. 

“I don’t deserve Sam and Cas… and they certainly don’t deserve me.” He whispered to himself before closing his eyes sadly.

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, Dean. Always putting his foot in his mouth! Hopefully these two can start getting it figured out soon. But I will tell you I'm a sucker for Sam and Cas being bros. 
> 
> Should we do more pranks next chapter? More romance? More scares? What do you guys think?


	7. Chapter 7

Dean decided his best course of action was to just keep quiet about the whole thing. No one had ever accused him of being a coward, but he really, REALLY was sometimes. He felt like 10 kinds of asshole but there was only so much an apology could do and knowing him, he’d fuck that up too. No, best to just ignore the whole thing and make it a point to stop hounding Cas about stupid shit like that.

Cas might come across like he’d adjusted and everything was fine, but really? It hadn’t even been that long since he’d fallen and Dean couldn’t even fathom the type of… pain and loss that Cas must be feeling. Now that he was human he had to be feeling things a million times stronger too, so yeah, he was putting up a good front, but there was no way he was completely right in the head. 

So, Dean would remind himself to stop acting like a prick and be a little nicer to the guy. Sam had been giving him the cold shoulder for the days following the “Omelete Incident.” Dean couldn’t blame him, he absolutely deserved that and more right now. Deans sleep hadn’t gotten any better, but it hadn’t really gotten any worse in the last few days, so that was something at least. His ankle hurt a little less, and yeah he was bored out of his mind, but at least they were all safe or some shit, whatever.

He yawned widely and ran a hand through his hair. It had been a long couple of days what with the frosty air in the Bunker radiating from Sam and only slightly from Cas. He was exhausted from trying to casually be nice but not TOO nice recently. That night he decided to head to bed a little earlier than usual, maybe he could spend some quality time with a Busty Asian Beauty or two?

He pushed open the door to his room and didn’t even bother to flip the lightswitch on the wall. He’d get the lamp, some ambient lighting would be nice. He shucked his jeans in the dark and kicked them off clumsily towards his hamper. He scratched at a spot on his lower back as he made his way over towards his bed. He’d finally stopped feeling anxious about getting in his bed and he was grateful for that. This bed had been hard won, he wanted to be able to enjoy it.

Since no one was around he indulged himself in one of his favorite guilty pleasures. He jumped into the air and landed with a soft “whumpf!” on his back in the middle of his bed. It didn’t quite have the same appeal as a spring mattress did but it was still something leftover from childhood that he loved. He sighed happily and stretched across the bedspread. 

He was just wriggling down more comfortably when his hand came into contact with something… wet. Dean jerked his hand back immediately and realized suddenly that his back was starting to get damp too. _The fuck!_

He reached quickly towards his bedside table to turn on the lamp there. The sound that escaped his lips was manly and he’d swear on his grave afterward that he didn’t shriek so much as bellow in suitably manly concern. In actuality, he squealed in terror and it was high pitched and probably broke a couple of glasses in the kitchen.

His bed was completely COVERED in roaches! Just… just fucking roaches everywhere! He scrambled quickly off of the bed and began beating at his arms and back furiously. He kept glancing behind him in an attempt to make sure that he’d cleared all the bugs from his back, that he was sure were still clinging there.

Cas came sprinting into the room in a dead panic followed closely by Sam. Both looked out of breath, their eyes wide with fear. Cas came over quickly with his hands up like he was going to try and assist Dean.

“Dean, what’s wrong, what’s happening?” He asked in concern.

“There’s fucking BUGS all over me, Cas! Bugs!” Dean all but shouted.

Cas took a few tentative swipes across Dean’s shoulders and back before giving him an honest appraisal. “There isn’t- What’s so funny, Sam?”

Dean’s head whipped towards his brother who he just now realized wasn’t worried for his health and well-being at all! In fact, the heartless bastard was doubled over with his hands on his knees laughing so hard that he looked like he might pass out.

It was then that Dean had a sudden thought. He stopped his frantic roach fueled beating of his arms and looked at Sam and then his bed with narrowed eyes. He walked slowly towards the bedspread and peered at it in distaste. 

The bed was indeed covered in roaches, big, fat, nasty, FAKE roaches.

“You son of a bitch.” Dean said lowly.

Sam was wheezing through his tears and Dean hoped he choked on the breath he was trying to take. “You son of a BITCH!” He almost yelled.

Cas was looking between the two in confusion. “I don’t understand what’s happening. Sam and I heard… well, I’m not sure what we heard, a sort of high-pitched yelp perhaps?”

“Stop, Cas.” Dean said quickly.

“It may have been more of a squeal?” Cas was obviously lost in contemplation and hadn’t heard Dean’s command.

“Cas…” Dean said warningly.

“It was like eeeeeeeeeaaauuggggghhh I believe.” Cas attempted to mimic the sound that he and Sam had heard, which only served to incapacitate Sam even further. Sam had lost his battle with gravity and now had a hand resting against the floor as he tried to hold himself upright through the laughter.

Dean was furious and humiliated. He should have known that Sam was going to get him back soon, he’d been waiting on it even! But, he’d forgotten. He’d been too busy wallowing in self fucking pity that he forgot that he was entrenched in a damn prank war.

“Will you shut the fuck up!” Dean shouted. “I hope you choke on your own spit you big idiot!” Dean whipped around back towards his bed and started picking up the bugs littering his bedspread. They were disgustingly lifelike and made from a rubber that felt wet to the touch. He shivered as he grabbed one and hurled it at Sam’s red face.

Sam made a feeble attempt to bat the roaches flying towards his head away but only succeeded in one every 3 or so. 

“I hope you know it’s fucking ON now, Sammy. It’s so fucking on!” Dean said while he aimed roaches at Sam’s hair.

“I don’t understand what’s happening. Are we not in danger?” Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean glanced towards him once he’d run out of bugs to throw. Cas had his head tilted to the side and was looking like a baby bird, all wide eyes and confusion. He had a hand fisted into the hem of his t-shirt and Dean felt a pang in his chest. _He looks like a lost little boy. Jesus._

“No danger, bud. Unless you’re talking about Sam, who I’m pretty close to strangling with his own ridiculous hair!” Dean raised his voice at the end so Sam could hear him.

Sam waved him off and stood slowly. He wiped his eyes while small chuckles continued to escape him. “No, no, Cas, we’re all good here.” He said happily.

“Sam just decided to write a check his ass can’t cash and he’ll be paying the consequences soon.” Dean said conversationally to Cas while shooting a venomous glance at Sam.

Sam chuckled again and clapped a hand merrily on Cas’s shoulder. “I’ll explain later, why don’t we let our little teapot here get some sleep.” 

Cas’s eyes widened at that. “That’s what it was! A teapot! Dean, do you have a teapot in here?” Cas looked around the room curiously, as if Dean would miraculously produce a stove from a corner or something.

Sam closed his lips and attempted to hold back another laugh. “C’mon man, before Dean skins us both alive.” He steered Cas towards the door while the shorter man continued to look around him towards Dean’s room, still looking for a damn teapot.

Once they’d left, Dean covered his face in his hands. His skin felt overwarm and he knew he must be pretty red for his face to feel this flushed. _That damn asshole. I should have known better! Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Dean flopped backwards on his now clean and bug-free bed. That HAD been pretty good, he could admit. Even if it was at his own expense. Stupid, idiot Sam. And Cas that cute bastard… 

Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the subtle differences in Cas’s demeanor since he’d become human. Dean’s brain went back to Cas’s hand wrapped up in the bottom of his shirt. It was such a small thing, but the difference it brought out in Cas was like seeing a mountain being formed. It would have been a small gesture on anyone else, inconsequential even, but on Cas… It was huge. It just went to show how insecure the poor guy must be feeling if he’d been unconsciously falling into nervous habits. 

Dean let out a long low breath. Dean felt a small smile touch his lips as he remembered Cas peeking under Sam’s arm trying to discern where Dean was keeping a teapot. Dean felt his heart rate slowing as he thought back to the small interactions he’d just had with Cas. The head tilt, the confused pucker of his brow, the concern in his voice, the gentle pat on Dean’s shoulder when he was trying to help… 

Poor Cas, always trying to help. Always happy to bleed for a Winchester, he'd said. Dean rolled his eyes to himself. _Sweet, sweet Cas…_

Happy thoughts of Cas’s quest into human interactions lulled Dean into a shallow sleep pretty quickly. It didn’t take long from there for sleep to get it’s hooks into him and drag him fully under. His last conscious thought was of the tuft of hair on the back of Cas’s head that had been sticking up and away while Sam tried to usher him out.

xxx

Dean opened his eyes slowly. 

He glanced around the room curiously. Had he fallen asleep? Everything in here looked the way that it should but his limbs felt heavy for some reason and his brain was fuzzy. Maybe he’d just slept really deeply? He lifted a hand that felt like it was made from cement to rub at an eye roughly.

He made to sit up and had to try three times because he was successful. Man, he was out of it. He looked around the room again. _Huh, weird. Something feels wrong… like electricity…_ The soft sound of wood creaking drifted towards his ears and he glanced towards it curiously.

“Cas?” Dean asked slowly, his voice sounded garbled to his ears and he frowned at himself.

Dean’s eyes were having a hard time focusing but it looked like Cas was facing away from him, facing the closed bedroom door. Had he just come in? How long had he been standing there?

“Cas?” Dean tried again. Still no response.

Dean shifted his weight and swung his legs one by one over the side of his bed. Once his feet touched heavily against the floor he looked back up towards his door. Cas was still standing there, facing away from him. Dean frowned at his friend. What was he doing here?

He squinted his eyes to try to bring him into focus. “What are you doing, bud?” Cas still didn’t turn around.

Dean felt his frown deepen. What the hell was his problem? He did his best to hone in on Cas’s form to try and read some body language clues from him. It was then that he noticed that Cas was completely nude. Completely and beautifully nude.

He felt his eyes widen and his throat grow dry. Why would Cas walk into his room naked? What was happening? Why was he… why was he naked? Dean did his level best to ignore the image of Cas’s perfectly shaped ass in front of him. It wasn’t right to ogle, he hadn’t been given permission!

Or had he?

Why else would Cas be here actually? He was here, at night, while he knew that Dean was asleep, while Sam was probably asleep, and he was completely naked. Dean wasn’t a bright man, but this seemed… almost stupidly obvious. Had Cas noticed the heated stares? Dean’s overlong looks and state of almost constant half-arousal? Had clueless Cas actually picked up on the (admittedly not subtle) hints that Dean had been dropping? And better still, had he actually decided to do something about it?

Dean swallowed against his dry throat. Was this really happening? Had Cas decided to make a move since Dean was too chicken shit do to so? Dean stood on unsteady legs. Was he really doing this? He walked slowly, like he was moving through syrup, towards the tantalizing tan expanse of skin before him.

Dean cleared his throat when he was just a step behind the other man. He could already feel arousal coursing through his veins and he shifted nervously on his feet. “Cas?” Dean said, his voice coming out rougher than he’d intended. From this distance, Dean was close enough to see that Cas’s smooth was smooth, perfect. Almost too perfect to be believed. Dean’s fingers itched to reach forward and run down the knobs of Cas’s spine that were just visible on his back.

He resisted the intimate touch. He wanted to know that this was what Cas wanted first, what he really, truly wanted. Instead, he opted to reach out a hand and gently clasp Cas’s shoulder. “Cas, c’mon, turn around.” He tugged gently on the other man’s shoulder.

Cas moved slowly, slower than Dean had. Dean smiled warmly at his friend while he turned, waiting to see Cas’s nervous expression perhaps. The smile froze on his lips however, when he caught sight of Cas’s face as it slowly came into view. 

There was something… monstrous in the expression on Cas’s face. Something that wasn’t right and it caused the hairs on Dean’s arm to raise and prickle against his skin. Dean felt himself recoil. Cas’s mouth was pulled tight into a lewd smile. The edges of his lips pulled farther than he’d ever seen, farther than what would be physically possible. 

“Ca-Cas?” Dean stuttered.

The smile on his friends face remained still, frozen in a mask. As he examined Cas’s face, the clear blue of Cas’s irises darkened slowly. They darkened until they were indistinguishable from the pupils, and the black continued to spread outward. It spread in inky tendrils across the whites of the too-wide eyes until nothing of Cas looked to even be left but it didn’t stop. The black expanded outwards further, past the eyelids and down his cheeks, towards his hairline.

Dean tried to take a step backward but he felt rooted to the spot. His throat tightened around the whimper that was working its way up his chest. The Cas in front of him tilted his head to the side in a horrific mimicry of the real thing. Instead of looking cute, it looked sinister and Dean felt the blood drain from his face at the movement.

As the head tilted, a black viscous substance started slowly dribbling past the creature’s lips. The drops were slow at first, falling towards the creature’s chest like a leaky faucet. They picked up in intensity quickly however, what was once one or two fat droplets soon became a waterfall of inky syrup as it bubbled and burbled out of his friends mouth. 

The mouth never stopped smiling. This creature had to be choking on whatever the liquid was, had to be positively gagging as the fluid, dark as pitch, rose from its chest and out past its lips. Still, the mouth smiled. Its head tilted slowly towards its other side and Dean felt bile rise up in his own throat as the beloved contours of his friends face blackened and leered fiendishly at him. 

This wasn’t Cas, this never was, this was some nightmarish hallucination sent to taunt him. Sent to provoke him. Sending it in nude had been a particularly cruel trick and Dean felt the flicker of hope he’d felt at the thought of Cas desiring him sexually die like a boot taken to a sandcastle. He was being used and he felt anger at the thought. 

He frowned at the creature before him in disgust. “You’re not Cas.” He managed to say through a tight throat. The words came out in barely a whisper, but the fact that he was able to speak them at all felt like a miracle. It made him feel strong, brave. He felt his spine stiffen and his chest puff out in a facsimile of intimidation. “You’re not Cas!” He said again, louder this time.

The creature curled in on itself and peered up at him curiously from it’s lower vantage point. It looked less menacing now. Little more than an insect if he was being honest. Dean’s frown deepened and he felt emboldened by the diminished posture of the monster. He was Dean fucking Winchester! He wasn’t going to let a bad dream beat him down! The very idea was ludicrous!

“You’re not Cas!” He shouted right in its face. “You’re not Cas and I want you the fuck out of my house!”

Between one blink and the next there was a sound like a large thick bubble popping loudly and the scene in front of Dean changed rapidly. He was disoriented for a moment before he realized that he’d fallen right back into the lounge from his last pleasant dream. He was still in his t shirt and boxers and he looked down at his bare feet with a half smile. He’d gotten rid of that damn thing! He’d gotten rid of it and if he was lucky…

“Dean!” Cas’s yelp sounded off to his right and he turned with a smile. 

“Hey, buddy.” He said casually and held out a hand expectantly. Cas’s steps faltered slightly when he came into the warm light from overheard. He was in his uniform again and Dean felt his smile grow. This was HIS Cas, all awkward limbs and pinched brow. He felt elated. He’d managed to get whatever that nightmare was out of his life, booted it to the dream world curb. He was such a badass. In fact, he’d guess that that strange shadow that seemed to be haunting him in his dreaming and waking world would be gone now. He’d figured out how to defeat it!

Cas stepped towards him cautiously. “Are you alright?” He asked breathlessly. 

Dean winked at him suggestively. “Cas, I’m better than alright. C’mere! I want a celebratory spin around the room.”

Cas finally accepted his hand and Dean pulled him close, closer than last time, until their chests were flush against one another. A bright red blush flashed across Cas’s cheeks and he looked down at where their chests connected.

Dean felt a chuckle come unbidden to his lips. “Man, am I so glad to see you. You shoulda seen the messed nightmare Cas I just met.” He whistled lowly and shook his head. “Not a good look, that’s for damn sure.” He smiled at Cas and sent him another wink. “I like this you just fine, don’t ever change.”

Dean was pleased to see that Cas’s blush only darkened at that. _I wonder if he’d really react like this. It could go two ways I guess… This way or completely stonelike and uncomfortable. I prefer this one, must be why I dreamt it._

“I was worried.” Cas said suddenly. “I was worried when I couldn’t find you.”

“You’re always worried, Cas.” Dean said easily. He paused there and took Cas closer to the edge of the room in a slow spin. He bit his bottom lip thoughtfully before adding. “And uh… I’m-I’m always here, you’ll always find me. You know that, right?”

“I get worried you’re going to go somewhere I can’t follow…” Cas said and Dean caught the hitch in his breath halfway through the sentence.

“If you could find my ass down in the Pit and haul it back here, I don’t think there’s anywhere I could go without you.” He frowned thoughtfully. “And there’s no where you could go where I won’t follow you. I spent-I spent so long looking for you in Purgatory.” He gulped and felt a nervous flutter in his chest. “You’re mine Cas, and I’m yours, we belong to each other. We’re family, we’ll always find each other.”

Dean watched as a slow smile bloomed on Cas’s face and he felt the nervous flutter in his chest be replaced with a pulsing warmth. He lifted his head slightly to look over Cas’s shoulder. They continued to dance together slowly, listening to the gentle music as it washed over them. Dean smiled slightly when he heard the words drift into his ears.

**Bones sinking like stones  
** **All that we’ve fought for  
** **Homes, places we’ve grown  
** **All of us are done for  
**

It felt appropriate somehow, for this to be playing right after his little nightmare episode. He smiled at the tussled black hair before him. Cas was in the uniform but his hair was all askew, just how Dean had always liked it. He sighed happily and let himself feel the music floating around him and the warmth and weight of the man in his arms. He wished he could just exist in this moment forever. Warm and happy with the man he- with Cas. 

“Dean… where are your pants?” Cas asked suddenly in confusion.

Dean rolled his eyes. _Good ol’ Cas, cockblock extraordinaire._ He laughed a little at the look on his friends face before shaking his head and spinning him once more around the room.

**Oh all that I know  
** **There’s nothing here to run from  
** **Cause here  
** **Everybody here’s got somebody to lean on  
** xxx

The next morning Dean woke rested with very little thought to his nightmare and then subsequent dream. He stretched leisurely and enjoyed the feeling of the popping of his spine. He gave his ankle a tentative roll and was happy to note that it was definitely sore but there was no longer any throbbing pain associated with it. Maybe he’d be back in action sooner than expected!

He rolled out of bed lazily and wrapped himself snuggly in his large grey robe. He had been surprised to note that the Men of Letters hadn’t emblazoned their logo on the damn thing, but he wasn’t complaining. He wrapped the belt tightly around his waist (NO MORE UNDERWEAR INCIDENTS) and wandered out of his room.

From the sounds of it Sam and Cas were on their way out the door and Dean thought wistfully of Cas’s ass in black spandex before reprimanding himself for being creepy. _Though… I will be around for the cool down stretches… Stop that! Bad Dean!_ He rolled his eyes at himself. Coffee first, moral ambiguity later.

A few minutes later he’d plunked himself down at a table in the library with a steaming mug in one hand. He perused the books on the table idly, wondering what Sam had been looking into recently. Most of the books in here were old and didn’t have large titles stamped across the front. The one’s that Sam was looking through looked tiresome and tedious. Their covers were leather and warped through years of being handled. He grabbed a book at random and flipped open the cover to a random page. 

_At least it’s written in English..._ He mused. The pages looked flimsy and like they’d been hand-written. _Yikes!_ There was a diagram a couple of pages in and Dean squinted his eyes at it as he tried to make sense of what it was. There was a large “evil eye” in the center and around its edges were carefully penned sigils. _Enochian it looks like…_ He flipped the page. On the next was an image of the same diagram only there was a man laid down on top of all of it, head facing north, feet south and arms to the east and west. A large crystal was placed on his forehead and he looked… incredibly unhappy about the situation. _What the hell is this?_

He skimmed the pages in the hopes of finding the name of whatever ritual this was. He was having a hard time making out the words though, the print was small and with the pages being as thin as they were the words from the other side were bleeding through. 

“Damn old English bastards and their stupid books.” He muttered to himself.

He was about to flip back to the previous page when something caught his eye. Near the bottom of the page, the words were smudged pretty badly but… it almost looked as if it said: 

**“You’re not Cas.”**

Dean felt a shiver run down his spine. He was still waking up, he needed to pound his coffee a little harder apparently, he was seeing things. He blinked his eyes rapidly and flipped the page back. He skimmed that one in the hopes of having a little better luck. Only here, the phrase jumped out at him a couple more times. At the beginning of a paragraph:

**”You’re not Cas.”**

And then again halfway down the page:

**”You’re not Cas.”**

“What the fuck…” Dean said and rubbed a knuckle against his eye. “You’re cracking up, Winchester. Come on, rally.”

He frowned and looked back at the book in irritation. Except… All of the writing that had been there previously now read, in a bold and deliberate script: **”You’re not Cas. You’re not Cas. You’re not Cas!”** Over and over it read. Dean flipped pages frantically, and on every page the print was the same. Dean slammed the book closed and pushed it away from him. He looked around himself at the rest of the books on the table. Only two of the books had titles… and those now read, **”You’re Not Cas.”** In large fancy type.

Dean stood suddenly, knocking his chair backwards. He heard it clatter to the floor but the noise sounded like mocking laughter to his strained ears. “No.” He said loudly. “No! This isn’t happening!” He clapped his hands over his ears loudly and felt the resounding ring in them from the action. 

_This isn’t happening. I’m just tired. Maybe I’m still asleep! That could be right, I’m still sleeping, this is just some weird nightmare. I just gotta wake up!_ Dean hurried back towards his room. He just needed to lay back down in his bed, he could lay down and then he could get back up. REALLY UP this time. Sam and Cas were probably still sleeping in their rooms. He elbowed his door open, since his hands were still clapped firmly over his ears, and kicked it shut with his foot. 

_I just need to get back to sleep, if I can fall back asleep then I can wake myself up and I can be out of this freakshow._ Dean tentatively took his hands from his ears and listened to his surroundings. Nothing but silence greeted him. _Ok, perfect._

He pulled the covers back roughly and slide beneath them. _Ok, just calm down. Calm down, Dean. You’re ok, you just need to fall back asleep. All you have to do is fall back asleep. You’re ok, you’re ok, everything’s ok._

He closed his eyes warily and took a deep breath. He needed to relax if this was gonna work. He willed his muscles to ease and had to fight against the tension that was still knotted in his shoulders. He just needed to relax, just a little. 

He laid silently in his for bed an indeterminate amount of time. After a while, when nothing happened, he felt himself truly relax. His hunter senses weren’t picking up on anything, he was fine. He was safe. He was in the Bunker for God’s sake, what could possibly get in here! He was safe, he was fine, he was ok. 

He felt himself drifting slowly. Darkness was working around the edges of his consciousness and he welcomed it with open arms. The quiet sound of wood against wood caught his attention then. It was faint, just a soft echo of a sound really, but he’d definitely heard it. He tried to ignore it, it was probably just Sam or Cas opening their doors. But then the prickle of hairs on the back of his neck drew his attention. He knew that sensation, that feeling as goosebumps raised along his neck. Every hunter worth his salt knew that feeling. 

He was being watched. 

He felt himself stiffen immediately. He didn’t want to give away that he was awake so he continued to lay still and control his breathing. He listened intently, but no other sounds made their way to his ears. There were no smells and since his eyes were closed, nothing to see. But, he knew, knew with a certainty born from years of training, that someone was watching him. 

There wasn’t much for it now, he could wait for them to attack or he could make the first move. Dean had never been an active defense kind of guy, he believed in leading with a strong offense. He felt his muscles tighten and prepare to grab the gun he still kept under his pillow. 

His eyes snapped open at the same moment that he realized he couldn’t move anything else. He was held fast to the bed by some unseen force. He scanned the room with frantic eyes. Directly above him, in a hatch that he was sure wasn’t there during daylight hours, was a face peering down at him. 

Dean’s eyes widened in fear. There was a man staring down at him from a hole in the ceiling. The sound he’d heard must have been the wood being moved away from the hatch. Dean felt tears gather in the corner of his eyes. _Am I awake…?_

A wide smile spread across the man’s face. His eyes were too large to be human and stared into the room at Dean maliciously. It seemed to leer at him for a moment before it’s thin hands appeared around the edges of the hatch that separated them. It was coming in. It was coming in after him. Dean wasn’t equipped to deal with this situation in any logical manner now that his ability to move had been taken from him and he did the only thing he could. He screamed. He closed his eyes and screamed until his voice was hoarse from the act and he couldn’t make any more sounds, and still he tried. 

A forceful hand on his shoulder grabbed his attention and he opened his eyes again. His field of vision was taken up by a pair of incredibly blue eyes and Dean felt something in his chest loosen. 

“Dean!” Sam shouted next to him. “Dude, what the fuck! Are you ok?” 

Dean blinked blearily at his brother and lifted his head in confusion. His head had been pillowed on his arms because he was… laying on the table in the library. “Wha-” He asked croakily. 

He saw Cas’s shoulders loosen in front of him. “Sam and I just got back from a run to find you in here… screaming.” This was said hesitantly, almost as if you didn’t want Dean to know they’d heard him. 

“Screaming?” Dean asked slowly. He rubbed a hand against his throat. It had certainly felt like he’d been screaming, but… why? 

“Yeah, dude, fucking screaming.” Sam pulled out the headband keeping his hair out of his face. “Do you wanna tell us what’s going on with you? Because this-” He gestured at Dean with a sharp hand, “is not cutting it.” 

Dean frowned at his brother. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, Samantha, but nothing’s going on with me. I’m having bad dreams, so fucking sue me!” Cruelly, Dean thought, _Oh wait, you can’t! You never went back to Stanford._ He shrugged off Cas’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m fine, sorry to disturb your little post-run meditation!” 

He stood angrily and the chair fell backwards, clattering against the floor. Dean felt himself stiffen immediately at the sound. It had almost sounded like… No, no, this was reality. He wasn’t dreaming anymore. 

“Get off me, Cas.” He said quietly as Cas made to put a restraining hand on him. 

Cas let him go without comment, but Dean could read the concern in the other man’s body language. He was worrying them. He was worrying himself. Something wasn’t right, and he didn’t know what it was. Maybe he was finally just cracking around the edges like his sanity had been threatening to do for a long time. 

And now he’d stormed off and wouldn’t even get a chance to WATCH the post-run meditation. _Dammit all to Hell._ He thought bitterly as he made his way to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. 

xxx 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a little shorter but there's a lot happening in it so I didn't want to crowd it too much. I love horror, I eat, sleep, breathe horror, but I'm finding that writing it is a completely different ballgame. I hope this is at least a little scary. I can't tell if it's not just because I wrote it or if I'm just not very good at this. Please let me know what you think! Love you all!


	8. Chapter 8

“Dean! Come on, quit pouting, we need to talk about this!”

Dean frowned and curled further into himself on his bed. He couldn’t deal with this shit right now, he was feeling some major emotional backlash from that nightmare episode or whatever it was. He scrubbed a hand over his face roughly and hung his head between closer to his knees. 

“Dean, would you knock it off, I want to talk to you!”

Dean flipped off his door half-heartedly where Sam was standing and yelling at him. He knew the big idiot meant well but he couldn’t handle the level of noise Sam was kicking up right now. Everything just felt so vivid, so bright and so loud and he couldn’t think straight with all of that beating against him. He pressed the palms of his hands against his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt like every nerve in his body had been scrapped raw and was being exposed to an electrical current. What was wrong with him…

“Dean…” Cas’s gentle voice floated towards him from outside the door. “Open the door, please.” And that calm and strong voice seemed to do the trick. Dean grabbed onto it like a lifeline and let himself be anchored by the idea of Cas’s presence. Cas was a mountain in a hurricane and Dean needed that strength right now.

“Ok, ok…” His voice came out as a croak and he resisted the urge to cough to clear it. He had a feeling the rasping of a cough would scrape against his throat painfully.

There was silence on the other side of the door when he stood and made his way towards it. He rested his forehead against the wood for a moment, willing himself to be calm and to be strong. He swallowed reflexively and gave himself a small nod. He turned the knob and pulled the door open towards himself slowly. His head was hung down and looking at the feet of the two men before him. He felt like a guilty child having to face his angry parents. Except Cas and Sam weren’t mom and dad and they weren’t angry.

The other two remained silent while they waited for Dean to compose himself. The silence stretched on for a few seconds before Dean finally gathered his courage to look upwards and into the worried faces of his brother and his Cas.

“Wha-” Sam started but was halted by Cas placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder tentatively. Cas gave Sam a meaningful side-eye before he gestured towards the living room. Sam frowned but nodded silently and made his way towards the other room. Cas gave Dean a gentle push on his shoulder to encourage him to follow his brother and he did so reluctantly. Looked like they were going to have a “family talk.” Great.

No one spoke until they were all settled in the living room, Sam in his chair and Dean and Cas in their usual spots on the couch. Dean clenched his hands tightly in his lap and refused to look at the other two, he couldn’t handle the pinched expression on their faces that said that were “just worried.”

Finally, Sam cleared his throat and said without further preamble. “What happened?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably on his seat. What HAD happened? He shrugged sullenly. “Dunno, bad dream or somethin’.” He mumbled.

“Dean… if it had just been that one time I could maybe believe it. But, dude, you’ve been looking ragged for weeks. There was this morning and then that thing in the woods…” He paused here and Dean just KNEW that he was making an incredibly pathetic baby brother face, something like “I want Lucky Charms but there isn’t enough for two bowls.” He couldn’t take that right now.

He shrugged again.

Sam made an irritated sound in the back of his throat. “Dean-” His voice was a little sharper this time but he quieted quickly. Cas must have shot him another warning look. There was silence again for a time before Cas leaned towards him on the couch.

“What are you seeing?” He asked gently. 

Dean felt his shoulders hike up towards his ears. He SO did not want to talk about this. What even had he been seeing? How did he explain this shit to them without sounding like an absolute lunatic? Should he be truthful? It might be nice to get some of it off his shoulders… then again… could he really look at them in the eye after confessing something so fucked up? Could he really tell them that he was fine physically, just cracking up around the edges as his sanity went down the shitter?

“Nightmares.” He said simply. “I’m going stir-crazy I think, we haven’t done anything but play Little House on the Prairie in weeks and it’s driving me nuts.” Ok, so he had apparently decided to lie. He steeled himself to look up at Sam’s worried face. “I gotta start working a case soon, man. This vacation shit is killing me.”

Sam’s expression turned from worry to irritation. “We can’t start working yet, you’re ankle hasn’t had-”

“It’s fine!” Dean snapped. “I’m getting around fine, seriously. I NEED to be working, Sam. Ain’t nothing wrong with me that a salt-and-burn couldn’t fix.”

Sam eyed him thoughtfully for a moment. Dean could see the cogs turning in his brain and he hoped that Sam wouldn’t piece together that Dean had been trying to deflect attention from his mental health by claiming that he was bored.

Sam eventually turned towards Cas and raised his eyebrows at the other man. “Cas?” He asked.

Cas was squinting at Dean and gave no indication that he’d heard Sam at all. Dean could feel the weight of Cas’s gaze like a physical entity and he shuddered visibly against it. He was used to Cas staring at him meaningfully by now and this shouldn’t be any different. Cas was trying to see through him, past the bullshit and the lies and into his heart. Dean was sure that Cas knew he was trying to lie his way out of this conversation but he wasn’t sure how the other man would react to the bullshit. 

“If Dean says that he’s ready, then he must be ready.” Cas said calmly. Dean blinked rapidly at that in surprise. _Huh, didn’t think I’d get out of this that easily…_

“After all, Dean wouldn’t lie to us. Right, Dean?” Cas’s voice had turned a little chillier and Dean felt himself swallow uncomfortably. _Aaaaaaand there it is._

He shifted in his seat under Cas’s intense scrutiny. “Ri-right, Cas…” _Fuck._

“Then I think a salt-and-burn would be a good idea.” He turned towards Sam then and Dean felt relieved to be out from under that steady blue gaze. 

Sam’s frown had deepened but he turned passive eyes towards Cas. “Alright, I’ll start looking for something simple.” They sat in an uncomfortable silence before Sam stood up by slapping his hands down on the chair arms loudly. 

“Alright, I’m grabbing a shower.” He said before walking out of the room without another backward glance.

Now it was just Dean and Cas sitting together on the couch. Dean wished he could focus on the fact that Cas was sweaty and in those tight black spandex shorts that he liked so much, but he couldn’t seem to focus past the guilt he felt bubbling in his stomach. He had lied to them, and worse was that they KNEW he had lied to him, but they didn’t fight him on it. This didn’t bode well AT ALL. They were probably going to have a secret meeting about him in the next couple days to discuss their “worries” and “concerns” about his health. Nosy bastards.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Cas said quietly next to him. 

Dean’s head swiveled towards him quickly. Had Cas just been speaking to him? Had he been that wrapped up in his own head? “Sorry, what was that?” He asked hesitantly.

“What are you seeing?” Cas asked again. His expression was completely neutral and Dean felt himself falling into the steady blue gaze against his will. Was he being hypnotized?

He cleared his throat quickly. “I said nightmares.” He muttered.

“That’s very vague and you know it.” Cas shot back at him.

Yeah it was, and that was intentional. He shrugged again, “Just you know, nightmare stuff. Freaky shit and whatever.”

Cas hummed noncommittally but didn’t respond to that statement for several minutes. Dean was almost willing to let himself believe that Cas had decided to drop the subject until the other man spoke up again. 

“You know, I wake up sometimes and I forget that I’m here in the Bunker.” He paused and focused somewhere in the middle distance in front of the couch. “Sometimes I… I can’t figure out why I’m laying on a soft bed, why I have a warm comforter across my shoulders and why I feel well-fed and comfortable. I forget where I am because in my dreams… or in my nightmares, I’m back in Purgatory. Or… worse.” He turned back to Dean and gave him a gentle look. 

“You don’t have to be vague, Dean. You forget that I pulled you out of Hell, I held your soul to my chest and rebuilt your body with my own hands. I know you.” Cas searched his face after that pronouncement and Dean didn’t know how to respond. 

Cas DID know him. Probably better than anyone, maybe even better than Sam. For being a weird little dorky guy, Cas knew him more intimately than almost anyone ever had. _I guess that’s bound to happen when you hold someone’s literal soul in your hands._ Dean was struck with the knowledge that until very recently, Cas had been something other than human. He’d been infinite and vast, larger than the Chrysler building and winged. He’d seen the creation of Man, witnessed the oceans being born and the rise and fall of every civilization on Earth. And he’d given it all up, everything, for Dean. And it had all started the minute that he’d held onto Dean on their flight out of Hell. What had he seen when he’d held him? What secrets had he discovered at the core of Dean’s being that he’d never voiced? 

He was so wrapped up in these thoughts that he didn’t notice when Cas stood from the couch next to him. He was brought back to the present by a gentle hand being placed against the crown of his head. He looked up from under the hand into Cas’s calm gaze. 

“I may not be an angel any longer, but I am still your friend. I’m here if you need to talk.” Cas said quietly before allowing his hand to drop slowly from Dean’s head. His fingers trailed against Dean’s cheek lightly before falling away completely. Dean’s skin felt cold now with the absence of the light touch.

“And now, I believe I also need a shower.” He gave Dean a small smile before exiting the room quietly, presumably towards the bathroom in the hallway.

_Now what?_ Dean thought in confusion as he touched the pad of his fingers to his cheek.

xxx

Ultimately, Dean decided to do nothing. He was going to just pretend everything was ok and then it would be! That logic seemed sound enough to his emotionally compromised brain. And nothing right now included continuing the prank war!

A shrill scream came from the direction of the library and Dean felt a moment of panic before Sam’s hysterical voice called out from the same direction. “DEAN!”

A wicked grin spread across his face. Looks like Sam had found part 1 of the 2 part morning prank. 

“Dean, you son of a bitch! Get your ass in here, NOW!” Sam all but screamed.

Dean picked his way casually through the living room and towards the library. “What’s up, doc?” He asked cheekily when he peeked around the corner and into the room.

“How many-How many times, Dean! How many times have I told you, no liquids near the computer!” Sam was gesturing emphatically towards his laptop which was propped open on the library table.

Dean shrugged and frowned in concentration as if considering the question. “Now that you mention it, I remember you saying that once or twice. Why?”

Sam’s face was red and his hair was mussed on the left side. “Why?! You know why! There’s freakin’ beer on the keyboard! Why are you drinking at 10am anyway!?

Dean pursed his lips and looked thoughtfully at the computer. The fake-spill he’d bought DID look super convincing, he didn’t blame Sam for being pissed. “How do you know it was me and not Cas?” He asked with narrowed eyes.

“Because Cas is more respectful of my stuff. You are such a bitch, I can’t believe you did this.” Sam ran his hands through his hair angrily.

Dean waved him off and rolled his eyes. “Relax, dude, geez. I bet it isn’t even that hard to clean up, have you even tried?”

“Since you’re the one who MADE the mess, I think you should clean it up. And if anything, I mean ANYTHING is wrong with it, then you owe me a new laptop. I’m serious Dean!” Sam snapped at the end when Dean had to bite his lips to keep from smiling.

Cas walked in at that point in confusion. He frowned and looked between the two of them with a question in his eyes. Sam was too angry to pay attention but Dean sent him a wink before he made a show of rolling up the sleeves of his overshirt.

“Alright, alright, don’t get your panties twisted in a knot. Lemme see here…” Dean reached forward delicately and plucked at the edge of the bottle that was tipped over on Sam’s computer. He lifted it carefully and watched as the soft plastic of the “spilled” beer came away with it, leaving Sam’s computer in near enough perfect condition. 

Dean raised his eyebrows expectantly at Sam and was gratified to see the instant that Sam realized what had happened. The anger leaked out of his expression and was replaced with Sam’s long-suffering and very annoyed bitch-face. “Are you fucking serious?” He asked in exasperation. 

Dean couldn’t hold his laughter in any longer and let loose a deep chuckle at his brother’s expense. Sam’s irritation only mounted at Dean’s mockery and the anger was immediately back in his expression. “You’re such a bitch, Dean, seriously. I freaking hate you.”

Dean’s laughter only increased and he waved the bottle and fake-spill in Sam’s face. “You can send me the cleaning bill, Sammy!” 

“What’s happening?” Cas asked in bewilderment.

Dean patted him on the shoulder good-naturedly. “Turnabout, my friend. Turnabout.” Dean said with a smile.

“What’s “turnabout”?” Cas asked with a wrinkle in his brow.

“Fairplay!” Dean crowed before waving the bottle at Cas too. Dean continued chuckling as he made his way back out of the library and towards the kitchen. He could hear Cas asking Sam what had happened and he rolled his eyes to himself.

Today was already looking up! Wait until Sam storms off to his room here in 5, 4, 3, 2…

The sound of an air horn pierced through the quiet of the Bunker and Dean held his breath for a moment before…

“DEAN!” Sam screamed from his room.

Dean broke down again and had to lean against the doorway to the kitchen so he didn’t fall over. Dean could only hope that Sam had pissed himself when he’d thrown his door open to go and sulk only to have the airhorn screech at him from behind the door. It was almost too easy to get his little brother riled up!

Dean was still laughing quietly when Cas walked by him on the way to the coffee pot. Cas shook his head in disappointment and muttered under his breath, “Humans…” 

Dean felt a smile crack his face at that.

xxx

Dean woke the next morning feeling marginally better than he had yesterday. He’d managed to get some restful sleep and that felt like a minor miracle in and of itself. He’d laughed a lot yesterday, most of it at his brother’s expense, but Sam was nothing if not a good sport. They’d had some noodle dish for dinner that had been delicious. Sam had spent most of the meal shooting him nervous glances, no doubt waiting on Dean to make some comment about the lack of meat in the dish but Dean had kept his mouth shut. He’d simply eaten the food, thanked Sam for cooking again, and gotten up to do the dishes when everyone had finished. It probably looked suspicious, but he had noticed the tension leaving Cas’s shoulders the longer they went without Dean commenting on the meatless meals and Dean felt pretty good about that. Though it was his own fault for the tension in the first place. Dean might be a slow learner, but he learned and he could keep quiet about this and let Cas have his privacy about it.

Sam had made some airy comment yesterday about needing to get groceries from town and Dean had nearly jumped at the chance to get out of the Bunker for a little while. Cas had also remarked that he needed more running shorts and they’d collectively decided to head into town that morning.

Dean was munching his way through a couple slices of buttered toast while he waited on the Wonder Twins to get out of bed. They’d agreed to take a morning off from running to give their muscles some breathing time, for which Dean was thankful. Seeing Cas’s ass in those tight little shorts was going to give him heart failure one of these days.

A few minutes later a sleep-rumpled Cas made his way blearily into the kitchen. He had on one of Dean’s old band shirts and a loose pair of sweats that they’d bought for him some time ago. He rubbed at one eye with a knuckle and yawned loudly. 

_Cute…_ Dean thought with a small half-smile. “Mornin’ sunshine. Coffee?” He asked politely.

“Please.” Cas growled at him before leaning against the counter on his forearms. 

_He’s having a heck of a time getting around today._ Dean mused. He poured a cup of coffee into one of the plain white mugs from the cabinet before handing it over to the grouchy former angel. 

Cas nodded his thanks and blew on the cup softly to cool it. Dean did his best to look away from the way that Cas’s pink lips pursed around the breath. He was only marginally successful.

Thankfully, Sam made his way in around then. He was freshly showered and dressed already for the day ahead, like some kind of freak of nature. He gave Dean a tight smile before reaching around him for the coffee. He was still a little sore about the pranks yesterday. Dean had no doubt that Sam was planning something shitty in retaliation. He’d just have to keep his eyes peeled. 

“What time you guys wanna shoot out of here?” Sam asked conversationally.

Cas shrugged before taking a long pull from his mug. Dean rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the man. “I could be ready any time, just need to brush my teeth.”

Sam nodded to him thoughtfully before looking sideways at Cas’s slumped form. “Better make it an hour at least. That’ll give us some time for figure out what all we need before we go.”

“Sure.” Dean said simply. 

xxx

“What do you think about these, Dean?” Cas asked as he held up a pair of orange and yellow spandex shorts.

Dean wasn’t sure how he’d gotten roped into going with Cas for clothes shopping when Sam was doing something respectable like buying food. But, here he was. 

“Don’t you think they’re a little loud?” Dean asked skeptically.

Cas frowned at him and held the shorts a little closer to his ear. He gave Dean a bewildered look. Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. “No, buddy, like… aren’t they too bright?”

Cas held the shorts out at arms length and frowned at them for a moment. “I like them. The color reminds me of the sunrise when we’re outside.” 

“It’s your ass, dude.” Dean said with a shrug. 

Cas pondered them for another moment before tossing them resolutely into the small basket Dean had looped over his arm. Apparently they were getting the sunshine shorts. Super.

Cas stalked through the racks around them like he was on some kind of life or death scavenger hunt. He was wearing a pair of cut off khaki shorts, tennis shoes, and a short-sleeved button up covered in pineapples that Dean had done his best to talk him out of buying on their last shopping trip. Cas, obviously, hadn't been willing to listen to reason. He looked like a damn tourist.

Dean huffed as he looked around himself at the racks of athletic wear. There were plenty of black and grey options, why did Cas always have to gravitate towards the most ridiculous ones? Cas was turning a short-billed hat over in his hands thoughtfully. Now, that WAS a good idea.

“You should get one of those too. It’ll keep the sun off your face and will help keep sweat out of your eyes.” Dean said as he came up behind him.

Cas seemed to be thinking it over carefully before nodding at Dean and placing it in the basket. They spent another fifteen minutes wandering through the area grabbing some more practical options at Dean’s behest, including socks which Cas had forgotten about. Cas also managed to find another pair of outlandishly colored shorts that he just HAD to have.

Cas finally decided that he was done and they walked over to the groceries to find Sam. Dean lost Cas halfway there, he’d found something near the Health and Pharmacy section he’d wanted to look at and had waved Dean on, telling him he’d catch up. That was just fine with him, he carted Cas’s basket full of running gear with him down the aisles as he looked for his brother.

He spied him comparing two different squashes in the produce section and he huffed an exasperated sigh. _These two…_ He thought. Sam and Cas were such a mess sometimes. He walked casually over and leaned around Sam’s shoulder.

“They look the same.” He said.

Sam’s frown deepened. “They aren’t.” He replied evenly. He lifted the one in his right hand higher and squinted at it. He did the same with the left. Dean watched in confusion as his brother tilted his head to the side before placing the left squash back in place on the display and setting the right one in his own basket.

“Whatever, dude. You about done?” 

“Just about. Anything else you wanna grab while we’re here?” Sam asked as he picked up his basket from the floor and moved to another produce stand.

“Beer?” Dean asked hopefully. 

Sam nodded in agreement while he picked through tomatoes. “I’ll just meet you and Cas at the front in a couple minutes and we can get outta here.”

“Sounds good!” Dean chirped before heading towards the back of the store for the beer.

It didn’t take him long to grab a couple of his favorite packs and make his way back towards the front. He’d just pay for this stuff now and pull the car around for the other two once they were finished. He didn’t feel like lingering in here any longer than necessary. It was nice to get out of the house, but he detested grocery stores. The hum of the artificial lights and the judgemental looks of the soccer moms in here creeped him out.

He stopped back by Sam to let him know his plan and to remind him to find Cas before he headed to the registers. The cashier seemed bored and ignored Dean’s friendly smile when he’d flashed it. Whatever. Once out the doors he trotted to the Impala and placed his shopping bags in the trunk. He leaned against her smooth black finish and tilted his head upwards towards the sun. It felt good on his face and he smiled. The breeze around him ran through his hair playfully and he closed his eyes to focus on the feeling. This was a good day, he was enjoying himself.

He stayed like that for another minute before finally rousing himself and climbing inside his car. Maybe he could take her out for a spin this afternoon? Getting out on the road with the windows down and some music playing sounded perfect right now. Maybe Cas would want to go? Roaring down the highway in the Impala was as close to flying without wings as you could get in his opinion. _I be he’d like that. It’d do us both some good after the last few weeks._

He pulled up in front of the store to wait for the other two. His fingers beat against his steering wheel as a ELO song played quietly from the speakers. He whistled along happily and surveyed the parking lot around him idly. Not much going on, it was still fairly early on a weekday so that wasn’t too surprising. He turned his head towards the store to see if Sam and Cas were headed out yet.

Movement in his rear view mirror caught his attention and he glanced into it curiously. He felt his body stiffen as his eyes focused on the figure in the mirror. It was that same son of a bitch from the hatch above his bed. He was sitting primly in the backseat of the Impala with a sly smile on his face. 

Dean’s fingers gripped the wheel in front of him tightly and he swallowed against a tight throat. The man tilted his head curiously, his overly large eyes widening as he leaned forward. Dean couldn’t just sit here while this fucker messed with him. He could easily wrap those thin fingers of his around Dean’s throat from his position in the backseat. No fucking way was that happening. Dean frowned at the man in the mirror and tensed his muscles, readying himself for a fight.

The man sent him a knowing smile that flashed his unnaturally white teeth. No, he wasn’t doing this! Dean turned sharply, hand pulled back into a fist, and opened his mouth to shout. The words died on his tongue however when nothing but empty air met his eyes. He’d gone. Sneaky bastard had just puffed away. Dean felt a chill run down his spine. How had he gotten in here? The Impala was warded… But so was the Bunker and he hadn’t had a problem with that.

Dean shook his head to clear it. No, no, that wasn’t right. He wasn’t even real. He hadn’t gotten in anywhere, Dean was having nightmares. Waking nightmares maybe, but they were just his nutso brain running in hyper drive since he’d been so bored recently. That’s all it had been. There wasn’t anybody here. He just wished hgis racing heart with get with the program and SLOW DOWN.

He turned back towards the front of the car. As his eyes passed towards the front of the store again a quiet voice whispered right next to his ear. “Dean.” It said simply and dammit if he hadn’t FELT the breath from the person’s lungs against his skin. He felt his face pale and he whipped around again.

There was still nothing in the backseat. Nothing there, nobody there. It was just him in the Impala, him and his brain that was apparently fucking off to Timbuktu. “Jesus.” He muttered to himself and wiped a hand down his face. 

The sound of creaking metal ricocheted into his ears like a gunshot and he turned sharply towards the passenger side car door. “Wha-” He said in confusion. Sam ducked his face down as he climbed into the passenger seat. Oh. Oh. It was just Sam and Cas, there were supposed to be here, they were really physically here. Dean resisted the urge to reach out and touch his brother. That would only create more problems than it would solve.

“Sorry that took so long, we had a problem at the register.” Sam said easily. 

Cas settled himself in the backseat and looked passively at Dean through the rearview mirror. It made Dean’s skin crawl to see Cas sitting so calmly where that… THING had been not even a minute before. He averted his eyes quickly from the mirror and Cas.

“S’fine, let’s just go.” Dean muttered before putting the car into drive.

He could feel Sam’s looking over at him in confusion. He could even sense Cas looking at him from the back. He ignored them both and turned the radio up louder. He couldn’t deal with their concern right now. Nothing had happened, he was fine. 

The drive home felt longer than it should have because Dean was doing everything he could to pretend nothing was wrong. Sam seemed to have backed off after a few minutes and he was thankful for that. He could still tell that Cas was looking at him, but he refused to look up and meet his eyes in the mirror. What if it wasn’t Cas back there when he looked? He shuddered.

xxx

“Dean, will you quit pretending to be busy and help us unload.” Sam snapped at him.

Dean, who was frankly offended that Sam would assume he was pretending to be busy, (although he was) flipped him off quickly. “Fine, fine, what do you need me to do?” He groused.

“You can start by putting those in the fridge.” Sam nodded to a couple of bottles on the counter. Sam was busy pulling produce out of a paper bag and Cas had scurried off to put his new clothes in the washer. 

“Fine.” Dean snapped. He grabbed the bottles in irritation. He looked down at them as he walked towards the fridge. “Dude, why the hell did you buy 40’s?”

He reached towards the door to the fridge and only then did he realize his mistake. Fucking Sam. Dean’s shoulders tensed and he turned slowly towards his brother. Sam was pointedly NOT looking at him, and was busy rearranging the vegetables on the counter, pointlessly. 

“Sam…” Dean said lowly.

“Hmm?” Sam asked with raised eyebrows.

Dean held up his hands, palms facing out, and looked at Sam expectantly.

Sam gave him a frown and pinched his brows in confusion. “Something the matter?” He asked innocently.

Dean shook his hands and looked back at his brother with pursed lips. The bottles he was trying to shake off remained firmly glued to his hands. “Did you seriously put superglue on these fucking things? You did this last time!” He whined.

Sam grinned widely at him. “And you fell for it again!” 

“Duuuudeeeeeee… I CANNOT play Edward 40-Hands today.” Dean shook his hands again in frustration.

“Oh you can and you will.” Sam said haughtily and he continued arranging his vegetables. “You know how these things escalate and you brought this on yourself. I don’t feel bad for you and Cas won’t either.”

“Cas won’t what?” 

_And Speak of the frickin’ Devil!_ Dean thought angrily. He turned his head sharply towards Cas and gave him a wide eyed and pitiful look.

“Cas, buddy. Sam glued my hands to these bottles. Will you help me out and get some acetone?” He fluttered his eyelashes and sent Cas his most pleading look.

“Oh ho, no you don’t!” Sam barked next to him. “Cas, you aren’t to assist Dean AT ALL! He brought this on himself and he needs to learn a lesson.” 

Cas frowned and looked between the two of them in thought. “Turnabout is fair play?” He asked after a moment.

Sam grinned and clapped Dean happily on the back. “Exactly.” He turned towards his brother. “Now, run along Dean, those won’t drink themselves. Oh here, let me help you with that.” Sam reached over and opened both of the bottles and Dean frowned at him.

“What’s to stop me from just dumping these over the top of your stupid hair?” Dean asked icily.

“Your pride.” Sam answered easily. And dammit if the son of a bitch wasn’t right.

“Fine! But if I piss myself because I can’t get my pants off then that’s on you.” He huffed.

“Oh, I’m sure Cas would be able to help you with that.” Sam honest to God WINKED at him at that and Dean felt himself blush. 

“Fuck you.” He muttered and stormed out of the room, hands glued firmly to the large brown bottles.

xxx  
Several hours later found a VERY inebriated Dean, waving around one of his glued hands and signing loudly at the top of his lungs to a power ballad from the 80’s. Cheap Trick really didn’t get enough credit, but Dean was here to rectify that.

“Wherever you go, I’ll be with you, whatever you want, I’ll give it to youuuuuu! Whenever you need someone… Come on, Cas! Shing with me!” Dean shouted loudly. “I will be the flameeeeeeeeeeee!”

“Cas, buddy, Cas, Cas, come on, buddy, hey!” Dean staggered blearily towards where Cas was sitting calmly on the couch. He leaned forward heavily, slopping some of his undrunk liquor onto him. “Cas, Cassssss.”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas asked serenely.

“You aren’t shinging wiff me.” Dean pouted at him.

Cas eyed him levelly for a moment. Dean was leaning towards him, his hands braced on the back of the couch and his face inches from Cas’s own. “I don’t know the song.”

“Ahhh! That’ll do it!” Dean said and wagged a bottle at his friend. “I ferget we need to ed-edm-ucate you on good mushic!” He stumbled away and sank drunkily onto Sam’s chair.

He squinted an eye and did his best to focus on Cas’s face. Cas smiled at him politely and Dean grinned back widely. “Gosh, Cas. Yer juss, juss so pretty. You know! Yer juss so fuckin’ pretty!”

Cas’s cheeks tinted pink minutely. “Thank you, Dean.”

“I don’ tell you ‘nough, really. But, yer like the prettiest person I’ve ever met. Yer eyes are like… like… SO BLUE! And yer hair and mouff and yer eyes… juss so fuckin’ pretty.” Dean shook his head and immediately regretted it as the room spun around him.

“Be careful.” Cas told him as Dean blinked rapidly and burped once.

Dean made an attempt to wave him off, forgetting that he had bottles glued to his hands. He frowned at the bottle in confusion and shook it in an attempt to get it off. “Cas, ‘m stuck.” He whined.

“You’re fine, Dean. You’re almost done and then we can remove the bottles.” Cas smiled at him again.

Dean nodded vigorously and made to finish off his bottle but only managed to spill alcohol on himself and splutter indignantly. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and leaned back against the chair. He let his head rest against the seat back and smacked his lips loudly.

They were silent for a time before Dean turned towards Cas with a furrowed brow. “Cas…” He said cautiously.

“Yes, Dean?” 

“What’s wrong with me?” He asked quietly.

“You’re drunk Dean, it’ll pass.” Cas responded lightly.

“No. No, not that. I mean… my brain. What’s wrong wiff my brain?” He asked pitifully.

Cas was silent after that and Dean furrowed his brow at him. In the background, Cheap Trick continued to play but was ignored by both parties. Cas shifted uneasily on his couch cushion and looked at his hands pensively.

“There’s nothing wrong with you brain, Dean.” He finally said. 

“Then wh-” Dean started but was interrupted by Cas continuing.

“I think- I think you’ve just suffered too much trauma. The human mind was only meant to handle so much, you were designed that way, and I think you’ve just been given one too many things to deal with recently. I…” He paused here and blushed again. “I looked up your symptoms online, actually. I believe the term is PTSD.”

Dean blinked slowly and felt his frown deepen. “Thass like soldiers an’ stuff.” He said dismissively.

“What do you think you are, Dean?” Cas finally looked up at him and his eyes were sorrowful and infinite. “You were destined to be from the beginning of time, you’re the Michael Sword. It wasn’t right, but it was written for you long before you were born. That coupled with your life as a hunter, going to Hell, Purgatory, saving the world from Armageddon. It’s no wonder you’re… struggling.”

Dean closed his eyes and turned his head so he was looking upwards. He was absolutely shit-hammered and his brain was having trouble processing the words Cas had said, he figured they were profound, they felt that way anyway. He felt wetness in his ears and rubbed the back of his hand through it. He glanced at his knuckles they were damp with moisture. Huh…

He rubbed at his face with the same back of the hand. More wetness. Oh… he was crying. He studied the moisture with a frown. “Cas.” He croaked, his throat feeling tight. “I’m so tired.”

And he felt it too in that moment, he was exhausted. Physically, mentally, spiritually exhausted. Cas was right, he'd done too much, been through too much. Maybe he did have PTSD, maybe that was causing his hallucinations. It sounded reasonable.

“I know. I'm sorry.” Was all Cas said.

They were quiet for a time and Dean felt himself nodding off. He was roused by a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up into Cas's kind face. Drunk as he was and in this position, Cas looked every bit the benevolent angel come to save humanity, or Dean in this case.

“Let’s get these bottles off of you, I won't tell Sam you didn't finish. And then… well, I think I know a way to make you feel better.” Cas gripped his shoulder comfortingly.

Dean's eyebrows raised at that. “A blowjob woul’ help.” He blurted suddenly.

Cas’s grip on his shoulder tightened. Dean gave him his best charming smile, which was probably less effective since he was so sloppily drunk.

“Wha d'ya say, big guy?” He tried to waggle his eyebrows, unsuccessfully.

Cas’s cheeks were flaming red now and Dean smiled to see it. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it quickly while he attempted to regain some composure.

Finally, he cleared his throat and said sternly, “I think not while you're inebriated. Besides, I've heard it's difficult to… uh, perform when you're in such a state.”

He was red to the tips of his ears and Dean's smile widened. “No, I wanna give YOU a blowjob, Cas.” 

Cas actually turned away from him after that and Dean could see the tense lines of his shoulder straining under his shirt. “Not while you're inebriated.” He said tightly. 

Dean pouted at him. “I promishe I'm really good. I wanna make you feel good…” He reached out to grab Cas's hand with his own only to be stopped by the damn bottle. 

Cas glanced at him over his shoulder. His eyes softened minutely when he took a good look at him. Dean must look pretty pitiful. Hell, he couldn't even lift his head properly from the back of the chair.

“Come on, Dean. Let's get these bottles off.” He tugged gently at Deans wrist and Dean struggled to stand.

He teetered precariously once on his feet and Cas looped an arm around his waist for support. Dean nosed his way against Cas’s neck and inhaled deeply. It's something he'd been wanting to do for a long time. Too bad he probably wouldn't remember tomorrow.

“Wha about makin’ me feel better?” He mumbled against Cas’s skin.

“I will, Dean.” Cas said back quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Cas is gonna do to make Dean "feel better?" Hmmmm.....


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Dean woke up to the grand daddy bastard of all headaches. The minute his eyes slid open he immediately slammed them shut again. Oh, he could not fucking do this. No fucking way. He was too goddamn old for hangovers.

He moaned loudly and cradled his head in his hands. Jesus, what had he agreed to drink two 40 oz bottles of malt liquor! Because he was an idiot, that was why. Fucking Sam. It would serve him right if he puked all over him later.

He managed to slide his eyes open an inch and glance at his nightstand. Oh, thank the merciful Heavens and all the angels, a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol sat waiting for him. 

He reached an unsteady hand out for the bottle and managed to wrangle the cap off with fumbling fingers. He took twice the recommended dose and downed it with the entire glass of water. That at least helped to alleviate some of his cottonmouth. He was old enough to know better than this. Fuck.

He continued to lay in bed, sleeping off and on, and feeling sorry for himself for another 2 hours before a gentle rapping against his door roused him.

He blinked blearily and looked angrily at the door. “Go’way!” He half-mumbled and half-shouted. 

“I was just checking to make sure you weren't dead.” Sam called in after him. “You want food?” 

Dean's stomach rolled over once at the thought. “Fuck no!” He yelled back.

“Alright, I'll check back in in a few hours if you're not up by then. Cas was worried.” There was some quiet scuffling on the other side of the door and something that sounded suspiciously like Cas saying, “I am not!” before there was silence again.

Dean held a hand over his stomach and groaned. His hangovers always hit him the worse in his gut. God, he was going to be sick for days. Sam was such a bastard. He rolled over onto his side and fell back into a doze. 

An hour later he felt well enough to get out of bed. That and he had to piss like a racehorse and he wasn't about to ruin his bed by doing it. He stumbled towards his door and shuffled his way towards the bathroom on unsteady feet. God, he might still be drunk if he was this uncoordinated.

He made it into the bathroom and managed to piss into the toilet with minimal spillage, he would consider it good enough considering the circumstances. He'd clean in here later anyway. 

He made his way to the sink and turned the tap to cold. He let it run for a moment before dipping his hands in and focusing on the feeling of it as it bit against his skin. He grabbed a bar of soap and rubbed it slowly between his palms. 

He let the water rinse his hands of soap before splashing some of it onto his face. It felt like shit, but it helped wake him up a little more. This was going to be a shitty day. He rested his hands against the edges of the sink and looked at his face in the mirror.

Haggard. He looked absolutely haggard. Like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 gallon bucket left out overnight in the pasture. “Get it together, Winchester.” He muttered to himself.

He stumbled his way back down the hall and towards the kitchen. He couldn't handle any food just yet, but he NEEDED coffee. He waved a hand at Sam and Cad who were sitting at the kitchen table and talking quietly to one another. Their conversation ended abruptly when they caught sight of him.

They watched him in silence as he poured a cup of coffee and then shuffled his way to his seat at the table.

“Mornin’.” He said gruffly.

“It's 2, Dean.” Sam said with a raised eyebrow.

“Must be why this coffee tastes like shit.” He shot back before taking a large gulp of said drink.

Sam watched him with pursed lips for a moment before saying lightly. “Did you enjoy your slumber party last night?”

Dean gave him a level look and jut his jaw forward in irritation. “What?”

Sam rolled his eyes at him. “Dude, look. I'm sorry about yesterday. It was a shitty prank and I shouldn't have done it.”

Dean frowned at him and took another pull from his coffee. “It's fine that you were a little bitch about it. I sacked up and drank both of them because I'm NOT a little bitch.”

Sam's expression slipped easily into “bitch-face” and Dean felt gratified to see it. Sam straightened his posture and shot a look over at Cas. 

“You're a little late for Pride this year.” Sam said easily.

“What?” Dean said in irritation. His patience was wearing thin right now.

Sam gestured towards Dean's cup and Dean frowned at it in confusion. “Dude, what?”

He let go of the mug and looked at with a frown. And that's when he noticed that Sam wasn't gesturing at his cup, he was gesturing at his hands. Dean’s brain was having trouble working this morning, his thoughts felt sluggish and muddled. So, it took him a moment to really work out what was happening. He blinked slowly a few times and frowned down at his hands before he glanced back up at Cas. He needed to be calm about this. _Ask politely, don’t be a dick. Don’t be a dick._

“Cas, buddy…” Dean took a deep breath to calm himself. “Why are my nails painted blue?”

Cas looked at him with raised eyebrows before glancing briefly down at his fingers. “It's periwinkle, Dean.”

Dean closed his eyes and prayed for strength. “Okay… Why are my nails painted periwinkle?”

Cas gave him a calculating look before looking back down at the table. He ran his forefinger in a slow pattern across the tabletop as he answered. “I doubt you remember, but I told you last night that I had a way to make you feel better... “

Dean vaguely remembered that conversation. And also something about blowjobs maybe… He rolled his hand in a “go on” motion.

“Well… you know I’ve been reading a lot online and I came across a very interesting article from a website called “Cosmopolitan” that indicated a quick fix for feeling down was taking some time for personal care. I didn’t think you’d like the leg shaving, and we don’t have a bathtub for bubble baths, but nail painting seemed easy and viable…” Cas glanced at him quickly from under his lashes before looking back down at the table. “You seemed to like the idea last night.” He mumbled the last under his breath.

Dean took another quick breath before counting to 10 slowly in his head. Then he counted it backwards to make sure he was calm enough to speak. _Cosmopolitan, Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ._

“Sammy, sidebar.” He said in a clipped voice.

Sam looked at him sheepishly but nodded once at him before stepping into the hallway outside the kitchen. What in the fuck was happening in this house?

“Is this a prank?” Dean said in a hushed tone as soon as he'd stepped beside his brother.

Sam shook his head quickly, his long hair coming untucked from behind his ears as he did so. 

“Was this the reason for the holdup at the register yesterday?” Dean was doing his best to keep his temper, but he could feel it simmering just under the surface.

“Uh, yeah actually. He couldn't decide between which color you'd like best and wanted my opinion…” Sam rubbed the back of his neck in worry.

Dean bit his top lip and released it slowly. “Did you not think to tell him I wouldn't be interested in a Cosmo makeover!”

Sam gave him a stern look and mouthed “quiet!” at him fiercely. “You know I did. But, he was insistent. You know how gets, he's more stubborn than you when he digs his heels in. He was…” Sam dropped his eyes to the floor and continued in a softer tone. “He was sure it would make you feel better. He's just trying to help, Dean. He's worried about you. We both are.”

Well now he felt like 10 pounds of crap. He knew he was worrying them, but he honestly hadn't considered that this was the direction their worry would take. 

He glanced down at his hands. It WAS a nice color, he supposed. And Hell, they were cooped up in the Bunker anyway, who was gonna see? If it made Cas feel a little better to think he'd helped why not just suck up his pride and let him have this little win. Dean could manage that couldn’t he? Cas had been desperately searching for ways to be useful, ways to help, since he’d gotten to the Bunker after losing his grace. Dean could do this. 

“Fine. But I don't wanna hear shit out of you about it, alright?” He snapped at his brother.

Sam's grin grew slowly on his face as he took in Dean's meaning. “You know I don't believe in gendering things. You're the one with the fragile masculinity.” Sam chuckled briefly at the thunderous look on his brothers face. “Come on, let's go get you a snack.” He clapped Dean on the shoulder and Dean walked ahead of him back into the kitchen begrudgingly. 

Cas gave them an apprehensive look from his seat at the table when they re-entered. Dean felt a pang in his chest at the pinched brow and downturned lips of his best friend. Cas was worried that he was in trouble. How often had he seen that look on his face before? Dean had been a bastard recently.

“I did it again, didn't I?” Cas asked in a quiet voice. “I confused another human custom. I'll get the acetone, I'm sorry, Dean.” 

Cas made to stand with hunched shoulders and his face towards the floor before Sam nudged Dean sharply in the ribs. 

Oh, right! “Woah there, bud!” He reached out and pressed a hand against Cas’s shoulder to keep him in his chair. “You did fine. Great even. I… I like the color, thank you.” The words felt bitter on his tongue but the small smile Cas turned on him made it completely worth it.

“You really like it?” Cas asked in a small voice.

“Love it! Periwinkle’s my favorite!” He gave Cas a wink and a pat on the shoulder before taking his seat again at the table. 

Cas’s smile lit up the room and Dean felt a warmth spreading through his chest to see it. Maybe the words weren’t so bitter after all. This was such a small thing, he could live with chick nails for a little bit if it made Cas happy. Actually, it was kinda nice to catch a pop of color whenever he looked down at his hands. He could understand why women liked it.

The next hour was with filled with Cas's babbling as he told them how he'd had to narrow down his polish selections at the store. Apparently, he’d been caught between 3 favorites before he'd asked Sam's opinion. Dean didn't hear most of it, he was too focused on the happy flush on Cas's cheeks and the sparkle of delight in his eye.

He glanced down at his hands. It really was a nice color.

xxx

Dean got up from bed around 3am that night. He stole quietly to the kitchen and grabbed the canola oil butter that Sam kept in the fridge for them. This prank wasn’t quite on the level of Edward 40-Hands but he was still pretty hungover and this was the best he could manage on short notice.

He snuck to the bathroom quietly and snatched Sam’s deodorant from a shelf near the back wall. Carefully, he rolled the knob at the base until the top layer was exposed enough to scrape off and into the small trash can he’d brought in from his room. He rolled the knob back down and replaced what he’d removed with a smooth layer of the butter. He tapped down the edges and cleaned it up as best he cold. It wasn’t perfect, but it should be good enough. Sam wouldn’t be expecting him to retaliate so soon and with a hangover no less. It was the perfect time for a covert strike.

He replaced the deodorant on the shelf and made his way back to the kitchen to replace the butter. He snuck easily back to his room and settled back into bed. It would be a few hours before the other two got up and he could do with another small dose of sleep. He fell back to sleep with a small smile on his face and had easy dreams about large hands with square palms and blue, blue eyes.

xxx

Dean woke just after the other two left and he couldn’t keep the grin off of his face. Sam hadn’t busted in his door so surely he hadn’t noticed that his deodorant was actually cooking butter. Dean stifled a giggle as he made his way into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He whistled a song tunelessly to himself and poured a large measure of the coffee into his favorite mug. He turned away to look in the fridge for possible breakfast options. He grinned again when he caught sight of the butter sitting innocently on a shelf. 

_Hmmm… I should probably make something for the other two as well. I could do omelets again? No, no I don’t wanna do that. Cas might have another flip out about them even if I DID leave out the meat. Toast on it’s own is boring… Pancakes? I can do pancakes!_

Dean rooted around in the fridge for the cold ingredients before setting them out of the counter. If he was really feeling up to the challenge he would make them from scratch. He was not. He reached into a cabinet and pulled out the pancake mix before stifling a yawn. 

He reached blindly towards the counter where he’d left his coffee cup. His fingers met empty air and he huffed an irritated breath. He looked down and rolled his eyes at his blue nails before frowning at the counter. Where was his coffee? He’d just made it… He glanced around the counters of the kitchen. No cup in sight. 

“What the…” He said incredulously.

He walked around the kitchen and looked carefully at all the available surfaces. He hadn’t even done much in here yet! He even opened the fridge and the cabinets to make sure that he hadn’t set the cup in there while he wasn’t paying attention. _What in the actual fuck?_

Dean felt a chill creep down his spine and he shivered. He was in his sleep shirt and a pair of sweats, it wasn’t cold in here, he shouldn’t be shivering. He frowned and looked at the coffee pot accusingly. Another shiver raced down his spine. He looked around himself suspiciously. Something wasn’t right…

He moved to turn his head only to discover that he was rooted to the spot. Oh no… not again. Dean felt his heart start to race, the quick thrum of his heart beat against his chest and he could feel the blood rushing in his ears. He willed himself to turn around. There was someone behind him, he could FEEL them standing there.

A strangled sound escaped his throat and he clenched his hands into fists. He could fight this, he’d done it before. He just needed to turn around. That’s it, even just a little bit! Just a small turn of his head, he could get out of this, he could!

A buzzing sound broke through the kitchen slowly. Dean felt a cold sweat break across his forehead and he knew that he’d gone pale. The buzzing grew steadily louder until he could see it beating against the cabinets, shaking the plates inside of them. The buzzing turned into a thrum like the bass at a concert when you were standing too close to the speakers. It sunk into his skin and beat against his heart, disrupting the rhythm. He felt like he couldn’t even get a breath around the noise as it pounded through his blood and into his ears.

He felt two small tears leak out of his eyes and his shoulder began to shake. He was going to choke on this sound. It was going to suffocate him. Forget that there was someone standing behind him, he was going to choke to death on a noise!

He wanted to scramble at his throat, he imagined his fingers grasping at his neck in an attempt to clear the obstruction. But his hands stayed pinned to his sides. The most he was able to manage was a tremble in his fists. 

The feeling of someone stepping up behind him drew his attention then. He could feel their warm breath against the skin of his neck and he knew that he was getting goosebumps from it. He felt his stomach flip over at the sensation and terror claw its way up his chest. He was going to vomit.

“Deeeeeean.” His voice came whispered on a reedy breath into his ear. The high nasally voice reminded him violently of… him. Alistair. 

_No, please. Please! Cas! I need you, please! I can’t… I can’t…_

Dean fought harder against his invisible restraints. He wasn’t going back, he wasn’t going to be taken again. He’d level this entire state before he allowed Alistair to get his hands on him again! He could do this, he could do this, he could… he could…

Dean’s vision was blacking out around the edges, whether from oxygen loss or terror he didn’t know. He was starting to lose consciousness. He did his best to turn his head, to move his hands, anything, he just had to MOVE! But, he felt like he’d been cast in stone, covered in marble and locked into this position for the rest of eternity. He tried to open his mouth to scream, but the thrumming bass around him swallowed the sound, if he’d even made one.

“DEAN!” Sam’s voice snapped into his brain. All sound in the kitchen ceased and Dean staggered once his limbs were back under his control. He whipped backwards after taking a large breath and his eyes scanned the kitchen frantically. No one was there.

He raised a shaking hand to his forehead. _I’m fucking cracking up…_ He thought bitterly.

“Dean, you son of a bitch!” Sam yelled from somewhere near the staircase.

Dean’s hands were shaking still as he looked back at the counter near the coffee pot. His cup of coffee was sitting primly next to it, like it had never left. Maybe it hadn’t?

“Where the hell are you!?” Sam shouted again. Dean could hear his elephant-sized footsteps stomping down the hall.

The butter. The prank. He needed to get his shit together now or Sam was gonna suspect something was up. He wiped a hand against his face quickly to try and clear some of the sweat on his brow. He snatched his coffee cup and sat quickly at the table. If he was sitting, they wouldn’t notice his legs doing their best impression of jello. _Breath in through the nose, breath out through the mouth. Ok, calm, calm, calm._

Sam stormed into the kitchen with a look that could curdle milk. “What. The. Fuck.” He hissed between clenched teeth.

Dean raised his eyebrows in an attempt at an innocent expression. He was hoping that Sam would be too pissed right now to really notice that he was trying not to shake like a leaf and was paler than a sheet of paper.

“I can’t believe you’re such a jerk!” Sam snapped at him.

He stomped towards Dean around the table with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. This close Dean could get a good smell off him and it made his already compromised stomach recoil violently. Sam smelled like teenage boy B.O. and overcooked meat. Jesus, that butter had worked better than he’d anticipated. 

“I’m not the one that smells like two rats fucking in an old sock, dude.” Dean said calmly around the lip of his mug.

Sam’s face turned an alarming shade of crimson and Dean was honestly worried that he was about to throw a punch before he whirled around and stormed back out of the kitchen. “Don’t forget to wash under your arms, Sam! Puberty makes you start smelling in weird places!” Dean hollered after him and felt a hollow smile touch his lips.

He wanted to revel in Sam’s expression, but he was still desperately trying to hold onto the shredded edges of his sanity. He could enjoy the after effects of his prank later, he needed to focus on his breathing for now. It felt incredible to be able to breathe now after having his throat so constricted a few minutes ago. He closed his eyes and hung his head.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to do this. He needed to get some relief. He rested his forehead in his palm and rested his elbow against the table. He heard Cas’s quiet steps as they made their way into the kitchen. He didn’t say anything and neither did Cas. The other man simply made his way to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup of coffee with sugar before sitting down next to him at the table.

“Sam is very angry with you.” Cas said simply before taking a sip from his mug.

Dean mumbled something incoherent that might have been an agreement. His limbs felt heavy all of a sudden and a bone weary fatigue settled over him. 

“It was very funny. I think I’m beginning to understand your “prank war”.” Cas continued.

Dean couldn’t see him, but he was sure that Cas had done those little air quotes around “prank war.” He felt his mouth form a half-smile but he didn’t look up. They were silent for a time with Cas sipping his coffee and Dean feeling sorry for himself with his head in his hand.

Cas cleared his throat quietly after a time and Dean turned an ear towards him. “I uh… I heard you.” He whispered.

Dean frowned into his palm. Had he said something?

“Earlier, when you… you sounded like you were in distress. I heard you call for me.” Cas set his cup down onto the table and Dean finally willed himself to lift his head. Cas’s face was turned down towards the table and he was fidgeting with the handle of his mug.

He’d heard Dean call for him? How? Cas had lost all of his mojo months ago, there was no way he could hear Dean praying to him. He frowned in concentration. _Cas?_ He did his best to focus. “ _Cas, can you hear me?_

Cas’s expression didn’t change and Dean pursed his lips. Had he really heard him, or was he just speculating that Dean had called for him? But, why would he even speculate that Dean had been in distress… His head hurt. This required more brain power than he had possession of right now.

“Huh.” Dean said simply.

Cas turned to look at him then. His eyes were old and infinite, they saw through Dean just like they’d seen through all of time and space. Dean felt a chill run down his spine. He was used to being the sole focus of that intense stare, but it still took him by surprise every time. Cas was eternal, or had been, and he’d chosen to stay with the Winchesters out of all Creation. It was humbling and Dean was once again in awe of the man before him. 

What had they done to deserve Cas’s attention? What had HE done to deserve Cas? Cas was as devoted to them as they were to him. It made sense for them, they were human, born and raised with emotions. Cas had learned those fairly recently and there had been something about them that Cas had fixated on. He didn’t know how they’d gotten so lucky. Cas had rebelled against all of Heaven, his family and everything he’d ever known for them. Cas had saved them, both of them, more than once. And here he was, still trying to save Dean from himself. Dean searched Cas’s face for a moment, unsure of what he was looking for. Cas’s brow pinched and he tilted his head to the side curiously.

Dean felt a flutter in his chest and knew that a blush was rising to his cheeks. He was in emotional overdrive right now and he needed to get a handle on himself. He was waxing poetic about the sweaty guy who’d painted his nails a couple days ago. He needed to get a grip. He squeezed his hand tightly around his mostly empty coffee cup.

“How?” Dean asked around a tight throat.

Cas was silent and glanced at Dean from the corner of his eye. He spun the mug around in his hands a few times and frowned. “Honestly, I don’t know. It wasn’t even that I heard you as much as I… felt you. I felt your distress.” He sighed deeply and turned fully to face Dean.

Dean rubbed a hand through his hair and rested it against the back of his neck. “I don’t even know how that’s possible.” Dean muttered. 

Cas shrugged easily and continued to look at him gently. “It would seem that even without my powers, you and I are connected.” Cas hesitated before finishing. “We’re family, Dean. It would seem I’ll always hear you when you call.”

Dean felt a blush touch his cheeks again. That sounded vaguely reminiscent of a conversation he’d had with Dream Cas. He hoped that Cas hadn’t been able to read his thoughts while he was sleeping. That mortification wouldn’t be something he could live down. But, from what Cas was saying, he could feel when Dean was feeling distressed and calling for him. That couldn’t be a bad thing, right? It was comforting in a way, that he still had that connection with Cas.

Cas reached across the divide then and placed a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean felt the heat from his palm soak through the thin fabric of his shirt. It was in contrast with the chill that had settled into his bones from earlier and he leaned into the touch.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked in a whisper.

Dean found it hard to meet his eyes but forced himself to look at his friend steadily. There was so much warmth and compassion radiating outward from Cas’s eyes, Dean could even feel it seeping into his shoulder from Cas’s touch. He almost cringed away from it, it was a lot to handle right now, but he willed himself into stillness.

He cleared his throat and searched Cas’s eyes with a frown. He swallowed heavily before he nodded once. “Yeah, Cas, I’m fine.”

Cas looked disappointed, his mouth twisted like he was going to say something, but he held his peace. He released Dean’s shoulder slowly. Dean could feel the trail of his fingers burn a path down his arm before his hand rested again on his coffee cup. Dean regretted the loss of that hand immediately, if he was a stronger man, he’d ask Cas to touch him again. But, he wasn’t. He really, really, wasn’t.

“Alright, Dean.” Cas said quietly. 

They sat in silence for another ten minutes before Sam swanned in with a frown and a few curses aimed at Dean. Dean glanced at Cas and felt the weight of his sadness settle back in his stomach. Back to normal at least.

xxx

“I think I’ve got a case for us.” Sam said stiffly. He was still giving Dean the cold shoulder after the deodorant prank, which Dean thought was a little unfair considering he hadn’t been nearly as petty after all that damn malt liquor Sam had forced on him. 

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked curiously. He was practically vibrating out of his skin with his need to go out and DO something. 

“Yeah, in Warsaw, Missouri.” Sam clacked away at his keyboard a few more times. “It’s a small town, only around 2,000 people there. Apparently they’ve got a local legend about a steamboat captain that rises from his grave every 30 years to exact revenge on the people who got him killed. Yada yada yada, anniversary this month, yada yada, and 2 strange deaths in the museum next to the old docking station.” Sam turned to Dean with an impassive look on his face.

“Sounds good to me, Sammy. When do we leave?” Dean clapped his hands and rubbed them together furiously. Just the possibility of getting out of here and going on a hunt was sending a thrill of excitement through him!

“It’s around a 6 hour drive, if we pack up now we could get a head start on it. Maybe have it wrapped up before tomorrow night?” Sam asked.

“Yes, excellent!” Dean said with a smile. “Where’s Cas?” 

“Check his room.” Sam said and waved him off. He continued typing away on his keyboard, effectively ignoring Dean.

_Fine. I will._ Dean stuck his tongue out at the back of his brothers head before wandering back towards the bedrooms. He rapped his knuckles gently against the wood of Cas’s door and waited. No response. Hmm… He knocked again. Still nothing. 

“Cas…” Dean called softly. When there was still no answer, Dean pushed gently on the bedroom door and peeked inside the room once it had swung open. No Cas. Just a mostly empty room with no personal touches. They needed to do something about that.

Dean ducked back down the hall and frowned at the bathroom. Cas wasn’t in there either. Hmm… Maybe…

Dean tip-toed his way down another hallway, towards where he knew Cas’s secret room lay. Sure enough, the closer he got to it, the louder he could hear music drifting towards him. Dean crept silently down the length of the hall until he was just outside and he listened closely.

**Sun come up it was blue and gold  
** **Sun come up it was blue and gold  
** **Sun come up it was blue and gold  
** **Ever since I put your picture  
**In a frame.****

_Tom Waits? Where is he getting these records? There’s no way the Men of Letters had this down here before…_ He frowned and peeked around the edge of the door. Cas was sitting on the couch, his legs crossed on the cushions and his hands sitting palm up in his lap. He looked confused. Lost. Dean felt a pang in his chest. Tom was good, but god damn was he depressing sometimes, this probably wasn’t the best music for a fallen angel to be listening too.  
Dean almost pushed the door open to interrupt but was halted as the next line of lyrics drifted through the door.

**I'm gonna love you  
** **Till the wheels come off  
**Oh yea****

****

Oh. He’d forgotten this was one of those sad love songs. He looked over at Cas again and frowned. Cas had looked up and was staring meaningfully at the record player, with a sad smile and a pinch in his brow. That pang hit him again and he pressed a hand against his chest and rubbed at the spot as if it would help. He wished things were different for them. He wished they were just regular people, living regular lives, maybe then he’d have the courage to… No. There was no use daydreaming. This was his life, this was Cas’s life. They’d play the cards they’d been dealt and deal with the consequences. But sometimes, he really wished…  
“Dean! Cas!” Sam’s voice called from the library.

Cas’s head whipped towards the door and Dean took a hasty step backwards and cringed. _Did he see me? Did he see me?_

Dean slunk as quietly and as quickly as he could away from the door and back down the hallway. He didn’t want Cas to catch him lingering around like some kind of Peeping Tom. That was Cas’s safe space, his retreat and Dean had no right to take that from him.

When he was a good distance away and Cas hadn’t followed him immediately he finally let out the breath he was holding. _Ok, cool, in the clear._

“What!” He yelled back at Sam.

“Are you about ready to go or not?” Sam hollered.

Dean grumbled under his breath and raised both middle fingers in the direction of Sam’s voice. “Don’t get your panties twisted, jeez!”

xxx

“Goddamn-son of a bitch-motherf-oof!” The wind was knocked out of Dean and he felt his knees collide painfully with the floor.

“Shit!” He heard Sam say and he could smell gasoline as it was being dumped out generously near him.

Cas was at his side immediately and Dean tried to wave him away, tried to get him off and to insist he go help Sam, but it was a lost cause. Cas did his best to haul Dean to his feet but was halted half-way by the bearded form of a ghostly apparition flickering in and out of sight in front of him. Dean had his mouth open to warn Cas, but was too slow. The ghost of the steamboat captain lifted Cas easily and tossed him into the wall behind them. A few picture frames slid off the wall and their glass shattered on the floor.

“Cas!” Dean yelled. He scrambled over on his hands and knees and felt a boot collide with his ribs. He fell sideways and gripped his chest tightly with one arm.

“No, Cas! Sam, hurry up!” Dean shouted over the melee.

Dean looked over and saw the ghost bastard pick Cas up by the lapels of his jacket and throw him across the room into another wall. _Jesus, this guy and the fucking walls!_

Cas made a pitiful moaning sound and Dean was scrambling to his feet as quickly as he could. _Gun, gun, gun, where the fuck is the goddamn gun!_ He spotted it several feet away, hiding partway underneath a rolltop desk. He shuffled towards it and snatched it in nimble fingers.

He looked around frantically, his head swivelling around the area, attempting to find wherever the ghost had disappeared too. He flickered beside Sam, where he was just lighting a match.

“Sam, down!” He shouted before aiming quickly and pulling the trigger. The ghost evaporated only to rematerialize again moments later. 

It was too late to do any more damage though. Sam had gotten the match under the captain’s journal and the ghost was now screaming and burning in front of them. Dean didn’t lower his shotgun until the damn thing had completely burned out and disappeared from the area. 

He let out a loud sigh and limped over to his brother. He clapped him on the shoulder once before Sam waved him off. “I’m good, I’m good.” Sam sounded winded but unhurt.

“Cas!” Dean shouted as he made his way over to the crumpled form of the fallen angel.

Cas lifted a weak hand and offered a slow wave. At least he was conscious. Dean’s ankle was swollen again and painful, but he ignored it for now. Cas had just been thrown into no less than TWO walls and he’d sustained damage even before that.

Dean crouched in front of him and touched Cas’s face gently with the tips of his fingers. “Hey buddy, you good? What hurts?”

Cas’s eyelids fluttered and he squinted at Dean with a wry smile. “Everything?” He said skeptically.

Dean felt the corners of his eyes crinkle at the corners in an almost smile. “Come on, up you get. If you can make jokes you ain’t dyin’.” Dean reached down and pulled on the arm that Cas offered up. He was going to be bruised for a while, but nothing looked broken. He had a hell of a shiner growing around one eye though. They needed to work on keeping him away from head wounds, this was a bad precedent to be setting. 

They made their way back over to Sam, who had managed to get away from all of this relatively unscathed somehow. “You two alright?” Sam asked breathlessly.

Cas gave a short nod and Dean gave him a weak thumbs up. “Peachy.” Dean said with an eye roll.

Sam gave him a half smile. “At least we aren’t in the Bunker.” 

Dean sighed dramatically. “This place feels like Paradise in comparison.”

Cas gave him a stern look, or as stern as he COULD look with a half swollen eye and blood at the corner of his lips. “Perhaps we should get back to the hotel, I for one am NOT feeling like I’m in Paradise.”

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and winced when Cas shuddered and let out a small cry. “Sorry…” he muttered in sympathy. _Cas was literally just thrown into two walls, come on Dean.!_

Sam sighed heavily and surveyed the area around them with a frown. “Yeah, this place is a lost cause. We need to stop hunting in museums… At least there weren’t any sculptures in this one.”

Dean shrugged and bent down to grab the bag full of their gear. “I say we stay here tonight. I don’t know if I have it in me to make the drive back to the Bunker after all that.”

Sam nodded tightly. “Agreed. This took longer than I anticipated.”

“Last time I let you pick a hunt.” Dean mumbled at his brother. “Easy peasy salt-and-burn my ass.”

Sam pretended to ignore him and they collected the rest of their gear and limped their way out to where the Impala was parked. Dean reluctantly agreed to let Sam drive to the hotel since his ankle was absolutely THROBBING right now. Hopefully this hunt would scratch the itch that he’d had between his shoulder blades for the last month. Hopefully, he’d stop… seeing and hearing things now. He had just been going stir-crazy, surely.

They pulled up outside of the hotel and each of them dragged themselves slowly out of the car. They’d deal with reorganizing the gear later, they needed sleep now. Sam had ended up booking his own room at Dean’s insistence yesterday because of his god awful snoring. So, Sam wandered his way into his room and Dean and Cas stumbled and limped into the other. At least there were two beds in it.

Dean practically collapsed onto the bed closest to the door. He heard Cas making his way over to his bed and sitting down heavily himself. This hunt had been much harder than Sam had predicted and they were all feeling the effects of it. 

“I need to clean a few of these cuts before bed.” Cas said behind him. Dean grunted in response and heard the other man open and close the bathroom door quietly. 

There was blessed silence for another 5 minutes. Dean wondered during that time if he should get up and offer to help Cas but he couldn’t seem to convince himself for some reason. Dean lifted himself wearily from the bed and started wrestling with his boots. They were constricting his foot and his ankle was screaming at him. He didn’t have it in him to shower tonight, he needed to sleep, stat.

A knock at the door drew his attention. _Fucking Sam._ Dean groaned. He hefted himself upwards slowly and limped his way towards the door. Another knock, louder and more insistent rang through the room. “Hold your fucking horses, Sammy! Jesus!”

Dean yanked the door open and the curse he was about to utter died on his lips. He felt the blood drain from his face and his mouth worked up and down uselessly a few times. He stumbled backwards a half-step and held a hand in front of him. His hand was shaking and was essentially useless in warding off the evil staring him down.

“H-how…. No, no you can’t. You-You can’t…” He whispered brokenly.

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Cas not understanding human customs and confusing them. Because why would he make any judgements based on gender, he's an angel, he doesn't care! Besides, painted nails are an instant pick-me-up, male or female. More spookiness happening this chapter, what do you think is standing in the doorway?


	10. Chapter 10

Dean stumbled back a few steps and tripped over the bedspread trailing on the floor. He landed hard on his ass and lifted his hands up in front of his face in an attempt to shield himself. “P-please, no…” He whispered.

“Ha!” Came a loud voice from the doorway. “Got you, jerk!”

Sam sprung into the room with a triumphant smirk on his face. He placed his fists on his hips and looked down at Dean with a smug expression. “How do you like them apples?” He asked with a grin.

Dean’s hands shook as he slowly lowered them from his face. His terror addled brain was having trouble making sense of what was happening. Sam was standing in front of him looking haughty and there was a crumpled black mass on the ground across the threshold of the doorway. He gulped nervously and peeked around Sam’s legs cautiously. 

Apparently, he was taking too long to answer Sam because the other man slowly dropped his hands and frowned down at him. “Dude…” Sam said slowly.

Dean couldn’t seem to get his hands under control. His fingers trembled and fine tremors were traveling up his arms to his shoulders. He blinked numbly at the mass of, what he now could tell was, cheap fabric and stuffing laid across the floor. He could have sworn that that was… that THING. Jesus, what was wrong with him…

“Dean… hey.” Sam had crouched down in front of him while he wasn’t paying attention. He turned wide eyes to look at his younger brother. He felt cold and clammy and knew that he must look like ten kinds of shit right now. Great.

“Dean,” Sam’s voice was soft, the kind of voice you’d use on a spooked animal. “Hey, what’s up?” He glanced back at the lump of fabric in the doorway. “Did that really freak you out?”

Dean gulped again and covered his face with a shaking hand. He couldn’t do this right now. He couldn’t handle Sam’s soft and pleading eyes while he was so rattled.

The soft snick of the bathroom door opening behind them drew both their attention. There was silence for a few seconds before the sound of Cas’s quick steps snapped into their ears. Dean felt Cas’s rough palms touch his cheeks and his shoulders. _He’s checking for injuries… He thinks I’ve gottan hurt. Why else would I be on the ground? I’m so pathetic._ He quietly submitted to Cas’s inspection. He felt his eyes close and he did his best to focus on the feeling of Cas’s fingers as they trailed along his skin. He used the sensation to try and ground himself, he was moderately successful.

“What happened?” Cas snapped at Sam.

Sam’s brows pinched tighter but he didn’t look away from Dean. “I don’t know.” He said quietly. “I tried to scare him with that stupid thing and it… worked too well?” Sam gestured with his head back at the “monster” behind him.

Cas’s eyes followed the movement and he frowned at the fabric on the ground. “Why?” 

Sam shrugged his shoulders as he eyes traveled over Dean. “Just a prank.” He said softly.

Dean hunched his shoulders around himself and tucked his head down. He hated to be the center of attention, the other two were crowded around him and he could feel the heat coming off both of them. It was making him feel sick to his stomach and he clamped his jaws tight against a sudden wave of nausea. He needed to tell them he was fine, lie to them, make something up, anything to get them to back off!

“ ‘M fine.” He mumbled to the floor. He could barely hear his own voice so it was no wonder the other two didn’t respond.

“Sam, what on Earth were you thinking!”

“I was just playing a prank, Cas.”

“Oh, yes, very funny!”

“How was I supposed to know he’d flip out?”

“This has gone on long enough, you two are being ridiculous.”

“We’ve just been messing around!”

Sam and Cas were speaking in harsh whispered words near his head and he did his best to ground himself and find his own voice. They would start getting nasty soon, he was sure of it. Cas was surprising him by his vehement indignation on his behalf. It was sweet in a way, Cas coming to his rescue. 

He inhaled deeply and lifted his head to look at the two of them. Cas and Sam were both staring at one another heatedly, brows furrowed and lips pinched. _Yikes, they’re pissed. What the hell._

“Guys…” He started. His voice was a little warbly and he coughed to clear his throat once. “Guys.” He said firmly.

They both turned to look at him immediately. Cas’s hands shot forwards to cup his cheeks gently and Sam grabbed his shoulder in a tight grip. Dean took a half second to enjoy the feeling of his family surrounding him and worried for him before he turned his head out of Cas’s grip and waved Sam away.

“ ‘M fine, ‘m fine. Come on, get off.” He said as he shook his shoulders and stretched his neck. 

They both pulled back hesitantly but stayed kneeling on the ground next to him. Dean ran a hand through his hair and shook his head minutely to try and clear it. 

“Why the long faces, fellas?” He asked weakly in an attempt to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work.

“Dean, what happened, are you alright?” Cas asked him in a tight voice.

Dean nodded slowly and closed his eyes. _Lies, lies, lies._ “Sure thing. Got a little light-headed there for a moment. Why?”

Cas’s expression flattened and he quirked a single eyebrow at him. He wasn’t buying it. “You’re on the floor.” Cas said simply.

Dean looked around them as if surprised to find that he was sitting on his ass on the ugly motel carpet. “Tripped on the blanket.” He shrugged.

“Dude, you just had an absolute meltdown over that!” Sam pointed at the black fabric monster laying limply behind him. “It doesn’t even look convincing! I figured you’d knife it or shoot it or something!”

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._ He shrugged again. “Yeah, that thing looks like shit. I didn’t have a “meltdown” over it.” He air-quoted “meltdown” and rolled his eyes. 

Sam’s lips pursed and Dean had to fight with himself to keep from cringing at the Sam Winchester Bitch-Face Special he was getting. “You started stammering and fell over. You absolutely had a fucking meltdown. Dean, what’s going on?”

Dean frowned and chewed his lip thoughtfully for a moment. Inspiration struck like lightning then and he turned calm eyes towards his brother. “I haven’t eaten anything in a few hours.”

Sam shook his head and blinked rapidly at him in disbelief at the non sequitur.

“What does that have to do with your meltdown?” Cas asked him in his typical no nonsense manner.

Dean rolled his eyes again as if he couldn’t believe the stupidity of the other two. “My blood sugar must have dropped!” He patted his stomach lightly. “If I don’t keep this baby fed every few hours who knows what she’ll do!” _Lieslieslieslieslies._

Cas’s eyes narrowed at him and Dean felt himself shrink internally. _He’s not buying it…_

Sam looked more thoughtful. He narrowed his eyes and tucked a stray bit of hair behind his ear. “You know… that actually makes some kind of sense. You’re getting older-” Dean squawked in indignation at that but Sam continued. “-and your metabolism isn’t what it used to be. That definitely makes more sense than you having a heart attack over some cotton monster at your motel door anyway. Maybe we should start checking your blood sugar...” Sam looked as if he were considering going to the damn drug store for a blood sugar monitor the next morning.

Dean mumbled darkly under his breath at his brother but let the old comment pass. At least Sam seemed to be accepting the explanation. _For now anyway…_

“You’re old…” He muttered at his brother and Sam rolled his eyes at him. 

“Come on, Gramps, let’s get you a Snickers so you don’t keel over in the shower.” Sam said lightly as he stood and held out a hand for Dean to take.

Dean allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and he dusted his jeans off once standing. He refused to meet Cas’s eyes right now. He’d probably fold like a house of cards if he caught the other man’s expression. Sam may know him better than anyone on the planet, but Cas could see through his bullshit like the damn Eye of Sauron.

Sam patted his shoulder companionably. “Lemme run to the vending machine and I’ll grab you something.”

Dean nodded numbly. _I’m in so much fucking trouble._

xxx

Dean lay awake for some time that night. He’d managed to ignore Cas’s sharp eyes and sympathetic questions for a while. Eventually, the other man had seemingly given up. Dean knew better than that though, Cas never let anything go. He was like a terrier, grabbing onto something and never giving it up. It would be endearing if Dean wasn’t so adamant about being left alone about this.

Sam had been true to his word and had returned shortly after their conversation with two Snickers and a crumpled bag of Cheetos. Dean was thankful for the food, even if it was a little smooshed. Sam had patted him on the back and retreated to his own room after he’d made sure that Dean had eaten at least one of the candy bars. Dean had made a big production of the whole thing, taking an overly large bite and chewing loudly for Sam’s benefit.

Dean had opted to take a shower in the morning instead of that night. After all the excitement he couldn’t seem to will himself to stand up under a hot stream of water for an extended period. He hadn’t wanted to admit that he’d honestly been concerned that he’d fall over and crack his skull open if he tried it. He’d heard his brother outside their rooms at some point talking with someone, though he wasn’t sure who. He was so in and out of sleep anyway that he easily could have dreamt it as well. What the hell ever, maybe he’d called a phone sex line, it didn’t matter.

At some point he fell into a troubled sleep. The even sounds of Cas’s breathing from the bed next to him relaxed him enough to fall asleep in the first place and he had done his best to focus on the sound. He hadn’t been able to shake the lingering terror that clung to his bones when he thought back to the horrible black shape filling the doorway of the motel room. Thinking back on it, it had looked fake, it had looked terrible even, but his brain had been a powder keg of nerves for weeks now and it didn’t take much anymore for him to completely lose his shit. 

He knew that Cas hadn’t bought a word of his cover story but the other man had let it go for the night. Dean knew that would come back to bite him in the ass sometime soon, Cas was nothing if not tenacious. His dreams had been slow and untroubled after he’d fallen asleep initially. It was most likely due to the fact that he’d been so hyper-focused on Cas’s breathing and Cas’s presence in the room with him. 

A pressure across his chest roused him from his soft dreams of rough palms on his cheeks. An odd thrumming noise reverberated in the air around him and he was awake within seconds. _No… oh, God, please no, not now…_

He was having another one of those waking nightmares where he wasn’t sure if he was really asleep or awake. He recognized that sound though. He recognized the feeling in his chest. His lungs felt tight as he tried to draw in a breath, the sound of the thrumming choked him gently. He opened his mouth to get Cas’s attention and he felt his jaw working slowly, but no sound coming out. _No, no, no please!_

He struggled against the bed. He was sleeping above the covers, fully clothed, like he usually did on hunts, so there was nothing holding him down. Nothing he could see anyway. He couldn’t seem to move though, his limbs were held fast by some invisible force. He tried again to shout for Cas and was again unsuccessful. 

His attention was drawn towards the foot of the bed by some kind of instinct. There was something there. He held his breath and felt the hair stand up on his arms. There was something down there… watching him. He caught an odd flash of light near his ankles, like the moon reflecting off of… eyes. He waited, his body trembling against his will. There was a scuffling noise, like bare feet against rough carpet, and Dean tried to close his eyes. It seemed that he’d lost control of those muscles as well though, as his eyelids stayed firmly wide and open.

The scuffling noise came again, further up the bed this time, closer to his knees. Another flash of light in the same area and Dean felt his throat work furiously up and down. The scuffling became a slow drag, a quiet scratch as it worked its way across the floor, closer and closer to his face. A flash near his abdomen, another by his chest, closer and closer, louder and louder. Dean’s throat felt swollen, tight and rough. 

He found himself turning his head against his will, his eyes stayed open as he fought against the movement of his neck. It was useless though, he was like a leaf fighting against a hurricane and his muscles forced him to turn slowly to look left, towards Cas, towards the side of the bed, towards the sound creeping closer and closer.

Dean felt tears slowly leaking out of his eyes, they pooled along his nose and dripped down to wetten the sheets under him. He couldn’t see Cas, perhaps he could have born this horror if he’d been able to at least SEE him. But, there was nothing around him but darkness and the god awful noise.

He tried to blink his eyes, tried to force them closed, but they stayed resolutely open. Slowly, out of the gloom, a gleam flickered into life. Inches from Dean’s face, right at eye level, centimeters away from the edge of the bed, eyes slowly opened to look at him. Dean felt a shiver travel down his spine and a dawning horror settled along his nerve endings. Eyes, overly large and impossibly bright, stared through him from inches away and there was nothing he could do about it. He could picture the mouth that would match those eyes, large, lips spread wide with sharp shining teeth. 

The tears in his eyes fell hot down his face and he couldn’t spare a moment for shame when he was convinced that he was about to have his throat ripped out. There was a pressure at the foot of the bed and he suddenly realized that he had control of eyes again. His head was still facing left and he couldn’t seem to do anything about that though. 

He darted his gaze towards the foot of the bed and felt his stomach recoil at the sight. A dark creature, large and thin limbed was crouched on top of his feet. Dean glanced to the side and saw that the large eyed man sitting next to him hadn’t moved, still staring at him unblinkingly. _Fuuuckkk…_

He looked back at the foot of the bed and felt vomit settle heavy in his stomach. The black creature had leaned forward and placed it’s hands on either side of his knees. Dean watched in mounting terror as it lifted a hand slowly and inched it slowly closer to Dean’s hips. The other hand followed suit. He watched as it’s weight shifted and leaned more heavily forwards. It was crawling across him…

Dean felt his heart quicken and realized belatedly that it was beating double time now. In fact, he was starting to feel lightheaded it was beating so fast. He was feeling faint, Jesus, he couldn’t pass out right now! The creature on top of him moved slowly upwards, it’s head was level with his belly. It was close enough that he should be able to make out it’s features, but again, there was nothing marring it’s dark face. Just an endless black void that seemed to absorb all the light around it. 

A scraping next to him and Dean darted his eyes to the left. The bright eyes of the man had moved closer while he wasn’t paying attention. He was close enough now that Dean could make out the details of his irises. Or the lack of details. The eyes weren’t human, there was no color change in the irises, no broken glass appearance, just a flat color, a mimicry of humanity. 

Dean opened his mouth to try and speak again. He needed to scream, needed to call for Cas, he needed someone to hear him! All that came out though, was a strangled groan that was higher pitched than any sound he’d ever made. A pressure on his chest again drew his attention. He glanced back at the dark creature. It was straddling his legs, but because of the position of his head he could no longer see it’s face. He felt it though. He felt the hand, cold like ice as it dug it’s thin fingers into his chest. He felt it’s breath, sharp as needles, against his neck. And he could feel the weight of the creature’s stare, could feel it even though the creature had no eyes.

The vomit in his stomach traveled it’s way up his throat. How could Cas not realize this was happening! How could he not sense it? _Cas, Cas! Please, Cas, help me! Please Cas, please Cas, please Cas, Cas! Please!_ He snapped his eyes closed and continued to repeat “Cas” and “please” over and over like a mantra. He could still feel the the breath of the creature and the unblinking eyes of the man next to him. He could feel them like he could feel his own hand. 

The thrumming sound from earlier returned, louder than before and Dean began to shake and tremble violently. He felt his eyes fluttering weakly and a pressure at his shoulder. Wait… He wasn’t trembling… Someone was shaking him! His eyelids fluttered a few more times before opening slowly. His eyes snapped open immediately and he pitched himself violently away from the presence to his left.

He landed heavily on the other side of the bed and felt a pain travel down his arm as his shoulder impacted with the motel floor. His legs were tangled in the comforter that he’d managed to kick off of the bed and he fought against it like a man possessed. He was panicked, he was hyperventilating. He fought savagely against the sheets across his body and the hands that he could feel across his chest. He clawed and kicked away from the hands, he fought with everything he had in him to get away from the feeling of the warm fingers against his skin.

Wait… warm…

“DEAN!” A voice screamed near his ear.

He stilled immediately. His limbs locked up tensely and he looked around frantically. In the midst of the chaos, Dean made out Cas’s petrified face as it leaned over him. 

“Dean…” Cas said again, cautiously. He looked wary, but he bent forward just the same and attempted to right the blankets that had cocooned Dean. He was right to be wary, it looked like during the struggle he’d managed to scratch the shit out of Cas’s arm and land a solid punch to his jaw. Cas looked confused and tense, his movements were sharp and sure and Dean shuddered violently as a wash of relief came over him.

_I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok._

“Dean.” Cas said again, softly. It drew his attention and he turned large, frightened eyes up to his friend. Cas reached out a tentative hand and placed it gently on Dean’s cheek. “Dean.”

Dean felt tears running down his face again. He was trembling like a leaf and he raised weak hands towards Cas. Cas caught his wrists gently and helped to pull him up into a sitting position. He replaced his hand on Dean’s cheek and looked into his eyes searchingly.

“Dean, what happened?” He asked gently.

Dean didn’t have the words though. What could he say? How could he explain? He waved Cas off and made to get to his feet. Cas’s hands were gentle as they looped around his waist and helped to pull him upwards. His adrenaline was finally draining out of his body and it was making his legs feel like jelly. He stumbled a little as he worked to get his feet under him. Cas was patient and held him steady while he planted his feet and wobbled.

“What happened?” Cas repeated calmly next to his ear.

Dean shook his head. That proved to be the wrong decision though because the vomit that he had felt in his gut earlier decided then to make a reappearance. He clapped a hand over his mouth and pulled sharply away from Cas’s grip. Cas made to readjust his hold but Dean pushed back against him and lunged his way towards the bathroom. Cas was hot on his heels as Dean slammed against the bathroom door and fell hard on his knees next to the toilet. A loud, painful sound echoed around the small room as Dean emptied the contents of his stomach into the small porcelain bowl of the toilet. He continued to hack and cough, gagging around the stomach acid that worked its way up his throat. Cas settled on the floor next to him and placed a gentle hand between his shoulder blades. Dean wished he could appreciate the comfort he was giving. Instead, he only felt cold and empty. A tremor ran through his body as he dry-heaved again into the toilet. There was nothing left in him to throw up now, but his body didn’t seem to realize that as it continued trying to purge his system. Tears poured down his face as his stomach heaved. 

Cas sat with him silently and waited until Dean’s body calmed. He stood at one point and Dean missed his warmth at his side almost immediately. He was back quickly though and with a cool washcloth that he laid against the back of Dean’s neck. It felt good. He felt better.

He laid his cheek against the cold toilet seat and closed his eyes. He focused on his heartbeat and willed it to slow down. He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, cheek pillowed on the porcelain lid, with a washcloth on his neck and Cas’s warm hand rubbing small circles between his shoulders blades. It was long enough for him to fall into a fitful doze. That didn’t last long as he slowly straightened and smacked his lips together slowly. 

“My mouth tastes like puke.” He mumbled.

“You DID puke, Dean.” Cas answered calmly.

Dean nodded slowly and made to stand. Cas was at his side immediately and helped to hoist him to his feet. Dean’s movements were slow and unsteady, almost as if he were drunk. He made his way to the sink to brush his teeth sloppily, Cas flushed away his stomach contents in the meantime. Dean splashed himself a few times with the cold water from the tap and let it drip down his face for a few minutes before washing it off.

Cas’s hand was back at his shoulder and he leaned into the contact. He was having a weak moment, he could be excused for that surely. He knew that Cas wanted to ask more questions, he could feel the burning curiosity radiating off of the other man. He also knew that Cas was worried, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that now.

“Dean…” Cas finally broke the silence.

“No.” He said. His voice sounded like he’d just gargled gravel. Fuck.

Dean continued to lean against the sink and Cas continued to hold his hand gently against Dean’s shoulder. They stayed like that for another 5 minutes before Dean nodded to himself once and cleared his throat.

“Need to get cleaned up.” He said on an exhale.

Cas seemed to understand the need for that for he simply nodded and took a half-step back. He leaned around Dean to turn on the taps. Dean continued to lean on the sink while Cas adjusted the heat until it was comfortable. Once he was satisfied he pulled the knob on the spout to turn on the shower. 

“No.” Dean growled.

Cas stood and looked at him in confusion.

“I can’t… I don’t want to stand.” Dean said slowly. He’d almost admitted to being so unstable on his feet that he couldn’t even stand long enough to take a shower. Cas knew though, even if Dean had corrected himself, Cas would know, he always did.

Cas frowned but dutifully changed the water flow so it was back to pouring into the tub. He used the rubber stopper chained to the spout to plug up the drain. He watched for a moment as it slowly filled before turning back to Dean. He bent slowly until he was kneeling on the ground at his feet and neatly untied Dean’s shoelaces. 

Dean felt a flush creep up his cheeks as looked up at him from his position on the ground. His throat worked a couple times before he was able to get words out. “ ‘M fine, Cas. Can do it myself.”

Cas gave him a look that clearly said he didn’t believe him for a minute but he didn’t argue. They stared at one another for another minute before Cas nodded and stepped aside. “I’ll be in the other room. Be careful… please.” He said softly before stepping out of the door and into the main room.

Dean let out a sigh and swallowed against the tight knot in his throat. He stripped slowly and allowed his clothes to pool around him. Normally, he’d fold them and set them aside but he didn’t have the energy right now. He stood naked next to the tub and waited while the water continued to fill it. He stared listlessly as the water rose along the sides of the cheap motel tub. He leaned over eventually and turned the knobs off. How long had it been since he’d taken a bath? Not since he’d lived with Lisa. And even then he’d never taken one alone, it had always been a team activity with her. 

He stepped gingerly into the tub and and closed his eyes as he let the warmth from the water soak into his skin. He eased himself down slowly. He was much too large for the cramped bathroom so it made sense that he was too big to sit comfortably in the tub. He tried though. He slouched until his shoulders were under the water and his knees were folded together and sticking a ways out of it. 

He kept his eyes closed and tried to calm himself down. He was strung too tightly now. Like a purebred racehorse, or an overly taut bow. His heart was still beating a staccato against his chest and his hands were still shaking, but it had finally lessened. Cas’s presence had helped. He was a rock, Dean’s rock, stalwart and steady. He should have asked him to stay.

He sunk further down until the water lapped gently at his chin. He was finally warming up. The cold of that nightmare had sunk into his bones, and he hadn’t been able to warm himself this whole time. He kept his eyes closed and allowed his thoughts, like his arms, to drift in the warm water. 

Dean held on to thoughts of Cas’s gentle blue eyes and his warm, square palms. They eased the tension in his chest and he refused to feel guilty about that. The anxiety leaked out of him the longer he lay in the tub. At one point he even sat up to drain some of the water out as it cooled so he could replace it with hotter water.

He was just starting to doze when a thump against the wall startled him. Suddenly, sure that he was being watched again he sat bolt upright in the tub and looked around himself in terror. There was nothing there. Right? He peered around the corners of the bathroom and felt his hands start to shake again. Another thump against the wall, this one closer to his head had him whipping his head to the side. Was it in the walls? Could it get THROUGH the walls? What was in there? Would it come out of the faucet? 

His breath started coming to him quicker. He knew he was grasping onto the edges of a panic attack. He knew it, but he seemed powerless to stop it. What if he lost control of his movements while he was in here? He could fucking drown! His heart hammered against his chest and the blood rushing through his ears made it almost impossible to tell if there was more banging against the walls. Something was going to try and come through the fucking wall to get him!

He made a strangled choking sound and kicked his legs to try and get some traction against the slippery bottom of the tub. A scuffling from the other side of the door drew his attention and his eyes shot towards it. He had a hand over his chest in an attempt to keep his heart from beating out of his fucking chest. His breath was shallow and quick and it was making him light-headed.

“Dean!” Cas had thrown open the bathroom door and was standing there like some kind of guardian angel. His hair was even messier than it had been earlier, as if he’d been running his hands through it for the last hour. He was wearing one of Dean’s old shirts and a pair of sweats and barefoot. Cas’s sharp eyes took all of 2 seconds to assess the scene before him before a calm resolution settled over his features. Dean couldn’t focus on it for long because his head had started to swim.

Cas padded over to him quickly and Dean felt himself lift his arms towards the other man. Cas caught his wrists carefully and used them to pull Dean forward, closer to the faucet. Dean went willingly, unable to do much more than follow Cas’s unspoken instructions.

If Dean had been in his right mind, this next part would probably make him splutter and gasp in some misguided attempt at indignation. As it was, he wasn’t in his right mind. Cas simply stepped into the tub behind him and sat down fully clothed. He stretched his legs out in front of him and pulled gently at Dean’s chest to move him backwards. Water sloshed over the edges of the tub and Dean would be annoyed later that his clothes on the floor were getting soaked, right now though, he was just desperate for Cas to hold onto him.

Dean’s tremors were more violent now and he felt tears in his eyes but he went willingly. He rested himself against Cas’s chest and gripped tightly to the other man’s thighs where they cradled his own. Cas couldn’t have been comfortable, this was not a very big tub, but he didn’t seem to mind. He simply wrapped a strong arm around Dean’s chest and rested a hand over his shoulder where his own handprint had been branded years ago. The other arm he wrapped just over Dean’s belly, successfully cocooning him in warmth and strength. 

Dean tried to relax, tried to force himself to object to this, this wasn’t something best friends did, right? He couldn’t though. His thoughts had fractured around the edges and he was worried his sanity was leaking through the holes. He shook and he trembled and he gripped onto Cas’s thighs tightly enough that he was probably leaving bruises. But it was the only way he could… it was the only way to ground him. To convince his mind that Cas was here, with him, there wasn’t anything in the walls, nothing on the beds, nothing here to hurt him.

_Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas…_ He started to repeat slowly in his mind. _Cas is here, you’re safe, he’s here to protect you._

Cas said nothing, he simply held Dean and after a time, rested his chin on top of his head. Dean did his best to get his breathing under control, it took a long time, longer than he thought anyone would have the patience for. He focused on the rise and fall of Cas’s chest behind him, used it to guide his own breathing. A slow inhale, count of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, hold for 2 beats, and exhale, count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, then repeat.

Dean wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. It was long enough that his breathing had gotten almost back to normal and for the water around them to get cold enough to be uncomfortable. He shifted slightly against Cas and felt the other man straighten slightly behind him. He missed the feeling of Cas’s chin on the crown of his head but he held his tongue.

Cas hummed a quiet sound in the back of his throat. “You had another panic attack.” He said simply.

Dean was silent, unwilling to respond. Logically, he knew that it had been a panic attack, but the macho alpha inside of him refused to admit it. Men didn’t get panic attacks, that was something chicks did, right?

Cas didn’t push the issue and instead pulled his legs out from under Dean’s clutching fingers so that he could stand. He stepped out of the tub and the floor under his feet “squelched!” softly. He peeked over the side of the tub and realized that Cas had stepped on his sodden shirt that was laying on the tiled floor. Great. 

Cas snatched two of the white towels off of the rack above the toilet and held one out for Dean. He took it gratefully and stood slowly. He wasn’t sure how he felt right now, standing completely nude in front of his best friend. Cas, for his part, looked just as confused. Dean cautiously placed the towel across his front and watched as Cas followed the movement with a closed expression. Cas’s eyes lifted to his momentarily, and in that instant he looked almost sad, before he gave Dean a tight-lipped smile and stepped back out of the bathroom. His wet clothes made a funny squishing sound as he closed the door behind him.

Dean released a loud breath and scrubbed a hand roughly over his face. _What the fuck am I doing?_ He thought in irritation. _Cas has better things to do right now than babysit your crazy ass. He should be asleep!_ He frowned as another voice in the back of his mind whispered, _So should you…_

He huffed in agitation and began roughly drying himself off. Having Cas laying in the bathtub with him had been… well it had been incredible to be perfectly honest. If he hadn’t been in the process of completely losing his marbles at the time he could have appreciated it more. But, his thighs had felt good under his hands, strong and stable. His chest had been firm and grounding behind him. Even the steady thu-thump of Cas’s heart against him had settled his spinning thoughts and calmed him. Cas had certainly nipped whatever that had been neatly in the bud. He was lucky that he’d been here… Actually, he was ALWAYS lucky that Cas was here.

He ran the motel towel over his head to dry his hair. It smelled like cheap bleach and felt stiff against his skin. He shivered as it scrapped against his overly sensitive skin. He’d had panic attacks like that when he was a kid, he remembered them now. It was just after his mom had died and he’d been unable to speak, unable to sleep, because all he could hear were her screams and all he could taste in his throat was smoke. What had his dad done to stop those? They’d petered out eventually… 

A quiet noise from the other room drew his attention. Hopefully Cas had gotten dressed by now. He didn’t know what he’d do with his nerves scrapped raw like this if he walked in on Cas half-dressed. He shivered again. Or Cas NOT dressed.

He looked at his dick in disappointment as it stirred slightly. _I wonder if Cas was having any sexual thoughts about me while I was naked in the tub?_ Though, if he had been, Dean DEFINITELY would have noticed an erection poking him in the back, especially since Cas only had on sweats. No, it must have been decidely not sexual for him. Jesus, what if he’d been disgusted? What if he’d only gotten into the tub with him to get him to shut up? Had he been making a lot of noise? He could have been doing anything, he’d basically blacked out… Fuck. 

He frowned at himself but resisted the urge to look in the mirror. Couldn’t be too careful right now, after all. There was nothing for it. So what if Cas looked at him like he was disgusting? Cas couldn’t hate him more than he hated himself, right? He nodded once to himself and tied the towel around his waist firmly. He’d deal with the wet clothes on the floor later.

He opened the door to the room cautiously and peered around the edge. Silence greeted him and he pursed his lips. He pushed the door open more firmly and glanced around. He stepped into the room to check between the bed, but there was nothing but silence in the room. It was empty. Cas was gone.

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is later than normal! Work has really been kicking me in the teeth these last couple weeks. Anyway, lemme know what you think. This is my favorite chapter so far! I had the bathtub scene planned from the very beginning of this story and I was stoked to finally write it.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean pulled on a pair of boxer briefs before he sat heavily on the bed closest to him and looked forlornly at his hands. _Just fucking great, Winchester. Really smooth. Now Cas has bailed to who knows where and how the fuck are you going to explain this to Sam?_ He could just picture it now, Sam coming over in the morning to find Dean still sitting on the edge of this bed and asking where the hell Cas was. Then Dean would have to explain, “Oh sorry, baby bro! I made Cas incredibly uncomfortable by having a panic attack in the bathtub that he had to talk me down from! Did I mention I was naked and he had to hold onto me because my stupid broken brain couldn’t distinguish reality from fantasy? Haha, yep! So, he’s gone, probably for good!” Yeah, that would go over REAL well.

Dean lowered his head to rest into the palms of his hands. _God, I’m so fucking pathetic. I’m surprised Cas hung around as long as he did. Maybe he just needed some time to get his bearings as a human and once he realized that I’m such a huge fuck-up he decided that he could get his bearings elsewhere?_ Dean grumbled lowly under his breath and continued to berate himself mentally for the next fifteen minutes. He was so absorbed in his self pity in fact, that he almost missed the sound of the door opening to his right.

He glanced to the side quickly, keeping his forehead in his hands. Cas was standing in the doorway, nervous expression on his face and a plastic bag in one hand. _Am I fucking hallucinating again?_

“Dean.” Cas said quietly. 

Dean lifted his head and blinked slowly at the other man. _Doesn’t feel like I’m hallucinating… But then again, did it ever?_

Cas shifted anxiously in the doorway. “I wanted to give you a few minutes to collect yourself and get dressed. I uh… I ran across the street to the convenience store.” Cas held up the bag in his hand to further his point. 

Dean looked from Cas’s face to the bag in his hand but his expression didn’t change. “Ok.” Is all he managed to say. His brain was completely fried tonight and he didn’t seem capable of complex sentences.

Cas edged further into the room and closed the door behind him. He hesitated for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself. Finally, he decided to sit himself next to Dean on the edge of the bed. The heat from his body was a welcome feeling and Dean leaned ever so slightly towards it. Cas looked across at him, searching his face for something.

“I want to ask if you’re alright, but I imagine you’d tell me that was a stupid question.” Cas said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Dean shrugged a shoulder. He doubted he’d ever been alright. How was this his life?

“I got you something at the store. It seemed perfect at the time, but I’ll admit I wasn’t… in the right frame of mind, per se. It seems silly now.” Cas said solemnly. Dean glanced over at him again. Cas was looking with trepidation into the bag he still had clutched in his fingers.

“Let’s see it.” Dean said. His voice sounded raw to his own ears, maybe he was imagining it?

Cas looked at him from the corner of his eye quickly before he sighed once. Without another word he set the plastic sack on the floor and worked something puffy from the interior. He held it out to Dean with a frown.

Dean reached over to take it from the other man. His fingers didn’t even shake, that had to be a good sign! Cas pulled his hand back slowly and fisted his hands in the fabric of the fresh pair of sweats he had on, Dean’s sweats actually. “If it’s inappropriate I apologize, I’m still learning.” Cas said nervously. “I asked the internet again for help.” He was looking between his knees now and not at Dean but Dean wasn’t paying him much mind.

Dean turned over the item in his hands a couple of times, puzzling over it. His sleep-deprived and anxiety-ridden brain seemed to have shorted out because there was no way that he was actually holding this thing. Dean gave it an experimental squeeze. The fabric under his fingers gave easily. He turned it back around so that the stuffed animal’s large eyes looked at him goofily.

“A bee?” He asked with a faint smile on his lips.

Cas darted a look over to him to gauge his reaction. “A bee.” He replied and hunched his shoulders a little towards his ears. “It’s inappropriate isn’t it? This is something for children?”

Dean gave the stuffed bee another squeeze and enjoyed the squishy-soft feeling of the fuzzy fabric under his fingers. It was about the size of a football, only more round. It had yellow and black stripes, 2 tiny filmy wings, a crooked stinger, and curly-q antennae. Dean smiled at it crookedly. It grinned back at him with large, soft eyes.

“I love it.” Dean said softly. And he was surprised to discover that he wasn’t lying. He DID love it. He’d never had a stuffed animal that he could remember. It felt reassuring under his hands for some reason, like he was holding a miniature and fuzzy Cas. He lowered his head and placed his forehead gently on the bee’s face. Stray pieces of fuzz tickled his eyelids and he smiled. He startled when he felt a warm hand between his shoulder blades but he settled quickly.

Cas hadn’t said anything but Dean could just imagine the sappy smile on the other man’s face. Dean allowed himself to soak up the warmth from Cas’s touch and the calming sensation of the fuzzy bee pressed to his forehead. _I’m ok._

“I’m glad, Dean. Perhaps he can be around for you when I’m not available?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean finally lifted his head. He turned towards Cas’s voice and smiled at him softly. “Thanks, man. This is… he’s perfect. Thank you.”

Cas blushed crimson and Dean felt a warmth settle in his chest to see it. The events from earlier that night were almost forgotten now. Almost. He felt happy now, amazing that all it had taken was a small gift from a friend. He was such a mess.

“You should try to get some sleep, Dean. We have a long drive tomorrow.” Cas suggested with a nod towards the pillows at the top of the bed. 

Dean followed his gaze and nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He agreed on a sigh. He stood reluctantly and felt Cas’s hand fall from his back. He hated himself for missing it. When had he gotten so weak?

He ambled around the corner of the bed and sat on it heavily. He moved to lie down but was stopped by a soft noise from Cas. He glanced back up and Cas was shaking his head with a wry smile on his face.

“You need to get some proper sleep, Dean. Under the covers.” Dean must have shot him a panicked look because Cas’s expression softened minutely. “I’ll watch over you.” He said quietly.

Dean felt the shiver of terror at Cas’s suggestion slowly fade away after his quiet promise. Cas would watch over him, like he’d always done. Cas would protect him. He could let his guard down now, he just needed to trust Cas. Dean swallowed nervously and looked anxiously down at the bee clutched in his hands. It’s dopey smile looked back at him reassuringly.

“All night?” Dean asked on a whisper. His voice was so soft that he wasn’t sure if he’d actually spoken. He hated himself for this weakness but he was feeling to exposed and ro raw to focus on the hatred right now.

Cas either heard him or guessed at what was worrying him because he smiled at Dean gently. “All night.” He promised.

Dean nodded dumbly and pulled back the covers from the motel bed. He was too tired to worry how dirty it was right now. He settled himself stiffly under the covers and looked up at Cas. Cas nodded at him and plucked the bee from the edge of the bed where he’d landed when Dean had gotten under the blankets. Cas pulled back a corner of the sheet next to Dean’s chest and tucked the bee in beside him. 

“He’ll help me.” Cas said by way of explanation.

Dean nodded again and felt exhaustion start to pull at him. When had he gotten so tired? “Cas?” He asked.

“Mm?” Cas answered.

“ ‘M sorry…” Dean slurred. If Cas commented on the apology Dean didn’t hear it, he was out almost immediately.

xxx

The next morning Dean woke by small degrees. He felt comfortable surprisingly. That thought confused him and pulled him from the depths of the dream he’d been having. He couldn’t place it now but he thought it might have been another night club dream with Cas. He yawned and snuggled his face closer into the pillow below him. Something soft tickled his chin and he cracked open an eye to see what the disturbance was from.

The goofy smile and happy eyes of his stuffed bee peered back at him. Oh yeah, this guy. Dean smiled at it and rubbed his nose against the fabric. _Morning, buddy._

He blinked his eyes a few times to try and clear the sleep out of them before looking around. He was still in the motel from last night, that was a good sign. He was still under the covers and in his underwear, also good signs. He looked across from him at the other bed and frowned. He’d slept in that bed the other night… had he taken Cas’s bed?

The other bed was empty however, because the other man was softly snoring in a motel chair perched next to Dean. Dean smiled gently at the other man and allowed himself to watch him sleep for another minute. He’d promised to watch over Dean last night and he’d made good on his promise. Looks like he’d needed sleep as much as Dean had though because he was out like a light. Dean rubbed a cheek against the stuffed bee and pondered over the recents events surrounding his friend.

What would John Winchester say, if he knew that his oldest son was not only cuddling a stuffed animal, but had also in the last few weeks, been naked in a bathtub with a man, let said man paint his fingernails, and was constantly having to fight off inappropriately sexual thoughts about the man? The short answer was that he wouldn’t have been happy. 

What was Dean even thinking letting these kinds of things happen? It’s like Cas had somehow figured out how to weasel his way through Dean’s Macho-Man Armor and scoop out all the soft feelings Dean had left in him. Dean had been a real bastard to Cas in the past, even now, but Cas had stayed steadfast and was even now sitting by his side, watching over Dean while he slept. Dean didn’t deserve that kind of loyalty. Dean smiled to himself a little, Cas would have been a Hufflepuff.

A knock on the door startled him and his muscles tightened protectively. Cas jerked awake at the sound and looked around frantically before his eyes settled on Dean. He breathed a sigh of relief and ran a hand through his hair. Another knock at the door drew his attention again and he frowned towards the door. Cas stood stiffly and rolled his neck a few times to try and work out the kinks that had developed over the night. Dean resisted the urge to offer to rub them out for him.

Cas peeked through the peephole set into the door and his expression hardened minimally. _What’s that about?_ Dean wondered.

Cas rolled his neck once more before pulling open the door and ushering Sam inside. Sam looked nervous and had that whipped puppy expression on his face that Dean HATED. 

“Good morning, Sam.” Cas said stiffly at the door.

“Hey, Cas, Dean. Uh… look, last night was a shit show.” At Cas’s huff of annoyance Sam shot him a “look”. “Well, it was. Dean, look, I’m uh… I’m sorry man, I really didn’t mean for all this to- is that a stuffed animal?”

Dean felt himself redden. He’d sat up when Sam walked into the room but he apparently hadn’t thought to hide the damn bee before his obnoxious baby brother could see it. Stupid.

“How did you sleep, Sam?” Cas asked easily. Bless him for trying to steer the conversation somewhere else.

“Wha- Oh, great, I slept great. I brought a peace-offering breakfast. Figured we should call it quits on the prank war.” Sam shuffled uneasily on his feet and Dean felt bad immediately. None of this had been Sam’s fault, it was all just Dean being completely Looney-Tunes.

Sam held the bag in his hands up and gave a lop-sided smile. 

Dean perked up immediately. “McDonald’s breakfast! Oh dude, all is SO forgiven, gimme!” Dean made grabby-hands towards the bag and Sam smiled at him indulgently. 

Sam lobbed the bag at him, which Dean caught mid-air before tearing it open and inhaling from it deeply. “Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, McGriddles!”

Sam laughed and even Cas smiled at that. It looked like the peace offering was appropriate and accepted. Dean threw up a token fit when Sam told him he had to share the food but it was all just for show. His stomach was still pretty knotted and he doubted he’d be able to stomach too much this morning anyway.

They spent the early morning eating their respective breakfasts and explaining to Cas, that yes, it was supposed to taste like that, and yes, it was good. They laughed and talked about the highlights of the case they’d just finished. Sure, the laughter was a little strained and the stories a little forced, but it was good to focus on some levity right now. They all needed it.

xxx

“You’re sure you’re good to drive?” Sam asked cautiously.

“For the last fucking time, I’m FINE!” Dean snapped.

“I just want you to know that if you kill us all I’ll be incredibly pissed, Dean.” Sam groused right back.

“Fat lot of good that’ll do you. Some Hunter would just come gank your ass once you go all vengeful spirit.” Dean mumbled under his breath. 

They’d left the motel half an hour ago and Sam had spent almost the entire time trying to convince Dean to let him drive. Cas had agreed with Sam, traitor, but Dean wasn’t having any of it. He had slept! He was fine! So what if he’d had that shitty freak-out last night? And so what if he’d wanted Bee sitting next to him in the Impala’s front seat, he couldn’t put him in the back with all the weapons, he’d get torn up! None of that meant anything, Sam was just a Mother Hen sometimes…

Dean had managed to maneuver them out of the small town and get them onto the highway with no incidents so Sam’s bitching had started to taper off. Cas, as per usual, was sitting stoically in the back seat with a pinched expression on his face. Dean knew he was worried but what the hell was he supposed to do about it?

“You're speeding.” Cas’s rough voice called from the back.

Dean huffed in irritation. He could not start engaging in some bullshit petty fight with the other man right now. He needed to focus on the road. But that didn't mean he could pass up the opportunity for a backseat driving quip.

Dean flipped his eyes up into the rear view mirror to catch Cas’s eye to give him “A Look.”

Cas wasn't in the mirror though. Dean felt his heart hammer against his chest and his throat tighten almost immediately. That fucking THING from last night was sitting back there, calm as could be. It turned it's large eyes toward him and smiled knowingly as a loud buzzing rattled through Dean's head. It was just fucking taunting him at this point! Dean's eyes stayed too long in the mirror, he felt rooted to the spot, unable to look away. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead and his skin suddenly felt tight and uncomfortable. 

That bastard in the back raised one eyebrow mockingly and tilted his head to the side. Dean’s heart was hammering against his chest and it felt like his lungs couldn’t pull in enough oxygen. The edges of his vision started getting black and crackled. He couldn’t do this now...

“DEAN!” Sam screamed next to him before grabbing the wheel out of Dean’s limp hands.

The Impala corrected itself into its own lane seconds before careening head first into the oncoming semi in the lane over. The semis horn was blaring loudly at them and Dean’s hand frantically flew back to tighten on the wheel. The car jerked, nearly bouncing against the guard rail to their right. The tires squealed once as he corrected again to the left and the car jolted back into a semblance of a straight line. _Fuck!_

“Dean, pull the fucking car over, NOW!” Sam was trying to control his temper but his terror was apparent. As well it should be, Dean had almost killed all of them for the sake of some make believe nightmare. 

Dean's hands shook but he dutifully pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway and put the car in park. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. His brain was still trying to catch up to what had happened. He'd looked behind him to quip something at Cas, right? And that damn son of a bitch that had been, been stalking him the last few weeks had just been fucking sitting there like he belonged there! Like he was the 4th member of their team.

Dean could feel the fury radiating off of his brother next to him. He wanted to apologize, wanted to make a joke about how he was just making sure they were all alive and kicking, he couldn't find the energy though. He was so goddamn tired all of a sudden.

The passenger door slammed as Sam got out. Dean saw him out of the corner of his eye walking partway down the embankment off the side of the road. His brother’s hands were on his hips and the fury that radiated off of him was easy to see. A gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder drew his attention. Cas again. He turned his riotous thoughts off and focused on the quiet strength of the other man. 

It took everyone a minute to calm their hearts and get their breathing back under control after their near death experience. They faced death almost everyday at the hands of the supernatural, but there was just something about the helplessness of being in a car accident that really got the blood pumping. 

“We need to talk about this. I've been giving you space, and that obviously isn't working.” Sam said tightly when he’d gotten back to the car. He was trying to control his temper for Dean's sake, he could tell. He wasn’t very successful.

Dean inhaled deeply and leaned gently into the warmth of Cas’s touch on his shoulder before he whispered, “okay.”

They fell into silence for a time after that. At Sam's insistence, Dean and Cas exited the car and took a few minutes to stretch their legs and shake off the lingering panic in their limbs. Dean had dejectedly kicked gravel off of the side of the road and down the embankment they would likely have gone down if Sam hadn't gotten his attention. _So fucking stupid! What was I even thinking! Well, I wasn't obviously. Jesus Christ, Winchester! You've finally gone fucking Looney Tunes and now everyone knows it!_

Sam finally corralled them all back into the car. Cas had wanted Dean to sit in the back so he could lay down but Dean had adamantly refused to be treated like an invalid. Cas and Dean had then exchanged a few angry words about personal care and safety and after a tense minute of them looking heatedly at one another Sam finally rolled his eyes. He ushered Cas back into the backseat and shoved Bee into Dean's arms and allowed him to ride shotgun.

Sam eased them back onto the highway and headed towards the Bunker. It was going to be a long few hours.

xxx

Sam was kind enough to allow him an hour of silence to collect his thoughts before he started in on his questioning. Dean had spent that time NOT looking at either of the other two men and instead playing idly with the crooked stinger on his stuffed bee.

“Alright…” Sam started. Sam cast a sideways glance at him but kept his eyes trained on the road.

“We need to do this sooner rather than later.” Sam almost sounded sympathetic but Dean knew he was right, he'd put this off too long. “What's been going on?”

Dean rubbed a finger along the fuzzy back of Bee and frowned. Where did he even start? The waking nightmares? Seeing shit that wasn't there? Hearing shit that wasn't there? The panic attacks, the night terrors? Fuck.

“I don't know.” He answered honestly.

Sam huffed an irritated sigh. “Dude…” He started in typical exasperated fashion.

“No.” Dean cut him off before Sam got to worked up. “No, really I… I don't know, Sammy.” His voice sounded pathetic to his own ears.

Sam frowned but waited for him to continue. Dean refused to look back at Cas. He didn't think he could handle seeing the other man's face right now, regardless of his reaction to Dean's words.

“I haven't been… right for a while. There's something wrong upstairs.” He tapped a knuckle against his temple. “I'm seeing things, hearing things that aren't there. I'm getting these panic attacks and having a hard time…” He took a steadying breath. “I don't know if I can tell reality from whatever this is anymore.” His voice had dropped down to almost a whisper at the end and he hated himself for it.

Sam turned to look over at him and Dean almost recoiled at the sympathy and concern etched into the lines of his brothers face. 

“We'll figure this out, Dean. I promise. Why don't you… why don't you start at the beginning?” Sam offered kindly.

Dean sighed heavily. Where the fuck was the beginning?

xxx

The drive back to the Bunker was filled with Dean's stilted descriptions of what had been happening the last few weeks and tense silences while the other two in the car digested his words. Dean knew Cas was worried, he could feel the concern like a physical wright against his back the entire drive. But aside from a few stray questions for clarification on details, he had kept to himself mostly.

Sam had been far more vocal. He had kept himself to only one or two chiding comments about keeping secrets every hour, so Dean supposed he should be grateful for that. He'd explained as best he could what he'd been seeing, what he'd been hearing and what he'd been feeling. Putting some of those things into words had been difficult and Dean never did claim to be a wordsmith. But, he managed to piece together everything that had happened enough to satisfy the other two. Except for the dreams about Cas and their lounge, he kept that to himself. Those were good dreams and obviously had no bearing on what was happening. Obviously.

Cas had offered some speculation on possible causes, everything from night Mares, like actual damn nightmare horses which had shocked Dean, to stress and PTSD. Sam had leaned toward the stress and possible PTSD but Dean had argued right back that there was no way he could be stressed when they were in between Apocalypses. They had all agreed that he was probably right. 

Sam had suggested Dean make a doctor's appointment just in case, but he had shut that down pretty quickly. If there was something physically wrong with him they'd know sooner or later. He didn't need the extra scrutiny of some well-meaning general practitioner to worry over too. Besides, they'd probably just wanna chuck him in the looney bin after the first appointment.

Cas had quietly suggested that Dean might have a hanger-on left over from Purgatory. That idea had gained some traction and Dean had shuddered at the implication that some otherworldly horror had attached itself to him like some sort of parasite.

Ultimately, they'd decided that what they really needed to do, was research. Dean had groused in typical Dean fashion but it had been only token bitching. The cat was out of the bag, and for better or worse they were going to be dealing with this now. He just hoped he'd come out of this on top and not in a straight jacket with padded walls.

xxx

“So, you’re SURE you’re seeing some guy pop up at random times Like, it has the physical presence of a man?” Sam asked for the tenth as he flipped between pages of his book.

“Yes, Sam. He looks all fucked up with big eyes and shit but it’s definitely some dude.” Dean said in an exasperated tone. They’d been “hitting the books” for over two days now and were no closer now than they were then.

“Well, Cas might have been onto something with the Mare, but since it seems to be centered around this guy that seems less likely. Maybe a Baku?” Sam suggested to the room at large.

“Not if Dean’s seeing a man.” Cas answered shortly. “Baku are more animalistic in nature. And there would be a distinctive musty aroma surrounding Dean during waking hours.” Cas flipped another page in the book across his lap without looking up.

“Don’t even start.” Dean shot at Sam as he saw the other man open his mouth for a retort. 

Sam rolled his eyes but dutifully kept his mouth closed.

They’d essentially hit a dead end and Dean was starting to feel an itching under his skin at all the library time. This was never his area of expertise. He was supposed to be out doing, Sam was supposed to be getting the details. He humphed and rolled his shoulders in dissatisfaction. This was so boring.

“What do his hands look like?” Sam asked suddenly.

Dean frowned over at his brother. His hands? “Uh… like regular type hands, I guess. Skinny fingers, maybe?”

“What about his skin?” Sam continued.

“Like fucking skin. I don’t know, why?” Dean snapped.

Sam was silent for a moment before shooting a sly look over at him. “Have you heard any childish chanting? Maybe singing a nursery rhyme?”

Dean’s lip curled in irritation. “Nice to know that my complete mental breakdown is such a serious matter for you, little bro.” 

Sam gave him a half-smile. “Just wanted to make sure we weren’t looking for Freddy Krueger here. I don’t even know where the Bunker’s boiler room is.”

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. Sam was trying to keep things light-hearted and Dean was thankful for that. The air around them felt oppressive recently and whatever this thing hanging around Dean was wasn’t helping.

“Naw man, I’d recognize ol’ Robert Englund a mile away.” Dean winked at Cas who was looking at them curiously.

Cas shrugged minutely and went back to his book. Dean smiled to himself, at least Cas’s complete lack of pop culture knowledge could always be relied upon. They sat in silence for another hour or so with just the quiet rasping of pages being turned around them. It was relaxing in a way, if Dean could ignore the fact that all of this research was because something supernatural was trying to put a whammy on him. Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes after placing his third book back onto the table. He wasn’t getting anywhere and it was starting to put a strain on him. He could feel a tension headache forming behind his eyes. He rubbed viciously at the bridge of his nose and swiped his fingers against his gritty lids. 

“Why don’t we take a break?” Sam asked easily.

Dean let out a weary sigh and slumped forward. “Please.” He moaned.

“Cas, do you wanna put on that record you found the other day?” 

Dean turned an interested eye towards Cas. _Record, hm?_

Cas smiled warmly at Sam before nodding once. He rose smoothly from his position at the table and walked easily around the room towards a desk in the corner covered in books. Dean hadn’t ever paid much attention to it before but he could tell now that it held an old school record player similar to the one that sat in Cas’s room. _Guess they had more than one of those things floating around. Maybe Cas could keep one in his bedroom…_

There was some scuffling around from Cas and a couple of scratches from the needle of the player before a foggy sound came floating out of the device. It took a moment before the sound coalesced into something that could be understood. Sam had gone back to his book, he could likely research for the next week straight and not be phased. Especially if it was to help Dean. 

Dean closed his eyes a moment and listened to the sounds coming from the record player. He’d been able to recognize most of the music Cas had been listening to recently but this one had him stumped. It sounded painful though, Jesus did it sound painful. Maybe he should get Cas an iPod with some more up-tempo music on it. The man was listening to nothing but the blues and Coldplay apparently. It wasn’t healthy.

**You laugh at me walking, baby  
But I have no place to go  
Bad luck and trouble taking me  
I have no money to show**

**But hey, hey  
To make it, you got to try  
Baby, that's no lie**

“Cas, this is some damn heartbreak hotel shit you’ve got playing. Since when did you get into the blues?” Dean asked as Cas resumed his seat at the table.

Cas considered his question for a moment and chewed on his lower lip. Dean didn’t want to give up that he’d overheard what Cas had been listening to recently so this was an easy in to the conversation he’d been wanting to have. 

“I don’t think this IS heartbreak music, Dean.” 

Well, that hadn’t been the response he was expecting. Dean opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Cas continuing his thought. “This is the music of heartache, and I think there’s a difference.”

Dean snapped his jaw closed at that. How the hell do you respond to that? What was the difference between heartbreak and heartache? He frowned and looked down at his hands. This was deeper than he was prepared to be thinking right now. Heartbreak and heartache… Heartbreak and heartache…

Cas didn’t press him to continue the conversation though and they lapsed back into silence as Cas grabbed another book from the table to start leafing through. _Jesus, I’m not smart enough to be having these kinds of conversations. Cas has been human for like, a minute, and he already gets it better than I do. Shit._

xxx

They’d broken for dinner some time after that. Dean had been getting restless and Sam had told them they needed to stretch their legs and their necks for a while. Dean hadn’t argued and Cas hadn’t either. Cas had gotten up a couple of times to flip the record onto it’s other side and eventually to change it out for something else. Dean had listened closely to each new song in the hopes that he would pick up some clues at to what was going on in the other man’s head. He hadn’t gathered much except that Cas needed some classic rock in his life and a couple power ballads to get him through the bad times. Because, holy shit, the Delta Blues were great but not exactly empowering.

It was Dean’s turn to cook and he’d made them taco salad. Though calling it that might have been a bit of a stretch since the meat was ground soy or something that he’d found in the fridge and thawed right before tossing in a seasoning packet. It was tasty though and Cas had gotten second helpings so he felt pretty good about that. Even Dean couldn’t be too upset about the lack of animal protein since it really had tasted pretty damn good when food tasted that good.

They had agreed unanimously to pick back up on research in the morning. They were all feeling pretty exhausted from the last few days of staring at tiny print in the library. Sam had been somewhat reluctant but Dean had assured him that if it hadn’t killed him yet, it wasn’t likely to do so in the next 12 hours. Sam hadn’t found it very funny. Cas had then reasoned that if it was a parasite leaching off of Dean’s life source then it was in the creature’s best interests to keep Dean alive as long as possible. Dean hadn’t found that very funny.

xxx

Dean yawned loudly and stretched against the back of the couch. He was about fifteen minutes from getting up and going to bed. Sam had gotten up about twenty minutes ago and waved at them around a yawn as he headed to his own room. Cas was still settled next to him on the couch, an episode of Firefly playing quietly on the TV in front of them. Dean had seen it before and so he wasn’t paying a lot of attention. But, the sound of it was comforting enough coming across to him and it allowed him to relax into the warm atmosphere of the Bunker more easily. 

Cas had his eyes trained to the television intently but Dean could see his eyelids starting to droop slightly. He wondered if Cas was even really interested in the show or if he was just trying to be around to keep Dean company. He suspected that Cas and Sam had had a mini-meeting about him, like they had been doing recently. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so obnoxious. He was a grown ass man, he didn’t need their mollycoddling. Dean glanced to his side and spied Bee squashed between his side and the arm of the couch and scrunched up his nose. Ok, so maybe he needed a little mollycoddling. It just went to show how worried Sam and Cas really were that they hadn’t said anything about Dean keeping Bee close to him the whole day. When had he turned into a 9 year old girl? _I’m pathetic._ Dean thought morosely.

He rested his cheek against a fist as he leaned onto the arm of the couch. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open and his disparaging thoughts weren’t helping to keep him awake. He needed to go to bed, he really, really did. But… he had been unwilling to admit to the other two that he hadn’t wanted to be alone. His little “episodes” seemed to only happen when he was alone or at least the only one conscious. 

Sam had offered to set them all up in the living room to keep each other company and keep a look out. Sort of a Boy Scout camp-out, he’d said. Dean had shot that down immediately. He wasn’t going to be treated differently just because he was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. He’d told Sam they weren’t having a slumber party and that he WASN’T going to discuss cute boys with him so he could forget it. Sam had smugly glanced at Cas when Dean had said this and both Dean and Cas had blushed. Bastard.

Dean wiggled his hips further down the couch. He’d wait until Cas went to bed before heading to his room. Might as well limit the amount of time he had to have another flip-out. And if Cas fell asleep on the couch? Well, maybe Dean would too. Those kinds of things happened all the time, it wasn’t conspicuous.

“I know you didn’t like the music I was playing earlier.” Cas’s deep voice cut through the air, startling him.

“Hu-wha?” Dean said less than elegantly.

Cas turned a half-smile toward him. It looked indulgent, like a parent watching a precocious child. “I know you prefer songs with loud electric guitars and powerful messages of love.”

Dean blanched at that assessment of his musical tastes. He liked plenty of other types of music! And classic rock was more about love ‘em and leave ‘em, wasn’t it? Except… ok maybe a lot of the more popular songs were love anthems, he couldn’t help it that those were damn catchy! Damn, he was getting side-tracked. He looked over at his best friend and frowned.

“You don’t have to defend yourself. I enjoy the “power ballads” as you call them.” Cas did air-quotes around the phrase power ballads which put a small smile on Dean’s face. “I like the message they put forth, love conquering all, it’s very romantic.” Cas paused here and frowned down at his hands. 

Dean could read a number of emotions running through his features but he waited. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going but there was something mesmerizing about watching Cas’s furrowed brows and pink lips when he was deep in thought.

“But, since becoming human I’ve felt… I’ve found that I..” Cas laughed a little at himself and turned sad eyes over to Dean. “It’s difficult to describe.” He frowned down at his hands again and heaved a deep sigh. “There’s a pain, here.” Cas pressed a palm against his chest, his fingers splayed wide. “It hurts like a physical ache. When I wake up, when I breathe, when I eat, it’s always there.” Cas turned towards him again, his eyes deep and searching.

Dean’s heart was hammering suddenly against his chest. What was happening? What was Cas saying? Dean’s neck felt hot and his mouth felt dry. What was he asking of Dean? Dean searched Cas’s eyes desperately. There was something there that he was supposed to be understanding. He just wasn’t getting it…

Cas smiled sadly at him and picked absently at the hem of his shirt. “That’s what I meant about heartache earlier. The pain I feel in my chest, the ache… It feels like how those songs sound. Does that make sense?”

_Holy shit I’m not prepared for this._ Dean ran a hand through his hair and pulled his lower lip between his teeth. He knew what Cas was getting at, he really did. That feeling of hurt in your chest, the mental fatigue, the longing, the yearning, it was impossible to really put words to it. But, he knew it, he felt it. 

“Cas…” He trailed off. He wasn’t even sure what to say. He was never any good with words. Shit, Cas needed him, needed some advice, needed something from him that Dean wasn’t able to give. Cas deserved better than being a Winchester, Cas WAS better than a Winchester. It was just his bad luck he’d pulled Dean’s sorry ass out of Hell and got stuck with them ever since. 

He was shit with words. But maybe… Cas knew him, knew him better than almost anyone. He knew that Dean didn’t ever have the words he needed. He was being a chicken shit, but maybe Cas would let it slide. Dean reached forward slowly and rested a hand on Cas’s cheek. The skin felt warm under the pads of his fingers and he felt a shiver travel down his spine. He brushed a thumb once against the hard edge of Cas’s cheekbone before sliding the hand down to rest on Cas’s shoulder. 

“It makes sense, Cas.” Dean managed. He felt teary for some reason but he swallowed it down.

Cas looked surprised and a strange expression crossed his face. Dean couldn’t make sense of it but he was feeling vulnerable all of a sudden and let it pass. They sat in silence for a time after that. Dean kept his hand on Cas’s shoulder but neither man looked at the other. Something significant had happened but Dean couldn’t put a name to it.

Eventually, Cas made to stand, though he looked reluctant. Dean let his hand fall away slowly and watched Cas head to his bedroom. The ache Cas had described earlier seemed to have taken up residence in his own chest as he watched his friend leave.

_I makes perfect sense, Cas._ He thought sadly. 

xxx

Slow music filtered around him and Dean smiled, though it looked a little sad. He was back in the Dream Lounge. He hadn’t had a dream about it in some time and he hadn’t realized how much he’d been missing it. He felt safe here, warm in a way he didn’t in the waking world. That and he got to slow dance with Cas around the room. It wasn’t something he’d ever admit to loving, but dammit he really did.

He looked around the room expectantly. Sure enough, less than a minute later, Cas’s slow smile and messy hair came into view. Dean was struck again with how beautiful he looked in this setting. He returned Cas’s smile with one of his own and held out his hand for the other man. Cas took it without hesitation. They had gotten into a sort of groove in this place the last time they were here and they both fell back into it easily. Dean knew logically it was just his subconscious reflecting what he wanted Cas to be doing here but he could forget that when the music was good and Cas’s hand was warm in his own.

Neither spoke for a time. They spun slowly and Dean was happy to absorb some of the other man’s heat. He hadn’t realized he’d been feeling so cold recently. He inched a little closer to Cas’s chest and spread the fingers of his hand to get a better grip on the other man’s waist. Cas said nothing, he simply followed Dean’s lead and allowed himself to be pulled closer.

Dean marveled at the easy way they communicated in this dream. A touch here, a smile there, everything flowed so smoothly and so gently around them. He wished it could be like that in reality. Here he was graceful and elegant and he knew the right words and the right way to touch. Out there… well, not so much. He looked around them again. What was so special about this lounge?

“Why do we always end up here?” Dean asked quietly. The thought had been plaguing him for a while. They could go anywhere they wanted in his dreams, but they always came back to this lounge. The thought didn’t even cross his mind that Cas didn’t even have to be with him on these little excursions.

Cas took a moment to look around as well. He gave Dean a half smile that had Dean’s heart fluttering for some reason. Where had he learned to do that?

“You always bring us here, Dean.” Cas answered simply.

Well that made sense, they were HIS dreams. Hmm…

“I like it here,” Cas continued. “It reminds me of the lounge belonging to Vic Fontaine.”

Dean puzzled over that for a moment. Who the hell was Vic Fontaine? Cas wasn’t forthcoming with anymore information though and Dean frowned. If Cas knew who this guy was then HE knew who this guy was since Cas was just a subconscious projection of his or some shit like that. He focused on the stage to next to him. It did look oddly familiar… why?

“From Deep Space Nine.” Cas whispered in his ear helpfully.

Dean felt a shudder run through him at the feeling of Cas’s hot breath against the shell of his ear. Ok, yeah, no he got that now. Vic Fontaine, fictional holographic Star Trek character, owned a lounge in Vegas. Yep, he remembered. But, how did he get Cas to whisper to him again?

“Hmm… not ringing a bell.” Dean whispered back.

He waited with a quirk to his lips and Cas didn’t disappoint.

“You remember, we just watched a very powerful episode regarding him caring for the young Ferengi.” Cas responded quietly.

Dean smiled to himself and pressed his temple against Cas’s. He couldn’t see the other man’s face, which was a shame, but the feeling of him in his arms was almost just as good. “Powerful, hm?” he asked.

“Yes…” Cas answered carefully. “The episode was about overcoming feelings of fear about one’s mortality and how much it means to live one’s life, regardless of that fear.” Cas fell silent again and they danced together slowly for a time.

Dean remembered the episode. It had had a profound impact on Cas when they’d watched it. He supposed the character of Vic, though a charismatic lounge singer, could be someone with whom Cas could identify. He was a holographic character designed to entertain guests in his Las Vegas lounge. Through the course of the episode his program was left on for days at a time which allowed him to really get a chance to live a life. Eat food, talk to friends, go to work… For someone like Cas, who’d spent eons following orders without emotions in Heaven… He could see why he’d feel sympathetic to the character as he navigated the new experiences.

What had been the take away line from that one? “I've had a life. And I have to tell you, it's a precious thing. I had no idea how much it means to just... live.” Yeah, he could see Cas loving Vic.

He nuzzled his nose into Cas’s hairline as they danced. He was glad that Cas had gotten a chance to live, even if Dean was the reason he’d someday die. 

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I've been so exhausted recently that I haven't had the energy to work on this. But, here's the next chapter! I just love the idea of Cas googling how to help Dean and coming up with answers that aren't quite socially acceptable. Poor Cas is so self conscious about his lack of understanding too. It's all nonsense anyway, socially acceptable, my ass! 
> 
> The episode referenced at the end of the chapter is "It's Only a Paper Moon" from Star Trek, Deep Space Nine. It's the perfect combination of silly and touching and deals with depression. Have you guys figured out how obsessed I am with Star Trek yet?
> 
> Let me know what you think, we're getting closer to the end!


	12. Chapter 12

Dean woke the next morning feeling groggy but rested. Everything in his room was where it should be and there weren’t any uninvited “guests” watching him from the corners. He felt pathetic for thinking that the morning was already off to a good start because of it. He dressed in sweats and a tee since he’d be showering soon anyway and wandered out of his bedroom. The Bunker was silent and he frowned to himself. The other two must be out for their early morning run. He shuddered at the thought.

He puttered around the Bunker for a while. He got himself a cup of coffee, browsed a few newspapers for possible cases, leafed half-heartedly through a a few book in the library. Mostly, he was waiting for his brain to officially come online. He showered and took his time doing it, enjoying the heat and the feeling of the soap cleansing his body.

He dressed in comfortable jeans and a loose henley after the shower and made his way back into the library. Sam was already there, looking sweaty but determined. 

“Couldn’t bear to be parted from the pages for more than 5 minutes, huh Sammy?” Dean joked easily.

Sam glanced up at him with a neutral expression. “Well, I HAD planned on showering but it looks like you needed a spa day and used up all the hot water.”

Dean pursed his lips at his brother. The Bunker had like 10 water tanks, there was no way he’d used all the hot water in that short amount of time. “What can I say? I’m used to the finer things in life. Not all of us can live like cavemen.” He gave his brother a slow up and down before giving him a pointed look.

Sam grinned at him before chuckling softly and going back to his book. 

Dean smiled too. He’d missed their easy banter. He’d been so on edge recently that he hadn’t been able to tease his brother like he’d used too. He should have told Sam and Cas about this bullshit months ago, it would have saved him a lot of drama. He shook his head to himself before pulling out a chair from the table and snagging a book.

“Any luck so far?” Dean asked as neutrally as he could. He knew he wasn’t very successful, it was hard to be objective when it was your life and sanity on the line.

Sam gave him a sympathetic look which meant he’d seen right through Dean’s attempt at casual. “Not yet. I called Nnenna last night and asked her opinion and she suggested the same things Cas did. She’s gonna look into it on her end and call me if she comes up with anything.”

Dean frowned. _Nnenna… Nnenna? Who the f-_

“The psychic from Louisiana?” Dean asked in disbelief. “You’re still talking to her?”

Sam reddened slightly at his brothers exclamation. “Yes, and she had some really good suggestions! There’s nothing wrong with having a hunting connection in the South.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother and waited. Sam was not a great liar. He covered for it most of the time by smiling and charming the pants off of anyone who questioned him. Dean always saw right through it though, always had, always will. All he had to do was wait Sam out, he’d crack sooner rather than later. And sure enough, less than a minute later, Sam was blushing furiously and running a hand through his sweaty hair.

Sam let out a loud breath before admitting, “Ok, so I’ve been talking to her off and on since we left Louisiana.” 

Dean gave his brother a half-smile but continued to wait. There was more coming, he could sense it.

“She’s just so… different, ya know? I’ve never really met anyone like her. She’s got a sharp tongue and a wicked sense of humor with this incredible laugh.” He paused here and grinned a little to himself. “Plus, she’s got more pop culture knowledge than you, and more occult knowledge than me. I really like her. And I haven’t really felt this kind of connection with anyone since… well… since Jess.” Sam’s voice had dropped down to an almost whisper towards the end. 

Sam looked at him with heartfelt eyes and Dean felt a pang of sympathy in his chest for his brother. Sam had never really finished grieving for Jess and the loss of the future he could of had. Dean could understand to a point. This life was lonely. He was lucky to have Cas and Sam here with him, most hunters weren’t so lucky. Romance was almost impossible unless you met someone who was familiar with a hunter’s life. Dean couldn’t begrudge Sam if he’d found someone who made him happy and who understood what he did for a living.

Dean gave Sam a sad smile and nodded to him once. “I get it, Sammy. I really do. It’s hard…” He paused here and looked towards the hallway that housed their bedrooms. “It’s hard to find someone who gets it. I’m glad you’ve made a connection, hunting or otherwise.”

Sam gave him a grateful smile and Dean felt a wash of protectiveness come over him. He’d never stopped trying to take care of his brother, didn’t think that he ever could stop. But that was okay, because Sam wouldn’t ever stop trying to take care of him either. As evidenced with how fiercely Sam had been researching what was wrong with Dean. God, he loved his brother.

He needed to lighten this chick flick mood now though because he was feeling uncomfortable. “Besides Sam, how could you say no to an ass like that?” Dean held his hands up and mimicked squeezing something in the air. 

“Hey!” Sam squawked indignantly. 

Dean chuckled loudly and Sam threw a pencil at him in irritation. They settled soon after that and Dean felt a lightness in him that he hadn’t felt in a while. Even if Dean didn’t make it out of this alive, Sam had Cas and now he had a hot little psychic in Louisiana who would help him deal. They’d be okay.

xxx

It was a couple of hours later when Dean finally looked up from a book he was reading to stretch out a crick in his neck. Sam had gotten so engrossed in what he was doing that he’d forgotten to go and shower and so Dean was about to shoo him away when he frowned. He looked around the library, listened closely for any sounds. There was nothing there though. Where the hell was Cas?

“Where the hell is Cas?” Dean asked aloud.

Sam glanced up from where he was hunched over a large tome that looked as if it was written in hieroglyphics. “Hm?”

“Cas. You know, formerly an angel, pop culture clueless, bad decision maker, blue eyes, staggeringly handsome?” Dean had meant to mock Sam for not listening to him but halted at the end of his question. _Staggeringly handsome? Fucking Christ, Winchester._

A bitch face classic crossed Sam’s face and he pursed his lips in irritation at Dean. “Thank you for the reminder, ass. I haven’t seen him since we got back from the run.” 

“I’m gonna go make sure he hasn’t gotten into anything. You need a shower.” Dean said the last with a wrinkled nose.

Sam raised his eyebrows and looked down at himself. He gave Dean a large grin complete with little-boy dimples. “Guess I forgot!” He chuckled a little. “Now that you mention it, I DO need a shower.” Sam stood and stretched his shoulders. A series of pops rang through the room and Dean shuddered.

“That was disgusting. You’re getting old there, little brother.” 

“Fuck off, Dean.” 

Dean laughed but stood and made his way towards the living room. He could hear Sam making his way into the hallway that held the bathroom. Now, where the hell was the angel? If he was hiding in his room he didn’t want to sneak up on him. Hmm…

“Cas?” Dean called loudly. He didn’t want to yell and make the poor guy think he was in trouble. Silence met his ears. Hmmm…

“Cas? Where ya at, buddy?” Dean poked his head in the kitchen and did a quick scan. Nothing there. Cas wasn’t in his bedroom either. He must not be in the bathroom or Sam would have shooed him out. Maybe he was in his secret room? No, not there either. Where the hell…

Dean made a pass by the War Room but halted as he passed the door. He backtracked slowly and frowned at the large map table in the center of the room. He approached the table hesitantly. _What in the hell?_

He picked up a large bottle of what looked like white paint. There was a smear of it across the table and a couple of paint brushes with white on their delicate tips. _What is he doing in here?_ There were a couple of paper towels bunched up on the end of the table and Dean frowned at them.

“Cas! No arts and crafts in the War Room!” Dean hollered out of the door. 

He set the bottle of paint down and climbed the stairs out of the room in irritation. _What in the hell has gotten into him? He knows better than to make a mess in the War Room! I can’t beli-_ Dean’s inner tirade was halted when Cas’s messy black hair came into view. His hair was just about the only thing visible underneath the absolutely massive pile of clothes in his arms.

Dean blinked in surprise a few times before his mouth seemed able to form words again. “Cas… what the hell are you doing?” 

Cas’s forward progress stopped immediately and he wrestled his head over the top of the clothes in his arms. “Dean. I...uh, I’m doing laundry.”

Dean squinted his eyes at his friend suspiciously. “The washer is the other direction there, bud. And-hey! Wait a minute, those are MY clothes!”

Dean stepped forward and snatched the trailing sleeve of a shirt in Cas’s hold. Cas visibly shrunk down and disappeared under the clothes again. “What are you DOING?” Dean asked in irritation.

There was a muffled response as if Cas was speaking into the clothing. Dean wanted to smack the clothes out of his hands but since they were HIS, he didn’t want to get them dirty. That was a hell of a lot of laundry to do.

Instead, he grabbed the top half of the load so that Cas’s head and shoulders were visible. He gave him a stern look and waited for Cas to elaborate. The dark haired man looked embarrassed but if Dean could wait out Sam at his most stubborn he could certainly outwait an uncomfortable angel. 

Cas met his eyes briefly before looking back down at the pile of clothes in his arms. “I said, don’t be mad.” He said in a quiet voice.

Dean’s expression softened. Cas looked absolutely pitiful right now. And he was sure that Cas was familiar enough with expressions now that this might be a little manipulative on Cas’s part but it hurt Dean to see Cas so upset. Besides, Cas only ever tried to help, he just wasn’t very good at it.

Dean let out a breath and counted to ten in his head. “I’m not mad. I just want to know what you’re doing.”

Cas looked up at him from under his eyelashes. “I’m trying to protect you and Sam.”

Dean frowned. “What does protecting us have to do with you stealing my clothes?”

Cas huffed at him. “I’m NOT stealing your clothes. I’m putting protection sigils on them. I already did your and Sam’s underwear and jeans, I just needed to finish your shirts. You know you have quite a lot of this flannel material.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply but was stopped by a shout from down the hallway. He raised an eyebrow at Cas who looked guilty once again. Sam’s thunderous footfalls came down the hall quickly and Dean had to hold back a laugh when his brother rounded the corner. He still had a towel wrapped around his waist and was holding a pair on boxers in one had like a weapon.

“What the hell!?” Sam yelled as he got closer to them. 

Dean looked expectantly at Cas and Sam’s angry eyes flipped between looking at Dean and Cas. 

Cas cleared his throat primly and gave Same a level look. “Is something the matter, Sam?”

Sam shoved the boxers under Cas’s nose. “Why is there paint ALL OVER THESE?”

Cas took a step back and perused the item in front of him. “I wouldn’t say it’s ALL over. Granted artistry was never one of my skills. You’ll remember that I was a soldier in Heaven, leader of a garrison actually. So, my hands are much more suited to holding a blade than a paint brush. I think I did a pretty good job considering.”

Sam opened and closed his mouth a few times before snapping his jaw closed and squinting at Cas suspiciously. He looked at Dean from the corner of his eye and Dean shrugged.

“I just found out myself, dude. I have no idea.” Dean answered easily.

“Cas… why did you paint my boxers?” Sam asked slowly.

Cas gave him a haughty look before replying. “If you’ll notice Sam, it isn’t just paint. It’s a sigil.”

Sam pulled the underwear back and pulled the fabric taut before examining it again. His eyes widened after a few seconds and he looked over at Cas in confusion. “A protection sigil?”

Cas nodded sagely. “Since I’ve lost my powers I’m not able to protect you and Dean as I would normally have done. As evidenced by the fact that I allowed some… parasite to attach itself to Dean so tenaciously.” Cas paused and looked over to Dean sadly. “I feel a certain amount of shame at that. The sigils won’t be as good as the power of a fully charged angel, but it’s something. And it would make me feel better to know that I’ve been able to offer the two of you some form of safety.”

“Cas, it’s not your fau-” Sam started to say but was interrupted by Cas.

“Thank you, Sam. But, I don’t need false platitudes. I’ve accepted that I’m mostly useless now. Please let me finish doing this. Let me help.” Cas answered stonily.

The three of them were silent for a few minutes before Dean cleared his throat. “You aren’t useless, Cas. Paint as many sigils as you’d like. Maybe try to make them a little less… conspicuous though. The old ladies at the Lebanon grocery store will think we’re Satan worshippers with all these sigils all over everything.” Dean gave him a half smile.

“And uh, can you make sure they’re DRY before you put them back?” Sam held up a hand smeared with white paint as evidence.

Cas nodded to them once seriously. “Of course.” And with that, he walked into the War Room carrying the clothes in his arms.

Sam turned to Dean with a confused expression on his face. Dean shrugged at his brother.

“If it makes him feel better, why not? It can’t hurt.” Dean said easily.

Sam rolled his eyes. “I have a feeling this could get out of hand very quickly.”

“Come on, man. When has Cas ever done anything that’s gotten out of hand?” Sam gave him a “look” at that and Dean frowned. “Fuck, you’re right.”

Cas’s voice carried out from the room next to them. “Also, I painted all the outside doors blue!”

Dean and Sam blinked at one another stupidly for a moment. Dean was the first to recover.

“Wait, what!?”

xxx

After some coaxing they’d managed to get it out of Cas that he’d painted the outside doors blue because of a stray comment made by Benny, of all people, while they’d been in Purgatory. Apparently, Benny had lamented one night while he and Cas had been watching over Dean while he slept in a cave that it was a shame they didn’t have any way to paint the cave walls. He’d explained to Cas that it was a Southern legend that painting the entryway into a home blue would help to keep away the “haints”. He’d been joking but Cas had heard what he had said and saved the information for later perusal. He’d apparently decided that Dean needed protection from haints again so he’d painted the doors. Dean had no idea what a “haint” was.

Dean and Sam stood on the step of the front door with heads tilted and matching frowns on their faces. Occasionally, one would turn to the other to comment but would eventually fall silent before speaking. Dean reached out and brushed his fingers against the door. The paint was still tacky but thankfully, mostly dry.

“It’s a nice color, at least.” Dean said at last.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. “Right, periwinkle, your favorite.” Sam said sarcastically.

“Shut the hell up, Sam.” Dean said as he colored red.

“Cas hated Benny almost as much as I do. I can’t believe he’d ever take any advice Benny gave him.” Sam said offhandedly.

Dean shrugged but internally he was thinking the same thing.

“Guess he’s more worried about you than we thought.” Sam gestured at the door. “Between this and the underwear sigils he really went all out today.”

“Yeah… Hopefully that doesn’t mean that he’s worried we won’t come up with some way to get rid of this thing.” Dean said.

Sam frowned and turned towards his brother. “We will, Dean. We’ll figure it out and we’ll gank it, just like always.” He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder that was meant to be comforting.

Dean shrugged again. He couldn’t say why the thought of Cas listening to Benny and using his Southern legend-folklore bullshit had him so worried, but it did. Cas hated Benny. If he was willing to put that aside and listen to something Benny had said in passing in Purgatory… Cas was worried. And that worried Dean. 

“Yeah, Sam. We will.” But he felt more skeptical now than he had in months. 

xxx

He and Sam were sitting at the library table and going over more books when Cas wandered in with a pleased look on his face. His hair was damp and he had on a loose shirt, a pair of jeans and… Jesus, he was barefoot. Dean felt his pulse accelerate and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Dean hadn’t ever been into body parts specifically, but there was something about seeing the former angel’s feet that had his palms sweating. Maybe it was about the vulnerability, or the fact that Cas had been so buttoned up for so long that seeing him dressed so comfortably in their home was just getting to him. Whatever it was, he was suddenly thinking his jeans were a little tight. 

_Get it together, you fucking degenerate._

“Good shower, Cas?” Sam asked without looking up from his book.

“Yes, it was excellent. Though I will admit the paint was more difficult to remove than anticipated.” Cas sat down next to Dean at the table and grabbed a book from the pile he’d started the night before.

Dean gulped quietly and went back to his own book. And if he snuck a couple glances at the other man while reading, well, no one seemed to notice. 

xxx

Several hours later they decided to break for lunch. As they all made their way towards the kitchen Dean noticed that Cas had a large streak of white paint in his hair and a smudge of blue across one cheek. He smiled to himself at Cas looking the epitome of “casual artist”. 

“You’ve still got paint all over you, Bob Ross.” Dean said with a laugh.

Cas looked at him in confusion and touched his face curiously. “I wondered if I’d missed a couple spots.” 

Dean gestured towards the opposite hallway with a jerk of his head. “Come on, I’ll help you get the rest of it. Sammy can prepare the rabbit food on his own.”

Sam stuck his tongue out at his brother as before turning back towards the kitchen. “With that kind of attitude we’ll see if you get any, jerk.”

“You wouldn’t let me starve, bitch!” Dean hollered as he guided Cas towards the bathroom.

“Why don’t you take a seat on the toilet while I get a washcloth?” Dean asked.

Cas glanced over at the toilet and then back at Dean. “With the lid down? Like in Louisiana?”

Dean closed his eyes and counted to ten in an effort to keep from laughing. “Yeah, buddy, just like that.”   
Cas lowered the lid on the toilet and sat lightly on top of it. He scratched absently at the cheek with the paint on it while he waited on Dean. Dean smirked to see it but quickly turned and grabbed the nearest wash cloth and ran it under some lukewarm water. The cheek paint would be fairly easy to get off, the hair… that was another story. He didn’t know what kind of paint Cas used, but hopefully it wasn’t anything that needed turpentine. He snagged a small bottle of soap from under the sink and carried both over to where Cas was waiting patiently.

Cas looked up at him expectantly and Dean had a fleeting moment to berate himself for asking Cas to be alone with him in a bathroom again. It had gone disastrously that last time, shit, he was an idiot to be doing this. 

“Ready, Picasso?” Dean asked in an attempt to lighten the suddenly tense mood in the small room.

“Of course, Dean.” Cas answered easily.

Cas turned his face upwards and towards Dean. Dean gulped against a sudden knot in his throat. _Holy shit, why did I fucking ask to DO this again?_ Cas’s eyes were blue and trusting and they were stirring something hot in Dean’s gut.

“Cheek first.” Dean said gruffly.

He squirted a small amount of the soap onto the washcloth and worked it carefully into the fibers. He took the brief respite to try and compose himself. He hadn’t been laid in forever, that’s all this was. He certainly wasn’t hot for Cas… He frowned a little at his washcloth. Maybe he was a LITTLE hot for Cas. But, it was definitely made worse by the fact that he was basically celibate right now.

He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. _Ok, I got this. Don’t look at his eyes. The guy’s like a fucking snake charmer with those things and he’ll hypnotize you. Ok, I got it._

“Ok, ready?” Dean asked.

Cas frowned at him slightly. “You already asked me that, Dean. My answer hasn’t changed.”

Dean pursed his lips at the other man. “Ok, Sasshole Casserole, I was just checkin’.”

Dean reached forward and took Cas’s jaw lightly in his palm. He turned his head ever so slightly to the side so he could better reach the paint on his cheek. Cas had turned his eyes away, and thank fucking God for that. Dean breathed a sigh of relief before bringing the washcloth up and rubbing lightly at the spot of paint. The two were silent while Dean worked, for which Dean was thankful.

The paint came away fairly easily, but Dean made sure that he got all the stray bits around it, whether they were imaginary or not. _That was easier than I thought! Almost done._

“Ok, face looks good! Hair next.” Dean said.

Cas looked askance to him but waited for Dean’s direction. Dean bit his bottom lip and turned Cas’s head to face him straight on. Dean removed his hand from Cas’s jaw and delicately threaded it through the hair on the back of Cas’s head. He cradled the base of Cas’s skull gently and felt his breath hitch.

Cas was looking up at him with his wide blue eyes and a pink tinge to his cheeks. He watched the other man’s Adam’s apple bob up and down once and felt himself mimic the action. As he watched, Cas’s lips parted slightly and he let out a small puff of air. The tension in the room was palpable and Dean felt a tremor run up his arms. The position they were in would probably look a little compromising to an outsider’s perspective. Dean was standing over Cas with a hand wound in the hair on the back of Cas’s head and Cas’s face turned upwards towards him as if in supplication. At least they had their clothes on.

Dean blanched at that and felt his own cheeks redden. Hopefully, Cas had done all his painting fully clothed. If not… well, he had probably gotten paint other places too. Maybe he should ask if Cas needed help getting those off as well? The image of a fully nude Cas spread out on the War Room table and painting sigils on Dean’s underwear came unbidden to his mind. _Holy shit… oh wow, holy shit._ He could just picture the arch in Cas’s back as he leaned back to admire his handiwork.

A sudden stirring in his jeans drew his attention. Dean went completely still and closed his eyes. _I am NOT getting a boner right now, I am NOT._ He turned his face upwards and looked briefly at the ceiling. He was definitely getting a boner right now. He couldn’t let Cas see him this way. God, he was being fucking creep! Cas was just following Dean’s lead and Dean had asked him to come in here to get that stupid paint off. 

Dean took a step back hastily and released his hold on Cas’s hair. He needed to get out of here. The way they were positioned it wouldn’t take long for Cas to notice that he was sporting a stiffy. God, he was practically at chin level with Dean’s crotch! 

Cas looked at him in confusion as he slowly backed away. He opened his mouth and Dean held up a hand to halt him. 

“I’m good, all good. I just forgot that uh… I needed to go tell Sam something. About… um, lunch!” He tossed the washcloth towards Cas’s face. “You can handle this right? Sure ya can, you’re a handy guy! Er, that is a… uh, you’re a guy that’s good with his hands. No, no, no, um well, you know what I mean!” And with that he ducked out of the bathroom and made a quick break for the relative safety of the living room.

_You’re a handy guy? Jesus fucking Christ, Winchester. Just put a bullet through your head now._ Dean heaved a large sigh and patted the front of his pants in irritation. _And thanks for nothing in there, you little asshole._ Dean ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. _What am I doing…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, that bathroom scene got me a little flustered. What do we think?
> 
> The blue paint on the exterior doors (or porch ceilings) is a trend from the Southern US. It's a legend that supposed to prevent "haints" or unfriendly spirits from entering one's home. Plus, it looks beautiful.
> 
> I know I promised Southern Folklore in this tale, and more will follow. This middle portion took longer to get going than I anticipated. We're heading towards more plot soon, I promise!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning on this chapter for some suicidal thoughts and descriptions of depression.

Cas didn’t comment on Dean’s strange behavior when he finally emerged from the bathroom and for that Dean was thankful. There was still a small speckle of paint in his hair but Dean resolutely ignored it and the accompanying heat that suffused his cheeks. He had to get himself under control or Sam and Cas would start to notice something was going on. Well, something other than some kind of alternate dimension demon parasite sucking out his life force. Just another day on the job!

They spent another few hours researching. Sam kept sneaking looks at him when he thought Dean wasn’t paying attention. Which, if Dean were being honest, was the dumbest thing he’d ever seen his brother do. Dean was a damn hunter, he noticed everything. After the fourth failed covert glance Dean’s patience finally snapped.

“What?” He asked loudly and closed his book with a loud snap.

Sam looked startled but leaned further over his book in an attempt at innocence. 

“Don’t bother, Sammy. Spit it out. What’s with the side-eye?” Dean asked.

Sam finally looked up from his book sheepishly. “Ok, it wasn’t a side-eye. I was just thinking…” He paused and brushed his hair behind his ears. “Maybe we should head back to Louisiana?”

Dean frowned at his brother. “For what? The ambience?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Don’t be an ass, Dean. This all started after we were down there… besides, maybe Nnenna can sense something or I don’t know, help somehow!”

“You just want to see your girlfriend. My flippin’ life is on the line here and you wanna get some tail. Unbelievable.” Dean snapped at him.

Sam reeled back as if struck. “What… How could you even think that! I think she could help! If nothing else, maybe there will be some clues down there?” 

Dean tossed his book back on the library table and stood angrily. “Whatever.” And with that, he stormed out of the library and into his own bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

 _I can’t BELIEVE he isn’t taking this seriously. He just wants to see that damn chick. I’m near Death’s door here and he doesn’t even car-_ Dean’s inner tirade was stopped by a soft knock on his door.

_What now?!_

“Sam, I don’t want to talk!” Dean said angrily through the door.

Silence greeted him and Dean huffed to himself in triumph. Normally, Sam was more tenacious than that. He paced the room a couple of times, not quite sure what to do with himself when a voice floated to him from the other side of the door.

“It’s not Sam. It’s Cas.”

Dean’s eyebrows lifted in surprised. He faced the door and frowned. “Oh, Cas… Look, I don’t really wanna talk right now.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the floor. He couldn’t really handle Cas’s piercing stare at the moment. Cas had a funny way of seeing through him and making him feel like a child. There was no way he could open the door to him.

“That’s alright. You don’t need to talk.” Cas said easily from the other side of the door.

“Uh…” _What the hell did that mean? He couldn’t possibly…._

“Will you listen?”

 _Dammit._ There wasn’t much he could do if Cas decided to just go ahead and start speaking. Though, if he really didn’t want Cas here then the other man would likely respect his wishes. He answered Cas with silence and waited.

“I know you’re afraid.” Cas said quietly. The sound was slightly muffled through the door but Dean heard him clearly enough.

Dean’s shoulders hunched up around his ears at that. He DID NOT want to be doing this right now. He wasn’t afraid, dammit. Hell, he’d faced death how many times before? He’d been to actual Hell before for Chrissakes! This was just another bump in the long shitty road that was his life. What did Cas know about it anyway?

“I’m afraid too.” Cas’s voice had dropped even lower and Dean felt his heart squeeze at that..

That was unexpected. Dean took a step towards the door. “Why?”

He heard a scuffle from the other side of the door, as if Cas had also taken a step closer to the door. There was silence for a moment and Dean worried that Cas wasn’t going to answer. 

“Don’t be obtuse. You’re not that slow and we both know it.” Cas’s words were harsh but he said them softly and that took some of the sting out of them. “You’re my family, Dean. You and Sam mean more to me than the air in my, now mortal, lungs.” Cas paused here and Dean inched closer to the door until his toes were butted against it and he could lean his head onto the wood itself.

Another scuffle from the other side and it sounded like Cas might be doing the same thing. “I know I’ve kept secrets from you in the past. I know they’ve almost always caused problems and nearly caused Apocalypses of their own. But… I will admit that there is one that I’ve been keeping for years now.” 

Dean held his breath, waiting for this revelation from Cas. His heart was suddenly hammering inside his chest and his throat felt thick. _Is this really happening? Could he- No, no that wasn’t what this was. There’s no way, right?_

Cas’s voice had dropped to almost a whisper and Dean had to strain his ears to hear what the other man was saying now. 

“I’m always scared, Dean.” The sound of a large inhale and exhale ended the sentence and Dean felt a vague sense of disappointment for some reason. “Even when I had my grace. Even when I was under Heaven’s control. Ever since meeting you, I’ve been afraid.” 

Dean wasn’t sure how to respond to that. _That doesn’t sound like a flattering thing to tell someone. Hey, ever since I met you I’ve been scared of everything. Yikes, what had he done to Cas? Cas would have been better off had he never even MET him…_

“I know that I haven’t picked up on all the subtleties of human interaction and societal norms but I do know you, Dean Winchester. Stop whatever self defeating diatribe you’ve started in your head and let me finish.”

Dean frowned and felt his brow crinkle against the wood. A small smile touched the corner of his mouth though. Well, Cas was right about that.

“I’m afraid, Dean. Because for the first time in millenia I have something that I’m afraid of losing. At first, I thought it was because I’d lose the newfound independence you’d taught me. But… as I began to understand feelings more I realized that that isn’t the case. Its you, Dean. It’s always been you. I’m terrified every day because… that could be the day that I lose you forever. You’ll go somewhere I can’t follow and I’ll be left to mourn you for the rest of my life. Which, thankfully now, wouldn’t be too long.”

Dean could picture the smirk on the other man’s face and he closed his eyes to try and picture it better. 

“You’re my family. I love you, Dean. And I love, Sam. The idea of ever being without you fills me with terror.” Silence again and Dean’s heart began thundering in his chest once more. “I know that you’re afraid. But, I want you to know that I will bring Heaven, Hell and everything in between down around our ears before I give you up without a fight.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut tighter and felt himself flex his fingers against the wood of the door. Cas wasn’t going to give up on him. He’d been stupid to even wonder about that, obviously. Cas was afraid for him, Cas LOVED him. But, he’d said Sam too so it must be in a family way. He ignored the traitorous part of him that whispered that he loved Cas too but maybe not quite so platonically. 

Cas and Sam, they’d fight for him. Hell, they were the A-team, Dean would put money on the two of them over whatever else was out there any damn day. Dean had thrown a temper tantrum because he was afraid. Cas understood, Cas always understood. How had he ever gotten so lucky as to have the former angel on his side? He needed to apologize for acting like such an ass. He needed to apologize for a lot of things actually. Maybe since they were having a chick-flick moment he could do it now and it wouldn’t be too embarrassing? He could do chick-flick for Cas. Cas deserved that much, at least.

Dean took a step back from the door and pulled it open quickly. If he didn’t do this fast he’d lost his nerve. He was expecting to see a dark-haired man standing in front of him, maybe even stumbling against him since he’d removed the door so suddenly. But, there was nothing there, just empty hallway. 

Dean poked his head out and saw the back half of Cas walking away down the hall and towards the living room. He could call out for him, holler for him to come back. But… the moment seemed lost now. Without the sound of muffled words through a wooden door things felt different. The world was starker and brighter. No, he’d missed his opportunity. If he’d just opened the door when Cas had knocked maybe… No, no he wasn’t going to start that.

He left his door open but wandered back over to his bed. He sat heavily against it’s soft surface and reached blindly behind him for Bee. The stuffed animal met his fingers easily and he pulled it into his lap. He hung his head and stared at the permanently cheerful expression on the creature’s face. He ran a finger down the bee’s soft fur and tweaked one of his little crooked wings. 

_I love him too._ He thought sadly.

xxx

The next day was filled with more research. Dean didn’t apologize to Sam and Sam didn’t look like he expected one. In typical Sam fashion, he let Dean’s pissy mood go and simply handed him a book to read when he came back into the library. Sam had been on his computer that day, apparently frustrated by his lack of success with the Bunker’s library selections. They had lunch, researched, had dinner and then ended the night with some TV. Sam had tried to grab his computer but Dean had put his foot down that they needed a break. He hadn’t had an “episode” in a few days so things were good for the moment. 

They’d all gone to bed at a decent hour and everything seemed pretty calm. Dean even had a dream about the lounge that night. His Dream-Cas looked a little sleepy but happy to see him and Dean would admit to getting just a teensy-tiny little bit more handsy with him than usual. It was still on the up and up and all above the belt, but if he held Cas a little closer and nuzzled against his temple a little more than usual, well, no one but his subconscious would know. 

He woke the next morning feeling like a new man. He had slept wonderfully, he hadn’t seen that nightmare monster fuck in a few days and he’d gotten to slow dance with Cas all night. Cas had even run the tip of his nose against the shell of Dean’s ear in the dream, which had felt much more electric than it had any right too. Yeah, he was feeling wonderful today, it was going to be a damn good day.

Dean whistled through making breakfast and found himself a little disturbed that he was even adding a little hip wiggle from time to time while he whipped some eggs together in a bowl. Man, he hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Sam wandered in at some point and poured himself a cup of coffee. He sat at the table and watched as Dean continued to bounce around the kitchen. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you got laid last night.” Sam said around the rim of his cup.

Dean turned his head and gave his brother a wink. “Just slept well, little brother!”

Sam made an “Ah!” sound and took another sip of his coffee. “Sex dream then, was it the Brazilian twins or the Russian contortionist?”

Dean’s arm faltered in the process of stirring hashbrowns but he recovered quickly. “I’ll have you know that I dreamt of no such thing. Come on now, Sammy. Can’t a guy just be in a good mood without the third degree?”

He shot his brother a look over his shoulder and Sam gave him a lopsided smile. “Of course, jerk. It’s just nice to see you acting like your old self. I haven’t seen this Dean in months.”

Dean turned back around with a loud “Bitch!” sung in a warbly falsetto.

He heard Sam chuckle to himself but they lapsed into silence after that. He knew that Sam had been worried about him, probably for a lot longer than a few months. But, it felt good to get their easy camaraderie back. He’d missed the banter with his little brother.

Cas stumbled into the kitchen not long after that and Dean heard a small clatter behind him with the man’s entrance. He half-turned with a spatula in hand to see Cas with a hand braced against the top of the chair that he’d obviously just run into.

“You okay, sunshine?” Dean asked cautiously.

Cas held up a single finger and closed his eyes in a “one minute” gesture. He looked over to Sam who looked equally as perplexed and shrugged his shoulders at his brother. Cas finally straightened and opened his eyes.

“Coffee.” Was all the other man said.

Dean felt one of his eyebrows crawl up his forehead at the gruffly voiced word. He didn’t comment but got down a mug and handed it over to the other man. Cas took it with unsteady fingers and made his way to the coffee pot. The decanter shook slightly in Cas’s hands and Dean worried for a moment that he was going to burn himself. Luck seemed to be on his side however as he managed to pour himself a large cup without scalding himself in the process. 

Cas took his steaming cup with him to the table, holding it like a dragon protecting his hoard. Dean and Sam watched as Cas closed his eyes and inhaled the steam from the mug slowly before slurping down a large measure of the liquid. Dean knew it was hot, it must have burned like hell, but Cas seemed unfazed. Sam and Dean waited for Cas to say something. It was true that he wasn’t a morning person, but this wasn’t quite like him.

“Hashbrowns.” Cas said gruffly.

Dean frowned at him and was about to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean when he caught a whiff of the air. _Oh shit! The hashbrowns!_ Dean turned quickly back to the pan in front of him and took it off the heat. He muttered a few curses under his breath before giving them up as a lost cause and dumping them straight into the trash. They’d been burned beyond anything salvageable. He’d have to make more.

He set the pan back on the stove before turning and crossing his arms at the men seated at the table. Sam still looked confused, but a little more bemused now than before. Cas seemed to be out of danger or whatever the hell was wrong with him. His eyes were still closed and he looked like he was spending a lot of time worshipping the mug clasped tightly between his palms. 

“Do we need to give the two of you some time alone?” Dean asked sarcastically.

Cas hummed noncommittally before taking another sip from his mug. “That won’t be necessary.” He said simply.

Dean and Sam exchanged raised eyebrows and half-smiles.

“Are you alright, Cas?” Sam asked a touch more sympathetically.

Cas hummed again. “Yes, Sam. Just tired this morning.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders. Tired, sure, whatever. “Well, breakfast will be a few more minutes since I need to make the hashbrowns over.”

The kitchen lapsed into silence with only the sounds of cooking around them. Cas got up at some point to get another cup of coffee. He was much steadier this time and Dean felt himself relax a little at that. He’d been seriously out of it this morning and that had worried him. It was just Cas’s typical quirkiness though, nothing to be concerned over. 

Several hours later and a with a large breakfast under their belts the trio were entrenched in research, yet again. Dean was starting to get antsy, more antsy than usual and he closed his book with a snap! 

“Don’t you think we’ve exhausted our resources here?” He asked in agitation.

Sam turned to him with a nonplussed expression. “There’s plenty of books here we haven’t looked through. Hell, there’s whole ROOMS in this place we haven’t checked out yet. Any of them could be helpful.” He paused and narrowed his eyes at his brother before looking back down at his book. “And if you’ll recall, I did suggest taking this party on the road.”

Dean pursed his lips at Sam and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I remember.” He muttered under his breath. He was being petulant and he knew it. But, damn, who knew the struggle between life and death, HIS life and death, could be so BORING! He wanted to go on a hunt. Maybe Sam was on to something with the Louisiana thing. He’d only be hurting his pride if he conceded and they drove down to Nnenna’s. 

He sighed heavily. “I’m gonna go get some air.” He levered himself up from his chair and stretched his stiff shoulders. He caught Cas eyeing him from his seat across from him. _Probably just worried I’m gonna keel over in the middle of the woods again. Ass._

He rubbed at a sore spot on his neck as he ascended the stairs to the front door. Stretching his legs would do him some good. He hadn’t left the Bunker in days and the lack of sunlight was beginning to wear on him. Some nature would help. 

He stepped onto the front porch and gave a half-smile to the blue door as he pulled it closed. _Fucking Cas…_ He shook his head fondly at the former angel’s antics and inhaled deeply of the air around him. 

It was almost the middle of fall now and the air had a crispness to it that invigorated him. He loved this time of year. There was something about warm sun, cold breezes, and leaves turning colors that made him want to appreciate the world around him. Their world was so entrenched in blood and horror that it was hard sometimes to remember that the rest of the world was going about their business, none the wiser. He looked up and watched the progress of one lone cloud as it puttered across the sky. He smiled at it and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. A walk would do him good.

 _And since Sam and Cas aren’t with me I can stomp as many leaves as I want!_ His grin turned mischievous before he proceeded to jump into the air and land with a satisfying “crunch!” on top of some unsuspecting leaves. His eyes crinkled at their corners before he slammed a booted foot down on another leaf. This was something that he remembered doing with his mother before she died. His little boy feet hadn’t had quite the impact that his grown man feet did but that feeling of satisfaction remained the same. 

He entertained himself for a few more minutes by crunching particularly crispy looking leaves. He inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly before he continued on his walk. That had been nice. Silly yes, and he’d deny doing it until he no longer had breath in his lungs, but it had been nice. 

He walked aimlessly for a while. There wasn’t much to look at out here but it felt good to just be outside. He allowed his thoughts to drift. He needed to relax a little and not focus on his impending doom. At least if he died this time it wouldn’t start an Apocalypse or anything so dramatic. It would just be him, shuffling loose his mortal coil.

He wrinkled his nose at himself. This was getting grim. Maybe he could revisit the lounge from last night instead? He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Dream Cas how he had looked the night before. He smiled at the image. Cas’s hair had been a mess, as usual, and he’d had on the loose shirt and jeans that had become his usual outfit while in the Bunker. And Dean had apparently decided that Cas needed to be barefoot, because he hadn’t had any shoes on. Cas had looked tired, almost like he had that morning in real life, but his smile had been large and genuine and it filled Dean with a heat in his chest. 

He sighed softly and opened his eyes. That had been a wonderful dream. 

He continued walking aimlessly for a while, hands stuffed in his pockets and letting the autumn sun warm his skin. Eventually, the sound of running water drifted into his ears and he frowned. Was there a river near here? He couldn’t remember ever coming across one out here before. But… well, where was he even? He continued on his path, interested to see where the sound was originating. After another couple of minutes of walking through sparsely placed trees a river did come into view.

 _Huh… where the hell had this thing come from?_ He paused at the edge of the riverbank and kicked a small stone into the running waters. It wasn’t particularly large, and the water was slow moving, pleasant actually. _Maybe this is where the Bunker gets its water from?_ He stayed by the river edge and watched as the water made it’s slow progress to his right. He’d have to mention this to Sam and Cas. Sam had been talking about learning more about the Bunker anyway.

Crunching leaves drew his attention to the other river bank. He squinted against the brightness of the sun and tried to determine the source of the noise. More crunching again and his eyes swiveled a little to the left towards the source of the noise. A figure was walking towards him through the trees across the river. Or… walking may have been a generous term, it was more… hobbling, its movements jerky and unnatural. 

_Oh no…_ Dean thought frantically. It was too late though. He tried to move and was stopped by his unyielding muscles. _No, no, please. No!_ He tried to force himself with his willpower alone to turn and run in the opposite direction, but to no avail. 

He was having another nightmare.

The figure across the riverbank approached slowly, making its way through the trees on its unsteady feet slowly. Dean tracked its progress with a growing dread. He recognized the shape, he would recognize the shape anywhere, he knew who was coming towards him. _Cas…_ Dean thought desperately.

The face of his best friend finally emerged through the covering of the trees. His features distorted into a leer and his eyes burned out from their sockets as they had been before. The Nightmare Cas paused at the edge of the riverbank and looked unseeingly at Dean. The river wasn’t very wide so that the Nightmare Cas was only about and two arm lengths away from Dean, but he made no move to reach towards him.

The creature tilted his head to the side, in a mimicry of Cas’s confused expression. He pondered Dean for a silent moment before looking down at the water between them. The leer on his face deepened and the smile across his face spread. 

“Clever.” The creature spoke with Cas’s voice.

Dean felt the hairs raise on the back of his neck. It had Cas’s voice but there was something strange about it. An underlying sense of wrongness hung in the air after it had spoken. It left a lingering taste of something dark and ashy in the air, a warped sound in his ears the rang like nails on a chalkboard. He gulped, as that seemed the only thing he had control over now. 

“I know you understand this is hopeless.” The creature said casually. It scratched at a spot on it’s cheek and pursed its lips. “Your tenacity surprised me, but its waning now, isn’t it, Dean?” It nodded to him sympathetically. “You’re tired, aren’t you? Oh, you put up a good front in front of the others, but ultimately, you’re tired. It’s in your bones, in your eyes, any idiot can see it if they’re really looking.”

The creature paused and stared at him expectantly, as if waiting for an answer, or looking for something. Dean kept his mouth closed, unsure if he could even speak anyway. The Nightmare Cas seemed unperturbed by this as he continued conversationally.

“That’s what’s so sad isn’t it? They aren’t really looking. No one really SEES you, do they Dean? You’re useful, but now that you’re losing your mind, even that’s fading.” It looked towards a point behind Dean’s ear and frowned. “Do you think that if they honestly wanted to help you, that it would be taking so long? You have to be getting suspicious at this point, right? When has it ever taken this long to find information on a beastie you’re hunting? You know why, don’t you? I’m sure you do, deep down.” It smiled at him again. “They aren’t really looking, Dean. They’re waiting. Waiting for you to finally succumb. You’ve become a burden to them. Oh, you’ve always been unpleasant to be around. Too crude, too mean, too demanding. Why, you stole your brother from his perfect life in California and drug him with you into the Hell you’ve made for yourself. And Cas, oh poor, sweet, Cas. Why, you’ve ruined him beyond repair. You took him from his glorious purpose in the Heavens, subjected to him to every torture known to the Universe and now he’s doomed to die a lowly and miserable life as a human.” The creature stopped himself there and held up a finger to correct himself. “You’ve condemned him to a lowly and miserable life as your friend.”

The creature tilted it’s head and regarded him sympathetically. “Your very existence is wrong. You aren’t even meant to be here. I’m simply here to clean up the trash.” It looked at him meaningfully. “That’s you, Dean.” It lifted it’s eyebrows and frowned at him sadly.

“You’re the worst thing to ever happen to someone, Dean.” 

Dean was shaking violently, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It was as if this fucking… thing, had crawled inside of him and pulled out every terrible thought he’d ever had about himself and laid them out in front of him for his inspection. He felt oily, slimy inside. He felt his own wrongness. 

He felt soft fingers on his face then and he made an attempt to jerk away from them. He was still completely rooted to the spot and aside from his terrible shaking, he still wasn’t in control of his own body though. He looked up frantically and was shocked to see that the creature wearing Cas’s face was less than a foot from his own. The river had shrunk while he wasn’t looking and was now barely a trickle running between them. The creature’s feet were still firmly planted on the other side, but it now had a hand extended and was running it’s fingers across Dean’s cheek in a mockery of a caress.

It looked across his shoulder again and smiled. “I’ll help. Don’t worry, it won’t be long now. They’ll be better off without you, I promise.” It whispered to him before dropping it’s hands and winking at him from it’s empty eye socket. It smiled one last time before fading from view. The horrible smile was the last thing to vanish and Dean couldn’t seem to look away from it even after it was gone.

His shaking grew worse and he could feel his teeth chattering. Tears were freely running down his cheeks and he couldn’t seem to stop himself, didn’t care to stop himself. His legs finally gave out on him and his knees hit the ground below him. He knew somewhere that it should have hurt, but he couldn’t feel anything beyond the emptiness in his chest and the ice in his veins. He tried to bring his arms around himself, either to warm or comfort himself, but he couldn’t seem to get a grip. He was trembling so badly that he was surprised his joints didn’t just rattle off their hinges completely.

He felt like he was in a vacuum. He couldn’t hear anything and his vision was clouded for some reason. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on regaining control over himself. He couldn’t seem to get a handle on his breathing and it was coming in quick short gasps. He was hyperventilating, he knew it, but he couldn’t stop.  
Noises slowly started to trickle back to him. The sounds of crickets somewhere to his left broke into his consciousness. The rustle of leaves blowing in the wind came next. He lowered his hands to the ground and dug his fingers into the dirt below him. He needed to ground himself. He needed to remember where was. He listened and tried to pick out the sounds of the river, but there was no sound of moving water near him. Odd. He heard an owl hoot somewhere behind him and he frowned. An owl? It was afternoon.

“Dean! DEAN!” Came a cry from behind him. It wasn’t a nightmare mimic of his name, not his name whispered on the breeze and making him think he was losing his mind. It was the frantic voice of his brother. 

“Dean Winchester!” Cas’s voice this time. The real Cas, his voice brought warmth into Dean’s chest, not the cold emptiness that the Nightmare Cas’s voice brought.

“How many Dean’s do you think are out here, Cas?” Sam sniped to the other man and Dean tried to focus on their voices. He needed to remember how to form words, he needed to call out to them so they could find him.

“I’m being thorough, Sam.” Cas griped back and his anger was evident in his tone. They were worried about him. 

He opened his mouth to call out and a small whimper escaped his mouth. His licked his lips and tried again, some form of strength returning to his lungs. 

“H-” He took a breath and focused the rest of his strength on getting the word out. “H-Here. Here!” It wasn’t a shout, but hopefully it was enough.

The sounds of shuffling leaves stopped and Dean finally noticed the beams of flashlights behind him. Flashlights? It was the afternoon…

“Dean!” Sam shouted again. “Where are you?”

His voice sounded more frantic than it had before. As if the prospect of being so close but not being able to see Dean scared him even more than not knowing where he was. 

Dean screwed up his face and dug his fingers harder into the dirt. He was fucking exhausted for some reason. He forced himself to call out again, just once more. “Here!”

The sounds of booted feet approached him quickly, scuffling against leaves and breaking twigs. They were coming, they knew where he was. He breathed a sigh of relief and listened to the sounds of their feet.

Finally, he felt the beam of a flashlight fall against him, heard a gasp and a whispered “thank God” from behind him. 

He felt a hard body slam against him and closed his eyes against the sensation. He lifted a weak hand and patted the arm that had wrapped around his shoulders from behind. Dean inhaled slowly. _Cas…_ It had to have been Cas, it wasn’t tall enough to be Sam. Cas had fallen against his back and had his arms wrapped around Dean tightly. Funnily enough, Cas’s right hand was placed on Dean’s deltoid exactly where his handprint had been burned so many years before. _This must have been how he carried me from Hell…_ Dean thought for some reason. 

He heard Sam crouch down beside him and place a hand of his own on Dean’s shoulder. Sam’s fingers searched across Dean’s face and took a quick assessment of Dean’s physical condition. Dean focused on the feeling of Cas’s warm body against his back and his brother’s fingers as they poked and prodded his skin for injuries. He was safe now, they’d found him. They’d come looking for him, he was safe.

He shuddered and lowered his head to look at the ground. His left hand was still buried in the dirt and he realized that his skin was cold. Actually, he was FREEZING. He’d been warm only a few minutes before, the afternoon sun had felt amazing against his skin. Why was he cold…

He heard Sam trying to ask him questions but he couldn’t seem to focus enough to catch the words let alone form an answer. The stray bits of information he had about the area around him tried to form themselves into a question of his own and he tried to come up with the words he needed to ask. Finally, they all clicked into place and he looked up into his brother’s worried face in confusion.

“Is… is it night?” He asked in a small voice.

Sam looked at him completely gobsmacked for a moment and then frowned. “Yeah, Dean.” He was speaking slowly, obviously noting his brother’s struggle to focus. “It’s been night for hours.”

Sam watched his face closely, trying to gauge his reaction to the words. Dean’s brain couldn’t seem to fathom the fact that so much time had passed so quickly. Or had it passed quickly? What the hell had even happened.

The image of the Nightmare Cas’s burned out eyes and hobbling footsteps came unbidden to his mind and he shuddered violently. He refused to remember the words the other had spoken. He couldn’t do it right now, he physically couldn’t handle the strain of remembering those… things. In his heart, he knew the words. The creature had simply reached in and pulled the thoughts Dean knew to be true and repeated them aloud for Dean to hear. He knew the words already, he’d known them for years. He couldn’t think about them right now. 

His hand tightened against Cas’s arm and looked up at his brother. There were tears in his eyes, he knew that. He wished he had the energy to be embarrassed, but he didn’t. This was Sam, and this was Cas. He’d already ruined their lives, what more harm could be done by them seeing him cry? 

The thought brought a fresh stream of tears to his eyes. He was weak and he knew it. They would be better off if he let this damn thing suck out the last drops of his life. They could maybe rebuild their lives without him that way… Surely, it would be easier for them if they didn’t have to constantly babysit him? 

He’d pulled Sam out of Stanford. Sam, his baby brother, the man he’d practically raised himself. He’d done everything he could to make sure Sam was successful, make sure he could have the life he deserved away from all of this. And then the minute that dad had disappeared, he’d thrown it all away because he missed his baby brother. Sam could have been happy. Sam could have been successful. Instead, he was following his older brother around the country and facing certain death every single goddamn day. Sam had lost their mother before he’d even known her, lost the father he could have had before the fire, lost his chance for an education, lost the potential career that he’d wanted his whole life, lost the woman he loved. Sam had lost everything, and ultimately, it was Dean’s fault. 

He remembered then the conversation that Sam and Cas had had months ago about Cas wanting to be a vegetarian because he didn’t want to cause other beings pain. Cas hadn’t wanted to tell Dean because Dean would make fun of him. He’d damaged Cas so much already. Cas had disobeyed Heaven, had fallen and lost his grace, been beaten senseless time and time again, was mortal now, and it was Dean’s fault. And Dean continued to make Cas embarrassed, continued to mock him even after all of that. There weren’t enough words in the Universe to apologize to Cas the way he deserved. Even if Dean were good with words, and he really, really wasn’t. 

Dean really was the worst thing to happen to someone. He was a poison that infected the minds and the lives of the people around him. How many had died because of something he’d done? How many good people had lost their lives because of him? The faces of the people he loved that had died over the course of his life floated behind his eyes and he felt his lips tremble. 

He felt Cas’s nose brush the shell of his ear and he felt a fresh stream of tears gather in his eyes. He focused on the feeling of Cas’s warmth against his back. Cas was whispering against his ear, he couldn’t make out the words, but feeling of Cas’s warm breath against his skin felt good. It felt right. Sam had a hand in Dean’s hair, cradling the side of Dean’s head in one of his giant paws. Dean focused on the feeling of his brother’s strength next go him. They were here for him, they’d come to find him. 

He realized then that he was afraid. Truly, and viscerally afraid. All of the Apocalypses, all of the fights, even waiting on that Hellhound to take him, none of them compared to the terror that gripped his heart now. He had been ready then. All of those time, he’d been ready to go, happy to lay down his life for the greater good. It felt different now. He… He didn’t want to die now… It was selfish of him, but he wasn’t ready yet.

He imagined Cas the way he looked in his dreams. Tired eyes and a happy smile. He saw Sam lounging in the living room of the Bunker with a beer in hand and watching Star Trek. Smile on his face and teasing his older brother. Cas eating a veggie burger, his cheeks bulging like a chipmunk. Sam with a soft smile on his face while he texted the psychic in Louisiana. All the happy memories he’d had over the last few months crowded against one another in his brain until he couldn’t make sense of them any longer. 

Maybe… Maybe, if he stayed, he could try and make things better. He could try harder, do more. They deserved more. They deserved more than Dean giving up. Dean had given up too easily on almost everything in his life. He always gave up. He… he needed to fight for them. He needed to fight for himself. He could cook Cas more vegetarian meals. He could encourage Sam to visit Nnenna. He could get Cas a pet. Hell, he could get Sam out of this life. He couldn’t make Cas an angel again, but he could make his human life better. He could apologize. He could be better. Sam and Cas deserved better. He deserved better.

He felt a steely resolve settle in his chest. It would be hard, and it would take a long time, but he could do this. He just had to try. He had to do this, he couldn’t let that smug bastard nightmare creature win. It was only telling Dean things he’d already thought about himself. If a creature that stole his friends face and spat hatred at him told him things that came from the deepest parts of his own heart, well… it couldn’t be true, could it? 

He deserved better. 

Sam and Cas were trying to talk to him. Ask him what happened, how he was, where he’d been. He ignored them though and felt a fierce anger settle in his chest. He was going to beat this bastard. He was going to gank it and send it back where it came from and he was going to put his life back together. He frowned and felt the fire in his veins that indicated his resolve to DO something. He hadn’t felt this powerful in a long time. He was weak right now, physically. But, he’d gotten his willpower back and that creature should be afraid now. Dean Winchester was back, and he wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

It took him a moment to find his voice and it was soft as he spoke but it held a steel that he was proud of when he finally got the words out. “Let’s go to Louisiana.”

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was kinda dark I know, but Dean is coming out the other side of it, finally. 
> 
> As far as the river goes, it's a fairly common theme in folktales that evil spirits cannot cross moving water. Water is a metaphor for life and so it would make sense that they couldn't move across it is typically their antithesis. This is also where the idea of painting doors and porch ceilings blue came from since the blue resembled water and was thought to keep ghosts and evil spirits at bay. Stories differ on exactly what kind of spirits the water will hold off, but that's the nature of folk tales I suppose. Now, where did the river come from...? 
> 
> We're headed back to Louisiana next, lemme know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short interlude from Cas's POV

Cas had felt a cold shiver run down his spine when he’d heard Dean say “Let’s go to Louisiana.” On the one hand, he was hopeful that the psychic, Nnenna, might have some answers for them. But on the other… Dean was a proud creature, Cas had observed that on more than one occasion. For Dean to reach the point where he was willing to… admit defeat and to ask for help. He must have been worse off than Cas had realized. Cas had meant it when he’d told Dean he was afraid. He had been, for a long time. But, this felt different. It was like watching a pillar of strength slowly deteriorate before your eyes. Like watching tempered steel become brittle and shatter under your hand. 

Cas had spent years studying Dean, emulating him, and to have your rock, your very foundation from which you’d helped to build your own self image, just… crumble before your eyes. It was horrifying. Hearing Dean say, “Let’s go to Louisiana” was the most frightening thing he’d seen yet. It was scarier than seeing Dean stumbling around the woods and screaming at the top of his lungs, more frightening than realizing Dean had been missing for hours and not being able to find him. Worse than realizing they’d ended up in Purgatory and every creature there would be hunting him and Dean by extension. Cas had felt a twisting in his gut when Dean had spoken. It was like watching a superhero being defeated by his arch nemesis. 

Cas had set his jaw and told himself he wasn’t going to cry while he had Dean spooned against his chest out in those damn woods. Dean was his compass, his ability to tell right from wrong. The guiding light on his journey into mortality. Dean was his strength. He was the hand that crushed enemies and led the charge into battle. Dean was the heart of their family. He nurtured and cared for the people around him. Dean was his hero! He was brave, and selfless, and good. Dean was… Dean was everything. Dean was HIS everything.

Cas had run his nose against the shell of Dean’s ear and whispered words of comfort to him that he knew Dean wasn’t hearing. Dean had asked for help, he needed help. Hell, he’d probably needed help for a long time, but to hear him ask for it, (though ask was a generous term) it was chilling. 

So, Cas set his jaw, told himself he wouldn’t cry, and made a promise that he didn’t voice. He promised it to himself, and to Dean, and even to Sam. He would be the compass, he would be the light, he would be the strength, he would crush the enemies, be the heart, nurture and care for the family, he would be brave and selfless and good. But most of all, he’d be a hero. He would be Dean’s hero. Because Dean deserved a champion and Cas would never stop fighting for him.

He sealed his promise by pressing his lips lightly to the area just behind Dean’s ear. It was gentle enough that he hoped Dean wouldn’t notice. With his lips against Dean’s skin, he closed his eyes and repeated his promise in Enochian, in Latin, in Hebrew, in Aramaic, in every language that he’d ever known, so there would never be any doubt of his intentions.

_I will be his hero._

_I will be his hero._

_I will be his hero._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this ultra short chapter. I'm working on the next one and decided I wanted some Cas feels during all of this. Hoping to have the next full chapter up next Saturday!


	15. Chapter 15

The care ride to Louisiana was quiet. Dean had insisted on driving, stating that if he was going to die then he wanted to get in one last good ride with Baby. Sam had given him a disgustingly sympathetic look, which Dean had sneered at. And the usually stoic Cas… He’d given Dean an odd look that Dean couldn’t decipher but which caused a squirming in his belly. Ultimately, they’d let him drive and barely put up a fight about it. Though Sam had cautioned that at the first sign of a visit from Dean’s “guest” as he had taken to calling it, Sam would be commandeering the wheel. Dean had agreed to those terms, though grudgingly. Sam and Cas had stepped aside while they were packing their gear and had a quickly whispered conversation that Dean couldn’t hear before breaking apart and loading the car. Dean had frowned at them but didn’t think it was worth it to start a fight right now. 

Sam had ended up in the backseat with headphones in and a slew of books spread across the seat around him. Cas had slid into the passenger’s seat and had given Dean a small smile once he’d gotten settled. This was a little different but Dean couldn’t say that he was upset with the arrangement. Though, it was nice to be able to look into the rear view mirror and see Cas’s bedhead looking back at him. Catching glimpses of the former angel might be a little more difficult with him sitting across the seat. He’d have to be a little more sneaky than usual.

The hours droned on as the Impala’s tires tore across the highway. It was relaxing in a way. He tried to focus on the trees as they whipped past and the soft sounds of the electric guitar as it played from the speakers. Occasionally, he felt the creeping sensation on the back of his neck that meant that he was being watched. This wasn’t the “Danger, Will Robinson” type of sensation though, so he wasn’t too worried. He knew it was Cas. He could feel the man’s gaze as it rested heavy on his form. 

Over the years, Dean would say that he’d gotten to know Cas pretty well. Or, as well as you could know a multi-dimensional cosmic wavelength of celestial energy or whatever Cas had been before. They’d had their fights, they’d had their betrayals, Dean had been an asshole like 99% of the time. But, Cas was still here. The man was loyal to a fault and his presence here simply proved that. Cas deserved better. Dean made a silent promise to himself just as they passed the “Duck Creek Casino” in Oklahoma. _I’m going to be better for him. I’m going to be better to him._ He turned his head slightly to the side to try and get a covert glance at the other man.

Cas’s head was facing towards the window and Dean smiled at the mess of hair he could see. _I know you ain’t got your ears on anymore, Cas. But, I want you to know… I’m going to be better to you. I’m going to be the friend… I’m going to be the man that you deserve. The one you’ve deserved this whole time._ He paused here and took a last wistful look at the other man before turning his attention back to the highway. _I just hope I’m not too late…_

xxx

The rest of the drive through Oklahoma was uneventful. Dean felt Cas’s eyes on him more than once but every time he turned to look over at him the other man was pointedly looking in another direction. Maybe he’d been imagining it? 

About halfway through the small corner of Texas that they were cutting through Dean felt a tingling on the back of his neck. And not the, the hot guy to my right is checking me out, kind of tingle. He felt himself tense but kept his eyes firmly on the road. This was going to be bad, but maybe he could cut it off before he got them all killed.

“Sam…” He said cautiously.

Silence answered him and he cursed internally. Sam had those headphones in and was probably listening to some podcast on the War of 1812 or something equally as shitty. Damn, he had about 30 seconds to get a handle on this before he wouldn’t be able to do anything but be along for the ride and more than likely drive the car into oncoming traffic.

“Cas. Cas, I’m pulling over. If I don’t get there before… well, you’ll know. Just grab the wheel and make sure I don’t kill us.” Dean said tensely as he pressed on the brakes and tried his best to slow the car as quickly as possible. It was hard to get a car going 80 mph on the highway to slow considerably in a few seconds though and he wasn’t quick enough.

He felt himself stiffen and realized in a panic that he couldn’t move his arms. His foot was still pressing on the brake, so that was a small miracle. The sound of the Impala’s tires against the asphalt beat louder in his ears and he felt a cold sweat break against his forehead. Were they moving faster? Impossible, he had been easing the car to a slow stop. They couldn’t have… but…

The scenery around him whipped by faster and faster until he couldn’t distinguish individual shapes any more, just blurs of color and impressions of movement. Fuck! He was going to be sick, how were they going so fast? Did he accidentally get his foot on the gas? He was going to wreck the car! He was going to get them into some kind of horrific accident and they’d be another highway death statistic. Fuck! He couldn’t do this, they were so close, they’d been so fucking close! 

A cold voice whispered next to his ear. It reminded him of Alistair’s relaxed nasally voice and he felt his stomach do an uncomfortable flip in his gut. He could feel the words as if they were spoken almost into his skin. The feel of it left his skin feeling slimy, like something was oozing onto him. He shuddered involuntarily and tried to shuffle away from it but he was held firm. 

“You know this is pointless…” The voice whispered sweetly to him. “I know you, I know your heart, your soul. I know every sad little lie you’ve held close to your chest and every wish you’ve never let leave those beautiful lips. You can’t get rid of me Dean, I am you…” The sensation of cold lips smiling against his skin made his stomach tumble in revulsion.

“Dean…” The voice whispered near his ear. He could feel it’s sticky sweet breath working its way into him, into his pores.

“Deeeeaaaannnn…” Dean felt tears streaming down his face.

“Dean!” Dean’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Cas’s voice shouting against his ear. 

He turned frightened and fearful eyes wildly to his right and they settled uneasily on the concerned face of the former angel. Dean was shaking and he knew the hairs on the back of his neck and his arms were raised. A cold sweat had formed on his forehead and under his arms. He blinked tears out of his eyes and tried to ground himself with the feel of Cas’s hand on his shoulder and his blue eyes staring back at him.

Cas threw the car into park and Dean allowed himelf to ease his foot off of the brake. They were parked at a strange angle on the gravel shoulder of the highway. The ass end of the Impala was hanging out onto the road but at least they were stopped. At least they hadn’t been hit, or flipped, any of the other horrible things that were just as likely to have happened. 

Dean closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. “Are-are you guys ok?” He asked in a shaky voice.

Cas nodded mutely to him and looked towards the back seat where Sam was leaned forward. 

“We’re fine, Dean. Are YOU ok?” Sam asked in concern.

Dean nodded slowly and closed his eyes again. He leaned his head against the back of the car seat and focused on the warmth of the men in the car with him. He felt cold, cold through into his bones. His bones felt like they were rattling around inside of his skin and he clamped his jaw shut before his teeth could start chattering. _What the fuck…_

Insisting on driving had been a shit decision. He’d been hopeful… No, he’d been an idiot and he’d played fast and loose with Sam and Cas’s lives. Jesus, why was he so selfish? What had happened last time he’d had one of these fits while driving? He’d almost driven them into a semi. He’d just promised that he’d be better for Cas and here he was, pulling the same type of bullshit that had gotten him and Cas in trouble in the first place.

He reached up blindly and patted at the side of Sam’s head. “I’m good, baby bro. I actually caught that one before… well, before.”

Sam reached up and patted Dean’s hand where it against his face. “Good to hear.”

There was silence in the car for a few minutes before Sam patted Dean again on the hand on his face. “Come on, Haley Joel Osment. You’ve lost driving privileges.” 

Dean nodded once and turned off the car. “Give me a minute. I think I need to ralph.”

Dean sat still for another few seconds before the urge to vomit hit him like a wrecking ball and he lurched out of the car and over to the side of the road. He was lucky there weren’t any other cars on the road because he hadn’t looked before getting out of the vehicle. He fell to his knees once he’d cleared the other side of the car onto the gravel and emptied the contents of his stomach quickly. There wasn’t much of anything in there to begin with so it was mostly bile and a lot of dry heaving. 

He spit a couple of times to try and clear his mouth of the taste of puke. He’d rather have blood in his mouth any day. He took a few large breaths in an attempt to settle his stomach. At least he wasn’t shivering any longer. He heard the door behind him open and shut before he was able to sit back on his haunches and look upwards. 

He heard the crunch of feet on gravel and felt a warm presence beside him. He didn’t have to look to know it was Cas. There was something about the air around Cas, the polarity of the molecules or something, but it always felt different when he was around. Dean could recognize him without seeing him. Cas stood next to him and silently offered him a bottle of water. It was the one that Cas himself had been sipping on for the last hour and Dean took it with a shaking hand. Cas continued to stand next to him and waited patiently for Dean to compose himself. 

Dean uncapped the bottle and took a few small sips to try ease the scratchy feeling in his throat. He managed a larger swallow to swish around inside his mouth to try to clean out the taste of bile. He shifted minutely on his knees and feet and titled his head to the side where it bumped against Cas’s thigh. Dean inhaled quietly and closed his eyes. He focused on the feeling of the gentle ripple of the muscles in Cas’s leg and pictured the face the man was making at him. It was would be all soft lines and gentle curves, concern pinching the brow and a downturned mouth. Maybe he was looking downwards at Dean? He’d look like an angel of mercy. 

He felt a hand slowly work it’s way into his hair and imagined they must looks a sight to an outside viewer. Cas in an oversized sweater and ripped cargo pants holding a gentle hand into the hair of a post-vomit flannel wearing grown man. He knew the circles under his eyes looked like bruises, he’d lost weight he hadn’t needed to lose, and his skin had gotten sallow in the last few months. But, Cas was here, helping to hold him up and they were on their way to someone who could help. Hopefully. 

“I’ve got you, Dean.” Cas said softly.

The sound of it was like a benediction to Dean’s frayed nerves. _I’ve got you, Dean. That’s probably the best thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve got you, Dean._ He smiled to himself and curled a hand around the back of Cas’s thigh and squeezed it gently in acknowledgement. 

He knew that Sam was probably watching all of this and probably judging him. Or if not judging, then definitely raising an eyebrow in question. It didn’t matter right now though, nothing really mattered right now. The only thing in Dean’s universe at the moment was the feeling of a strong hand on his head and a thick thigh under his hand. 

Dean finally nodded against Cas’s leg. “I know you do. Thanks, buddy.” He gave Cas’s thigh a few soft pats to the back of the leg. “Let’s go.”

xxx

The pulled up outside of Nnenna’s house a little after six in the evening. The sun hadn’t set yet and it cast a warm glow around the hanging trees and gnarled roots of the surrounding wilderness. Dean thought it looked hopeful and then chastised himself for it. Nnenna was waiting on the porch for them when they pulled up. Whether Sam had called to let her know to expect them or if she’d just used her psychic powers to know they were here, Dean didn’t know. He was just grateful that they’d finally made it. He’d taken the back seat after his little episode so that he could make an attempt to lay down. All it had done however, was allow him time to focus on the fact that this may not work and that this trip might be for nothing. That last leg of the journey felt like an eternity, sitting in the back seat of his car and listening to the sounds of the tires beating against the highway.

Sam hopped out of the car almost as soon as they’d parked and trotted quickly over to the psychic. She smiled warmly at him and he enveloped her much smaller form in his own larger one in a tight hug. She gave him a soft peck on the cheek and looked into his eyes as he greeted her. Dean felt a pang of jealously even while he felt joy at his brother’s happiness. If Sam could find someone to be with, someone who understood the life… 

He glanced over at Cas and thought about the fact that he’d never been able… or, never allowed himself to kiss the man. Cas was oblivious to Dean’s inner turmoil and continued to unpack their bags from the back of the car. Dean smiled to himself at the look of concentration on the other man’s face. Cas looked like he was handling uranium intead of duffels. _After all of this… I’m going to kiss him like Cary Grant._

Sam and Nnenna trotted back to the car along with Nnenna’s dog, Reg. She hugged Cas, who looked mildly uncomfortable with the surprise contact but returned it after a moment. She had on leggings and a soft periwinkle shirt with loose sleeves. Dean had a flashback to Cas painting his nails a similar color and he mentally rolled his eyes. He still couldn’t believe that had even happened. Maybe it had all been a fever dream following one of his nightmarish hell episodes. 

Nnenna leaned towards Cas’s ear and whispered something to him before pulling back sadly and placing a hand on the side of his face. Cas looked surprised but nodded a couple of times and gave her a small, tight smile. Sam gave her a strange look but kept his peace about it.

Nnenna then stepped up to Dean and opened her arms to hug him. He leaned into her embrace and felt her stiffen slightly. He went to pull away but she tightened her arms around him and held him close. She finally stepped back slightly and placed a gentle hand on his chest and frowned. She contemplated him for a moment before giving him a sympathetic smile. “Sug’… I’m so sorry. If I had realized what was happening...” She looked down at the ground to collect her thoughts. “I wouldn’t have let choo go. I take responsibility for dis.” She leaned up and gave Dean a kiss on the cheek. 

When she pulled away she wiped at some moisture that had collected around the corner of her eyes. _Are those for me? Is this a bad sign…?_ “Come on, boys.” She said a little louder and waved them towards the house. 

Dean felt a weight settle in his chest and a feeling he couldn’t quite place stole over him. He wasn’t sure what to make of Nnenna’s comment or her attitude. He felt hopeful that she knew what was wrong but at the same time… the tears were concerning. VERY concerning. Maybe, she couldn’t help and she just wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. Maybe they’d driven down here for nothing. Jesus, what is this slip of a woman was going to have to tell Sam that Dean wasn’t going to make it? _Could she handle that? Could she tell Sam? Hopefully, she could help lift him up after… but what about Cas? I don’t wanna lea-_

“Ouch!” Dean yelped and jerked his leg upwards quickly. “What in the fuck!” 

Reg was sitting placidly at his feet and settled a steady gaze on Dean’s face. Dean curled his lip at the fat terrier and flipped him off angrily. _That fat motherfucker just bit me! I can’t even believe this shit._ Reg didn’t seem too concerned about the bird being flipped to him and instead just opened his mouth to pant happily and started wagging his tail. Dean sneered at the bull terrier and hoisted his bag up higher on his shoulder. “Whatever, just steer clear there, Broccoli.”

Dean turned angrily and followed everyone else as they made their way inside. 

xxx

They all settled into their rooms as they had before, and Cas placed his bags inside Dean’s room for the time being. Dean had a feeling that Sam would relocate to Nnenna’s room after dinner so Cas would probably not need to sleep on the couch this time. They took turns in the bathroom to get cleaned up before wandering their way into the dining room. Nnenna was apparently putting the finishing touches on a large skillet of shrimp and sausage and the smell of the spices permeated the air through the house in a comforting way. Dean felt himself salivating even though he hadn’t been hungry in days. That had to be a good sign, right? 

Dean joined Sam at the table and rested his head in his hands while they waited on Cas to get out of the bathroom and for Nnenna to finish cooking. He took a minute to study his brother’s profile. Sam had been putting up a strong front for the last few weeks but Dean could see the strain of it wearing on him. Sam was the strongest person he’d ever met, stronger than him, stronger than Dad, stronger than damn Lucifer himelf… He was remarkable. Dean had a momentof regret for going to collect his brother from Stanford all those years ago. Had he made the right decision? Sam had been through so much because of him. He was still going through things for Dean. It wasn’t fair. He deserved better.

Dean felt an anger grow inside of him at the injustice of the world. None of the shit in their lives was fucking fair. They didn’t deserve to be shit on by Heaven, Hell and everything in between, but here they were. _Bullshit_

“Sam, come get your brotha a beer. Poor soul needs one worse dan any I’ve seen.” Nnenna called from under the kitchen cabinets and into the dining room. 

Sam rose quickly and stepped into the dining room. Dean heard the fridge open and close and waited patiently. He could see under the cabinets into the kitchen and watched Sam’s chest as it made it’s way to Nnenna where she stood at the stove. They stood close for a moment _Probably kissing… ugh_ before Sam stepped away and made his way back into the dining room. He set a cold bottle on the table in front of Dean before placing a third down for Cas and opening one for himself. 

Dean and Sam sat in silence with only the sounds of cooking filling the air around them. For his part, Dean wasn’t sure what to say and Sam seemed to be at a loss as well. Where did they go from here? Would they have to describe everything to Nnenna? What was she even going to say? Maybe this was a bad idea. Dean could have died comfortably in the Bunker and not down here in the literal Hell on Earth that was Louisiana. 

Dean felt a rough nudge against his ankle and was startled from his thoughts. He looked under the table and saw Reg’s wide-eyed face looking back at him. “Buddy, I’m not gonna warn you again.” He whispered heatedly and pointed a finger in th dog’s face.

Reg again seemed unperturbed and simply licked Dean’s finger before panting happily. Dean made a face at him before righting himself in his seat and taking a long pull from his beer. It was another few minutes before Cas walked into the room, looking tired but determined. 

“Hey, sunshine. Beer.” Dean pointed to the beer across from him and Cas sat down gratefully. 

Cas opened his beer when Nnenna walked back in with a large plate of rice and another with shrimp and sausage on it. “Soup’s on!” She said cheerfully and placed the dishes down in the center of the table. She snatched plates and silverware quickly and set them down on the table as well. “Dig in, zanmi m!” 

They were quiet as they served themselves and tucked into their food. Dean hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the food was in front of him and the heat from it was wafting up and into his nose. They wre finally slowing down as they made it about halfway through their plates when Sam cleared his throat. Dean felt himself tense and cast a quick eye over at his brother. Couldn’t he at least finish his food first?

Apparently he couldn’t.

“So, Nnenna… about Dean.” Sam started quietly.

Nnenna cleared her throat uncomfortably and put another forkful of food into her mouth. She chewed slowly in order to give herself some time to think. _Well, this is encouraging._ Dean thought bitterly. She put her fork down with a clatter and folded her hands together in front of her. She was silent for a moment and looked pensively at Dean. 

“Yes… I can sense dat someting is wrong.” She said quietly and looked almost regretful about it. “But, I don’t know what it is…” 

Sam leaned forward towards her eagerly. “Dean can explain to you what all happened, better than me. Our research hasn’t been super conclusive,” he shot his eyes towards Dean quickly but turned back to Nnenna, “but I’m sure we can find something down here. He was fine before the werewolf. There are clues down here.”

_Damn, he sounds so sure._ Dean felt a moment of sad pride in his brother. _He’s tenacious, that’s for sure._

Nnenna nodded to him in consideration. “I agree wit you.” She turned back to Dean and looked at him thoughtfully. “Sam’s been keepin’ me updated on what’s been goin’ on. Would you mind explainin’ some of da more… visceral episodes?”

Dean inhaled deeply and bit his lips. He nodded once with his eyes closed and took a moment to collect himself. He didn’t want to rehash all of this again. He really, really didn’t. But, he’d already agreed to come down here, he might as well go balls out and explain everything. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all. 

So, Dean took a deep breath and started as best he could. He started slow and haltingly but built speed as he gained more confidence. He wished it felt good to talk about this, but it didn’t. But, it was easier if he did it quickly. He detailed what happened the first time he became aware that something was wrong. He explained how it had felt, how it had started and what eventually broke him out of it. He lsited every instance of sleep paralysis, every waking nightmare, every time when he felt like he was being watched, or when the room felt like another person was in it. He gave her every detail he could think of, some that may not have even been relevant. Hell, even Sam and Cas didn’t know everything, so they listened closely too. Ocassionally, Nnenna would ask him a follow-up question or for more clarification about something, but for the most part she let him go. She listened with an open face and Dean found it easier to look at her than at Sam or Cas. Looking at Sam made him feel guilty and looking at Cas made his heart ache. He couldn’t deal with either right now on top of everything he was saying.

After a few hours, Dean felt completely wrung out and empty inside. He’d bared everything he’d been keeping quiet for the last few months and he felt embarassed and angry at himself. Logically, he knew it wasn’t his fault, but he was still upset. He felt violated and wronged and dirty. And he couldn’t take the looks of sympathy on his family’s faces. It just made him feel like he needed to vomit. It almost felt better when he’d kept all of it to himself. That way, they didn’t know just how… broken he was. Jesus, he felt ashamed.

After he was done talking, everything was quiet for a while. No one seemed sure how to proceed from there. They were all processing what he’d said, and likely trying to keep the looks of pity to themselves. Cas looked on the verge of tears and it cracked a hole in his heart that felt like it might never heal. Dean wished he felt better after telling everyone what had happened, but he didn’t. He wished there was some catharsis in coming clean, but he only felt sick. He felt like his family knew that he was tainted and ruined. This was a mess.

“Tank you, Dean.” Nnenna reached over and clasped Dean’s white-knuckled hands in her small soft ones. Sam put a large hand on his shoulder and Cas rested a hand against the back of his head. He even felt that damn dog rest his big stupid head on the top of one of his boots. He felt a little embarassed but… this felt kinda nice. Knowing that these people and dog were here for him. They were all here supporting him, willing to help him, willing to even listen to him. He felt sick and dirty but they were still willing to touch him, willing to sit near him. Maybe he wasn’t poison, maybe he wasn’t bad… 

He was safe here. He was safe here. He was safe here.

xxx

No one rushed him after that. They continued to give their silent support and Dean took his time relishing that. He kept repeating positive words to himself to try and prevent himself from falling into a hole. If he went in now, he may never be able to claw his way back out. He had to fight with himself every step of the way to keep himself from feeling like complete dog shit. He couldn’t fucking lose it right now. He needed to focus and get his ass back on fucking track. He rubbed a hand against his gritty eyes and realized that he’d started crying at some point. Shit.

“Dean…” Nnenna started.

He looked at her with red-rimmed eyes and a grim expression. 

“We’re goin’ to help you. I promise.” She gave him a reassuring smile and patted his hands a few times. She looked around at all them and frowned. “Alrigh’ we’re gonna finish dis dinner and we’re goin’ to sit in da living room and figure dis out.” She slapped a hand down on the table for emphasis.

Sam started to open his mouth to protest but Nnenna gave him a sharp look. “Don’t choo start wit me, Sam Winchester. You started dis before we finished our meal and we ain’t gonna do nobody any good if we’re too weak from hunger. Eat.”

She picked up her fork resolutely and tucked back into her plate. They all watched her eat in silence for a moments before Sam and Cas followed suit. Dean had to gulp against a dry and scratchy throat a few times before he picked listlessly at his food while the others finished. He managed a few small bites but his stomach felt like it was going to revoly any minute and he didn’t want to push his luck. Nnenna had a point but damned if his stomach didn’t feel like it had leaden bricks in it at the moment.

xxx

They finished dinner quickly and Nnenna exchanged all of their beers for new ones and shooed them into the living room. Reg, the bull terrier, followed them out of the dining room and was keeping a strangely close watch on Dean. Dean curled his lip at the dog but the animal simply wagged his tail a couple of times before settling at Dean’s feet.

“Why don’t you go sit with your mom, mutt?” He asked quietly.

Nnenna rounded the corner just as he finished speaking and she raised a neat eyebrow at him. Dean had the grace to look slightly embarassed at being caught bad-mouthing her familiar. 

“He knows something’s wrong.” Nnenna said and gestured towards Reg. “He’s keepin’ a close eye on you to try and protect you.” 

Dean looked down at the dog and felt a pang of guilt in his gut. He’d always been told that animals had a sixth sense about the paranormal but… damn. That must have been why this fat asshole had nipped him and bumped into him earlier. His “guest” was stirring up a lot of negative feelings in him and making him feel like this whole situation was worthless. Reg had interrupted that. Dean was an asshole.

He gave the dog a thin-lipped smile and nodded to it once. “Truce.” He said and then immediately felt like an idiot for talking to a dog.

Nnenna though, gave him an approving nod before sitting down in a recliner opposite the group. “No sense in beatin’ round da bush, tell me what you’ve ruled out.”

Sam tapped a finger against his leg in agitation before he dutifully recited the list of possible causes they had ruled out. The list that included Mares, Bakus and Freddy Krueger’s. Nnenna listened thoughtfully and ran a finger over her bottom lip while she thought.

After Sam had finished she seemed to think for a moment before pointing a thoughful finger at Sam. “Maybe a Letiche?”

“I’m not familiar with that.” Sam said, a note of excitement in his voice.

Nnenna thought for a moment and tilted her head from side to side as if considering. “Dey’re local more dan anything. Mischevious, hang out in the bayous and come after folks travelin’ down here. Though… If Dean is seeing a vision of a man, it seems unlikely. Dey usualy hang around more towards the Gulf anyway and look like children.”

She considered for another few seconds before she seemed struck with an idea. “Buruburu? Though they ain’t from around here…”

Dean frowned at that and looked at her in confusion. “Isn’t that the sex thing?”

Everyone turned to him with odd looks on their faces before Sam’s expression flattened and he rolled his eyes. “That’s bukkake, Dean! The hell is wrong with you?”

“Well I didn’t know!” Dean tried to defend himself.

“Yes, you do. Buruburu, Luther Garland, ghost sickness, ringing any bells?” 

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah, ok, that might be a little familiar. Dude, I’m like days away from having my soul sucked out Bubba Hotep style, cut me some slack.”

Sam rolled his eyes again and gave Nnenna an apologetic face. “Not a buruburu, we’ve run into one before.”

Nnenna nodded in understanding. “We should probably go back to dat twice cursed swamp and try to retrace your steps. My guess is you picked up a traveler down dere and didn’t realize it.”

The boys all nodded in agreement and Nnenna sat back and took a slow pull from her beer. “It’s too late to be wandering around in da swamp right now. But, we can all go in the mornin.”

They sat in thoughtful silence for a moment before Nnenna looked at Dean sympathetically. “Sounds like you picked up a haint.” 

Dean and Sam looked at her in surprise but beside Dean, Cas was nodding in agreement. Dean frowned at his friend and turned a confused expression to Nnenna. “What the hell is a haint?”

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry this took so long. Life gets in the way, ya know? Anyway, we're almost done here. Dean is really feeling the depression and is even expressing some side effects of molestation, though to a very, very, very low extent.
> 
> Let me know!


	16. Chapter 16

Nnenna glanced at Cas and gave him a half-smile. “Looks like your angel knows. Maybe choo should talk to him more? He’s got knowledge on a whole host of subjects dat choo all never heard wind of.” She winked at Cas and gave the other two a stern look.

Dean felt his face flush with heat and noticed his brother duck his head in embarrassment beside him. Nnenna tapped her mostly empty beer bottle against her temple and studied the brothers thoughtfully. She seemed satisfied after a few moments and nodded a couple times.

“A haint, gentleman, is a real nasty sonovabitch. Ghosts to da layperson. They’re restless spirits, sometimes vengeful ones. Dey got a lot more juice dan a regular ghost though, move things without you noticin’, ‘cause nightmares, dey infect da mind, influence livin’ folks.” She paused here and ran her tongue over the front of her teeth. “It’s more an umbrella term than a real classification. Haint’s can be most things that ain’t of dis world and that ‘cause people trouble. Hell, da same could be said of dem gremlins up north.”

She shrugged and took another sip from her beer. “Don’t take it too much to heart. I just meant you got a creep on you.”

Dean felt the hope in his chest fizzle out like a candle in a heavy wind. He’d thought she’d been on to something! But no, it was just some stupid Southern slang shit. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back heavily against the couch.

“Sorry, sug’.” Nnenna looked at him sympathetically. “I should have tought that one through.”

Dean chose not to respond, he simply sunk further into the couch. He was as good as dead, Jesus. 

Sam cleared his throat next to him and looked over to Cas. “Where’d you hear about this?” He asked politely. Sam always was the peacemaker…

Cas chewed on his lower lip for a moment and cast nervous eyes at Dean briefly. “Purgatory actually… It was something Benny mentioned. They are why I painted the door blue.”

Nnenna turned warm eyes onto the dark haired man. “A superstitious angel? You’re more human than you give yourself credit for, Castiel.” She chuckled at the look of surprise on Cas’s face and leaned forward to pat his knee kindly. 

“I’m headed to bed, boys. Feel free to make yourselves at home. My daddy will be makin’ his way through at some point, don’t let him give you a hard time. He’s a grouchy old bastard but he’s a good man. More bark than bite.” She grinned at Dean. “Not like ol’ Reg.”

Sam yawned loudly and a little dramatically if Dean was being honest. “I’m beat too, I’m gonna hit the hay. Why don’t we plan for bright and early? Tires on the road around 7:30 am?”

Dean and Cas nodded silently. Cas was eager to get going and Dean didn’t figure he’d get much sleep anyway. 

“Reg,” Nnenna said softly. The dog’s ears perked towards his mistress though his eyes didn’t open. She knelt on the floor and rubbed a gentle hand over the dog’s soft head. “Watch out for him.” She whispered. The dog licked her hand briefly before settling back onto the floor. 

Nnenna smiled at him and then at the two men still on the couch. “There should be an open room. No need to sleep on the couch, Castiel.” She grinned at Sam as she grabbed his hand and disappeared with him down the hallway that held the bedrooms. 

Dean pursed his lips in distaste at their retreating backs. “If I have to hear those two going at it tonight, I may as well be dead. I’d rather have this haint bastard kill me than listen to my little brother moan.” Dean shuddered violently.

Dean felt a warm hand on his wrist and he startled at the sensation. He hadn’t thought about the fact that he was now alone with Cas in a low-light setting in a garishly eccentric room. It was romantic in a “I may die any day” kind of way. 

“You aren’t going to die, Dean.” Cas’s eyes were stomy and his brow was pinched and furious looking. “I won’t allow it.”

Dean felt the corners of his mouth turn up. “Won’t allow it, huh? Well, this ghost parasite is gonna wish he’d never been born if you’re making those kinds of promises.” He put his hand on top of Cas’s where it rested on his wrist. 

This felt incredibly intimate and he was surprised that he didn’t feel embarrassed about it. Normally, he’d make a joke or brush Cas’s hands off of him. Normally, he’d be an asshole. He didn’t want to be now though. In fact, he didn’t want to be anything other than pinned under Cas’s intense stare. He cleared his throat quietly and felt a warmth spread across his cheeks. Cas’s eyes still held the fury and determination that he’d possessed when he’d been a full-blown angel and it caused a stirring of WANT in Dean’s gut. He took a moment to fully appreciate Cas’s features. The crease between his brow, the soft pink of his lips, the way his hair had started to curl over the top of one ear. 

He felt himself pulled in by Cas’s energy. He was like a satellite in Cas’s orbit, constantly circling around the man for years. Had the attraction been inevitable? Were they polar opposites of a battery, destined to gravitate together? Sometimes it felt that way but… no. They were Team Free Will. The operative word being free. He and Cas had the option to choose their own path, even when it HADN’T been an option they’d blazed a new trail. They’d both freely chosen to be here, independently of their own free will. They were family and they’d decided that for themselves. Cas was his, and he was undoubtedly, Cas’s. 

The expression on Cas’s face softened minutely while Dean watched and he marveled at the fact that the man’s face had become so expressive. Or maybe he was just an expert at reading him now. Either way, Dean felt himself shift infinitesimally closer to the other man. He had planned on taking an early night and at least pretending to sleep, but… But, all of a sudden staring at the ceiling in Nnenna’s spare room was the furthest thought from his mind.

His world narrowed to the man in front of him as if he had on blinders. His chest felt tight and a heat was slowly unfurling in his gut. The soft lamp light from across the room lit the side of Cas’s face and cast his suddenly heated expression in warm hues. The way the light danced around the edges of his hair made it look as if he had a softly glowing halo around his head. Dean smiled at that. _Maybe it is a halo… he’s still an angel even if he doesn’t have any powers. He’s still MY angel anyway._

Cas’s eyes lowered briefly to Dean’s smiling lips before he licked his own nervously. “Dean…” His voice sounded rougher and richer than it ever had and Dean let his own name wash over him like a summer breeze. Cas’s lips parted as if he was going to continue speaking but instead his breath hitched quietly as Dean placed a gentle hand on his knee.

“Mmm?” Dean hummed in question. He was used to this, the pre-game, the chase, he’d done this a million times before. He was a master at seduction and he had no doubt he could press all of Cas’s buttons, have him panting within minutes. And he so, so wanted too. 

He swiped his thumb slowly across the inside of Cas’s knee. The man still had shorts on and the feeling of Cas’s skin under his hands was electric. It was true that Dean was used to smooth skin and delicate bones under his hands, but something about the soft brush of hair and broad muscles of Cas’s body was exhilarating. Maybe because the stakes were higher here, more emotion was involved. Cas wasn’t a one time thing, hell, if they went through with this, Cas wouldn’t even be a two or three time thing. If they really did this… Dean knew in his heart that this would be a forever thing. An every day for the rest of their lives kind of thing.

“Dean…” Cas sighed.

Dean inched further forward until he could feel Cas’s breath on his face. “What, Cas?” He whispered. He thumb inched it’s way further into Cas’s shorts and he felt the muscles in the man’s legs dance and skip under his searching fingers. He’d never done this before, so why did it feel so natural? He wasn’t even nervous. He just felt… ready. Relief even. His body had wanted this long before his mind had even considered the possibility.

He hated himself for the fact that he’d waited so long. They could have been doing this for years! He squeezed a handful of Cas’s thigh and watched in delight as the other man’s eyes dilated. He was going to make his angel sing for him. God, he was so ready for this. The fact that they were in the living room of a semi-acquaintance with said acquaintance in the other room along with his brother with nothing keeping them from walking in at any moment was apparently not a concern for him. He only had eyes and thoughts for Cas at the moment. 

“Dean…” Cas whined and Dean felt a thrill run through his chest. Cas placed a gentle hand on top of Dean’s over his shorts. He cleared his throat to try to get his voice under control before looking over Dean’s shoulder. “Nnenna’s father is staring at us.” 

Dean was confused for all of a microsecond before he pulled his hand out of Cas’s pants and threw himself across the couch like he’d been burned by a hot poker. His mind was racing, and not in the fun way that it just had been. Holy shit, he’d been about to wrap a hand around Cas’s cock on this guy’s freakin’ couch! Dean felt the color drain from his face. He was going to be murdered. This guy didn’t even know them! He would probably think they were some gay sex freaks who broke into people’s houses to get handjobs on their couches! They were in freakin’ Louisiana of all places, not the most homosexual friendly. Holy shit, he was going to be killed before the haint could even get to him!

Nnenna’s father had apparently just stepped into the room because he had on a long coat that he was in the process of removing. He raised his eyebrows in a patently paternal manner that reminded Dean of Bobby. He pinned them with a severe stare before slowly turning towards the front door and finishing pulling off his coat. He hung it slowly inside the entryway closet and took a deep breath before coming back into the living room.

Dean had yet to move. He had an arm held halfway up between Nnenna’s father and his body. He cast frightened eyes to Cas, who wasn’t looking concerned in the least. If it came down to it could he take this guy? He wasn’t huge but definitely wasn’t flabby. What would Nnenna do if Dean laid out her freakin’ dad? Probably use her psychic powers to melt his brain or something. Jesus, how did he get himself into these situations. He’d defend Cas if it came down to it, but he should definitely not try to fight a guy in his fifties in his own home. His muscles were tensed but unmoving. He felt like a statue, maybe it was like Jurassic Park rules and if he didn’t move the guy wouldn’t see him. Jesus, what had he gotten himself into? 

Nnenna’s father looked him up and down once then his eyes drifted to Cas and he gave him the same treatment. “You boys fixin’ to neck in ma livin’ room?” 

Dean’s eyes turned fearful and he made a move to stand to be respectful before he worried that it would come across as an attempt at intimidation. He ended up in a half seated position that was definitely not good for his back. He opened his mouth a few times to apologize but couldn’t seem to get the words out around his suddenly tight throat. He was good with people, he was charming! He could talk his way out of this!

But, the three of them continued to stare at one another in silence while Dean wracked his brain for a suitable way to start an apology. Beside him, Cas stood calmly and extended a steady hand.

Nnenna’s father studied him for a moment with a frown before reaching forward and clasping Cas’s hand in a tight grip. “I apologize for meeting you this way, sir. My name is Castiel.” He nodded towards Dean. “This is Dean Winchester. We’re acquaintances of your daughter.”

Nnenna’s father pursed his lips and cast his eyes over to Dean again. Dean stood hastily and stepped up behind Cas. He was definitely not using Cas as a shield, he was just being polite and waiting his turn. “Eugene.” The man finally said in a deep voice.

“Nnenna takin’ in stray gays now?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and a frown that promised retribution.

Dean felt himself blush. “No, sir. Well, maybe, sir. She’s… helping us, er… me. But I’m not… That is, I’m not, well I know this looks really… uh, really gay. But, I’m not! Or… well, maybe a little… but, just for… uh, him.” Dean stammered and gestured lamely at Cas. Dammit, he was supposed to be the charming Winchester!

The man continued to stare at Dean before nodding severely once. He gave Dean a hard stare. “I’d shake yer hand son, but since I know where is been, choo’ll forgive me if I don’.”

Dean’s blush brightened and he felt his shoulders stiffen. Oh, he was in trouble. He’d maybe just admitted to being gay for Cas to some random old guy in a living room in Louisiana. _Nice one, idiot!_ Eugene continued to look at him expectantly and Dean managed to sputter a weak, “Er, oh, um, course…” Before the corners of the older man’s eyes crinkled and a wide smile crossed his face. 

Eugene let out a loud guffaw, shaking his head and holding a hand over his chest. He continued for a minute before he was able to get himself under control enough to speak. His eye twinkled in delight as he said, “Ooh boy, you scare sometin’ awful. Look at choo. Nnenna said you tree were comin’ but she didn’ say notin’ ‘bout how fun choo’d be!” He continued laughing while exiting the living room and into the kitchen. 

Dean blinked a couple of times in confusion before turning shocked eyes towards Cas. The other man gave him a bemused smile and Dean blinked owlishly at him a few times. “What just happened?” He asked in a small voice.

Cas’s smile widened and he patted Dean on the shoulder. “I believe we’ve officially met the patriarch of Nnenna’s line. Eugene, meaning wellborn or good birth. He seems a kind man, I can see where Nnenna gets her humor and sharp-wit.”

“Tank you, Castiel. Nnenna’s da best ting I ever did in dis damn world.” Eugene said as he walked back into the room. Now that Dean wasn’t terrified out of his mind that the man was going to kill him, he noticed that he walked with a bit of a limp. 

Eugene noticed him looking and waved him off. “Old huntin’ injury. You’ll start feelin’ dem too when choo get to my age.” He walked passed them and eased himself down slowly into the recliner. He took a small sip from a can of… ginger ale? And sighed appreciatively.

Dean frowned at the drink in distaste. Jeez, how old was this guy?

“I’m not as old as you tink, Winchester. And watch yourself, I got weapons all over dis place.” Eugene gestured around the room and Dean felt himself blanch. _Is this fucking guy psychic too?!_ “Don’ tink I’ve forgotten ‘bout the gropin’ I just walked in on, either.” He pointed a stern finger at Dean before winking at him with a smile.

“Why don’ you boys go get some sleep. I ‘magine you’ve got a long day tomorrow.” He smiled at the two of them and took another sip of his ginger ale. “An choo look like choo could use an excuse to go feel embarrassed somewhere else, Winchester.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean mumbled before essentially turning tail and running towards the bedrooms. He heard Cas say, “Goodnight, Eugene” respectfully before he followed Dean at a more sedate pace.

“Choo too. Choo’re workin’ tonight.” He heard Eugene say before he heard the soft clink of Reg’s toenails against the wood floor. _Great, I forgot about my babysitter._

Dean paused in the hallway for a moment and leaned his head back against the wall. That had been an emotional whirlwind and he needed a minute to calm down. He placed a hand over his heart and pressed against the rapid rhythm in an attempt to slow it. _What the fuck just happened? First, I’m about to give Cas a handjob and next I’m terrified for my life from an old Cajun. God, I hate Louisiana._

Dean took a deep breath and when he opened his eyes, Cas was standing in front of him. He had felt him approach and gave the man a small smile. “Buster, huh?” He asked quietly.

Cas gave him a warm smile of his own. “So, it would seem. Dean, about before, I just wan-”.

Dean cut him off quickly. “Now isn’t the time, Cas. We should talk but… just not now.”

Cas looked at him sadly but nodded in agreement. “Of course, Dean. Later.”

Dean turned to head into the bedroom beside him but Cas stopped him. “Do you need… or, would you like me to stay with you tonight? I can watch over you.” Cas asked shyly. The man looked down at his feet almost as if he felt embarrassed. Hmmm…

Dean was tempted to take him up on his offer. They didn’t have to fool around, but it might be nice to have the other man in his arms. Or even, have himself in Cas’s arms. His brain was in emotional hyper overdrive right now though… He needed some time to think. He’d gone all in a little bit ago and maybe that was a little fast. He needed to do things right with Cas. They needed to talk about all of this first. And doing it right didn’t involve a ghost parasite trying to kill him. No, now wasn’t the time…

He looked at Cas sadly and the other man seemed take the hint. Dean hoped the sting of rejection wasn’t too strong for him. It wasn’t a rejection, not really. He only hoped that Cas understood. 

Cas ran a hand through Dean’s hair and let it settle against the back of his neck. “Sweet dreams, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.” Cas said quietly before stepping backwards and into the bedroom formerly used by Sam.

Dean watched the door close with a sinking feeling in his chest. He’d made the right call, his brain knew that, but his heart didn’t. “Fuck…” He said quietly.

Something warm nudged his calf and he looked down into the small eyes of Reg. Dog must really be intent on keeping an eye on him. He leaned down and ruffled the dog’s fur before straightening up. “Come on, buddy. Let’s get some shut eye.”

The dog followed Dean into the room with a wagging tail and Dean closed the door behind them softly. He hoped they’d be getting some shut eye. The dog would probably just be biting him all night in an attempt to dispel Dean’s bad thoughts and dreams. Yippee.

xxx

Dean tossed and turned for what felt like hours before he was able to finally drift into a light sleep. Nightmare images floated in and out of the edges of his consciousness but never formed fully. That was probably due in part to the low growling that interrupted his sleep from time to time. Damn dog. After what felt like the entire night, he finally dropped into a deeper sleep and he would be thankful for it in the morning. At least there were no shadow creatures or men with overly large eyes waiting for him in the darkness. Instead, Cas’s smiling face greeted him on the dance floor of his lounge.

He trotted towards him with a grin of his own and wrapped his arms around the man and swung him in a quick circle. Dream-Cas made a startled yelp when his feet left the floor but he was chuckling once Dean had completed the turn.

“You’re in a good mood, Dean.” He said happily.

“I’m always happy to see you, baby.” Dean said with a smile before placing a light peck on Cas’s cheek.

Cas had apparently not anticipated the pet name because his cheeks flushed a rather charming shade of red. Dean only laughed at him and gave him another cheek peck. Dean took Cas’s hand and swung him around once before falling into the gentle swaying steps they usually used here.

“I’m finally asleep! And I’m glad that you’re here and not that… thing.” Dean blushed himself a little before continuing. “And I uh… well, I’m still kind of excited from before.”

Cas raised his eyebrows in question. “From before what?”

Dean cleared his throat a little before leaning closer to Cas’s ear. “From before when I had my hand in your pants. I was millimeters from wrapping my hand around you and I’m VERY disappointed I didn’t get the chance.”

He felt Cas shudder beneath him and he smiled into the other man’s hair. Dean loved to dirty talk, and if he couldn’t test the waters with Cas in his dreams then where could he? He pulled back slightly and looked into Cas’s eyes with a small smile. Cas had a somewhat dazed expression on his face and Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss the look off of his face.

He even leaned forwards to brush his lips across Cas’s soft pink ones when the other man shied away from him slightly. He frowned. He tried once before but Cas evaded him again. Had his subconscious gone prude-y on him?

“What’s wrong, Cas?” He asked with a frown.

Cas cleared his throat before running a large hand between Dean’s shoulder blades. Dean leaned into the sensation but kept his eyes trained on Cas’s. Cas seemed hesitant to answer and Dean wasn’t sure what to make of that.

They were silent for a few moments before Cas seemed to come to a decision and opened his mouth to speak. Dean however, looked at him knowingly and answered for him. “This is because I thought earlier that we needed to talk about all this before jumping in, huh? Damn. Even my subconscious won’t let me make a move without DTR-ing with you.” He shrugged his shoulders in a “what can you do” sorta way. 

“Sorry, bud. Guess I’ve gotta have the talk out in the real world with your real counterpart.” Dean ran a hand through the Dream-Cas’s hair wistfully. “Shame, because I had been so ready to go before… Well, this is the right way. I’d just feel guilty if I had my way with dream you. Prolly couldn’t even look real you in the eye after.”

Cas didn’t answer for a time and simply allowed himself to be led across the floor. He did look pensive and Dean wondered about that but chalked it up to dream weirdness.

He glanced down and took note of Cas’s outfit, which was the same as it had been in the waking world. He had on a overly large sweater and those cargo shorts that Dean had had a hand in earlier. Now that Dean was really paying attention, Cas had worn a lot of large and worn out clothes recently. 

“Say Cas, what’s the deal with the clothes?” He asked in confusion.

Cas looked down at the clothes in question before back up at Dean’s eyes. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Well, there isn’t anything wrong with them, just… you’ve been wearing a lot of things that don’t fit. Like this sweater, it’s waaay to big for you. And old as hell to boot. We can go get you some new things if you’d like, things that fit. I just wondered why you’d been wearing all this shit instead?” Dean lifted a sleeve from Cas’s sweater to indicate what shit he meant.

Cas wrinkled his nose at him before running the bottom of his sweater sleeve between two fingers. “It’s soft…” He said quietly. “My skin is… well, before, when I was an angel. I didn’t notice the feeling of things, you’ll recall I wore the same outfit for years, simply because it didn’t matter. But now… I can FEEL things on my skin.” He frowned and thought for a moment before continuing. “Some of the new clothes you and Sam have bought for me are wonderful but they’re itchy, or rough on my skin. The old clothes, especially the ones that belonged to you or Sam, they’re soft and they feel good on me. Does that make sense?” He asked self-consciously.

Dean thought on that statement for a while. Of course it made sense. He knew that Cas had had trouble regulating his body temperature since he’d been down here, so it would follow that his skin would be hypersensitive to the things it came into contact with. Frankly, Dean felt like an idiot for not realizing it earlier. 

Cas was looking at him pensively and Dean smiled at him gently. “Yeah, buddy.” He said while running a thumb along the neckline of the sweater. “It makes sense. You look good in my clothes anyway. You’re welcome to wear whatever you want of mine.” The thought of Cas in Dean’s clothes put a large grin on his face. Particularly the thought of Cas in one of Dean’s flannels and ONLY the flannel. Yeah, that was fantastic and hopefully something he’d get to see one day.

Cas blushed but smiled. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Anytime, baby.”

They spent the rest of the night talking quietly and spinning slowly around the dance floor in the dream lounge. Dean hadn’t felt so relaxed in a while and he wished he could remain here for the rest of his life. Smiling and with the man he… with the man he loved.

xxx

Dean woke groggily to the sound of his alarm and after a couple of fumbled attempts managed to turn it off. He was lying on his stomach with a pillow wedged under one arm and his head hanging almost off of the mattress. Man, he’d slept DEEP last night, he felt incredible! He shifted and made to stretch when a warning chuff from behind him startled him. He realized now that there was a warm weight against the middle of his back and he craned his neck around sleepily.

Reg, _That damn dog._ was lying with his head and a paw across Dean’s back. He was a warm weight and it was comforting, though he’d never admit it. The dog opened an eye and looked at him in annoyance. 

Dean gave the dog a knowing look. “You and me both, pooch. Come on, I gotta get up. I might die today after all, and I got better places to be than in this bed with you.”

Reg gave him another growl and Dean rolled his eyes. “Have you met my buddy Cas? He’s not a morning person either.” Dean chuckled to himself before rolling out from underneath the dog’s weight. Reg huffed at him in irritation but stood himself and stretched lazily.

Dean looked upwards dramatically. “Lord, when I die, let me be reincarnated as a fat house dog.”

Reg ignored his dramatic pronouncement and instead hopped off the mattress and onto the floor. He scratched a couple of times at the closed bedroom door and looked back at Dean expectantly. 

“Gimme a minute, Broccoli.” He said over his shoulder. He tossed on a pair of sweats before opening the door quietly to let the dog out into the hall. He wanted to be quiet in case no one else was up yet. They all needed as much sleep as they could get right now. It was going to be a stressful day after all. They were hunting an unknown foe and they needed their reflexes and minds to be sharp.

He glanced up and down the hall, it looked like the rest of the doors were still closed and he didn’t hear any movement from the kitchen. Everyone else must still be asleep. Guess that meant he could grab a shower first, bingo!

He snatched a bar of soap and a towel from his duffel and padded silently down the hall to the bathroom. Just as he was closing the door he heard movement back towards the bedrooms. He paused at the crack of the door and listened, trying to decide who it was. Not that it really mattered he supposed, but he was curious all the same.

Two sets of doors opened and closed and some quiet foot shuffling drifted down to him before a voice called out quietly.

“Castiel, wait a momen’.” Nnenna’s delicate voice said quietly.

Dean frowned, guess that answered that question. He went to close the door again but was stopped when he heard Nnenna continue.

“Castiel… I know you’re tryin’ to help, sug’. But, you can’t do dis any longer.” She was whispering but Dean could hear her fine. Years of listening for snapping twigs and soft noises in the darkness had trained his ears to pick up most sounds.

Cas hadn’t responded and Dean pressed his ear against the gap in the door in an attempt to not miss anything.

“I’m fine, Nnenna.” Cas said in his early morning rasp.

“No, you aren’t. I can see it in your aura. It’s drainin’ you. The fact that you can do dis at all is exceptional but… Castiel, humans ain’t meant to be able to do this. It’s takin’ more from you dan you have to give.” Nnenna sounded worried and Dean frowned. _What was going on? What had Cas done?_

“I appreciate your concern, but I know my limits. And… I’ll do anything. You know that.” Cas replied, his voice still sleep rough but quieter than before.

“I know. All I’m sayin’ is be careful.” There was some shuffling as if someone walking away and Dean pulled back from the doorway in case anyone passed by him, he didn’t want to be caught eavesdropping. 

What had that been about? He closed the door quietly and locked it behind him. He turned to start the shower and watched his reflection in the mirror while he waited for the water to warm. He replayed the conversation he’d just heard over in his mind and couldn’t come up with any answers. Had Cas done something last night? Something dangerous enough that Nnenna had cautioned him?

What had he done though? The possibilities were endless... Demon deal, spell, praying to some winged asshole, seance, bloodletting, scrawling unknown sigils across the walls, working with a witch, bartering his soul or body to a denizen of the underworld, taking up smoking, doing drugs! It could be anything!

Ok, so some of those were more likely than others… But still, Dean didn’t like it when Cas kept secrets. Very rarely, if ever, did that lead to anything good. Cas didn’t have a stellar record with secret keeping and today wasn’t a good day for it to be coming to light.

Dean sighed. He’d probably have to ask him. Or better yet, mention it to Sam and have him ask. Sam was bound to be in a good mood, thanks to his night spent in the company of a hot psychic. God, she could read exactly what he wanted and then just do, no words involved… Shit, anyway, hopefully, it could wait a little while. Dean felt rested, finally, but his mental state still wasn’t in a good place. Hadn’t been in months, ugh. 

Dean looked at his reflection and turned his head side to side slowly. He’d lost too much weight, he looked like a husk of his former self. It disgusted him. He turned away from the mirror with a grimace and pulled the shower curtain back quickly before stepping into the hot stream of water. He might literally freaking die today. Unfortunately, Cas’s secret might have to take a backseat for a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeee! I'm so excited! Chapter count is accurate for sure now. We have 3 chapters and an epilogue left. Let me know what you guys think or if there's anything you're hoping to see by the end. I know how it's ending but I'm open to suggestions for possible scenes!
> 
> *DTR - Define the Relationship


	17. Chapter 17

When Dean finally managed to drag himself out of the relative safety of the shower and into his room to change, the sounds of life were filtering through the hall towards him. He turned an ear towards it and smiled at the sound of pans sizzling, glasses clinking and his brother’s soft laughter. Guess he wasn’t the only one who had a good night. He dressed quickly and walked into the kitchen, attempting to suppress a large yawn unsuccessfully.

“Mornin’ Sammy.” He said cheerily.

Sam turned a wide smile towards him and Dean sent him a wink. Nnenna turned around towards him with a raised eyebrow and a spatula in hand.

“Nnenna.” Dean said in greeting with a waggle of his eyebrows. 

She rolled her eyes at him before turning back around and stirring the eggs in the pan. “Winchester, good to see choo dis mornin’. You manage to save any warm water for da rest of us?” 

Dean ducked his head in an attempt to hide a blush. He’d have to keep the teasing to a minimum, this woman was whip smart with a sharp tongue and he had no doubt that she could verbally lash him up and down the room. He’d have to get in a LITTLE teasing though, Sam would be expecting it after all!

“I imagine you’re both probably needing a shower after last night, hm?” Dean asked Sam with a leer.

Sam thinned his lips and frowned at Dean. _Another classic Bitch-Face, my favorite._ Dean though with a smirk. 

“Is dat why you needed such a long one dis mornin’?” Nnenna said over her shoulder. “I’ll have to ask Cas if he needs one too.”

Dean choked on the little bit of spit in his mouth and got himself caught in a coughing fit. He braced a hand on the counter and placed the other on his chest while he spluttered and tried to clear his throat. He pointed a finger at Nnenna’s back and squinted at her in warning.

“That’s not funny.” He wheezed.

“Wasn’ meant to be.” She shot back at him.

“Will you two knock it off? It’s not even 6:30 in the morning.” Sam, ever the peacemaker, asked in exasperation.

Dean shot Nnenna a cold look and she gave him an equally frigid stare. _Maybe teasing was going to be off the table after all. Damn witchy woman. Her dad probably ratted us out…Whatever._

“Here.” Sam said while shoving a black mug into Dean’s hands. He pointed to the counter where the coffee pot sat bubbling happily.

Dean poured himself a cup of coffee and grumbled quietly under his breath. It was too early in the morning for Nnenna to out him to his brother. Or maybe it wasn’t outing, he wasn’t… in-ing anywhere after all. He was straight, he just had an Achilles heel for Cas. You could be straight with a gay exception right? And since Cas wasn’t really male, or he was now, but he hadn’t always been, it wasn’t even really gay. It was more like interspecies. Dean grimaced to himself. Ok, maybe stick with the gay thing, interspecies sounded all kinds of fucked up. Or, maybe he didn’t need to stress about a damn label in the first place. None of that shit really mattered except to biologists and assholes on Fox news anyway. He liked who he liked and the rest didn’t matter, right? 

He turned wary eyes towards his brother. Sam wouldn’t care, would he? Sam was liberal minded and he loved his brother. Surely, he couldn’t be too bothered by all of this. Hell, Cas was basically his live in boyfriend ANYWAY, just without the sex stuff. No, Sam would be cool, Sam was always cool. Right?

He blew a few times of his coffee to try and cool it. He was sipping delicately at the scalding liquid when Cas walked into the room with a frown. Cas, who was pink in the cheeks, with wet hair, in one of Dean’s old shirts, and obviously freshly showered.

Nnenna turned a sly smile towards him and Dean flipped her off in annoyance. And yeah, if he hid his blushing face behind his coffee cup, well none of them NEEDED to know that. Maybe he was just really thirsty this morning.

They all sat down at the table to eat the eggs, hashbrowns, red-eye gravy and grits that Nnenna had made that morning. Dean found that he was ravenous, probably due to the fact that he’d gotten excellent sleep last night, and he tucked into his food with gusto. He noticed that beside him, Cas was picking at his eggs listlessly and he frowned over at him. The food was fantastic, as was everything Nnenna made, so it couldn’t have been that. Maybe Cas wasn’t feeling well? _Nervous, probably. Nervous for me._

He let that thought warm him while he continued to put his food away. 

“Nnenna?” A deep voice called from down the hallway.

“Here, dad!” She called to him and continued eating her breakfast.

Eugene stepped into the dining room, wearing plaid sleep pants and a white t shirt. He rubbed a knuckle against one eye and squinted at the rest of the people in the room. He inhaled deeply and gave Nnenna a wide grin.

“Choo ne’er cook like dis when we ain’t got company to impress.” He said to her with a raised eyebrow.

“I do so, you old liar.” She said defensively, but Dean noticed a rosy blush stain her cheeks.

Eugene chuckled happily and got himself a cup of coffee before sitting down at the table to get himself a plate.

Sam cleared his throat and wiped his mouth and hand quickly before sticking it out across the table towards Eugene. “Sir.” He said solemnly.

Eugene raised his eyebrows at him in a “yes?” expression. “It’s nice to formally meet you. I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself the last time we were here. My name is Sam Winchester.”

Eugene eyed the large paw of a hand in front of him shrewdly before turning sharp eyes back onto Sam’s. “Don’ you tink you’re a li’l late on da introductions, son?”

Same looked at him in confusion and his hand seemed to wilt against the table at the obvious rebuke.

“Usually, choo introduce yourself to a man b’fore you sleep with his daughter.” Eugene said with a steely voice.

The entire table held its breath at the obvious warning in the man’s voice and Dean felt himself tense up. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going, because he’d experienced the man’s bizarre sense of humor last night. But, you never know what will happen when you get between a man and his family.

Sam opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, his eyes wide with panic. Dean felt for him, this was a bit of a sticky situation to be in and he wasn’t sure how to help his brother out of it. Maybe a little justified terror would be good for the guy. In fact, his impression of a fish on dry land was pretty spot on at the moment.

“Dad!” Nnenna shouted at her father in shock. 

Eugene narrowed his eyes at Sam threateningly before he had to give up the charade. His face split in a wide grin and he reached forward to shake the hand that Sam still had across the table. Sam blinked in shock and confusion before he turned bewildered eyes onto Nnenna.

She winked at him and gave his arm a gentle pat. “This is my father, Eugene Boisseau. Dad, Sam, Dean, and Castiel Winchester.” She said as she indicated each of them in turn. 

Eugene grinned at each of them before he grabbed his fork and tucked into his eggs. “Met these two last night, actually.” He said and indicated Dean and Cas with a nod of his head. “You’re lookin’ much better, I mus’ say.” He said with a look at Dean.

He took a large bite of hashbrowns before straightening and taking a sip from his coffee. “Choo looked like you had dat Boo Hag ridin’ you last night.”

Dean turned confused eyes to Nnenna who looked startled at her father’s statement. She narrowed her eyes at her plate and tapped a nail against the table in thought. Dean’s confusion mounted. Had that been a revelation? What the hell was a Boo Hag? Probably just some Southern slang/legend nonsense like that haint shit. If it was anything worth discussing, surely Nnenna wouldn’t keep it to herself right?

He glanced at Cas who looked confused as well. Well, at least it wasn’t just him. He was just about to ask Nnenna’s father what a Boo Hag was when the older man spoke first.

“So, Sam. How’d you sleep last night?” Eugene asked between bites of his breakfast.

Sam sputtered and coughed around his coffee. Dean gave him a half-smile, completely devoid of sympathy for his little brother. He could ask Nnenna about the Hag later, right now he could do with a little levity and watching his brother struggle to meet his girlfriend’s father was just what the doctor ordered. This was going to be an interesting breakfast.

xxx

“I think we should head back to where we ganked that werewolf.” Sam said in speculation later that morning.

Dean had been banned from driving, and while he’d kicked up a fuss, he had conceded that it just wasn’t safe for him to be in charge of all their lives this morning. If this parasite thing decided that Dean was a big enough threat to him he may just try to cut his losses and kill Dean quickly. They couldn’t risk Dean behind the wheel with all four of them, plus dog, in tow. That’s why he was sitting passenger, while Nnenna was behind the wheel.

Dean had nearly had a heart attack when Sam had handed her the keys but no one would hear any of his protests against the arrangement. So what if she was a good driver? So what if she knew the area better than any of them? This was his BABY after all, and she couldn’t be trusted in just anyone’s hands.

They had spent nearly 20 minutes arguing about it while Nnenna, Cas, and Reg looked on calmly. The three of them were obviously none to worried about the fact that the Impala was about to be driven by a fucking stranger! It was like a, like, like a violation! Like Baby was being violated! But, after 20 minutes, Sam had given him an ultimatum. Ride passenger while Nnenna drives, or stay here and be babysat by Eugene while they hunted.

So, here he was, pouting with his arms crossed in the passenger seat. To add insult to injury, Reg apparently was not content to sit in the back seat, and since he couldn’t sit with Nnenna while she drove, the fat bull terrier was perched in Dean’s lap with his big, stupid head stuck out the window. Dean didn’t love the feeling of dog nails in his leg, but the alternative was having his feet on the leather of the seat, and Dean was absolutely not going to allow the animal to tear up his seats. 

The mood in the car was somber. They all knew the stakes here and Dean was doing his best to pretend that his life wasn’t on the line today. 

“I agree with Sam.” Cas piped up from the back. The two men were crammed into the backseat of the car and Dean half-turned to look at them.

“Do you two knuckleheads remember WHERE we ganked that son of a bitch? Dean asked with a raised eyebrow. 

The other two were quiet while they frowned, obviously trying to remember. Dean couldn’t come up with the location either. He had a vague idea of the area, but everything here looked the same, all cypress trees and Spanish moss. 

“I’m already on the way dere.” Nnenna said without looking away from the road.

Dean could grudgingly admit that she was, in fact, an excellent driver. “How do you remember?”

She shrugged easily and tapped a temple. “It’s a steel trap up here.”

He rolled his eyes, of course it was. He glanced back at his brother and almost vomited at the soppily enamored look on Sam’s face. Damn, he had it bad. _I wonder if we’ll need to make more room in the Bunker. Or… oh no, would Sam move down here? No, no, now isn’t the time for this. Life or death situation here, Dean. Focus._

“Dean…” Nnenna said slowly after some time.

“Hm?” He grumped at her. He was still pouting and wasn’t in the mood for a tongue lashing.

“I-I want to warn choo here.” She said slowly. “I don’t know what we’re going to come across, if anything, out there. But, if we come into contact with what’s hauntin’ choo… The moment it realizes we’re on to it, things are going to get nasty. Today may well be the big confrontation with this thing.” She paused to chew on her lip here and Dean felt the hair on the back of his arms raise eerily. “I just wanted choo to know that.”

Dean gulped silently but nodded his head in understanding. He had a feeling that that was how it was going to go down. _Today’s the day after all… I had a feeling._

They rode in relative silence for the rest of the drive. Dean could hear Sam clacking away on his keyboard from time to time, obviously still attempting to research. He smiled to himself, Sam would never give up on him and that eased a little of the tension in his chest. He had the A-team at his back, this would all work out ok… right?

Nnenna slowed the car as she leaned over the steering wheel and frowned at their surroundings. The Impala crept to a stop and Dean looked at the area around them. It was familiar, or maybe it wasn’t, it all looked the freaking same!

“Is this it?” Sam asked and leaned forward towards the front seat.

“Hold on.” Nnenna said without turning towards him. She frowned again at their surroundings before flaring her nostrils. “Stay in the car.” She said distractedly.

Dean raised his eyebrows and looked back at his brother in question. Sam shrugged in confusion and both looked to Cas who was watching Nnenna with calculating eyes. _The fuck…_

Dean turned back towards Nnenna where she was walking cautiously towards the line of trees in front of the Impala. She had a hand in front of her and a frown on her face. They all waited in silence while Nnenna made a slow pass in front of the car. Her head turned side to side slowly as if listening for something and Dean frowned at her. Was this normal psychic behavior? Other than Missouri, he had no real experience with this kind of shit. 

Nnenna came to a stop about 20 yards from the car and closed her eyes. She turned her head once more and Dean watched as her brow furrowed as if she heard something she was trying to focus on. _What the fuck is going on…?_ Suddenly, she opened her eyes and lowered her hand. She stared at the trees for a moment longer before she turned back to the car with a frown and trotted back to them. 

“This is the place.” She said simply. She allowed Reg to exit her door before closing it and waiting for the others to get out.

Sam closed his laptop and exited the backseat gratefully. He placed a gentle hand on Nnenna’s elbow and she smiled at him delicately. Dean had his hand on the door handle when a strong hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“Dean…” Cas said quietly behind him.

For some reason, Dean found that he couldn’t turn around. He wasn’t being forced in place, but his courage seemed to fail him all of a sudden and he couldn’t meet Cas’s eyes. He simply sat still and waited for the other man to continue. Dean focused on the feeling of warmth spreading across his shoulder from the heat of Cas’s hand on him. Holy shit, they were really doing this right now.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” Cas said on a whisper. “I lo- I promise you.” 

Dean’s heart was racing all of a sudden. Had Cas just been about to say that he loved him? It certainly seemed like it. And why not? This could be it for him, they may not get another moment alone. He raised a shaking hand and placed on top of Cas’s where it rested on his shoulder and squeezed once. He swallowed once before he gathered his courage around him and closed his eyes. If he was going to do it, he needed to do it. There may not be another chance…

“ I lo- you too, Cas.” Dean said weakly.

He felt Cas’s hand stiffen underneath his momentarily before it squeezed his shoulder once more reassuringly. 

They stayed like that for a few more seconds before Dean nodded once. It was time to face the music. He lowered his hand and opened his car door slowly. He eased himself out of the Impala and swallowed once. He sent out a short prayer for strength before turning towards the trunk of the car where Sam and Nnenna stood. He could really die today... He wasn’t ready. 

Cas followed him and stood like a reassuring rock just behind him. He needed the man’s strength, now more than ever. Cas placed a covert hand on the small of his back and Dean closed his eyes at the contact. Holy shit... he was scared. He was honest to God, truly and deeply, afraid. He ran a shaking hand through his hair before he focused his attention on Nnenna and Sam. The two had obviously noticed that Dean and Cas had stepped around to the trunk but were giving them a moment to collect themselves. Damn thoughtful assholes.

“What do we do?” Dean asked in a steadier voice than he thought he was capable.

Nnenna straightened and gave him a sympathetic look. Dean wished that he felt annoyed by it, but it honestly was comforting to know he had all these people to back him up.

“Dere’s something in dere.” She said vaguely. “I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s likely what we’re after.” She turned towards the treeline with a frown. “We have to play dis by ear a little since we don’ know exactly what we’re up against.” She gave him a small smile. “I have a feelin’ you Winchester’s have some experience with improvisin’.”

Sam gave her a half-smile and Dean nodded in agreement. Improvising may as well have been his middle name. 

“Right.” She nodded to him and pulled out a small bag from the trunk. Dean wasn’t familiar with it so it must be something that she’d brought with her. “Now, I know you tree have the da most experience wit hunting, but I’m gonna ask that you give me a little credit and listen to what I’m sayin’.” She gave them all a stern look until they nodded.

“Good.” She pulled a number of small objects on chains from her bag. She turned to Dean with a raised eyebrow and held them out. “I want choo to put dese on.” 

Dean frowned and inspected the items in her hand. There were 4 pendants in her small palm and Dean poked at them suspiciously. “What are they?”

She sighed heavily and sucked on her teeth. “Choo just agreed to listen to me and now you’re giving me the third degree, unbelievable.” She pointed to a small ridged black stone first. “Black tourmaline for protection and grounding against negative energies.” Next a small silver disc with a stylized eyeball. “Evil eye to ward off curses and bad gris-gris.” Next a shiny green beetle carcass. “Scarab beetle for good luck and protection against evil.” And finally, a cross shape inside of a circle. “This is the solar cross, to remove negativity and banish shadows.”

She pinned him with a stern look. “You’re the most vulnerable here, and I don’ want to hear any complaining or posturin’ about it. Choo were chosen specifically because choo were the most vulnerable. There’s no shame in dis and no one is judging choo for it. What we need to do now is offer all the protection we can, starting with dese. Now, put dem on and do it quickly. I don’ like the energy comin’ from dose trees.”

She turned a sharp look towards the woods and shuddered minutely. Dean frowned but did as he was told. He felt like an idiot wearing four different necklaces, one with a dead bug on it, and he fully expected Sam and Cas to make fun of him for it. The other two were stone-faced however and that made Dean feel more nervous than before. If the situation was dire enough that they wouldn’t even mock him for a dead bug necklace then he really was in trouble.

Nnenna turned back to her bag and pulled out a small sachet. She sniffed it once and smiled down at it. “Castiel, keep this in your pocket.” She handed over the small bag to Cas, who took it without question and placed it inside his pants pocket. “Angelica archangelica, angel’s herb for protection and purification.”

She pulled a larger sachet out and handed it to Sam, who placed it inside his own pocket solemnly. “Clove and rosemary, for protection and wisdom.” She ran a delicate hand around Sam’s face and the two smiled at one another fondly.

“And finally,” She said as she pulled out a cloudy stone and a black sachet from the bag before tossing it back into the trunk. “Labradorite for psychic intuition and ragweed for courage.” She gave them a timid smile. “Hopefully, none of you are allergic.”

She stepped back then allowed the men to grab whatever weapons they thought may be helpful. She didn’t have any advice on what would be best since she didn’t know what was out there, but they figured salt and iron would work well against most things. Even if it wasn’t ghost-like, an iron pipe would hurt just as much to a physical creature as to an incorporeal one. 

Sam slammed the trunk down once they were all situated and the small group looked pensively towards the forest before them. It looked much more menacing now then it had just twenty minutes ago. Maybe it sensed that they were coming in after something, perhaps it was worried about the damage they might cause. Trees were old and had a memory that lasted far longer than any human’s did, maybe the forest didn’t want them interfering. Dean had looked up information on the cypress trees after they’d left Louisiana last time and he shuddered against the thought. 

What he had read said that cypress trees are often times over thousands of years old, watching over the swamps like some kind of ancient sentinel. It had also said that these trees could remain standing for years after they’d died which was giving Dean the feeling that he was about to walk into a graveyard. A graveyard watched over by creatures old enough to have been around for the Crucifixion.. They didn’t belong here… They shouldn’t even BE here.

Beside him, Reg nudged against his leg with a wet nose and he glanced down at the dog with wide eyes. Reg looked up at him patiently and gave him a single wag of his tail. _Right, I’m panicking and getting off track. I need to focus._ He placed a hand on his chest over the 4 talisman’s he’d been given. _For whatever it’s worth, I hope you guys aren’t bullshit. I need all the help I can get right now._

“Thanks, buddy.” Dean said quietly and bent down to scratch the dog between his ears. 

“No time like the present.” Dean said to the group and nodded towards the tree line before them.

They took a collectively deep breath before Nnenna stepped forward to take the lead. She was going to be their point man, with Sam behind her, Dean in the middle and Cas bringing up the rear. Reg would likely wander in and out between them, wherever his nose took him. Dean was glad that he was going to be sandwiched between Cas and his brother, though he felt a little guilty for it. He couldn’t protect them like this, but maybe just this once they could look after him. 

The walk was slow and uncomfortable. Every snapping twig and rustle in the leaves had them all tense and look around suspiciously. Dean felt like he could hear his pulse pounding away inside his temples and he clenched his jaw in an effort to calm himself. Who knew how long they’d be traipsing around in here. He needed to try and keep his wits about him. 

Nnenna had a deep frown on her face that he could see any time she turned her head to listen to the noises around them. She had both hands out in front of her like some kind of kind of human divining rod. Sam walked closely behind her, covering her back as best he could. She was supposedly leading them towards the haint, or whatever it was. 

They walked for fifteen minutes before Nnenna paused. Sam was so focused on the trees around them that he nearly smacked into the back of her. Reg was standing in front of her with his nose in the air. Dean could feel Cas’s presence at his back and he took a small measure of comfort from that. They were getting close to it.

“Shouldn’ be far now.” Nnenna said quietly before she continued forwards. 

The swaying of some branches overhead seemed to answer her and Dean felt a chill run down his spine. They had no idea what they were coming up against. This could really be it for him…

They continued, each step felt heavier than the last and the air around them felt charged. The hair on Dean’s arms raised and he shivered. He touched a hand self consciously to the pendants around his neck. _I hope you fuckers aren’t all bullshit. I’m gonna need you soon._ He thought at the items in his hand.

A structure slowly came into view and Dean saw Sam tense before him. He frowned and surveyed the loose bricks before him. Oh… They’d been here before. Dean had nearly twisted his damn ankle here before! This was the half brick wall that they’d come across while hunting that werewolf. This place had felt a little strange when they’d walked by it all those months ago, but only Dean had seemed to think so. Sam must have recognized it, and he had no doubt that behind him, Cas recognized it too. 

Nnenna lifted her hands slowly and closed her eyes to focus. Beside her, Reg had his teeth bared and his hackles raised. Dean gulped against a dry throat, he knew what was coming. They’d found the place. And just to confirm his suspicions, Nnenna raised her head and without turning to the rest of the group, uttered lowly: 

“It’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but this is the calm before the storm. Next up, final showdown!


	18. Chapter 18

Dean felt dread settle in the pit of his stomach like a weight. Whatever it was, it was here. He turned his head slowly left and right, listening carefully to the sounds of the swamp around them. Was that a creaking branch overhead? Were those snapping sticks behind them? Any noise could be the precursor to a deadly threat now. 

In front of him, Sam lifted his gun to point towards their left. Behind him, he heard Cas shift his position, likely to face their right. Nnenna’s frown had deepened but she hadn’t moved yet. Reg was still growling, his head was swiveling quickly on his neck because he hadn’t determined where the danger was coming from yet. They were all waiting for something to happen. The air felt stale around them, difficult to breath and suffocating. 

Dean’s heart felt like it was in his throat and he couldn’t seem to draw a breath around it. The seconds seemed to drag on into minutes while they waited and Dean felt a tremor begin under one of his eyelids. _Where are you, you son of a bitch… Come on out, I’m right here!_

After several minutes of stillness, the group moved forwards cautiously. Nnenna picked her way through the brick ruins of the building at their feet with Reg as a close shadow. She had a frown on her face and her nose was wrinkled as if she smelled something rotten.

“Can choo feel it, Dean?” Nnenna whispered in front of him. Her voice carried back to him eerily and he felt the hairs on his neck stand up.

She took another step forward and paused. She was standing in what must have been the center of the brick room. Time had destroyed everything but the half-brick wall and the loose bricks around their feet. Even those were rotting and collapsing in at the corners. Dean was amazed the wall itself had managed to retain so much of its cohesion. The bricks themselves looked like they were made from mud or clay. He frowned at them in thought, how long ago had this building been erected. What had it been?

Nnenna ran her hand along the half wall to her left and closed her eyes as if focusing all her attention on her palm. Dean watched as her fingers twitched once, twice, three times before she pulled her hand back suddenly as if shocked. Her eyes widened in alarm and she leaned closer to the bricks to get a better look. She reached out a delicate hand and used her thumb nail to chip away at the wall. Pieces of it cracked and broke away from the rest to fall to the ground with a soft pattering.

Dean, despite himself, felt curious. He took a couple of soft steps towards Nnenna and peered over her shoulder to see what she was so intent on. He felt his eyebrows raise and a nasty roiling in his stomach as he zeroed in on just what had caught Nnenna’s attention.

He felt himself gulp and his upper lip tremble as he opened his mouth to croak out a question. “Is… is that… hair?” 

Nnenna didn’t move but she did look at him out of the corner of her eye, and something about the hard glint in the dark depths confirmed his suspicions. Someone, or something, had baked human hair into the bricks around them. If the situation wasn’t so dire, he may have had the heart to make a snide comment about the lack of sanitary concerns of the previous occupant. As it was, his throat felt dry and a shiver worked its way down his spine. What would line their home in human hair? What would construct a home using clay bricks anyway? 

Dean felt his stomach drop as the realization hit him. 

A witch.

Dean looked frantically at his brother and then to Cas. Neither of them had noticed the hair in the walls and weren’t looking to Dean. Both had their shoulders hunched up towards their ears with weapons pointing outward into the swamp. Both men looked like the were on the very edge of their nerves, faces set in grim lines and weapons held in white knuckled grips. The were watching the perimeter, like Dean should have been doing. Damn! Dean had managed to lose all of his hunting instincts in a matter of months.

He turned back towards Nnenna and opened his mouth to ask about the witch when Nnenna placed a gentle hand over his mouth. She turned hard eyes towards her dog, who had taken on an eerie stillness. Dean watched in forced silence as she looked deeply into the animals eyes and stilled herself. He felt a wave of nausea overtake him and willed his stomach to settle. Nnenna’s hand tightened over his mouth and her expression darkened for a moment. She nodded once to Reg before removing her hand and clenching it into a fist.

She turned to him, her face a mask of fury. And Dean felt the nausea in his stomach again. In the corner of his eye he saw Sam and Cas pull in tighter towards them, still facing outward for possible danger.

“Is not a witch. Least, not anymore.” Nnenna said gravely. Dean’s eyes widened and he glanced towards the brick wall on his left.

Nnenna shook her head at him and raised a shaking hand to her head. “Not anymore.” Her face lost the fury it had held and she looked at Dean sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I had a hunch dis morning but I didn’t say anyting, just in case I was wrong…”

She swallowed and looked over his shoulder at the middle distance. “I should ha’ known better. Dammit, I’m so sorry.”

She was quiet for a moment before seeming to come back to herself. She shook her head slightly and placed a warm hand on Dean’s cheek. Her eyes were soft as she said slowly, “We won’t be able to leave here now. Not unless we kill this demon.”

Dean felt his shoulders tense at her words. Demon? They’d dealt with plenty of demons before, one more shouldn’t be all that difficult. Right?

“Nnen, if it’s just a demon, that’s in our wheelhouse. In fact, it’s like the only thing in our wheelhouse right now.” Sam said over his shoulder.

Nnenna was shaking her head before he’d even finished speaking. “Choo don’ understand, sugar. My daddy mentioned to you all the Boo Hag dis morning…” She paused and they all nodded. “Da Boo Hag is the twisted soul of a witch, givin’ immortal life in da form of a Hag. She rides sleepers, so to speak, to maintain her life force. Causes sleep paralysis, steals breath, makes folks tired, gives dem nightmares, sound familiar?” 

They all nodded uneasily. 

“Well… da Hag don’t come by her immortality without some help. I woulda mentioned dis sooner but they’re so rare that it didn’t even occur to me. It must have slipped in through a crack in da window. My house is warded against damn near everything but these come around so infrequently… I just didn’t even tink about it.” She sucked on her teeth thoughtfully. 

Sam had turned towards her, all pretense of watching their surroundings abandoned. Cas, bless him, was still trying to maintain his resolve to protect them. He’d backed up so that he was almost back to back to Dean and was turning his head left to right and back again in quick, jerky movements. 

“Well, what the hell is it!?” Sam asked in exasperation. His hair was unkempt and wild and he brushed a stray lock out of his face quickly with the back of a hand.

Nnenna gave him a short side-eye before inhaling a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “It’s called a Boo Daddy. It’s a type of demon, real nasty sonuvabitch. He sends da Hag out to do his dirty work. Collect soul energy and what have you. Normally, you kill da Hag, and dat’s da end of it. But, Dean… I’m afraid you ain’t got a Hag. They a pain in the ass to get rid of, but it’s doable. The Boo Daddy… I ain’t never heard of anyone gettin’ rid of one once he’d gotten his claws into a victim so snug. Not without killin’ da host anyway.”

She waited quietly for the group to take in what she was saying. Cas seemed to understand first and Dean heard his breath hitch behind him. Sam’s face hardened in front of him and his mouth thinned to a tight line. Dean blinked stupidly at the petite psychic before him. Her words rattled around inside of his head. _Not without killing the host, not without killing the host, not without killing the host..._ He thought slowly.

“I’m the host…” He said aloud, quietly. 

“Yes.” She said simply. 

“I’m going to die…” He said even more quietly.

“The hell you are!” Sam all but shouted. “Not on my watch, you asshole!”

Behind him, Cas took another step backwards until he and Dean were pressed flush against one another, back to back. Dean cold feel the warmth emanating from the other man. 

“You’re not dying today, Dean Winchester. I won’t allow it.” Cas said lowly. The steel in his voice was unmistakable and Dean felt a sad smile form on his face at the words.

Nnenna gave him a sympathetic smile. “You Winchesters have a hell of a reputation, I’ll put my money on choo, Dean. We’ll do everyting we can, sugar.”

Dean wasn’t even sure he could process what they were saying. He knew logically, that they had discussed the possibility of him dying today. He’d even thought that he’d made peace with it. Apparently, knowing something and KNOWING something were two different things. No one had ever lived through a confrontation with one of these things. Why should he? He wasn’t so special, after all.

He looked at his brother’s grim face and felt the warmth from the man standing behind him. Hmm… This all sounded like the talk from that damn haint bastard. Maybe he’d poisoned Dean’s mind more than he’d thought. It was like an illness, and one he would have fight his way against. Starting with a small thought. Maybe he was special? Maybe he was special in that he had managed to earn the love and respect from these two very different men. He, Dean Winchester, may not be special in his own right. But, he had to have done something right to raise Sam into the man he became and to earn the love of one of the soldiers of Heaven. 

Dean felt the nausea in his stomach again and he forced the bile back down his throat. No, he wasn’t throwing the chips in yet. This is when a Winchester thrived, when the odds were stacked against them and the situation looked too dire to survive. He couldn’t start doubting himself now. So what if no one else had managed to make it through this before? They didn’t have the A-team at their back like he did. They were Winchesters, all of them, and they weren’t quitters. They were fighters, through and through, and he wasn’t about to quit today. 

He gave a tight nod to Nnenna and exhaled a resolute breath. _I’m not dying today._ He thought defiantly.

“What do we do?” Dean asked.

xxx

Fifteen minutes later and Nnenna had laid out a loose plan. They couldn’t plan for every eventuality but they could do their best. According to Nnenna, the only way to get rid of the thing was to do some bastardized form of dream walking. She’d cut her eyes to Cas as she’d mentioned it but had continued talking without pause so Dean hadn’t thought anything of it. The Boo Daddy didn’t have a true physical form, and could only be killed by ripping it out of Dean’s subconscious, where he was hiding, and making him mortal in the physical world. Apparently, Sam’s joke about Freddy Krueger hadn’t been too far off. It was a mark of how serious the situation was that none of them made the joke, even to try and lighten the mood.

Dean gulped anxiously. He wasn’t sure if any of this was going to work, but dammit if they’d give it a try. His face hardened and he nodded to Nnenna in understanding.

“Alright, how do we do the dream thing?” He asked seriously.

She bit her lower lip in agitation and looked at him in the eyes quietly for a moment. “I’m goin’ to link all of us psychically. It’s goin’ to feel weird and you’re going to be disoriented but choo’ll have to push past that. Since I’m the conduit, I’ll only be an observer, I won’t be able to help choo if tings get nasty. And believe me, dey will.” 

She turned a thin smile towards Sam who had come up behind her. He placed a large hand on her small shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Plus, one of us has to keep an eye on tings out here. Dere’s still nasties in da swamp we don’t want comin’ after us. I’ll be in and out of both worlds but unable to physically alter either. Reg should be able to protect us from most of da threats in da physical world at least.”

She leaned her head against Sam’s hand and closed her eyes for a moment. Dean looked to the dog at their feet unconvinced and felt his own hands clench at his sides. _Holy shit… This is going to be a bigger undertaking than I’d originally assumed. I could get all of these people killed. We may beat this asshole and still get eaten by an alligator!_

Beside him, he felt Cas’s hand grip his elbow and Reg’s soft snout bump into his leg. No, he couldn’t start doubting now. _A-team… A-team… we’ve got this._ He bit down against his teeth and could feel the muscles in his jaws flex uncomfortably. 

_Fuck it._ He thought wildly. He moved his arm out of Cas’s grip and groped blindly next to him to grab the other man’s hand. Now was no time to get squeamish. He could sense Cas’s surprise next to him, but was happy to note Cas laced his fingers through Dean’s own and Dean was happy enough to return the tight squeeze Cas had given him. _Sam and Nnenna be damned, if I’m gonna die, I’m gonna do it holding hands with the man I love._ It was a mark of how far beyond the Rubicon they’d gone for Dean to completely throw caution to the wind in front of his brother and his brother’s psychic girlfriend like this. 

“How many times have you ever psychically linked anyone like this?” Sam asked curiously.

Nnenna shot him an uncomfortable look and coughed lightly into her hand. “Oh, once or twice…” She looked at them in embarrassment before continuing. “Not with uh… people dough. Juss, juss me and Reg.” She blushed prettily and Dean felt himself roll his eyes in exasperation.

“Of fucking course. Okay, okay, that’s fine. This is fine. Let’s just fuckin’ do this.” Dean said and squeezed Cas’s hand again for reassurance. 

Nnenna eyed him shrewdly for a moment before she nodded. She turned and gave Sam a surprisingly passionate kiss. The two locked around one another for a heated moment and Dean averted his eyes in embarrassment. He met Cas’s gaze levelly and Cas’s eyes crinkled sadly in the corners. They weren’t ready for that yet, maybe they wouldn’t ever get the chance to be ready for it. But Dean could see love in Cas’s eyes, and he hoped Cas could see the love in his. They’d always said everything like this anyway, it made sense that they would have what could be their last goodbye said silently and with their eyes alone. 

He smiled sadly at the other man and Cas nodded to him in understanding. It wasn’t a goodbye from a movie, it wasn’t some love declaration written about in a poem, no one would write a song or a book about this quiet goodbye between these two stoic men. But, this was enough for them, they could read everything they needed to in one another’s eyes. 

With a quiet smacking sound, Nnenna and Sam detached from one another and Dean and Cas turned back towards them. “Alright, you tree. Scoot together.” Nnenna said, her voice husky and sad. 

“Let’s begin.”

xxx

The sensation of Nnenna “linking” them was a strange one. It felt like syrup was dripping into his ears and his brain was heating up inside of his skull. The sensation traveled down his nerve endings until his entire body felt like it was on fire. Just as he was getting flashbacks of Hellfire, it suddenly ended. He blinked blearily at his surroundings and was surprised to find that he was in the Bunker. 

He frowned. He squinted his eyes suspiciously and had the disorienting sensation of seeing the swamp around them just underneath the image of the Bunker before him. It was as if the Bunker was superimposed on his vision of Louisiana and he was having trouble differentiating between the two. He shook his head slightly to try to clear it. This was going to be a fucking nightmare.

To his left, Cas straightened and touched a gentle hand to Dean’s elbow. Dean turned towards him and gave him what was meant to be a reassuring smile, but probably looked more like a grimace. Cas’s expression was hard and determined and he looked every bit the avenging angel he’d once been. It was reassuring in a way that Dean couldn’t explain.

A sharp inhalation of breath to his right drew their attention. Sam had just taken in their surroundings and must have been surprised to see the Bunker. Dean shot his eyes at his brother quickly, but Sam, ever the professional, already had his gun in the air. He was ready to for this confrontation, more so than any of them probably.

“What now?” Cas asked solemnly. 

A soft voice answered inside each of their heads. “Choo’ve gotta look for the creature. He won’t belong wherever you are, you’ll know him when you see him.”

Dean looked around sharply looking for the source of the voice but it looked like Nnenna wasn’t in this dream with them. Though she could obviously see and hear what they were doing. He looked upwards suspiciously.

“And how do we kill him? Is Sam gonna end up shooting you if he fires that gun in here?” Dean asked to the ceiling of the Bunker.

“You tree are stationary out here. Everything that happens in dere exists only in Dean’s subconscious. You need to find da Boo Daddy and Dean has to grab him. Da creature is livin’ inside his head and so he’s the only one with the power to bring him out. Once you grab ‘im, we can bring him out here into da physical world and he’ll be just as mortal as you are.” She hummed in thought for a moment before adding with a quiet laugh. “Just as mortal as you SHOULD be anyway. I’ll pull you out once you have a good grip on him.”

Sam nodded tightly and turned to Dean. “Well, where have you been seeing this apparition?”

Dean bit his lower lip thoughtfully, trying to remember. “My uh, my bedroom, the kitchen… out in the woods behind the Bunker.”

Sam nodded again and his eyes hardened. He was in murder mode and he wouldn’t be dissuaded until he’d ganked something. Dean patted the talismans on his neck before reaching for his own gun. This was it, they were going to kill this thing, or he’d die trying. 

“Kitchen first.” Cas said with steel in his voice. He’d led a garrison in Heaven and found it fairly easy to fall back on a leadership role. That suited them just fine, Sam and Dean nodded once before falling into a standard flanking formation and eased towards the kitchen slowly. They weren’t quite sure what they were going to find. The “apparition” as Sam had termed it had come to Dean in a number of forms, he could be any one of those or something else entirely. Nnenna had only said he’d look like he didn’t belong and they would know it when they saw it. He was sure she was right, but he wasn’t sure what they were going to find.

They stopped just outside the doors, Cas stopped on the right side, Sam and the left. They were waiting for Dean to enter so they could follow and make sure the room was clear. He took a deep breath before releasing it quickly and nodding to the other two. He stepped quickly into the kitchen, gun raised to eye level. Sam and Cas followed him and stepped to his sides to protect his back and sides. 

Silence.

They crept slowly and quietly through the Bunker’s kitchen but the silence remained. Dean lowered his weapon minutely and pursed his lips. “Clear in here.” He said in irritation. He wasn’t sure whether he’d wanted this to be over quickly or to give himself some time to mentally prepare for the confrontation. But the anticipation may just drive him insane, even if this Boo Bastard didn’t.

Cas looked around them shrewdly, a calculating gleam to his eyes. “It’s doubtful we’ll find it outside of the Bunker. It’s more likely that it’s existing somewhere meaningful to Dean. That way it can wreak the most psychological damage.” He looked to the other two for confirmation before continuing. “Bedroom.” He said simply.

Sam and Dean simply fell back into their well-worn formation and made their way slowly through the living room and into the hall of the Bunker. This time, Dean stepped to the left and Sam took center when they reached their destination. They’d had an argument years ago about who was going to enter rooms first, it had been explosive and lasted a couple of days before they had come to a compromise. They would alternate. Dean hadn’t been thrilled with the arrangement, thinking that he should always be the one to take center as it was the most dangerous, but eventually, it hadn’t been worth the fight.

Sam looked to Cas, who nodded and held up his hand. Cas had fit into their strategies and formations like the final piece to a well-oiled machine. It hadn’t taken long to teach him their nonverbals and their standard operating procedures, so to speak. And he’d taken to it like a duck in water. Cas’s splayed fingers started counting down. Sam watched his fingers and nodded as each finger lowered. 5, down to 4, 3, then 2, and...1! When Cas held up a closed fist, Sam gave a final nod, reared back, and kicked the door to Dean’s bedroom open with one long Sasquatch leg. 

The door swung open sharply and cracked against the wall on the inside. There was a splintering sound, likely the doorknob breaking off from the door with the force of Sam’s kick. Sam entered the room quickly, followed closely by Dean and Cas. They swept the small room easily, before lowering their weapons again. Another empty one.

Dean curled his lip in distaste. “We’ve got bupkis here.” 

Cas looked around the room in contemplation. “I find it hard to believe this entity would be outside in the woods. You had a very negative reaction in the woods, to be fair, but you have no emotional ties to the woods themselves.” 

Dean nodded slowly. Cas was right of course. He’d had “negative reactions” in a number of places, but very few of them had any real significance to him. In fact, the only place that he had any real ties to wasn’t even really a place. At least not a real one…

Just as the thought drifted through his mind, the scene around them changed. The edges of the Bunker blurred and faded inwards just as another scene shimmered into view around them. _No… please no…_ Dean though frantically. He knew what was coming, he knew where they were going. He didn’t want to share this with them. Maybe with Cas eventually, but not with Sam, and definitely NOT with the creature. 

He felt his hands tremble as he lifted his gun. That damn son of a bitch was taking everything from him. The lounge filtered into view slowly. It looked just as it did in his dreams, which made sense he guessed, since that’s where they were. 

Beside him, Sam frowned in confusion. “Where the hell are we?”

Dean gulped and looked around them in concern. If that bastard was in here, Dean would make sure he’d burn him to the fucking ground. He’d destroy him in every fucking dimension for tainting Dean’s memory of this place with Dream Cas. He’d-

“It’s Vic’s Lounge.” Cas said quietly next to him.

Sam turned to them in confusion. “Vic? Like… Deep Space Nine Vic?” 

Dean turned to Cas with a frown. “How do you know that?” 

Cas shuffled his feet nervously and refused to meet Dean’s eyes. “Dean… I’ve been meaning to tell you, well, I’ve tried to tell you-”

A creaking to their right, in the shadows drew their attention. “Now’s not the time, Cas.” Sam said sharply and turned towards the corner of the room.

Dean gave Cas a suspicious look but turned towards his brother. He raised his weapon to eye level and padded quietly to stand next to his Sam. 

“What is it?” Dean whispered to him.

“Him.” Sam answered tightly.

Dean stiffened and narrowed his eyes along the sight of his gun. He didn’t want to take any chances of this thing getting his brother or Cas. He wouldn’t give it time to posture and gloat, no, he’d shoot the damn thing the second he had a clear shot. He didn’t want to fuck with this shit anymore.

The shadows seemed to steam and bubble around their edges, pulsing and undulating grotesquely. Sam glanced at him quickly from the corner of his eye but Dean didn’t look at him. He was hyper-focused on the movement of the haint in front of them and couldn’t have looked away even if he’d wanted too. A series of globular shapes broke away from the shadowed corner to roll over one another in a sickening wave like rhythm. Dean felt the nausea in his stomach reassert itself but he ignored it. This was only the beginning of this nightmare and he couldn’t lose it quite yet. The dark mass seemed to curl in on itself, twisting to the left and then to the right before straightening. It’s form was gaining cohesion and Dean was disturbed, though not surprised, to see that it was taking on a humanoid shape.

That was enough for him. Humanoid usually meant that it could be stopped, or at least slowed, by bullets. His hand squeezed around his gun, forefinger pulling back on the trigger as he released a quick series of shots into the black mass before them. He fired once, twice, three times before pausing. He squinted at the creature to determine if his bullets had had any effect.

The bullets themselves had found their mark, each one landing itself firmly into the sticky black of the creature’s body. However, instead of causing any damage, the bullets themselves were simply absorbed into the body’s mass harmlessly. Where the bullets had entered, large oily bubbles formed on the skin where they then popped loudly, leaving the skin unmarred as it had been before.

“Fuck… what IS this thing?” Dean said in exasperation.

He still had his gun up, but refrained from firing again. Perhaps, they would cause more damage once it had finally finished whatever metamorphosis it was undergoing. He watched in sick fascination as a ripple wound its way up the creature’s body before settling down where the head may be. 

“What’s happening?” Cas asked in confusion. He looked revolted by the creature’s oily appearance but was watching with the same rapt attention as Sam and Dean. 

The haint seemed to perk up at the sound of Cas’s voice and it shuddered. As they watched the inky blackness of it’s skin seemed to decide what it wanted to do and started to flow upwards. A set of tan feet slowly came in to view, followed by a muscular pair of calves and thick thighs. Dean’s lip curled upward in surprise when he realized the creature was taking the form of a man. A very NUDE man.

The oily substance on the creature’s body continued to flow upwards and Dean realized that it was being absorbed back into the entities body through the eyes and mouth. Dean felt a shiver run down his spine when the lines of a jaw, nose and forehead formed underneath the covering of the oil. More of the man had come into view while Dean had been focused on the face and he felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. He recognized that stomach, those hands… oh no.

He took a half-step back in surprise as Cas’s features slowly emerged from the haint’s oil slicked skin. It took a moment to slowly blink at them. Its eyes were cold, shockingly and frightfully so. Cas’s eyes had never been that distant, never been that lifeless, not even when they’d first met, nor when Cas had returned from Heaven’s re-education program. This was something otherworldly, something old and evil and using the face of someone dear to him. Dean was afraid he was going to be sick.

It stretched its jaw a couple times and then turned its head side to side to test out its neck muscles. It eyed them levelly and with a casual air, taking its time to look each of them in the eyes before dismissing them as unimportant. It eyed the room around them and a cruel smile twisted it’s face. Finally, it rubbed a thoughtful hand against its chin before zeroing in on Dean with its cold, dead stare. 

“Hello, Dean.” It said with a false mimicry of Cas’s voice. 

Dean felt the sickness in his stomach try to work its way up his throat. No! He wasn’t going to do this! He raised the gun and lined the sights up with the creature’s forehead. 

The creature raised a mocking eyebrow. “No greeting for an old friend? Not even a hello?” Its mouth curled upwards again and it considered him for a moment. “Then why don’t you introduce me to your friends?”

Dean felt anger finally overtake him. Anger was good, anger FELT good, it was normal and it was an emotion he could use right now. How dare this asshole? How absolutely fucking dare this asshole come into his subconscious, ride him around like some kind of mule, and then use his friend’s face to MOCK him? Oh hell fucking no. He was not going to back down like a bitch now. That was not how this confrontation was going to go down.

“I think you only need to meet one of them.” Dean said through gritted teeth. “This is Beretta, and she’d LOVE to say hi.” Dean lifted his handgun in one smooth motion and fired off a single shot into the forehead of the fake Cas.

The haint made no move to get out of the way, in fact, it’s smile continued to stay in place as the bullet from Dean’s gun landed just right of center in its forehead. The bullet went in and clean through the back, blowing a large section of skull and black brain matter out with it. The entry wound oozed a black oily substance and Dean frowned in irritation. He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

“She’s charming, Dean! And you, ever the jokester.” The fake Cas mocked before it turned its attention to Sam. 

Dean edged closer to his brother, though he wasn’t sure what he was going to do to help. They were well and truly fucked against this thing. What had Nnenna said? Get a hold of it and they could bring it into the physical world. Yes, right, they just needed to get a hold of it. Easy-peasy.

“Sammy, a pleasure. Dean thinks very highly of you. Almost disturbingly so actually, the codependency and obvious… love, you two seem to share between you. It’s a wonder you’ve got eyes for anyone else when you two are quite clearly so far up each others asses.” The haint looked at them with a mocking smile before dismissing Sam.

“And the handsome Cas! I’ve been very anxious to meet you. Tell me, how did I do?” The haint asked as he gestured down at his naked body. “Is it fairly accurate? I only had Dean’s imagination to go off of and though he’s thought long and hard about what you’ve got under those clothes all the time, I’m afraid he doesn’t quite know for sure. This is just a best guess.” He looked at Cas expectantly with a smirk on his face. 

Cas’s jaw tightened and Dean watched as he clenched his fists in rage. If Dean wasn’t so furious right now, he’s sure that he’d be blushing. The insinuations the Boo Daddy was making, while not incorrect, were still embarrassing.

“No comment? Well, Dean does like that you’re the strong , silent type, I suppose. Tell me, Cas, where are we?” The haint asked in curiosity as he looked around the room again.

Dean was afraid Cas was going to shatter his teeth from how tightly he was clenching them together. Could they just jump out and grab this thing unawares? 

“Ah, ah, Dean. That’s rude. I’m trying to have a civilized conversation with your boyfriend here.” The haint flicked a finger at him and Dean found a chair slamming into the back of his legs, knocking him down. He sat down hard against the chair’s seat and found his movements were restrained by whatever invisible force this creature wielded. Dean tried to struggle, but it seemed he was held fast against the wood.

“Better.” The haint nodded to him with a mocking smile. 

“Now, Cas, this room. What was it you called it? A lounge?” The haint asked as you spied the stage in interest.

“Yes.” Cas said in anger.

“You know, I always wondered whether it was you or Dean that was fabricating this place. I’m guessing probably Dean, hm? I do recall you telling him that he was the one that kept bringing the two of you here.” The haint pursed his lips in thought and walked slowly around the edge of the room. Sam continued to hold his gun in front of him, though it was almost assuredly completely useless now. Cas pivoted on a heel to keep the haint in his sights at all times. The Boo Daddy simply made a slow circuit around the room however, touching the tables at the edges of the room and pondering the corners as if they were some Renaissance style painting.

“Fascinating. So many details for such a simple room! I imagine you helped supply some of those Cas?” The haint asked over his shoulder.

Dean felt a frown mar his face and turned confused eyes to Cas briefly. What the hell was this thing going on about? He looked around the room with narrowed eyes. What details… He didn’t see any… oh. Oh! What the fuck! Now that Dean was really looking, he noticed that along the walls of the Lounge, the areas most covered in shadow, there were sigils and symbols drawn almost everywhere. A few were large enough that they nearly covered the walls by themselves, and some were so small Dean couldn’t make out their details very well. Some of the symbols he recognized, others he didn’t, but all he could decipher were for protection and warding against negative forces. He hadn’t put those there… had his subconscious added some extra protection to this room for him? He hadn’t had a nightmare in this room, other than the one he was in now.

“Shut your mouth.” Cas said through gritted teeth. 

The haint slowly turned to him with a wicked smile. “May I ask why, dear Cas?”

Cas was silent but the fury on his face was easily readable. And now that Dean was really looking, there was something close to terror in his eyes as well.

“Cas?” Dean asked loudly. “What the hell is he talking about?”

The Boo Daddy turned its cold eyes to Dean and then back to Cas. The grin on it’s face spread the longer it looked between the two. “Oh, I see. Oh, dear, Cas, naughty, naughty. Whatever will he think? You know how private he is, how much he values his secrets. You’ve gone and stolen one from him and he doesn’t even know! You know I wondered why I couldn’t get into this room, Dean certainly didn’t know enough about warding to keep me out. This explains it though.” It snapped its fingers and turned it’s malicious smile towards Dean and he shuddered at the cruel look on his friend’s features.

He looked at Cas nervously and swallowed against a dry throat. He had a sneaking suspicion about what was happening, but… Cas wouldn’t. He wouldn’t have! Not after everything they’d been through, he’d know better than to, than to… violate Dean’s mind this way, right?

“Cas?” He asked in a suddenly shaky voice. 

Cas refused to look at him. He just continued to stare daggers at the haint wearing his face. Dean watched in growing dread as Cas’s clenched fists finally relaxed and he looked down at his feet in defeat. “It was the only way, Dean. The only way to offer you any respite…” Cas said quietly, a hollow note to his voice.

_No. No, Cas… You didn’t. You wouldn’t…_

Dean felt heat pricking at the corners of his eyes and knew that tears were working their way out. How could Cas have done this? He’d been willfully betraying Dean for MONTHS! He wasn’t even any better than this damn haint! He’d violated Dean’s mind without his consent and Dean felt his mouth harden into a tight line. How fucking dare he, what gave him the right!?

The haint cast a gleeful look at Sam and placed his hands on his nude hips. “I’m afraid you’ve been missing out, little brother. These two have been having a number of night time adventures! Though, only one of them was a truly willing participant. What a betrayal of trust, Cas.”

“Stop it.” Cas said quietly, threateningly.

“Feeling ashamed now? Come now, don’t be modest. I’m sure if Dean had KNOWN that it was truly you in here with him you’d have gotten yourselves into some intimate positions. Lord knows Dean’s too much of a coward to make the first move anywhere else.”

“STOP IT!” Cas yelled, shame and fury raising his voice to near hysterical levels. 

The haint gave him a pitying look. “Never fear, Cas. You won’t have to face the consequences of your actions, because I’m going to kill you. All of you actually!” He turned a wide smile onto all of them. “You should feel honored, I haven’t personally met with so many before. Typically, I just send a Hag, it’s easier that way, less messy for me. But, Dean…” He turned to Dean and took a few steps towards where he sat in the chair.

“Sweet, sweet Dean. I haven’t come across anyone with a soul as damaged as yours in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, Sam, yours is a mess as well, and Cas… yikes! But Dean, yours was the perfect combination of damaged soul, tortured psyche, inferiority complex and self-loathing, that I just couldn’t pass up an opportunity to deal with you personally. You’re the most emotionally compromised person I’ve ever seen. You’re like a molotov-cocktail of overcompensating masculinity and repressed sexuality. Delicious.” The haint inhaled deeply and closed his eyes in ecstasy. 

“I’m really going to enjoy this.” The Boo Daddy said with a grin.

The sound of a gun firing broke the stillness of the air in the room and they all turned as one to see Sam with his gun held upwards and a thin trail of smoke leaving the barrel. The haint turned to him with a new black bubbling hole in the side of his head. It dismissed Sam just as quickly and turned back to Dean with a leer. It took another advancing step towards Dean before a subtle twitch around its eyes gave it pause. Its lip curled in distaste as it lifted a hand to the wound on the side of its head. It swiped once at the black liquid before pulling its hand down and staring in irritation at its fingers. It rubbed the oily blackness between its thumb and forefinger before sneering at Sam. 

“Clove, rosemary aaaaaand salt. Clever. Though, it is just an irritant, like a bug bite. Not enough to stop me.” It shook its hand once to remove the liquid from its fingers, where it splattered and hissed against the floor below them. 

It turned back to Dean, and he noticed that its eyes had lost the familiar shape of Cas’s. They were now overly large and tilted as they had been when he’d seen it in his rearview mirror. _Interesting…_ Another gunshot sounded through the air, this time from Cas’s direction and the creature in front of them bared its teeth in anger. A new hole had appeared in its neck where Cas’s bullet had worked its way into the soft flesh there. More oily black bubbles appeared from the wound and the haint swiped at the wound in a fury. 

“Angel’s herb. How fitting!” It sneered at Cas. “You three are becoming more meddlesome than I would like. I think it’s time to stop playing with my food, don’t you?” He asked Dean. Its mouth was now filled with a double row a fine sharp teeth and Dean felt himself try to recoil at the sight. 

_So we can shoot it, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything but pissing it off. I need to be able to get my HANDS on it. It didn’t have a very difficult time of knocking me on my ass though and keeping me here. How the hell can I get out of this fucking chair?_ Dean’s internal monologue was halted abruptly though as the gleam of Cas’s angel blade came into view. 

With a squelching thud, Cas rammed the blade deep into the haint’s back. It buried into the skin between two ribs until only the hilt was sticking out. It turned backwards slowly with a curled lip. Dean had a moment to watch in horror as Cas realized that he’d miscalculated when the creature raised its arms and backhanded Cas across the face, throwing him down to slide halfway across the floor. Dean struggled against his invisible bonds when he heard the crack of Cas’s jaw connecting with the haint’s hand, but it was hopeless. He was stuck here.

Cas seemed to have blown the whistle on the fight, because it started in earnest then. Sam fired two more shots into the haint’s chest before the creature was on him and lifting him easily over its head. Sam let out a startled yelp before he was thrown bodily into the nearest wall. He landed with a loud thwack! before dropping to the floor heavily. Dean was relieved to note that Sam lifted his head only moments after connecting with the floor. He was up quickly and he and Cas both ran at the haint from opposite sides, hoping to distract it. 

It ducked swiftly just as the two of them were to intercept it. It stood swiftly and its back caught Sam in the chest where it lifted him from the ground and pitched him into Cas. The two of the them fell to the floor gracelessly and Dean heard one of them come into contact with the ground hard. He winced in sympathy and attempted to free himself once again from his invisible restraints. Maybe now that it was focused on the other two, he could work his way free. He struggled, pulling and pushing against his protesting muscles, but to no avail.

Cas stood unsteadily, and Dean watched as he wiped a small trail of blood off of his mouth from a split lip. He looked pissed and Dean hoped that he had other weapons on him that might prove more useful.

Cas reached down and pulled a large hunting knife from a strap around his ankle and Dean felt a moment of hope in his chest. Surely a knife would work! Cas reached out a hand to help pull Sam to his feet and the two of them squared off against the haint again. The three of them circled one another slowly and with narrowed eyes. The haint had a mocking smile on its lips. It knew there was no real danger here and Dean felt the hope in chest wilt. If the creature wasn’t scared, they were in serious trouble. He needed to get free! If he could get his arms around the damn thing they could pull it out to the physical world and gank the son of a bitch. He couldn’t do anything like this though. 

The haint faked left and both Sam and Cas fell for the ruse, leaving their left flank open. The haint took the opportunity to swing a fist at Sam’s unprotected ribs and the man coughed in surprise as the air was knocked out of him. Cas twisted to the side to try and recover the situation but it was too late. The haint continued it’s forward momentum and slammed hard into Cas’s side. From the look on Cas’s face, it must have felt like being hit with a boulder, because he crumpled quickly.

Sam was just turning around for another attempt when the creature turned swiftly and met him with the back of a closed fist. There was a sick crunching noise as the fist came into contact with Sam’s nose and Dean without seeing it knew that it’d been broken. Sam was going to be down for the count soon, there were few things more disorienting than having your nose violently broken. Sam staggered backwards with a hand held up to his face. Blood was running freely from under the hand and Dean watched in dismay as his brother shook his head to try and clear it. 

Cas was rousing himself for another go. He held up his knife furiously and advanced on the haint. Dean was starting to lose faith in their ability to win this confrontation without some sort of intervention. His brother and Cas were likely to die in this fight, Nnenna and Reg may not even be safe. _I have to do something, I have to fucking get out of here! I have to help them._ He thought frantically.

The haint smiled mockingly at Cas before reaching around its side and pulling the angel blade still wedged in its ribs out. _Fuck._ The Boo Daddy tossed the blade in the air and caught it lazily. It twirled it around in his hands twice before lifting it into a ready position. Clearly, it didn’t consider Cas much of a threat. 

“Well come on then. Let’s get this over with.” It said with a roll of its eyes.

Cas’s face hardened and he moved swiftly to the creature in front of him. The haint danced to the left easily, but Cas anticipated it and followed after him. He stepped quickly into the haint’s chest and drove the hunting knife in his hand up and into the underside of the creature’s jaw. It found its mark easily enough and Dean watched as the force of Cas’s thrust pushed the knife not only upwards and into the underside of the jaw, but also moved partway down and into the creature’s throat.

Cas staggered backward and blinked dully at the creature in front of him. Dean wanted to shout in encouragement until he saw that the Boo Daddy was simply reaching up and pulling the knife from its own throat with a wet pop. He also realized belatedly, that the angel blade was no longer in its hands. He looked around at the ground frantically for the blade but that was when he noticed Cas stagger slightly to the right. He fell to the ground and barely managed to hold himself upright on a knee and one outstretched hand. 

Dean watched in numb horror as Cas’s back came into view as he leaned forward. As he did so, so did the hilt of the angel blade, which was now lodged just below Cas’s ribs on his back side. Cas’s hands spasmed on the ground and he hung his head close enough to the ground that he may have been resting it against the floor. 

Dean was having trouble processing what he was seeing. Because it LOOKED like Cas was now dying on the floor less than 50 feet from him and he had no way to reach him. But there was no way that happening. That wasn’t what was supposed to be happening. 

To his left, Sam was staggering towards the creature and Dean tried to think, hard, for Nnenna to pull them out of here. He could die, he could do that, but Sam and Cas didn't need to! There was no reason for them to die for him.

He watched as the haint advanced on his brother. He pulled and strained at the bonds that held him frantically. He felt the muscles and tendons in his arms and neck straining to their limits and still he struggled. If he could get to Cas, stop the bleeding, maybe they could pull this out! 

Cas was struggling, he could see it. His breathing had become labored and his hands were held loosely in fists on either side of his head. He likely wouldn't make it for much longer. Dean felt a searing pain in his shoulder as a series of muscles finally gave up and tore themselves away from the bones they were attached too. Dean hardly felt it, he was laser focused on freeing himself.

“Sammy! Get Cas and get out of here! You have to save him, just leave me, I can handle this!” Dean all but screamed.

Sam turned his head slowly and eyed him in disbelief. “Thuh hell you can, Bean!” Sam shouted back, his voice muffled and distorted by his broken nose.

Dean felt an angry frustration at his brother's stubbornness. “Dont be a fucking hero, bitch. Get Cas and get Nnenna to get you the hell out. You don't need to die for me!”

There was a tremor in Sam's voice when he responded. “Shud up, jerk. We're not dyin’ in here.”

Dean watched the haint creeping closer to Sam. _I can't do anything. I can't help… I'm going to watch this bastard kill my brother and I'm gonna have to watch Cas bleed out on the floor, all while I'm stuck with my thumb up at my ass in this damn chair._

Finally, panic started to settle around his chest like a vice. This was it, this was going to be the end of them. No more Winchesters fighting the good fight. They would have to live on in legend, that might be nice. They could be the Boogeyman monsters tell their children about. He allowed himself a moment of self pity before he turned sad eyes to his brother and to Cas. _I’m so sorry you two. I'm so, so, sorry I got us into this… maybe I am a pathetic cocktail of cowardice or whatever the fuck it’d said._

He was about to offer up a prayer to the God he knew wasn’t listening when a sharp pain on his calf caused him to let out a less than manly yelp. He looked to his leg in alarm and stared at in confusion. There was a spot of redness staining the denim from the inside but what the hell had happened to him?

He had that disorienting sensation he'd experienced earlier when he was able to see the dream world superimposed on top of the swamp they were standing in. Looking down at his leg, he was able to make out the outline of Reg’s large head and wagging tail at his feet. That little bastard had bit him! He’d drawn blood like some kind of fucking savage!

Dean reached down to swipe at the scruff of the dogs neck but his hands closed on empty air. _Little shit! Can't just let me succumb to death in peace!_ That’s when Dean realized with a start that he was no longer stuck to the chair. Whatever Reg had done, it had worked, he was free!

He lifted himself part way out of his seat before pausing. He looked frantically towards his brother and waved a hand at him to grab his attention. The haint was facing away from him luckily and wouldn’t be able to see. Sam met his eyes over its shoulders and managed to hide his surprise at seeing Dean waving an arm. 

Dean pointed at the haint and then at himself and Sam seemed to understand what he meant. Sam turned his eyes back to the haint and took a calculating sidestep around him. The haint eyed him lazily but followed him. He was clearly not concerned about whatever Sam had planned but he seemed like he'd decided to “play" with his food a bit longer. 

_Come on, Sam. Come on! Cas doesn't have time for this!_ He looked frantically towards where Cas was lying, frighteningly still on the floor. He was facing away from Dean and so all he could see was the back of his head, where the hair was curling over one of his ears. _He still needs that haircut…_ Dean thought with a pain in his chest. 

Sam made a slow circle around the haint with a grim look in his face. Dean had to give him props for that. Sam had a damn good poker face, if he didn't want you to know he was up to something, you wouldn't. Sam was herding the haint towards him and Dean felt his fingers itching anxiously. They were so close, he just needed it a little closer, just a few more feet.

“I have to admit gentleman, this has been much more entertaining than I anticipated. Though I must say your angel put up much less of a fight than I would have thought.” Sam's expression hardened further but he kept his eyes trained on the haint. 

_So close, so close, come on!_

“You've pulled some interesting tricks to be sure. Any other gimmicks up those flannel sleeves?” The Boo Daddy asked mockingly.

_Come on, just a little more… there!_

Dean surged forward and out of the chair he’d been imprisoned in. The haint was still facing away from him and so was taken by surprise when Dean's arms came up to wrap tightly around its chest, trapping its arms to its sides. 

“Just one.” Dean growled in its ear. “Now Nnenna!” He shouted towards the ceiling. 

The strange sensation of fire pooling in his brain and traveling down his limbs returned momentarily before the image of the lounge disappeared completely from view and the swamp swam into focus. Dean's grip on the haint remained strong, though the creature was now fighting to pull away from him. It would seem though, that's its powers over Dean were strictly psychic and now that Dean had managed to break the tie it couldn't harm him that way any longer.

“Nnenna!” Dean shouted again in an attempt to gain her attention. He was hoping she'd shoot the damn thing while he still had a hold of it but no gun shot pierced the air.

“Get out da way, dumbie!” She screamed at him. 

He was unwilling to release the creature, just in case it found a way to worm it's way out of its it's current predicament. They were at bit of an impasse it would seem. Where the hell were the knives!?

Sudden inspiration struck and he closed his eyes and thought furiously. _Nnenna! Can you hear me!? Say yes aloud if you can!_

There was a scuffling as the creature kicked out in front of him and he heard a muffled grunt that sounded suspiciously like his brother. 

_Nnenna! Say yes if you can hear me!_

“Yes!” She screamed in terror.

_I'm gonna let go and step back on the count of 3! Make sure your aim is accurate, psychic._ He heard her scoff in irritation at his comment but he figured that at least she'd heard his instructions. Dean took a deep breath and squeezed the haint to him tightly. _Okay Dean final showdown. One… two… three!_

He mustered up the rest of his strength and threw himself backward and away from the haint as Nnenna fired off 3 shots in quick succession. Dean looked up quickly and saw that all but one found their way into the creature’s chest. 

The haint gave an unholy scream, chilling enough to raise the hairs on the back of his neck and loud enough that it echoed back to them in the damp swamp air. The sound magnified until Dean had to cover his ears with his hands for fear that his eardrums would burst. The sound went on and on until Dean could feel it rattling around in his teeth.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started the sound stopped. The air around them felt uncomfortably still in the ensuing silence and Dean looked frantically around for the creature. It was still standing before them, though it was significantly diminished in size now. It no longer looked like Cas, but instead like the disturbing man Dean had seen in his waking nightmares.

Dean sat upright and levered himself into standing slowly. The torn muscles in his shoulder were screaming at him but he pushed the pain to the back of his mind. He was so close to finishing this, he couldn't bitch out now. 

He stumbled the few steps forward until he was facing the haint. They looked into one another's eyes in anger for a few silent moments. 

“You've made me question my family, my friends, my own sanity. You've tried to take everything away from me. You almost had me convinced, you'd almost beaten me into thinking I wasn't worth this effort any longer.” Dean took a number of labored breaths before he reached up and slowly pulled the four necklaces around his neck up and off.

“You've fed on my fears and my anxieties and turned my own thoughts against me. You've worked to undermine the work I've tried to put into my mental health.” Dean looked down at the necklaces in his hands and back up to the haint. It was looking at him warily now, no longer the cocky and arrogant phantom of a few minutes ago.

“I just want you to know that ultimately, it didn’t work. I beat you. We all beat you.” He smiled mockingly at the creature and watched as fear clouded its expression. “Have fun in Purgatory, you son of a bitch, tell them Dean Winchester sent you.”

And with that, he gripped the haint by the sides of the jaw, forcing its mouth open. His face hardened and he was glad to see the fear on the haints face turn to terror. His mouth turned downwards in a cruel frown as he stuffed the pendants in his hand into the open mouth of the haint. It lifted its arms weakly and pulled futilely at Dean's hands where they were digging into its papery skin.

Dean forced the haints jaw closed around the necklaces before reaching down to his right, where he knew Sam was crouched down. Silently, Sam placed hilt of a knife into Dean's waiting palm. Dean's fingers closed around the knife tightly and he brought it up and into the soft underside of the jaw, just as Cas had done. It felt poetic to end this thing the same way Cas had tried to do. 

Dean watched as the haint gagged and spluttered uselessly in his arms. He leaned forward until the two of them were almost nose to nose. “If he can't be saved, I want you to know that I'll find you in Purgatory and I’ll kill you every day for the rest of eternity.” Dean's face was terrifying to behold and he watched in satisfaction as the light faded from the creatures eyes.

He stayed and watched as the life left the creature, its body finally growing limp in Dean's arms. Dean let its limp body fall to the ground and watched with a cold satisfaction as it lay still in the underbrush of the swamp. He resisted spitting on it, but it was a very near thing.

The adrenaline finally leaked out of his body now that the danger for them had passed and he felt a bone weary fatigue wash over him. Had he ever been this tired before? He doubted it, he felt like his brain had been to a double spin class and then done crossfit after. He turned slowly to find his brother, Nnenna and Reg surrounding the still form of their former angel.

_Cas…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHHH!!!! This was a long one and I didn't think I was going to get it posted today. I hope the confrontation was exciting! I'm still working on writing action sequences. Please let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

Things happened very quickly after the death of the Boo Daddy. The creature’s body was completely ignored in the aftermath of the battle and a flurry of activity overtook their little group. Dean was having a hard time making heads or tails of what was happening. He felt like he’d stepped into a vacuum and the pressure of it was going to make his head go off like a top. He knew that he should be hearing sounds, rustling in the underbrush, Reg barking, Nnenna and Sam speaking frantically, but the only sound he could make out was a high-pitched ringing, like the sound you hear sometimes from fluorescent lights.

_Cas…_

Nnenna was barking orders to Sam and to Dean, though Dean couldn’t hear them. Sam must have been following her however, because he pulled his shirt off clumsily and handed it to her. The psychic closed her eyes briefly and Dean watched as her fingers tightened on the fabric in her hand. She apparently wasn’t a squeamish woman because she then promptly stuffed the shirt into the hole in Cas’s back as far as she could. Her hands were covered in blood up to the wrist and Dean felt a wave of nausea overtake him as he realized suddenly that this was Cas, that was Cas’s blood, Cas’s still, pale face turned into the dirt of the ground. 

_Cas…_

A new form of terror pulsed through Dean then. Cas wasn’t moving, Cas was covered in blood. He caught sight of the look of fear on Nnenna’s face. She didn’t look triumphant at their win, she didn’t even look hopeful about the fact that the Boo Daddy was dead. Cas was seriously hurt, dying... And he was human now, if he died… there wouldn’t be a second chance. Time seemed to speed back up for him then and all the sounds of the swamp hit him like a cannon.

_Cas…_

He lifted a shaking hand to his forehead and felt himself stagger slightly. He impacted with something soft and realized that he’d fallen to his knees. The moisture from the swamp floor seeped into the denim of his pants, but he didn’t feel it. Nnenna was turning Cas over quickly with Sam’s help and Dean swallowed around a lump in his throat. He wasn’t going to make it, there was no way, he looked dead already…

_Cas…_

“DEAN!” Nnenna screamed at him. He looked at her in surprise. Had she been talking to him?

“Dean…” She said quieter but with the same urgency. “We need to get ‘im to a hospital. I’m not strong enough to carry ‘im. Choo need to focus and ‘elp Sam get ‘im to da car.”

She stood quickly and put a hand on Reg’s head. The dog stilled for a moment before he took off running at a dead sprint, supposedly in the direction of the car. She pointed Sam to Cas’s right side and turned sharply to Dean. “NOW!” She barked at him.

Dean snapped to attention immediately and scrambled to his feet. He was wasting time, and Cas didn’t have any to spare. He needed to focus. He followed Nnenna’s instructions as she had him kneel on Cas’s left side. He and Sam gripped wrists under Cas’s knees and grabbed each other’s shoulders behind Cas’s neck. The torn muscle in Dean’s shoulder twinged, but he was in so much shock right now that it was a distant pain. It wasn’t an ideal position but it would be easier with all three of them as injured as they were. They stood clumsily and after some shuffling and repositioning they looked towards the direction of the car. It was going to be a long walk.

They stumbled and worked their way through the underbrush as quickly as they could. Nnenna led the way and Dean tried to ignore the concerned looks she kept shooting back at them over her shoulder. Sam’s hand tightened on his shoulder every time he stumbled and Dean didn’t comment on the stinging it left over each time. Sam was just as scared as Nnenna. Nnenna, though afraid, was perfectly practical and able to compartmentalize her fear. It made her a good leader. Which why was she was barking orders at them and they were following without comment.

They walked for what felt like years. Each time they kicked a rock, or stumbled over a branch, Cas would bounce in their arms. His head lolled from side to side each time and Dean refused to look down at the waxy complexion on the man that he loved whenever Cas’s face turned towards him. Dean could feel the blood from Cas’s wound leaking onto his forearm and he willed down the vomit that threatened to work it’s way up his throat. 

They’d beaten the bad guy, but it didn’t feel like a win. In fact, this felt worse than a loss. If they’d lost, it would only have been Dean’s life and soul hanging in the balance. But the win could cost them Cas’s life and Dean’s heart in the process. This was worse than losing.

He swallowed against the lump in his throat again. This was so much worse than losing.

xxx

They made it back to the car finally and Dean hoped to God that Nnenna was going to drive them. If he wasn’t feeling so panicked he might have even laughed at that. He was praying that someone else would drive his car because he couldn’t focus on anything besides the fact that he was covered in Cas’s blood, and that Cas may not make it to the hospital.

Halfway through the woods Cas had started making a horrible sound. Dean had almost dropped him when it had first started and Nnenna had turned quickly on them. He was still breathing, but the sound of it… It was somewhere between a rattle and a gasp and Dean couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was happening.

Nnenna had placed a hand on his chest and held two fingers against his pulse. She listened for a moment before biting her lip nervously and pulling back. His lung had been punctured, she said. The angel blade must have cut into the tissue of his lung and he was now filling his chest cavity with air, which was causing the sound. She said it wasn’t it wasn’t a life threatening change in his condition but still… the sound of it made the hairs on Dean’s neck raise. It sounded like Cas was choking on the air he was trying to breathe.

Nnenna sprinted the rest of the way to the car once they’d reached the edge of the woods. The Impala’s engine roared to life and Dean saw Reg’s white head bob up in the passenger side seat. Nnenna threw open the doors and ran back to them to try and help ease Cas into the car. He couldn’t sit up on his own and with a punctured lung he couldn’t be left to lay in the back by himself.

Dean silently crawled into the backseat and held out his arms. Sam looked at him skeptically but he must have seen the determination on his brother’s face because he kept his mouth closed and with Nnenna’s help, they folded Cas and placed him gently in Dean’s arms. Dean cradled Cas to his chest and placed a firm hand over the shirt stuffed into the wound on his back. Nnenna and Sam all but flew to the front seat once they knew Cas was settled and Nnenna floored the gas to get them towards the road. The tires of the Impala rolled over a few times before catching on the loose gravel and shooting them forward like a bullet. 

Dean did his best to keep Cas level with Nnenna driving like a bat out of Hell but there was only so much he could do. And he wasn’t going to ask her to slow down. Now that they were sitting and silent, Dean could finally allow the panic in his body to take him over. This could be the last time that he saw Cas alive. How far was the hospital? Would they make it? Could they even help him?

He looked down tenderly at Cas’s face. The love of his life was bleeding to death in his arms, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. It was romantic in a Romeo and Juliet fucked up kinda way. At least he was here with him and Cas wasn’t alone. He lifted his hand gently and brushed at the long lock of hair on the side of Cas’s head, tucking it back behind the man’s ear.

“You still need a haircut, buddy.” Dean choked out quietly. He was surprised that his voice sounded so weak. He scrubbed a hand against his face and grimaced at the feeling of moisture on his cheeks. He lowered his hand back to Cas’s face and rubbed a thumb slowly across the ridge of his cheekbone.

Dean felt the tears in his eyes as they traveled down his cheeks. They fell untouched onto the fabric of Cas’s shirt and Dean stared sadly at the man in his arms. How was this happening? They’d just found each other… Had it just been a matter of hours since he’d had his hands in Cas’s pant legs? It felt like just yesterday that he’d watched the angel walking purposefully through a barn full of sparks towards him. Minutes since he’d watched the man walk into the lake. Hours since he’d been pulled from Perdition and rebuilt by the angel’s hands. Seconds since he’d watched a focused Cas painting his nails. 

The life they’d lived and the thousands of lives they could live spread out before him. There were so many futures open to them, it was just now that he was seeing it. They didn’t have to hunt, they could become farmers, open a bakery, retire somewhere with a beach, adopt children. He felt the tears in his eyes as they streamed down his face faster. 

“Cas…” Dean started quietly. His voice warbled on the single syllable and he tightened his hold on the other man. “Cas, listen to me.” Dean swallowed heavily and lowered his head until his forehead was pressed gently to Cas’s. The other man’s skin felt cold, colder than normal, likely from the blood loss. Dean squeezed his eyes shut tightly and willed himself to find some hidden reserve for strength within him. 

“Cas, baby… You can’t do this to me.” Dean sniffed and hiccuped softly. “You can’t… You have to hold on for me, angel. We’re almost there, we’re gonna get you help.” He ran his fingers through Cas’s hair and tried to remember how soft it felt. It was covered in sweat, dirt, and twigs now. Dean made a half-hearted attempt to pick some of them out.

“We just found one another, we have a whole life ahead of us.” Dean bit his lip to stop it from trembling. “We could do anything you wanted, baby. We could go anywhere in the world. I’d be happy, I’d be happy as long as I was with you. Cas, please… Don’t leave me.”

Dean was so lost to his grief that he was unable to see the looks or the tears on the faces of the occupants of the front seat. They kept their eyes trained forward in an attempt to give Dean his privacy, but they held hands tightly to try and comfort one another. Dean continued mumbling promises and dreams to the silent man held tightly in his arms. He was so focused on making pleas and painting beautiful pictures of the future that he was startled when warm hands pulled his hands away from Cas’s body. A swarm of nurses and an unruffled doctor stood outside the doors of the Impala. They must have made it to the hospital.

Dean was reluctant to relinquish his hold on Cas. In his arms, he knew that Cas was alive, but if he was taken away from him… anything could happen. He resisted until his brother clapped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back towards the other door of the car. Cas was lifted gently from his grip and out onto a waiting stretcher. He watched the staff hustle in alongside him and Dean felt an aching in his heart as the automatic doors closed behind them.

He may never see Cas again. That last glimpse through the sliding glass doors into the ER could be the last time… He might… He could…

Dean was dimly aware that Sam was trying to pull him from the car. His vision was slowly narrowing, the edges fading to a dull black. There was a tremor in his hands and he found that he couldn’t get a grip on anything. Cas could die. He could die and it would be Dean’s fault. Dean may have just killed a soldier of Heaven because he was too weak to fight that damn haint off himself. 

He looked to his brother and felt the pain of seeing his little brother hurt as well. Sam’s nose was still very broken, but had at least stopped bleeding. The remaining blood was caked in thick trails across his lip and chin. He wanted to apologize to Sam, wanted to ask him to check on Cas, make sure he was ok, ask if Nnenna was alright, even check on her stupid dog. But he found that he was having trouble forming sentences, his words came out slurred and slow and he saw the concern in Sam’s eyes just before the darkness at the edges of his vision crossed the rest of his eyes. 

xxx

Dean woke frantically. He eyes flew open and he fought against the bindings around him. He’d just woken from a nightmare and was feeling disoriented. A steady hand on his shoulder stilled him. He’d recognize that massive paw anywhere, even without sight.

He lifted his head slowly and his eyes met Sam’s hazel ones. He gulped nervously and allowed Sam to push him gently back against the mattress. Dean closed his eyes for a moment to try and still his racing thoughts before a sense of dread washed over him. He looked back at Sam and saw sadness etched into the lines of his brother’s face. A large bandage was placed across Sam’s nose and his eyes were starting to bruise and swell. The swelling and bruising would likely get worse before it got better too. Poor kid.

“What happened?” Dean asked in a small voice.

Sam frowned at him, but moved to sit next to Dean’s bed. “You had a panic attack. The doctor in the ER wanted to put you in a bed for observation.”

Dean felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. Jesus, he was a fucking mess. A panic attack, what next?

“And you tore some muscles in your shoulder. Rotator cuff I think. And then uh, the dog bite on your leg... So, you’re supposed to take it easy.” Sam said to him with his eyes downcast.

“And… uh, and Cas?” Dean asked. His throat felt tight and he held his breath while he waited on Sam to answer. 

Sam took a moment to consider Dean’s question. He glanced at Dean nervously before placing a hand on top of Dean’s where it rested on the bed. “I don’t know. They took him back to surgery as soon as we got here. They… they haven’t said anything yet.”

Dean felt his heart constrict in his chest and he closed his eyes against the pain. Sam didn’t know. How long had he been unconscious? How long had Cas been in surgery? No news must be good news, right? Maybe he was already recovering and the hospital staff just hadn’t thought to tell them? Cas couldn’t die now, he couldn’t!

“Dean-” Sam started quietly but was interrupted by the opening of the door in the room. 

Nnenna walked in with two small coffee cups in hand and a fat bull terrier at her heels. She smiled warmly at Dean once she saw that his eyes were open before crossing the room to Sam and handing him one of the cups. Sam took it from her and kissed her fingers in thanks. Dean heard Reg’s nails click across the floor and stop near the edge of his bed. There was no way that dog was allowed in a hospital.

“Welcome back.” Nnenna said with a pat to his knee. “I told Sam not to worry, but he’s been a wreck. I was worried the staff was goin’ to kick us out, he was pesterin’ ‘em wit so many questions.”

Sam frowned at her petulantly but placed a long arm around the back of her thighs and pulled her closer to him. She placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezed. Dean focused his eyes on the ceiling. He couldn’t sit and watch these two fawn all over each other when Cas could… Cas could…

“I don’t know.” Nnenna said quietly.

Dean turned his head slowly to look at her. His despondency must have read pretty easily on his face because she winced at the look he gave her. Sam squeezed her legs in encouragement but she kept her eyes on Dean. 

“I been tryin’ to feel ‘im. Get a read on his thoughts.” She sighed heavily. “I can’t sense anyting dough. I tink he’s too far away.”

“Or he’s dead.” Dean said bitterly.

Nnenna took a half-step back just as Sam shouted “Dean!”

Dean’s expression turned savage as the pain and fear he was feeling grew to a towering rage. “What!? Don’t fucking sugar-coat it for me. You can’t sense him, I saw how much blood he lost! I’m not fucking stupid. He’s dead and you just don’t want to tell me. You might as well spit it out and not pussy-foot around the issue. I’m going to find out sooner or later.” Dean felt his chest rising and falling with his fury before he focused on the stricken expressions on the faces of Sam and Nnenna. Dean’s anger dissipated just as quickly as it had risen then. Cas could really be dead. Right now, he could be gone and Dean didn’t even know. He felt a knot rise in his throat. He could be dead and Dean couldn’t even feel it. Couldn’t feel him. What a load of shit.

“Dean… We don’t know anything yet. The doctors and nurses are going to do everything they can for him.” Sam said cautiously after a minute.

Dean felt tears running down the sides of his face to pool in his ears. He could feel Sam and Nnenna watching him but he didn’t care. Let them see him cry, it didn’t matter anymore. This whole tough guy bravado act didn’t matter, it never did. Nothing mattered now.

The silence in the room stretched uncomfortably. Nnenna and Sam weren’t sure what to say and Dean couldn’t be bothered to say anything else. What else was there to talk about? The weather? Local politics? How the fuck was life still going on when Dean’s entire world was slowly crashing down around him. He was sure they looked like some kind of dramatic Renaissance painting from the outside. Something titled, “Family Mourning Angel” or “Melancholy in the Hospital”. He wished Nnenna and Sam would move away from his bedside. Their sympathetic and pained expressions were making him angry.

They stayed in that uncomfortable stillness for another fifteen minutes. Dean ignored the throbbing pain of his shoulder and focused instead on the complete despair that was slowly starting to ear at him. Everytime it looked like Nnenna or Sam was going to say something, they took a look at Dean’s face and decided against it. There wasn’t anything left to say now. No, now they just waited for the news. Dean felt as if a black hole had opened in his chest, pulling the light and sound from the room. Maybe he was the black hole? Pulling in friends and loved ones into the vacuum of his life only to spit them back out as husks of their former selves. Maybe-

Dean’s inner diatribe was stopped by a quiet knock on his room door. The knock was followed by the soft snick as the door opened and revealed a pleasant faced doctor in a stark white lab coat. It contrasted neatly with his dark skin and shiny black shoes. Dean lifted himself with difficulty and smacked Sam’s hands away when he tried to help. He wasn’t an invalid after all, he’d only had a panic attack.

“Dean Winchester?” The doctor said gently. He had a warm voice that instantly put one at ease. He sounded like someone that played the Delta Blues in his spare time. Someone who could understand pain and suffering but was willing to translate that into healing.

Dean nodded mutely to him, unable to find his voice.

“And Samuel?” He asked to Sam. Sam nodded quickly. 

“My name is Dr. Elias Elstun. I’m the trauma director.” He paused here to evaluate them quickly. He took in their haggard appearance and hang-dog expressions with a calm raise of his eyebrows. “I’ll skip the pleasantries then. Ma’am, if you wouldn’t mind stepping out of the room? I need to speak with the Winchesters about their brother.”

Nnenna opened her mouth to protest but Sam placed a hand on her arm. “Doctor, she has our permission to hear whatever you have to say. Would you like to take a seat?”

Dr. Elstun nodded to him politely before taking the remaining seat in the room. Nnenna sat daintly in Sam’s lap and Sam wrapped a protective arm around her back. Dean was staring blankly at the door the doctor had come in through. This was it. This was the moment. They were about to be told the bad news and Dean’s entire world would come crashing down around his ears. 

Dean was afraid he was going to start hyperventilating before the words were even out of the Doctor's mouth. This was the moment it would become real, the moment that he’d know for sure what he already suspected. Cas was gone, they couldn’t save him, he’d lost too much blood. Dean was going to have another panic attack. This was going to become a THING for him. He was going to be panic attack guy. 

“Castiel is going to be fine.” Dr. Elstun said steadily next to him.

Dean’s heart stuttered in his chest and a ringing started in his ears. _Wait, what?_

The doctor had paused for them to hear what he had said before he continued. “We got him out of surgery about twenty minutes ago. He’s stable now and should be waking up from anesthesia in a few hours.” Dr. Elstun smiled at them warmly. 

Dean couldn’t find words for how he was feeling, for the questions he wanted to ask. What had happened? What did they do? Could he go and see him?

Sam cleared his throat quietly and Dean saw tears glittering in the corners of his eyes. _Me too, Sammy. Me too…_ Dean thought.

“Can you-uh, can you tell us what happened?” Sam managed to choke out.

The doctor nodded kindly. “I can tell you what happened from the medical side, yes. It looks like the weapon, whatever it was, entered Castiel’s back through the intercostal muscle between ribs 8 and 9. From there it cut through and into the lower half of his left lung, causing the lung itself to collapse, albeit slowly. The weapon tore one of his thoracic nerves and the impact of the puncture ruptured one of his kidneys. He had quite a few veins and capillaries severed which is why he was bleeding so profusely. I’ll be honest with you that he’s very lucky the weapon didn’t tear his pericardial sac, because it was a very near thing.” 

He looked around at their stunned faces and he leaned forward in his chair slightly to rest his elbows on his knees. “I know it all sounds very horrible, but he WAS very lucky. If the weapon had entered any lower, any higher or further to the right, I likely wouldn’t have good news for you. As it is, he’ll be sore, he’ll have some nerve and back pain and his breathing will be labored for a while. But, he’ll be ok.” He gave them some time to digest all of this politely.

Cas was gonna be ok, he’d been LUCKY even. They were… they were all gonna be ok. Holy shit… HOLY SHIT, they were gonna be ok. They’d made it out. They’d beaten that thing back to Hell and they were gonna make it. Dean felt his arms grow weak and he almost fell back onto the mattress as the realization of what the doctor was saying hit him. _We’re ok… He’s ok._ Dean repeated in his head over and over. The relief in the room was palpable and Dean could hear Nnenna speaking quietly to Sam to try and soothe him. Sam’s sniffles could be heard even though he was trying to mask them. Dr. Elstun waited patiently for them to recover from the good news.

“And now, I was hoping that you could fill me on how Castiel, and yourselves, came to be in this situation.” The doctor indicated Sam’s broken nose with a hand gesture and looked at the three of them expectantly. 

Nnenna glanced at them quickly and even though Sam and Dean lied for a living, they found that they didn’t have the wherewithal to make something up now. Nnenna must have realized this because she stepped in for them.

“Mugged. The tree of dem were mugged downtown. Dey called me to get them once the guys ran off, crackheads or someting I tink.” She lied smoothly. 

The doctor looked at her levelly, but seemed to accept the answer she’d given because he nodded slowly. “Yes, that would explain it. We’ve had a lot of complaints of violence and drug use in that area. We’ll have to report this to the police, whatever they’d been trying to accomplish, your brother was almost killed and the police will want to hear about attempted murder.” He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

“Do you have any question for me?” He asked politely.

“When-when can we see him?” Dean finally spoke up for the first time in an hour. 

Dr. Elstun looked at him kindly and Dean saw a spark of curiosity in his eyes. “He needs a lot of rest, but you can visit him briefly as soon as you’re feeling up to it. I’ll let the nurses in the ICU know to expect you. Someone will be by shortly with discharge instructions and a sling for you, Mr. Winchester.”

He walked towards the door and turned with his hand on the knob. “It was a pleasure to meet all you. I’m glad we had a happy outcome. Have a good day.” They all returned his polite goodbye and with that, he left the room and closed the door quietly behind him. They were alone again, but the atmosphere in the room was completely different than before. They were all going to be ok now, all they needed was rest and to make up some bullshit story for the police. Easy-peasy! Then they could go home. He could take Cas home…

xxx

Dean paused in the opening of the doorway to Cas’s room in the ICU. The doctor had been good on his word and told the nurses in the ward to expect them. They’d warned them that the visit would need to be short and that Cas was unlikely to be conscious. They’d needed to see him though, to prove to themselves that he was really alive and really okay. 

Sam and Nnenna had proceeded him into the room. Reg had been made to wait by the nurses station. The patients in this ward were too sick to have dog hair floating around their rooms. Dean had been told on the elevator ride up that Reg was a registered therapy dog and had visited this hospital quite a few times with Nnenna. That would explain why he was allowed to wander the halls with them.

Dean closed his eyes and forced himself to walk unsteadily into Cas’s room. The bite on his leg smarted a bit, which had given him a bit of a limp. He was ok mostly, physically ok anyway. But, he was terrified of seeing Cas’s still form in a hospital bed, even knowing that the other man was going to be alright. He hated hospitals and he hated seeing Cas in them even more. Nnenna and Sam had both made their way to the bed in the center of the far wall and bent over to give kisses and whispered encouragement to the unconscious man. Dean staggered towards them and braced a hand against the bar across the foot of the bed.

He raised his eyes slowly and stared in muted horror at the man lying in the bed in front of him. Had they made a mistake? This man didn’t look alive… He was lying propped up on his right side with a cannula sitting comfortably under his nose and an IV in his left hand supplying him with fluids and antibiotics. A large chest tube had been inserted under his armpit on the left side of his chest to make sure that he was getting the air he needed. A drain had been stitched near the stab wound on his back to keep the blood and fluid from filling his chest cavity. A large white gauze pad was taped over the wound itself to try to soak up the excess blood and keep out infection. He looked pale, sticky and sweaty. Though, he no longer had the waxy death lack pallor from before, he still didn’t look like someone who’d been LUCKY.

He looked like shit honestly. Dean watched in silence as Cas’s chest rose and fell steadily and Dean was mesmerized by the movement. He’d been cleaned up after surgery and was no longer covered in blood. Which was a good thing, because the sight of it had made Dean ill. Instead, he was shirtless with a crisp sheet pulled up to just under his ribs. Dean continued to watch him breath slowly and with each breath Cas took, he could feel the tension in his body slowly ease. He was really here, really breathing, he was breathing.

Dean felt himself sigh and the last of his anxiety left him. He felt a small smile alight on his lips and he shuffled around the side of Cas’s bed until he was standing next to Cas’s bare back. He completely ignored the fact that Sam and Nnenna were watching and bent his head to press his lips gently behind Cas’s ear. He lifted his head slightly so that he could whisper quietly into the man’s ear.

“I lo you, Cas. Come back to me.”

xxx

Talking to the police was an ordeal that he hadn’t been looking forward too. All of them were completely exhausted and dealing with nosy police officers was a pain in the ass they could have done without. Luckily, Nnenna was able to spin some kind of ordinary tale of a big city mugging that the officers seemed happy enough to accept. Sam filled in where needed and they assured the officers they would be available if they had any more questions. Which they wouldn’t be. 

They’d been shooed out of Cas’s room by a large nurse with a no nonsense look on her face shortly after arriving. Dean had tried to sweet talk the woman with his most charming smile but he must not have been on his game because her expression had simply flattened before she’d repeated that they needed to go. They were reluctant to leave, but Cas needed rest more than anything now so they slunk away eventually under the watchful eye of the nurse. 

They didn’t have anywhere to go while they waited on Cas to wake up. A nurse had suggested a few hotels in the area and Sam and Nnenna had left at some point to go check into one. They’d likely be at the hospital for at least another day before Cas was road ready and they needed somewhere to sleep. They weren’t quite sure how much time he needed to spend in the ICU yet so it was better to find somewhere to sleep than to try and sleep on the waiting room couches.

Dean had elected to stay behind, just in case. Besides, he figured the two love birds would want some time alone after all the drama. Let me find a room to reaffirm that they were safe, they could use the physical reminder. Dean was just as happy to sit quietly in the ICU’s waiting room and flip through stations on the staticky television. Plus, he wanted to be near so he could be at Cas’s side the minute he woke up. Surely the anesthesia would be wearing off soon?

He spent another thirty minutes chewing on his cheek and clicking slowly through television stations. There wasn’t much else to do, he didn’t want to text Sam yet, and he didn’t want to meet the eyes of anyone else wandering the halls of the ward. They all had a haunted look to them and it disturbed Dean to know just how close Cas had come to death by looking at them. His arm in the sling rested heavily against his abdomen. The shoulder was bruised to hell and hurt like a bitch but the pain was a reminder of what had almost happened and so Dean had forgone the pain meds the doctor had prescribed. He needed the pain, needed the reminder of what he’d done and what he’d put his loved ones through. The damn dog bite was a minor annoyance. He’d had to get a rabies shot because he’d had to feign confusion on what had bitten him, and was told he’d need to get 3 more. Though he had no intention of hanging around for them. Reg didn’t have rabies, and Dean didn’t think you could catch “lazy” or “pain in the ass” from a dog.

He had finally settled on a baseball game, he wasn’t even sure who was playing, when the same large nurse who’d shooed him from Cas’s room walked purposefully towards him. “Winchester?” She asked quickly.

Dean nodded once to her, remote still in hand. 

“Your brother is awake. Follow me, please.” She turned on her heel and walked back the way she’d come without waiting to see if Dean was following.

Dean blinked stupidly at her a couple of times before he all but lept out of his chair. He tossed the remote onto a side table and hustled after the nurse. Cas was awake… he was awake! Dean felt giddiness rise up in him. He was going to get to talk to him! He was awake!

The nurse paused in front of Cas’s door and turned to Dean sharply. “He needs a lot of rest, he will heal but his body doesn’t know that yet. He’s very weak and breathing will be difficult for him. Keep the visit short, please. No difficult questions, no physical strain, understand?”

Dean gulped at her warning and he nodded politely in understanding. He’d have to tone down the excitement. He didn’t want to hurt Cas more by making him overexert himself. And Cas would likely try that very thing.

The nurse gave him a sharp look before turning and heading back to the nurses station. Dean had no doubt that she’d come to fetch him if he lingered too long in Cas’s room. He’d be hard pressed to leave of his own volition though. Well, they could play it by ear. Surely, having a loved one near could help expedite the healing process? He thought he’d read that somewhere.

He took a deep, steadying breath before quietly opening the door to Cas’s room. He stepped cautiously into the room, unsure of what he would see. Another nurse was standing at Cas’s bedside, writing down numbers she was reading off of the monitors attached to him. She asked him the occasional question and Dean heard a soft rasping voice answer her. 

_Oh, Cas…_

The nurse turned to look over her shoulder at him and she smiled warmly. She turned to Cas and whispered something to him. Cas’s eyes darted in his direction but he didn’t turn and he didn’t say anything. The nurse jotted down another couple of things on Cas’s chart before placing it back at the end of his bed. She patted his knee softly before walking towards Dean. She paused when she reached him and looked over at Cas.

“Are you the brother?” She asked in a whisper.

“One of them.” Dean answered with a wink.

The nurse rolled her eyes at him with a smile before her face grew more serious. “He woke up about fifteen minutes ago. The doctors been in to check on him already. He’s still a little groggy but he’s coming around. We’ve got him on a morphine drip for the pain so just be aware of that. Try not to let him talk too much, let the chest tube do it’s work to heal that lung.” She gave him another smile. “He’s doing very well at the moment. Just a short visit for now, ok?” 

Dean agreed with her quietly and thanked her. The nurse sent a half-smile behind her to Cas before excusing herself from the room. Dean stood at the entrance to the room and tried to will himself to go to Cas’s bed. Now that they were alone however, he felt awkward. They were done with the nightmare, they’d killed the haint, they’d made their feelings to each other known, Sam and Nnenna weren’t here, so why did he feel so strange? 

Probably because Cas looked weak and small in a hospital bed and it was completely Dean’s fault that he was there. Dean had made a lot of mistakes but this was a big one. Cas was likely furious with him. Oh Jesus, he hadn’t even considered how he would apologize for this. Cas was probably seething… Dean was such an idiot, he’d had hours to try and plan for this and instead he’d wandered the halls and scrolled through TV stations. What was there to even say? “Sorry I almost got you killed!” “Hey, is that a chest tube or are you just happy to see me?” He cringed at himself. This was going to be awful. He couldn’t just stand in the doorway until the nurses came to get him though, he’d have to sack up and say something.

He cleared his throat and walked slowly to the side of Cas’s bed. Cas hadn’t lifted his head yet, whether because he physically couldn’t or because he was angry, Dean wasn’t sure. Dean paused once he’d reached the bed and stared down at the chair facing Cas. Ok, he could do this. _Just apologize, it will be ok. Cas will forgive. He’s an angel for God’s sake, forgiveness is like… his whole thing. Just apologize…_

He plopped himself down into the seat and rested an elbow on his knees. He glanced down at his shoes as he tried to think of how to begin.

_Just apologize._

Ok, no big deal. It didn’t even have to be anything good. Didn’t have to be anything dramatic. Start with “I’m sorry” and go from there. He glanced up quickly at Cas to gauge his reaction. But the man’s eyes were closed and he frowned. Was he sleeping again already? Should he disturb him? The nurses had warned him to let him rest. No, no, he needed to get this out.

“I’m s-”

“Dean-”

He and Cas tried to speak at the same time. Dean hunched his shoulders up towards his ears self consciously. Cas’s voice had been a little over a whisper and it hurt Dean to hear it. No wonder the nurses told him to not to make him talk more than necessary, he sounded like shit. Dean winced in sympathy as Cas took a deep breath and the sounded rattled around the room.

“You ok?” Cas asked slowly and opened his eyes to look at Dean. He hadn’t been around for the rest of the battle so to speak. Hell, he may not even know that damn thing was dead.

He smiled sadly at the other man. “Yeah buddy, I’m ok.”

“Sam, Nnenna?” He asked.

Dean was already nodding. “Yeah, everyone’s ok, Cas. Even that mutt made it out of the swamp unscathed.”

Cas paused and took a few shallow breaths before continuing his questions. “Haint dead?” 

“As a doornail. After it… after it took you out, Reg bit the shit out of my leg and that seemed to break it’s control over me for some reason.” Dean continued relaying the story of how they’d killed the haint and gotten to the hospital. He told Cas about Sam’s broken nose and the lie they’d told the police and hospital staff. Cas listened silently, nodding his head from time to time to indicate that he was listening. Eventually, Cas’s eyes closed and Dean attempted to wrap up what he was saying. He had started rambling in there somewhere, he was nervous still.

He swallowed and looked around the room with a frown. What now? “You ok, buddy?” He asked stupidly. He cursed himself internally for the question.

“Tired…” Cas slurred to him. 

Dean bit the corner of his cheek and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna get out of here. Let you sleep, hm?”

Cas didn’t answer and Dean figured that was enough of an answer for him. He stood and reached out a hand hesitantly to Cas’s shoulder. He halted the movement halfway between them though and clenched his hand into a fist before pulling it back to his side. Cas wasn’t feeling well, that would explain the less than welcoming attitude from him while Dean was here, right? _Yeah, he’s feeling like crap, I don’t need to read anything into it. Surely things haven’t changed between us… Could he be THAT mad? Maybe…_

xxx

Cas spent another 3 days in the hospital. He was moved out of the ICU on day 2 and on day 3 they decided it was time for them to split town. The cops had been asking some nosy questions of the four of them, questions they didn’t have good answers too. Best to leave before it got any worse. The doctor had taken out Cas’s drain and his chest tube before they moved him out of the ICU. So, other than looking weak and tired, he looked mostly normal. He still had the massive gauze patch on his back and the stitches keeping the wound closed but the doctor’s had told them that everything else just needed time and lots of sleep.

Cas had been more alive and happy to talk to Sam and Nnenna when they’d made their appearance back at the hospital that first day than he’d been with Dean. Dean tried not to feel hurt about that, Cas was likely just feeling more rested by the time they got there. The nurses had said he was still groggy, after all. They’d all caught up and had assured one another they were fine before it was time for Cas to sleep again.

Dean had lingered at the hospital but had eventually been dragged to the hotel by an irritated Sam and a sympathetic Nnenna. She kept giving him sad looks and it was starting to set his teeth on edge. He’d slept fitfully that first night, his nightmares consisted of not defeating the haint, Cas being stabbed and killed and having all of this be a fever dream and him still being plagued by the Boo Daddy. Suffice it to say that he’d been happy to return to the hospital the next morning, just to assure himself that Cas was whole and well.

Cas’s demeanor hadn’t warmed to him however. He was always much more tired around Dean than the others. Less likely to answer questions and unwilling to offer the warm smiles he gave the other two. Dean had chalked it up to him being sensitive at first, but as the days had gone on, it was becoming apparent that something was seriously wrong. Cas was angry, furious more likely, at Dean. 

Dean had spent time in Cas’s room that second day, trying to cheer the man up. Cas had just looked down at his hospital mattress stonily while Dean rambled on and on about some inane bullshit. Eventually, Sam and Nnenna had shown up to relieve Dean. Cas had brightened then and Dean had slunk out of the room like a whipped dog in search of some shitty hospital food. He’d picked at it unhappily and taken less than 3 bites before he’d grimaced and pitched it.

That night he’d had another set of nightmares. His anxiety over his relationship status with Cas featured heavily in these nightmares. The haint had Cas’s face more often than not that night, mocked him for his feelings, told him how he’d won the battle but lost the war, etc, etc. The next morning Dean had realized it was just more of the same from that thing. And while the creature may be dead, the memory of it lingered on for him. 

He’d tried again to talk to Cas that day. Nothing seemed to change however. Dean made more attempts to apologize. Had tried to say he was sorry, had tried to place warm hands on Cas to comfort him, offer teasing jokes and sincere compliments. He’d tried to talk to him about how he was feeling, tried to get him to talk period. Cas still wasn’t having it though. He would turn a cold shoulder, close his eyes, tell Dean he was tired. He interrupted Dean whenever Dean was trying to make an apology, pressed his nurses call button each time Dean placed a hand on him, and ignored him completely when Sam and Nnenna were in the room. 

Yeah, something was really, horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more guys! I think I'll add an epilogue later too, would you guys be interested in that sort of thing? Once this fit is finished I'm gonna write the epilogue for Being Human like I promised I would ages ago. 
> 
> Anyway, you know the drill. Let me know what you think! I feed off the reviews like a flower photosynthesizes sunlight.
> 
> EDIT: Guess who freakin' forgot that Dean got injured in the battle? My dumbass. Edited to include Dean's injuries.


	20. Chapter 20

Sam and Nnenna had had a teary goodbye at her house. Dean did his best to ignore them and to not think mean thoughts about it. They had found one another and were now being taken away from each other by nothing more serious than Sam’s sense of obligation. Dean had tried to tell him that he could stay, there was no reason for him to come back to the Bunker right away. But, Sam had cast a worried glance to Cas before stating that they all needed to go home for a while. Dean had tried to argue but Sam wasn’t hearing any of it. Cas had stayed silent during the entire exchange, for all the world looking as if he wasn’t hearing any of it.

Which brought them here. Sam and Nnenna whispering quietly to each other with tears in their eyes and soft hands on each other’s faces. Dean didn’t begrudge his brother the happiness he’d found with this woman. The irritation floating around in the pit of his stomach was stemming from jealousy and he knew it. He hated himself for it, but there was nothing for it now. He glanced at Cas from the corner of his eye and pondered the man for a moment.

Cas had left the hospital early on the morning of his 4th day there. They’d snuck him out under cover of darkness and whisked him away in the Impala as swiftly as possible. If they stayed much longer the hospital and the police would figure out that while they’d given them their real names, that was the only thing truthful they’d said. Addresses, insurance, even cover story were all bullshit and they’d find out soon enough. So, the four of them, plus Reg, had taken off in the Impala around 3am and beat a hasty retreat back to Nnenna’s home. 

Dean had tried to assist Cas into the back seat that morning and he’d had a brief moment of joy when Cas had gripped his hand tightly. The joy had quickly turned to dismay however when Cas had turned to see who was helping him and dropped Dean’s hand as if it had burned him. He’d managed to struggle his way into the car himself with Dean standing behind him feeling bereft and confused. Dean had then tried to get into the backseat with Cas but a sharp look from the other man stopped him halfway through the motion of getting into the backseat. Nnenna had quickly intervened and slid smoothly into the seat next to Cas. She’d smiled at him sadly and Dean had drug his feet towards the front seat.

What had happened? What had Dean done? Surely, Cas wasn’t still this angry about that haint… But then again, he’d almost been killed. Almost been killed by a creature Dean was too weak to fend off and too vulnerable to not pick up in the first place. Yeah, ok, maybe he was still pissed. Maybe… What if he stayed pissed? What if he was so angry about all of this that he decided that Dean wasn’t worth the trouble? Holy shit… Cas could cut ties with him. He had the basics of humanity down now, he could figure the rest out on his own. He didn’t NEED Dean anymore. _Fuck… fucking fuck fuck._ Dean thought in dismay.

xxx

The drive back to the Bunker was quiet. The atmosphere in the car felt heavy with sadness even in the midst of their “win”. Sam had finally finished his goodbye with the psychic he’d grown to love and Dean felt a pang in his chest for him. It shouldn’t have been this way… there was no reason for it to be this way. The car felt empty without Nnenna’s sarcastic remarks and Reg’s patient panting. The two had an energy that seemed to suffuse the very air around them with an electricity. And now that they weren’t present… it felt stale. Dean missed them, both of them and they’d only just left.

Cas sat quietly in the backseat and Dean used every ounce of willpower he had to not look in the rearview mirror at the man. Cas’s breathing was still a little labored and Dean could hear him drawing breaths steadily behind his seat. He tried to focus on the sound and use it as a balm to his tattered nerves. Maybe once they’d made it back to the Bunker he could try to talk to him again? Cas was still hurting, still healing. Maybe Dean was being hyper-sensitive to his moods, maybe nothing was wrong at all. Cas didn’t owe him anything, and Dean shouldn’t expect anything from him. He was injured and it was Dean’s fault. Dean just needed to give him a little space to come to terms with the trauma.

Beside him, Sam cleared his throat. Dean glanced to his brother quickly before looking back at the road in front of him. Sam had a pensive look on his face, a “I want to talk about something but I’m not sure how to start” expression sat heavily on his features. Dean was familiar with it, if he just waited, Sam would eventually find the words and start some emotional nonsense speech.

The minutes ticked by and Dean wondered if he’d misjudged the situation. Just as he moved his hand to turn on the radio, Sam finally started to speak. Guess he hadn’t misjudged after all, he smirked to himself.

“It’s good to see you driving again without worrying that you’re going to kill all of us.” Sam said casually.

Dean pursed his lips at his brother and turned towards him slowly. “Thank you, Sam. But I wouldn’t be so sure, ass.” He replied sarcastically.

Sam gave him a half-smile. It was tainted with the redness of his eyes and the sadness Dean could still see on his face but it was an attempt at levity. “I really thought that semi was going to be it for us.”

“Oh shut the hell up!” Dean groused but with a smile of his own.

Sam chuckled lightly before leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. “I’m glad you’re ok, Dean. I’m… I don’t really have words for how glad I am. I’m just sorry…” Sam’s throat worked up and down a few times as he fought against a fresh wave of emotion.

“Stop.” Dean said quietly. “Just stop, Sam. It’s done with, I’m alright. Everyone’s alright.” He glanced in the rearview mirror at Cas as he said this. Cas’s expresion was hard, the frown etched like marble in his face. _Maybe not everyone…_ He thought sadly.

“We made it. I’m just pissed with myself for letting it happen in the first place.” Dean said with a curl in his lip.

“Dean, you can’t start doing that, this wasn’t your fault!” Sam said in exasperation. He sat forward again and turned toward Dean with a pinch in his brow.

“The hell I can’t! Of course this was my fault, I brought this damn thing down on all our heads, I almost got Cas killed for Christ’s sake!” Dean snapped back.

“You didn’t get a choice! I should have noticed what was going on.” Sam continued.

“I-” Dean started but was stopped by a cough from the back.

He glanced in the mirror to see that Cas had turned his hard stare away from the window and onto the back of Dean’s head. Dean felt the words on the tip of his tongue being swallowed right back down. Maybe now wasn’t the time for the melodrama. Cas was clearly not interested in hearing it.

“You two did nothing wrong.” Cas said slowly. His voice was rougher from disuse and slower because it still hurt for him to move his chest too much. “Which makes this argument moot.” Cas turned his eyes back towards the window.

Dean and Sam glanced at each other before they sheepishly turned back towards the road. Cas was most definitely not interested in hearing them try to take the blame from each other about the whole haint situation. Dean popped the button to turn on the radio and they spent the rest of the drive listening to the sounds of the Golden Oldie’s and static playing quietly from the speakers. Dean didn’t have any interest in trying to turn the radio to a better station. He had too many thoughts running through his head to even think about using his concentration on something else. 

xxx

They reached the Bunker later than Dean would have liked. They’d ended stuck behind a few slow cars and Dean couldn’t seem to bring himself to pass them in the oncoming traffic lane. He had a few flashbacks to the semi coming headfirst towards them and despite Sam’s joking, he’d chickened out immediately. His arm was still safely ensconced in the sling and he didn’t want to take a chance on his driving abilities with only one functional hand. When they eventually pulled into the long driveway that signaled home, Dean felt a tension in him slowly release. They were home and he was out of the South. Perfect.

He and Sam had unloaded the car while a wincing Cas made his way slowly inside. He’d shrugged off all offers of help and Sam and Dean had eventually given up trying. Sam fired off a series of texts, presumably to Nnenna, while Dean lugged their bags from the trunk. The tension from the drive had finally left him but a new sort of apprehension had taken him over. Things were still weird with Cas, so what did he do now? There wasn’t anywhere to go, nothing for them to do right now. There wasn’t anything to distract them from one another. Dean wished they were on better terms right now, he could think of a million things to do to pass the time that didn’t involve sulking and ignoring each other.

Sam had grabbed his and Cas’s bags and Dean had trudged in with his own on his good shoulder. They would need to clean the weapons and the trunk itself but that could wait until later. Now, they needed showers and sleep. Dean decided to forgo his own shower in favor of sleep. A bone weary fatigue settled over him the closer he got to his bedroom. He needed to sleep for a week to recover from this nightmare. They weren’t under any obligations at the moment, so maybe he could do just that?

He heard Sam and Cas speaking in quiet tones down the hall in Cas’s rooms and he leaned his head towards them. Eavesdropping wasn’t something he was proud of, but it was definitely something he engaged in. It was no use though, they were being too quiet. They were probably just discussing Cas’s dressing changes and the laundry that needed to be done or something mundane anyway. 

Dean yawned loudly and stretched his good arm up and out over his head. His spine gave a gratifying “pop!” and he rolled his shoulder to follow the feeling. Yeah, he needed sleep. He’d worry about laundry, showers, and weapon cleaning tomorrow. Hopefully after he’d gotten a solid 12 hours. He unclipped the sling from around his neck and set it down on his bedside table. He tentatively stretched the arm out and was satisfied to find that he could fully extend it without much pain. Lifting it was another story, but that could come later. It needed rest, just like him. He smiled to himself before unzipping his jeans and throwing them in the general direction of his duffel. 

_Hello beautiful. Good dreams tonight, ok? Please?_ Dean asked his bed fondly. The bed didn’t answer and he sighed once before climbing in and laying face down on top of his comforter. He could deal with everything else tomorrow. _Including Cas hopefully…_

xxx

The next morning, Dean woke groggily. His body, long used to early hours and little sleep, woke him up just after dawn. He was feeling completely lethargic though so he continued to lay, face down. He inhaled deeply and wrinkled his nose in distaste. His pillow smelled like sweaty hunter. _Disgusting…_ He turned his head to the side and opened his eyes to look at the opposite wall. He’d added a few personal touches to the room, though not much. The wall he was looking at was still mostly bare. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes again. 

Today was likely going to be an absolute shitshow of awkward tension and unnecessary staring. He knew, as if he’d developed psychic powers of his own, that he was going to spend most of the day looking at Cas. Cas was the reigning champ of microexpressions and Dean wasn’t even a bronze medalist in reading them. Sam would likely be stuck in the middle, once again, and doing his best to try to break the tense air between them.

If Dean could just figure out WHY Cas was acting like this, he could do something to fix it. All he had to go on though was his best guess. And though he was trying to work off of that, Cas was resistant. Maybe he shouldn’t be pushing? Maybe Cas wanted his space? Dean was having a hard time reading him these days. He let out a loud breath and rolled over onto his back. It was going to be hard to play this one by ear but it didn’t look like there was much he could do to PLAN any interactions. Hell, it was entirely possible Cas wouldn’t even leave his room today. He still needed a lot of rest. Maybe he could do his dressing change for him later.

He lifted himself tiredly to a sitting position and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He pulled it away and frowned at the grime under his fingernails. Drama could wait until later, he needed a shower and a strong cup of coffee first. He pulled himself wearily to his feet and snagged a towel hanging off the back of his door. He smirked a little to himself as he thought about wasting all the hot water before Sam had a chance to get in, perfect.

xxx

An hour and 2 strong cups of coffee later found Dean stretching and rolling his shoulders slowly while seated at the kitchen table. He could feel the pull of the muscles under his shirt. His bad shoulder was still painful and he winced as he tested it’s limits. He’d need the sling for another couple of days at least. The swelling in the arm had gone down and the bruising was fading to a gross green/yellow so at least it was healing. He rested the arm in his lap and leaned forwards towards the table. He inhaled the steam coming from his cup deeply and sighed minutely.

It felt good to be home. Good to be home and not have to worry about being ambushed out of nowhere by a subconscious soul monster. Though, Dean would be lying if he said he hadn’t made a sweep of every room he entered, just to be sure. Even now, knowing that he was safe, he’d had a brief moment of panic at the memory of what had happened in the kitchen. He supposed he’d be having those types of… “episodes” for a while yet. He knew logically that he was safe, but his subconscious wasn’t ready to let it go yet.

His brain had slowly come online the longer he’d been up. The shower had done him a world of good. He’d been able to wash off the stink of a long car ride, hospital, and sheer mortal terror. The coffee had been the final step in waking him fully. By his second cup, he felt almost like his old self. Sam and Cas were either still sleeping or hadn’t come out of their rooms yet and Dean considered making everyone breakfast.

He’d decided against it once he’d attempted to pull a pan out for the stove. His shoulder just wasn’t going to allow it and he didn’t have the energy to try to do everything one handed. It was a shame though, it would have been nice to do something for the two men. They’d… they’d really pulled through for him. Sacrificed a lot, almost sacrificed their lives for him. He didn’t have a good way to repay them. That thought circled his brain back around to the problem that Cas was posing for him. 

The more awake he’d gotten, the easier it had been to think about possibilities. He’d been going round and round in his head over how they’d interacted the last few months. Hell, the last few years! Cas had been giving every indication that he was interested in Dean’s advances the last few weeks. But the way he’d been in the hospital… Maybe Dean had misread the situation. He wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box, so to speak, so it could happen. He had no intention of being a creep-ass and forcing his attention on someone who wasn’t interested.

If Cas was well and truly done with him, he’d have to just… let him go. Dean wasn’t going to coerce or manipulate Cas into anything. He’d been pushing the last few days and he shouldn’t have. He should have taken the hint and let Cas heal. The more he thought about it, the more it turned his stomach though. He would apologize. He would apologize to Cas for everything and he would make sure that Cas heard him this time, really heard him. And then, he would let Cas decide what was going to happen. 

He sipped his coffee slowly. Yeah, he could let Cas decide, but not before he was able to apologize to him. Whether Cas accepted the apology or not was up to him and Dean wouldn’t fight it. He felt sick to his stomach at the possibility that Cas could cut Dean out of his life anytime he wanted but, this was the right decision. Cas deserved a lot more than Dean had to offer. His stomach might feel like shit, but at least his brain had settled down. He always felt much better after he had a plan in place. 

He closed his eyes and let the steam from the coffee warm his face. _I’m gonna miss you, buddy. I’ve made such a cock-up of this whole thing. You deserved a lot better than what I always offered._

Noise behind him startled him. He stiffened and felt himself begin to shake slowly. It was that fucking thing. That fucking thing was back. He wasn’t going to be able to move. He was just going to have to sit here like a fucking putz while that haint son of a bitch played fucking mind games with him!

Wait, no. That was before, it was dead now. He’d killed it, he’d watched it die with his own two eyes. _No, Dean. No. It’s dead, you’re ok, you’re ok…_ He forced himself to open his eyes slowly. What had he closed them? The kitchen remained the same, though the mug of coffee in his hand was trembling violently. He was glad that he’d had enough of it already that he wasn’t slopping the hot liquid all over himself. _You’re ok, there’s nothing there. It’s dead! Come on, you’re ok, you’re ok!_

Dean swallowed the bile that was threatening to work it’s way up his throat and pressed his lips into a thin line. He took a deep steadying breath and attempted to turn his head around towards the sound. His body moved easily and he relaxed slightly. He was still able to move, ok good. His eyes met Sam’s tired hazel ones and Dean felt more of his anxiety seep away. It was Sam, ok, that was normal. _I can move, I can move, I’m ok._

“Morning, dude.” Sam said casually as he walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and towards the coffee pot.

Dean swallowed again and ignored the fact that he’d broken into a cold sweat. Maybe his episodes were going to be more visceral than he’d anticipated… He took a moment to collect himself, remind himself a few more times that the bastard haint was dead and that he was home and safe, before he responded.

“Mornin’.” He said gruffly to his brother. He placed the cup in his hand on the kitchen table so Sam wouldn’t see how badly he was shaking. He’d get it together, he just needed another minute or two.

Sam half-turned to him and gave him a curious look before he turned back to the pot in his hands. Sam was freshly showered, his damp hair slicked back across his head. He’d put on jeans and a long sleeved shirt and looked like he was ready to face the day, even with the bruising and swelling across his nose. Dean felt guilt pang against his ribs at the sight of it. That was his fault too. Jesus, who hadn’t he fucked up with his total ineptitude? It was miracle Sam had made it out of diapers at all with Dean at the helm of raising him.

“Stop it.” Sam said softly from the counter.

Dean turned to him in confusion. _Don’t tell me you’re psychic too now._ Sam was silent while he finished preparing his coffee and Dean felt himself frown. Maybe he hadn’t heard him right? Or maybe he hadn’t said anything at all? He’d thought he was done with auditory hallucinations, but maybe not.

Sam turned to him with a sad smile before approaching and taking a seat across from him. Sam watched him with tired eyes for a moment before he looked down at his cup. 

“I said stop it, Dean.” Sam’s voice was quiet and weary, as if he was closer to his late seventies instead of his early thirties. 

“Stop what?” Dean asked in irritation.

Sam pinned him with a stern look. “Don’t start, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve got guilt-face, I can see it a mile away. What are you blaming yourself for now?”

Dean felt his face flame, whether in anger or embarrassment, he wasn’t sure. He hunched further down into his chair and lowered his eyes to the table. Apparently, he was pretty easy to read. That, or Sam had read the Dean Winchester manual more than once and was very familiar with his moods and expressions. 

“Lemme guess.” Sam said with a smirk. “It’s either my broken nose or the still healing angel down the hall.” He narrowed his eyes at Dean for a moment. “Generally, I’d err towards Cas but since I saw you tense up when I walked in, I’m guessing it’s the nose?”

Dean hunched further down.

“Right. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do this.” He sighed heavily before reaching forward and taking a firm grip of Dean’s bad shoulder. 

Dean squawked in surprise before Sam tightened his hold and squeezed, hard. Dean’s squawk turned into a shout of pain. He wrenched himself backwards and out of Sam’s reach and raised a protective hand to cover the now throbbing joint. 

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” Dean hollered.

Sam leaned back into his own seat and picked up his cup of coffee. He looked calmly down into the cups depths before taking a slow sip. Dean looked at his brother as if he’d completely lost it. What was happening right now? Was this really Sam? Maybe it was… no, no! It was dead! This was just Sam.

“A reminder.” Sam said in a low voice. “A reminder that you didn’t come out of this unscathed.”

Fury flared in his gut. “No shit!” Dean said angrily. His emotions were already in turmoil and this just felt like adding insult to injury. Why was Sam doing this? “It may have escaped your notice that not only did I tear my damn rotator cuff, but I also got bit by a dog. On top of the fucking months of psychological torture from that evil soulsucking son of a bitch!”

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. “And?”

“And?!” Dean asked hysterically. “What do you mean, and?! Isn’t that enough?” He’d stood at some point. His feet were braced hip width apart and he was leaning down towards his brother. His hand still held onto his shoulder and he knew that his face had to be red and splotchy with fury at this point. 

Both of Sam’s eyebrows crept into his hairline. He set his coffee cup down onto the table and folded his hands together calmly. He met Dean’s eyes steadily and watched him for a moment. “Is it?” He asked politely.

Dean’s brows drew down and together in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sam bit the inside of his cheek in thought before responding. “Like you said, torn rotator cuff, dog bite, mental anguish… isn’t that enough, Dean?”

Dean’s frown deepened. What the hell was he talking about? 

Sam took pity on him and sighed heavily before continuing. “It is, Dean. It’s been enough for a long time. Why add anything else? Why the guilt? You’ve been through enough. Just let it go.”

Dean frowned at him. His frazzled brain was slow to understand but the cogs started moving again after a moment. Oh… Oh. “Don’t go Elsa on me, Sammy.” Dean huffed in irritation while he seated himself again.

“You understand me now?” Sam asked with concern in his voice again.

Dean shrugged his good shoulder. “Guess so.” He mumbled pathetically.

“Dean…” Sam said quietly. “None of this was your fault. That thing has been torturing you for months. You didn’t deserve it then and you don’t deserve it now. We won, we beat it, it’s body is decaying in the swamp, for God’s sake! So don’t let it win by default because you gave up. You’ve gotta start working on the negative thoughts. It… it isn’t healthy. And I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore. I think maybe…” Sam paused here and looked at Dean askance. “I think maybe you should go see someone, a therapist. And don’t raise your hackles at me! You’ll heal physically in time. But, I think you need some help to heal emotionally and mentally. Not just from this, but from everything we’ve been through. It doesn’t have to be hard and it’s ok to need help.” 

Sam stood up from his seat and grabbed his coffee cup. He stepped around the table and stood next to Dean silently for a moment before placing his hand on Dean’s good shoulder and saying in a half-whisper. “Think about it. I’ll go with you if you want… I love you, Dean.” He patted him gently twice before leaving the kitchen silently.

Dean was left with a massive emotional backlash headache and a sore shoulder. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against the table and closed his eyes. His thoughts were a riot of anger and confusion and he couldn’t seem to get them under control. He’d felt out of control when Sam had entered the room, thinking it had been the haint. And now… he didn’t feel any better. His terror had turned to nausea and fatigue. His anger had turned to confusion. He knew how he should be feeling right now, but he couldn’t muster the energy. He wanted to be angry at Sam, wanted to rage at him, throw things across the room, tell him he was out of line and full of shit. But… he was so tired. He was so, so tired and Sam was… right. God help him, Sam was right. He needed help.

xxx

2 months later, and all of them had settled into a routine. Dean had managed to take off the sling and the bandage on his leg, his wounds were mostly healed. Sam’s nose was slightly off center, but it was healed and he said Nnenna had told him he looked more rugged this way. And Cas… well, Dean wasn’t entirely sure about Cas. He hadn’t seen much of the former angel in the last 2 months. Cas was still keeping strange hours, haunting the hallways of the Bunker in the early hours of the morning more often than not. He’d seen him occasionally in the mornings when Cas had come in for coffee. Dean had kept to himself though. Cas was giving no indication that he wanted to speak and Dean had tried to be respectful of that. The few glimpses he’d gotten of Cas showed him a man that was somehow diminished. He seemed to curl in on himself when he was walking around. He looked like he’d lost weight and it worried Dean but Sam had told him to leave it alone whenever Dean brought it up.

Dean had finally given in to the pressure Sam was putting on him to be more active. Sam had gone on and on about depression and PTSD and most of it Dean had tuned out. He was hunter, they didn’t get depressed or PTSD-ed. But, after Dean caught himself getting winded going up the Bunker stairs, he had finally admitted defeat and gone for his first run. 

Now, the three of all trudged out in the early hours of the morning to go on runs together. Dean wasn’t at the same level as Sam and Cas but he was surprised at how well he had been doing. He was also surprised, and would never admit to Sam, that he was feeling better. The endorphins and sense of accomplishment after each run improved his days significantly. He knew that Sam was running slower so that he could keep up, but he suspected it was also for Cas’s benefit. Cas may be mostly healed but his breathing became ragged much quicker than usual and he tired more easily. 

So, they ran in the mornings, had their coffee after and staggered their showers so they weren’t in there at the same time. He and Sam ate meals together and he knew that Sam was spending time in Cas’s room with him, though what they were doing, he had no idea. Sam left once a week or so to visit Nnenna, he seemed sad after but also rejuvenated. Dean wondered when he was going to make the move permanent. It was obvious that he was leaving his heart in Louisiana each time he came back.

The weather had turned again and winter had seemed to come upon them suddenly. The heaters in the Bunker weren’t quite up to snuff and it was never more apparent than in the winter. Dean kept meaning to tinker with them, but he seemed to keep forgetting. 

After the first truly frosty day, Dean had finally admitted defeat to Sam and had looked up therapists in the area with Sam’s help. Dean grumped the entire time, but it was wasted on Sam’s relentless optimism and support. So, they found a doctor Dean could stomach seeing and booked an appointment. He’d met with her twice now and he still wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He had to edit the things he told her, obviously, but she was more interested in his reactions to the traumas as instead of the traumas themselves. It was weird, talking about himself and whining about his problems to a stranger. Sam had driven him and waited in the lobby for him for each appointment thus far and Dean felt embarrassed but secretly pleased that his brother was so adamant about his improving his mental health. He wished Cas had come.

Dean yawned loudly and stretched loosely in his room. He’d finished his run by himself today. Sam was out of town, visiting Nnenna and Cas wouldn’t run with him if Sam wasn’t there. He had managed to start doing 3 miles consecutively, they weren’t fast but he was proud all the same. His shoulder had healed almost completely, he had some residual weakness but it was manageable. The shoulder was the main reason Sam had been blowing him off whenever Dean asked about taking cases. He doubted that was the real reason, more like a convenient excuse. But, he could admit it had been nice to be benched for a while.

He’d shower first, then coffee, he decided. Being cold and sticky from sweat was a horrible sensation, shower first for sure. He pulled at the thermal that was currently clinging to him like he’d bought it dinner already out and away from his body in distaste. He opened his door and almost jumped out of his skin however when a morose looking Cas was standing just on the other side. 

He hopped back a step and gripped his chest over his heart. “Jesus, Cas!” He shouted.

Cas’s eyes widened in fear and he hunched his shoulders towards his ears. His eyes darted to the side and it looked like he was about to make a run for it. Dean reacted quickly and reached forward to grip Cas’s wrist in a loose hold. 

“Hey, wait. I’m sorry, you just startled me.” _Startled? What the fuck am I talking like this for?!_

He didn’t move closer to Cas. He was bent forward in a bastardization of the Heisman and his back was protesting it. But, he waited. This was the first time Cas had sought him out in over 2 months and he wasn’t going to push him but he wanted him to know that he was welcome. 

Cas was still and silent in his hold. He looked petrified and Dean’s heart gave a lurch at the expression on his face. _What happened to you, Cas. What did I do to you to hurt you like this…_ Dean thought sadly.

“Talk to me, man.” Dean said quietly so as not to spook him. “Please.” He added softly.

“I’m sorry…” Cas’s voice was gruff, lower than normal and more graveled. Dean hadn’t heard it in a long time and the sound of it send a wave of pleasure through him. Cas pulled nervously at the hem of his overly large sweater with his free hand.

“Cas, wha-” Dean started but was interrupted by Cas continuing quickly.

“Let me finish. I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to stay this long, I just wanted-wanted to say goodbye to the Bunker before I left.” Cas’s voice wavered as he spoke and Dean saw the fresh sheen of tears in his eyes. Cas dashed at the corner of one eye with the heel of a hand. 

_Leave… LEAVE?!_ Dean opened his mouth to respond but Cas pushed on.

“I’ve betrayed your trust and I realize that you’ve been trying to, to absolve me of that guilt. But it isn’t necessary. I’ve wronged you, more times than I can count I’ve wronged you. This though, this was the worst offense by far. I willfully engaged in a subterfuge that I knew, I KNEW was going to hurt you in the end. But, I was so selfish… So arrogant! I thought I was helping. I’m so horrible at being human, Dean. I’m a horrible friend and a horrible brother.”

Cas cleared his throat and Dean watched as the tears in his eyes finally escaped his eyelids. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was having a hard time hearing what was being said. There was no way this was happening. Absolutely no fucking way.

“I know that you’re angry with me, and it’s only your sense of honor and loyalty that’s been driving you to make amends with me. You’re a good and honorable man, Dean. But, you don’t-you-you don’t need to anymore. I’m going to pack my things and leave. De-Dean, I’m so so sorry.”

Cas glanced at him with tears spilling down his face before pulling his arm out of Dean’s loose grip. He shook his head quickly before backing slowly down the hall to his room. Halfway down he turned and fled before ducking into the room. He slammed the door behind him. Dean felt the door slam in his chest, the sound reverberated in the hall and cracked against his ears like a firecracker. 

_No…_

Dean straightened himself and felt his lower lip tremble.

_No…_

What had happened? What had he done? Dean rubbed at his chest in discomfort. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he let them build. His therapist had told him not to bottle things up anymore. To feel the things that wanted to make themselves known and not try to suppress them. He doubted he could do it if it weren’t Cas and if he weren’t alone. He could feel this now though, he could let this pain come to the surface. It was a infected wound, slowly festering and poisoning his ability to move forward. 

_No._

He needed to deal with this. Enough waiting. Cas didn’t have to talk to him, but he was going to listen to Dean’s apology dammit. 

He clenched his fists to his sides and marched down the hallway to Cas’s door. Tears were streaming down his face by now but he let them fall freely. He stopped in front of Cas’s door and knocked loudly. There was no answer but he didn’t expect there to be one. That was fine, he could shout through the door.

“Cas!” Dean hollered. “Cas, we need to talk!”

Silence came back through the door. _Fine._

“Then just listen! Cas, baby, I want to tell you I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not mad. Those dreams… those dreams were the most amazing thing that have ever happened to me and I’m… I’m glad that was you in there! I’m so glad that you were there to share those with me. They were the only respite I’ve had in the last few months. I took shelter there. They meant everything to me! And I’m sorry because I’m going to fuck this up, just like I’ve fucked up everything between us. Cas, please! Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to fight off the haint on my own, I’m sorry I got infected in the first place. I’m sorry I tried to be intimate with you while I wasn’t in my right mind, it wasn’t fair to you. And I- I’m sorry you almost got killed because of me. While I sat in a chair like a fucking dope. I couldn’t protect you and I’ll never forgive myself for it. I’m sorry for a lot of things, Cas…” Dean’s voice dropped down a shaky whisper and he rested his forehead against the solid door between them. “I’ve never been the friend to you that you deserved. I wasn’t ever the brother you needed. I don’t have a reason, only bullshit excuses. I was scared Cas, Jesus I was so fucking scared. You terrify me! Everything about you shakes me to my core. You’ve systematically destroyed all my bullshit fronts and macho exteriors. You’ve made me reexamine who I am as a person and WHY I am as a person. I’m in awe of you, Cas. You move me, every single day. You encourage me to try, to strive to be better, to be good enough for you. I know it all sounds like bullshit now, in light of everything that’s happened. I’m so sorry… I wish it had been me that almost died, I wish I could go back in time and make it me.” He lifted a hand to place it against the door and pretended he could feel Cas from out here in the hall.

“Cas, I love you. I love you and I’m so sorry.” Dean said on a whisper. He could feel tears running down his nose to drop steadily onto the floor below him. 

There it was. There it all was. It was stumbling and halting and not romantic like it should have been. But it had been earnest and it had been real. He waited in silence for a response. For a breath, a sigh, a cry, anything. But, there was only silence. Cas probably wasn’t listening anyway.

Dean took a step back from the door and stared at it, wishing for something to happen. In a quick daydream, he imagined Cas opening the door and flinging his arms around Dean’s shoulders. Telling him he forgave him and that he loved him and he was forgiven for everything. But, reality was never the same as daydreams and the door remained closed, as still as it ever was.

Dean closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He supposed that was his answer. He walked slowly to his room to grab his towel. He could cry for the next couple of hours in the shower uninterrupted. At least Sam wasn’t here to watch this humiliation. 

xxx

Dean did end up taking a 2 hour long shower. About ten minutes in, his knees gave out on him. His back had slammed against the warm tile of the shower and he’d slid slowly to the floor. He’d cried until he didn’t have any tears left but still he sobbed. Great, heaving breaths that were drowned out by the sound of the shower around him. He was thankful that he managed to have the wherewithal not to lay on the shower floor. He was feeling overwhelming despair but the floor was filthy. He felt hollow. Like the vacuum in his chest had opened again and was sucking in all the light and sound from the room. How was he going to recover from this? His world revolved around Cas and Sam. They were everything to him… what was he without them?

When the water finally started to cool, Dean managed to drag himself out of the shower stall. It took him a few more minutes to convince himself to stand. His legs were weak and his eyes were swollen and he felt like vomiting. He couldn’t remember any breakup feeling this bad, and he and Cas hadn’t even been together. Every romcom in the history of cinema said that this was the time that Dean would chase after Cas. He would force him to see reason, plead his case, wouldn’t take no for an answer. And that was Dean’s problem with romcoms. That wasn’t what you did when someone said they were leaving. You respected them and their decision. Dean had meant what he’d said. He wouldn’t push Cas, wouldn’t ever manipulate him into something he didn't want. If Cas wanted to leave… Dean would let him leave. Now that Dean had set the record straight more or less, had taken the guilt from Cas more or less, and made his own apologies… more or less. That was all there was to it. 

He dried himself slowly. It was taking a lot of brain power just to move his arms and get the towel over himself. Eventually, he finished and drug himself slowly out of the bathroom. He paused in the hallway and frowned at the door leading to Cas’s room. The door was open… wide open. Dean hesitated for a moment before he crept quietly down the hall. He paused in the doorway and looked into the room. Cas’s room hadn’t ever gotten any personal effects, something Dean cursed himself silently for. The room was neat, bed made and everything straightened. He glanced towards the closet and his stomach sank.

Cas had never had personal belongings in here but he had had clothes. And now… the closet was empty. Dean walked into the room quickly and pulled the drawers of the dresser open. Empty. 

_No…_ He’d meant that he was leaving NOW? Like now now! _Holy shit, holy shit, he’s gone. Holy…_ Dean staggered away from the dresser and sank heavily onto the bed in the room. The hollowness in his chest spread outwards and threatened to swallow him whole. He wanted Sam to be here. He needed Sam here.

He stumbled slightly as he tried to stand. He turned towards the door when his eyes caught on a slip of paper resting on the pillow at the head of the bed. He frowned. His brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders at the moment. He was having a hard time processing anything more than the fact that Cas was gone, gone as in left forever.

After a few moments, it finally clicked into place what he was seeing. A note… A note! Cas had left a note! Dean stumbled slightly in his haste to grab at the slip of paper. His hands shook as he picked up the small piece of paper. It was a piece of printer paper that had been torn apart roughly. Dean unfolded it with trembling fingers and his eyes devoured the rough print before him.

**Dean,**

**I love you, I’m sorry.**

**Goodbye,**

**Castiel.**

Dean read and reread it rapidly. It was so short… he’d been expecting more. _I love you, I’m sorry… I love you…_ The paper fluttered to the floor as Dean’s hands suddenly went slack. 

“He loves me…” He heard himself say aloud. “He loves me! What the hell am I doing?!”

Dean tore out of the room like Hellhounds were nipping at his heels. _Maybe it isn’t too late! Maybe I have time!_ Dean felt his damp feet slide as he turned the corner of the hallway too quickly. _I have to have time. This can’t be how it ends!_

He turned the corner towards the garage. His bare feet slapped against the cold concrete of the garage floor. He smacked the Impala with a loving hand and pulled open the door before his brain finally caught up with him. 

He couldn’t leave like this… he was naked with nothing on but a towel. Also, he’d forgotten the keys! Dean made an abrupt turn on his heel and marched purposefully towards the kitchen. The fucking keys! Clothes be damned, he could get dressed once he’d brought Cas back safe and sound. He had almost made it back to the kitchen when a stray piece of music drifted to his ears. He stilled. The sounds were soft, faint enough that he could have missed them or was maybe just hoping he could hear them.

_He wouldn’t… he wouldn’t be in his room, right?_ Dean thought with a frown. Cas had said that he had wanted to say goodbye to the Bunker. Maybe his secret room was the last place to get a farewell? Dean inhaled a deep breath and held it as he crept towards the hallway holding the little used storage room. As he got closer, the sound of the music strengthened. So, he’d been right! Cas was still here! He tried to stifle the joy that was building in his chest. There was still a shot. He could salvage this! If Cas really loved him… he could fix this.

He stopped just outside the door and closed his eyes. He needed to mentally prepare himself for this. He had to do this right. He wouldn’t push Cas, he wouldn’t. But, he wanted Cas to understand that he loved him and that he wasn’t angry. He needed to see Cas’s face while he said it, needed to know that Cas understood him. 

The door was closed this time around and so he reached out and turned the handle slowly. He didn’t want to startle the man, but knocking felt too harsh. No, he would be quiet, gentle. He peered cautiously into the room, unsure of exactly what he was going to see. Cas was indeed sitting in the room and Dean felt his heart squeeze at the sight of him. He’d been sure he wasn’t ever going to see the man again. He’d been so fucking sure. Yet, here he was, sitting quiet and sad just like he had been for weeks. The record player next to Cas was playing some mellow blues, the kind that Cas had taken a like to in recent months. 

Cas hadn’t noticed him, which was probably a good thing. The other man was picking listlessly at the hem of the sweater he was wearing. One that was too big for him, Dean was bemused to note. It was an old one, with a hole in one sleeve and a collar that was separating from the sweater itself. They’d tried to get him to throw it out in the spring but Cas had adamantly refused. Dean felt his heart swell, he hadn’t ever been more in love with him. 

Dean took a step towards him and that was when Cas picked up on his presence. His head shot upwards and he looked happy for a microsecond before his features fell and he dropped his head again. His eyes were puffy and swollen and Dean felt his heart ache at the sight of it. _Oh Cas… baby…_ The fact that he had seen the happiness on Cas’s face, even if only for a moment, gave him hope. Maybe, just maybe, they could salvage this.

Cas looked completely miserable now though, beyond hope. Dean took another step towards him.

“I can leave… I’m sorry. I found this room months ago and I-I kept meaning to ask if I could use it. I just, I never did. I tried to leave before you’d gotten out of your shower. I-I lost track of time.” Cas said in a despondent tone.

Dean wasn’t sure what to say. There were a million things running through his head but he couldn’t seem to find the words that would make this right. He’d never been any good with words. Hell, had stopped speaking when he was a child because he never could get the words. So, what could he say now to fix this, whatever it was between them? How did he apologize to Cas and tell him that he didn’t need to leave? He’d tried already and Cas hadn’t been moved. How, how?!

The song on the record player changed at that moment and the two of them froze as the sounds of it swirled around them.

**I've been loving you too long to stop now  
** **You were tired and you want to be free  
** **My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me  
**

Dean turned startled eyes towards Cas’s and the two looked at one another in surprise for a moment. This was it, the first song. The first one they’d listened to together in the Lounge. Dean could see it on Cas’s face that he remembered, and he was sure that it was easily readable on his own. It seemed like years ago that they’d been there, dressed in their uniforms. Dean felt a small smile touch his face, he couldn’t help it. The Lounge was a good memory for him, it always would be, tainted by Cas’s lie or not. He wasn’t mad about that, couldn’t even muster the energy to pretend to be angry.

In that moment, he knew exactly what he needed to do. Dean Winchester had never been a man gifted with gab. Had never been a particularly smooth talker. He relied mostly on his good looks and natural charm. But that was ok, he didn’t need words to talk to Cas after all. He crossed the distance between them swiftly. Cas tensed in his position on the couch at Dean’s approach but Dean simply smiled at him warmly. There was no reason for the fear now, no reason for concern or worry. This was perfect, this was exactly as it should be. And it almost felt appropriate, for Dean to finally figure out what to do after a colossal fuck up.

He paused in front of Cas and took a deep breath. He knew he was still only in his towel, but he couldn’t be bothered to give a shit. The world was about to change for him, one way or the other, and his clothes weren’t a concern. His small smile turned to a grin as he looked down at the former angel below him. Cas’s expression clouded in confusion at the look of joy on Dean’s face. Dean offered his good hand to Cas. Cas looked at the hand as if it was something he’d never seen before. Dean waited patiently for him to make sense of what was happening. Cas however, was being particularly being stubborn at the moment and continued to look at Dean’s hand like it was an incredibly interesting curiosity.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly before he whispered to the other man. “C’mere, man.” He made a small beckoning gesture with his fingers and Cas blinked at them in sudden understanding. 

Tentatively, Cas extended his own hand, the fingers uncurled slowly. He looked at Dean once before allowing their palms to connect. Dean wrapped his fingers around the back of Cas’s hand and hauled the dark-haired man to his feet. Cas blinked in surprise and Dean heard him inhale a sharp breath as Dean settled his bad arm around Cas’s waist and lifted their joined hands towards their shoulders. He stepped backwards from the couch slowly and Cas followed almost as if he hadn’t meant too. Dean shifted on his feet awkwardly, using his hands to help direct Cas into a gentle sway. The movements were jerky, and stiff, Dean wasn’t a natural dancer like in his dreams and Cas was apparently still struggling to make sense of this turn in events. 

Dean felt the exact moment when Cas relented, when the man realized what was happening and what it meant. All the tension in Cas’s body eased and his body slipped gently against Dean’s own. Dean closed his eyes at the feeling of Cas’s chest bumping into his own. He turned his head and smiled into the dark mess of hair to his left. 

The two of them moved slowly, doing hardly more than swaying side to side. The song continued to play in the background, though neither of them was listening too closely too it. They were pressed tightly to one another, Dean could feel the thump of Cas’s heart beat against his own and he relished the feeling of the other man in his arms. Cas’s breath was warm against his neck and shoulder and it raised goosebumps on his arms. If he closed his eyes and ignored the fact that they’d both been crying and shouting earlier, this could very well be what Heaven felt like. 

The song finally drew to a close quietly, the last few notes warbling richly from the record player. Without thinking much about it, Dean turned his head to place a light, gentle kiss on the temple of the man in his arms. The feeling of it was electric, sending warm shockwaves through his body. He pulled backwards from Cas in surprise. Cas’s expression reflected the same surprise he felt and Dean wondered if Cas was feeling the shockwaves as well.

Dean licked his lips nervously and tried to think of something to say. Preferably something romantic or sappy that could clearly and concisely let Cas know that he was sorry and that he loved him. Cas deserved poems, sonnets, odes to his whatever. He should have written something down, he should have thought about what he was going to say. He knew better than flying by the seat of his pants. Cas’s eyes traced the movement of his lips and Dean felt a heat bloom in his belly. 

There was a half-second of indecision on Cas’s face before a predatory gleam lit in his eyes. Dean opened his mouth to say something, anything, to try to explain himself. His words caught in his throat however, as Cas’s hands came up to clasp around the back of his head and Dean was hauled down to meet Cas’s eager lips. It was an awkward kiss, rough, their noses bumped against each other, and Dean was sure Cas had kissed his teeth on accident at first. 

Dean lifted his arms to circle Cas’s waist and pull the man closer to him. Cas took the movement as permission to deepen the kiss. It took a moment of maneuvering before Dean felt Cas’s tongue lick quickly into his mouth. Dean heard himself let out a low groan but he didn’t seem to have the faculties to feel embarrassed about that. Cas’s hands traveled through his hair, as if they couldn’t seem to keep themselves still. Dean lost himself entirely in the sensations caused by those wandering hands and that soft pink tongue currently working it’s way around his mouth. They seemed to find a rhythm after a minute and the two fell into it eagerly. The kiss was heated and it was sloppy and it absolutely fucking perfect.

After what could have been seconds or hours later, the two finally pulled apart. Their cheeks were flushed and eyes bright. Their breathing had quickened and they were taking the opportunity away from each other to try to catch it. Dean’s eyes searched Cas’s face frantically, looking for some sign, some emotion, some thought that he could make sense of. What now? What did he say? Were they ok? 

“Dean-”

“Cas-”

They tried to speak at the same time. Their voices were desperate and Dean gripped Cas’s hips tightly. 

“I’m sorry.” Dean said quickly.

“Me too.” Cas replied earnestly. Dean could see a look of determination cross Cas’s face before he met Dean’s eye again.

“I love you.” He added shyly.

“Me too.” Dean said with a broad grin. 

They continued to look at one another for another few moments before Cas glanced down at Dean’s towel.

“Dean… where are your pants?” Cas asked suddenly in confusion.

Dean rolled his eyes. _Cockblocker!_

“C’mere you!” Dean growled at him before pulling Cas back to his body and pressing their lips together again. 

The two kissed slowly and comfortably. They had time now. All the time in the world actually. Explanations and apologies would come later, and Dean knew that they would. But right now, right here, everything was ok. He had the man of his dreams, literally, in his arms. They could figure everything else out together.

End.

xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! We're done with the main body, guys! I can't believe it. This took WAY longer than I had meant for it, but I am so relieved that it's finally done. I absolutely love canon divergent fics. It's great to really watch an author work with the characters the way we've all grown to love them. I hope that I managed to capture a little of the Supernatural magic here. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for bearing with me while I worked on this fic for what felt like years. I really appreciated all the kind comments and reviews, you all mean the world to me.
> 
> I'm gonna take a mini break from writing (or that's the plan anyway) and then I'm going to do an epilogue for Being Human. I plan to write one for The Haint Blues as well but I'm not sure when exactly. It'll be good to table this universe for a little bit, let it and myself breathe a bit. 
> 
> I will give you guys a little spoiler of what's the come though. I have plans to write another AU next, I'm thinking soldier/amputee Cas POV. If you have any suggestions or requests, feel free to leave them here, I'd love to see what everyone was interested in. And as always, please let me know what you thought of this fic. It was a labor of love, truly.


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